HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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Discipline for Vulgar Language in Teenagers

“My main problem is my son’s vulgar language. He is constantly using foul language on a daily basis usually with no rhyme or reason. He just yells out a long string of bad language for no reason. He is also very open about sex. He talks about it a lot and constantly makes ‘sexual noises’.”

Adolescents equate swearing to a rite of passage. As moms and dads, we can help them learn healthier ways of expressing and developing maturity. The first step to cleaning up adolescent talk is listening to your adolescent. When you ascertain in what scenarios and environments he typically swears, you can help him find alternatives to express himself.

Does your son try to project confidence or superiority when he swears? Does he demonstrate anguish, disgust or disdain in himself or peers with cursing? Do you hear your son causally and subconsciously dropping profanities intermittently throughout casual conversations? Knowing the prime times your son swears will help you choose a course of action to clean up the cursing.

Adolescents frequently opt for strong language as the result of peer pressure. When one mother asked her 16-year-old son, James, why he selects such strong language to convey his point of view, she was astonished by his straightforward answer: “I talk just like all my friends. We don’t mean anything and it’s not like adults don’t say those things” was James' enlightening response. Although it may appear cavalier, James' explanation is familiarly synonymous with the beliefs of his peers. Realizing that her son and his friends were trying to out-do each other in a ritual game of whose language packs the most shock value, this mother decided she wanted to break her son’s habit of vulgarity. She stated, “We talked about better ways he could grab his friend’s and acquaintance’s attention. I tried to impress that acting older didn’t automatically mean someone would believe he’s mature.”

Many parents, like the mother described above, find explaining that swearing is not an impressive trait or something that is respected and admired provides clarity. When adolescents realize that vulgarity or excessive slang has an affect that is ironically opposite than their desired perception of maturity, they are less inclined to taint their vocabulary with swearing. Helping your adolescent find an intelligent means to express himself, and thus demonstrate true maturity, will both curb swearing and help him achieve his desired goal.

Also, moms and dads need to model the language they expect their adolescents to use. Reinforcing positive expressions of various emotions lets adolescents know there’s another way to get the same thing. Of course, we’re all human and can possibly accidentally or occasionally let a slang word slip. The frustration of stalled traffic or of dropping a heavy can on top of your foot can cause the most restrained person to use an inappropriate word. Acknowledging that you’re aware you made a regrettable word choice helps your adolescent respect the lessons you’re aiming to instill. Demonstrating your remorse for using a curse word offers your adolescent a glimpse into your humanistic persona.

Additionally, helping your adolescent realize there are consequences to all of his actions – including swearing – provides another deterrent. If your adolescent has to pay a predetermined ‘fee’ or ‘toll’ for every profanity used, he may think twice about spending his hard earned allowance on curse words. A curse word cookie jar worked miraculously for one mother’s son: “After a few weeks of paying for his language, he decided to give up swearing. It was just too expensive,” the mother happily proclaimed.

Brother and Sister Hate One Another: Parenting Tips for Sibling Rivalry

Question:

“I have a 14 year our daughter who is a basket of nerves. My son and she HATE each other. He knows exactly how to push her buttons and she gets so upset she usually just explodes in anger followed by tears. When she is upset there is no reasoning with her until she calms down. I can almost see the ‘excitement’ in my son’s eyes when he makes her cry. She is so vulnerable right now. He knows she is very aware of her figure and looks, so he is constantly calling her fat (although she is not fat at all). She then comes back at him with retard and why don’t we ‘send him away’. I fear what this is doing to her self-esteem and emotional needs.”


Answer:

Moms of adolescents may be troubled by the amount of fighting, both verbal and physical, that goes on between her kids. This is a common problem in homes with teens, and one many moms find particularly difficult and upsetting. One mother said, "They are constantly bickering and yelling. There's no peace in the house anymore. They won't listen to me, and nothing I do seems to have any effect on them. Why do they hate each other so?"

