We just recently began your program (1 wk ago or so). It is working well with our 15 year old son, not so great with the 17 year old. The older son is definitely our strong willed child who seems to fit the 'class clown' scenario well. Here's the issue.
The older son....
He is on internet school. His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.
My husband typically works from home so he is able to 'monitor' the older sons activities (which also was a bit of a issue as the older son would just about work my husband to death emoting and arguing). This week however my husband is working away from the house. The older son chose to leave the house on Sunday (his last day of grounding). He came home after we were already in bed and then chose again to leave the house for the entire afternoon and evening on Monday (tried to borrow his biological fathers vehicle and was sent away from dad's office based on him being grounded and subsequently had to a 4 hour walk home - arriving again after my husband and I had gone to bed). He has done the same thing again today.
He has told my younger son that he is trying to get a lot of time in with his girlfriend as her family is having some paternally inflicted physical abuse and she is being sent to family in California 'soon'.
By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.
So, we finally found some 'practical' advise on disciplining our children. I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'. Our older son is like a pit bull with issues (I'm afraid he gets that from me) he debates well and typically leaves us looking at each other wild eyed because his arguments have validity. He then can pull the emotional card with the 'class clown' flair and have us laughing so hard our eyes are tearing. This has always worked for him - we've just recently figured out his game! So we're dead set on not allowing the arguments and not letting him break through our 'barriers'.
You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????
S. & T.
Well first of all, let me point out the things you are doing right:
Re: “His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.”
==>You hit the bull’s eye (or should I say pit bull’s eye).
Re: “By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.”
==> Another bull’s eye!
Re: Your son refusing to complete his 3-day discipline.
==> I’ll simply refer you to the anger management chapter of the ebook for this one. If you’re still unclear about what to do after reviewing that chapter, just email with a specific question.
Re: “I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'.”
==> It’s not too late …you’re just still trying to figure out his poker hand. At this point, he’s much better at poker than you. Get your game on lady! : =)
Re: “You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????”
==> You stay in the game. Are you thinking about folding (poker lingo)? You put on your best poker face and keep following the strategies in my ebook. If you have a specific question at any point down the road – hit me.
==> Your son is trying very hard to prove to you that you have no power, that your disciplinary techniques don’t work, that your parenting strategies are ineffective – DON’T BE FOOLED!!!
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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