HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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Small problems get small consequences.

Hi Mark,

I have a few quick ones for you.

1.I asked my 15 year old to pass me an empty cup and plate that is on the other side of the room. He ignored me so I asked him again. Then he grunted that it was not his but his brother's (which could be true) and kept playing his game.

I am trying not to escalate things and become aggressive. Also trying to pick my battles...so I ignored him but did stay calm and walked away. Let me know if this is right?

>>>>>>>>>> Small problems get small consequences. The next time you request that your son do something, but he refuses, say, “If you choose not to do what I asked, you’ll choose the consequence, which is __________” (pick something small and relevant).

>>>>>>> In the case of not helping with a small chore related to eating, maybe take away all snacks for one evening (i.e., no chips, cookies, etc.).

2. We loved your idea of a chore a week. Our kids right now has virtually no chores! So we wanted to start really slow...and said...2 times a day you have to put your clothes, towels, dirty sports thing in your hamper if you want to go out or have friends come over on the weekend. His siblings did EXCELLENT with this but Ryan the 15 year old did OK not great. He usually did better with gentle coaxing. One day I noticed that he did not do it...so I left him a reminder note. I came home 2 hours later and saw the note gone but he still had not complied? What should I do?

>>>>>>>>>>> Put on your poker face and follow through with the consequence: he doesn’t go anywhere that evening.

>>>>>>>>>>>Allow him to make mistakes (i.e., poor choices) – it’s how he will learn to make better choices. Don’t attempt save him from “non-compliance.” (The ‘reminder note’ is a good idea, but it doesn’t matter what he does with the note, after all, it’s his note).

Thanks,

A.M.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

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The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

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