If parents experience these kinds of problems and concerns, it may help if they try to gain a better understanding of sibling battles and then develop a plan for dealing with them in their home. In this society, people have the expectation that they will love and get along well with everyone in their family. They always expect to feel positive toward their parents, brothers, sisters, spouses and children. Most people, however, have at least some times when they don't feel very loving toward each other.

Relationships within a family are close, both emotionally and physically, and very intense. When the television show parents have been looking forward to is being drowned out by the cheerleading practice in the basement, or when the turkey leg they were saving for a snack is missing from the refrigerator, or when their spouse is gleefully telling a crowd of friends how they dented the car fender, they are not likely to feel loving. Because they are so close, family members have a greater power than anyone else to make other members feel angry, sad, confused -- and loving. This is just as true for kids and teens as it is for grown-ups.

Most siblings have probably been good friends - and good enemies - as they have grown. Having a sibling provides an opportunity to learn to get along with others. Especially when siblings are younger, they may fight bitterly, but they will probably be playing together again an hour later. For example, a youngster will say something hateful to a sibling, knowing full well they will still be siblings and friends when the fight is over. If the same thing was said to a playmate outside the family, that playmate might take his or her marbles and go home for good. Thus, kids learn from relationships with siblings just how certain words or actions will affect another person without the fear of losing the person's friendship.

Siblings fight for a number of reasons:
  • They fight because they are growing up in a competitive society that teaches them that to win is to be better: "I saw it first." "I beat you to the water."
  • They fight because they are jealous: "He got a new bike. I didn't. They must love him more than they love me." 
  • They fight because they want a parent's attention, and the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give. 
  • They fight over ordinary teasing, which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: "He called me a _____" … "But she called me a _____ first."

Kids need not weeks or months, but years to learn some of the socially approved ways to behave in relationships. Lessons about jealousy, competition, sharing and kindness are difficult to learn, and, indeed, some grown-ups still haven't learned them. Teens fight for the same reasons younger kids fight. But teens are bigger, louder and better equipped physically and intellectually to hurt - and be hurt - by words and actions.

From a mother's point of view, they "ought" to be old enough to stop that kind of behavior. What moms may forget is that teens are under pressure from many different directions. Physical and emotional changes - and changes in thinking - cause pressures, as do changing relationships with parents and peers. 

Adolescents may be concerned about real or imagined problems. They feel pressure about the future as adults and about learning to be an adult. In many ways, adolescents are in greater need than ever for parental love, attention and concern, and for a belief that they are as good as their siblings. A teenager may not recognize these needs, or may be too embarrassed to express them verbally, so fighting with siblings as a way to get parental attention may actually increase in adolescence. In truth, siblings don't really hate each other, at least not all the time. As kids mature and learn to control their energies and anxieties, chances are they will be good friends.

Moms and dads can recognize the reasons for the fighting and make up their minds that they will not tolerate it. It's not easy to stick to that resolution! However, many parents have found that sticking to that resolution is the most important factor in bringing peace to their home. Parents should tell their teens that while it's normal to have disagreements, the constant fighting upsets them and they value peace at home. They can say they will no longer be the judge and jury over the siblings' disputes, and they will not stand for it! Then, they must stand by the resolution.

One mom reported that every time a fight started, she would say to her teens, "You're fighting. I'm leaving." And then she would go out to work in the yard or take a drive or run an errand -- but she simply walked away from the fighting. Another mom used a similar tactic. When the fighting began, she said, "Call me when it's over." Then she went to her bedroom, slamming the door to emphasize her point. Another parent made his teenagers leave the house when they began fighting.

In each of these cases, the parents demonstrated that fighting would not get their attention and they would not get involved in the fight. Other parents have had success in imposing penalties for fighting (e.g., fines deducted from allowances, a certain amount of grounding for each fighter, etc.). These parents are showing their teenagers the cost of fighting is higher than the reward. Whatever tactic moms and dads use, if they are consistent and stick to their guns, they will almost certainly be successful in reducing the amount of fighting between their kids.

Living with fighting siblings is not pleasant. If parents can remain calm in the face of battling adolescents, if they can retain their sense of humor, and if they put up a determined and united front, they will find the war in their living room will end before long.

As a parent, do you:
  • Avoid initiating competition among your kids?
  • Make sure older kids are not usually forced to give in to younger ones because "he's little" or "she doesn't know better?" 
  • Believe there can be something good in sibling fighting? 
  • Make sure your teens realize they are each unique and have a special set of strengths? 
  • Praise your teenagers for being who they are, not just for what they can do? 
  • Realize teens and younger kids need to be given the right to decide not to share at least some of the time? 
  • Recognize that each youngster is different? 
  • Set aside some time to be alone with each youngster? 
  • Talk to your teens about their fighting?

Here’s some more tips:
  1. Be available to listen patiently to the problem and control your emotions. Typically, parents have more insight into solving a problem, so give your child positive suggestions she can use to work the problem out with her sibling.
  2. Don't intervene, but do give some guidance.
  3. Don't take sides -- remain neutral.
  4. Encourage adolescents to work out issues constructively.
  5. Do not allow aggressive behavior (e.g., hitting, pushing, etc.).
  6. Express to each of your kids that you care for each of them as individuals and love them unconditionally.
  7. Give them the opportunity to work out their problems on their own.
  8. Help enforce the rules by outlining consequences when rules are broken. 
  9. Help them recognize each other's individuality. 
  10. Insist that they try to cooperate first. 
  11. Overcome your own competitive nature. 
  12. Share an interest in their activities. 
  13. Spend time with them individually. 
  14. Teach your kids good communication techniques, problem solving skills, and the importance of compromise.

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Coping with Strong-Willed, Out-of-Control Teens: Self-Preservation Skills for Parents

Parenting strong-willed, out-of-control adolescents is tough work. It takes creativity, determination, and patience! It's an extremely difficult phase to go through, but you’re not alone. For too many moms and dads, major conflict is an everyday occurrence. When this is the case, the teen usually has a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), or at the very least exhibits many ODD traits. Parents can either choose to continue "business as usual" (which will only enrage and distance their teen further), or they can learn how to deal constructively with strong-willed behavior. Here’s how…

How to cope with strong-willed, out-of-control teens:

1. Often times, your best resource is silence (it really is golden in cases such as this). Strong-willed teens do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). When your teen tries to push your buttons – shut your mouth and go about your business.

2. Avoid picking up strong-willed traits. If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of your out-of-control teen’s behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying.

3. Detach from the situation as much as possible. Staying calm in the heat of the moment is paramount to your personal preservation. Spitting angry words and reacting with extreme emotions (screaming, crying, etc.) will only influence your teen to be even more stubborn and defiant.

4. Don’t “call out” your stubborn teen. Bluntly stating the problem will not improve your relationship with him or her. Instead of reaching a reconciliation, your teen will likely just become more oppositional. Recognize that you can't handle this like you would any other personal conflict – it's a unique circumstance.

5. For the parent who has another adult in the house (e.g., spouse, partner, other family member), avoid getting cornered. When possible, avoid one-on-one arguments with your strong-willed teen. In other words, when he is pissed and you see him coming to corner you, demand that another adult (or adults) be brought in. This will sometimes thwart your teen’s plans to berate you. Bullies rarely stand up to a crowd.

6. When tempers flare, forget about trying to engage your strong-willed teen in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen, at least not with you. Remember what happened in the course of the last 100 times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with your teen. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.

7. Always remember that anything you say or do while angry will be used against you – over and over again. Strong-willed teens tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. A year from now, you could be hearing about the angry response you had today. Strong-willed, out-of-control teens will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.

8. If your teen’s verbal attacks have little basis in raw fact, try to simply dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as she would like you to believe you are. However, don’t defend yourself out loud. It will only provoke her into another outburst and increase her manipulative behavior.

9. If your teenager is getting on your last nerve, take a time-out. Remember, he just wants to get a rise out of you. So show your teen that he has no effect. Count to 10 silently if you need to, and then state your views with confidence. Look your teen in the eye. If he is still being unreasonable and stubborn, then just ignore him. He will eventually back down when he notices that his attempts at “button-pushing” are failing.

10. Sometimes the healthiest way to deal with a strong-willed teen is to remove her from your environment. Do not torture yourself by exposing yourself to verbal abuse. Simply leave the room. Remember that you can’t "fix" this teenager. Remove yourself from the situation and treat it with indifference when possible.

11. Prepare for the fact that your teen will probably blame YOU for being “strong-willed.” You are going to be accused of much – or all – of this behavior yourself. If your teen gets a look at this article, to him it will look like an article about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that your teen’s flaws and failings will always be attributed to you.

12. Prepare to set some serious boundaries. Understand that eventually, you may have to create a separation between yourself and your strong-willed teen. Maintaining a relationship with a chronically abusive teenager is, literally, impossible. When enough is enough, he may just have to go live with his dad, or get a job and find an apartment (if he is older).

13. Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with a teenager who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-esteem. Focus on the people who validate you. Also, realize that your strong-willed teen is hurting you on purpose to improve her own self-esteem.

14. Recognize that you will never convince your strong-willed teen that he has any responsibility for the parent-child conflict between the two of you. He doesn’t recognize (or if he did, wouldn't try to improve) his flaws for a very logical reason: He doesn't have any flaws (in his mind)! Understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It's far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time. But as time goes on, you'll get better at coping with this teen’s behavioral issues.

15. Avoid getting defensive. Understand that you can’t “beat” a strong-willed, out-of-control teenager. She is called “strong-willed” for a reason. In her mind, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can do or say is going to make her consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty – no matter what!

16. Understand that it's not you – it's your teen. If you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it's probably not you. This mindset can be surprisingly difficult, considering that the strong-willed teen has complete mastery of shifting the blame. Remember, strong-willed teens "can do no wrong." Chances are, the more often your teen blames you, the more he himself is actually at fault. However, keep in mind that this should NOT to be used as a way to blame your teen. Blaming is what strong-willed teens do – and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts (for your own sake).

Raising strong-willed, out-of-control teens is tricky business. It’s important for them to have enough freedom to make their own mistakes, but they still need plenty of guidance to help them learn from those mistakes. Provide your oppositional teen with clear and consistent boundaries that will focus on teaching peace and levelheadedness – not resentment and retaliation. Lead by example!

Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens


  
From the office of Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
Author of My Out-of-Control Teen

The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success.  And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the teenager "acts-out."

I often hear the following statement from parents: "I've tried everything with this child -- and nothing works!"  But when they attend my parent-program, they soon discover they have not tried everything, rather they have tried some things. Learn more about the parent-program.

Now there is an online version of the parent-program for working parents who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers, and you will experience the same success as those who attend the program in person. 

You will learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.  And I guarantee your success or you get your money back -- and you can keep the package I am about to offer you.  This is how confident I am that the online version of the parent-program is going to work for you. 

The online version is called Online Parent Support (OPS).

CLICK HERE to learn more about OPS.

OPS includes My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook (a digital book).  In this book, I share over 150 proven techniques to use with your strong-willed, out-of-control teenager.  If parents don’t have these techniques, all they are left with are conventional parenting techniques.  And as they may have discovered, conventional techniques don't work with unconventional teenagers. Learn more about traditional parenting strategies.

=> Does your child often:
  • lose his temper
  • argue with adults
  • refuse to comply with rules and requests
  • deliberately annoy people
  • blame others for his mistakes and misbehavior

=> Is your child often:
  • touchy and easily annoyed by others
  • angry and resentful
  • spiteful and vindictive

Learn more about defiant behavior versus normal teenage rebellion.

CLICK HERE to view a partial list of topics covered in the eBook.

Believe it or not, your child doesn't need counseling.  You don’t need parenting classes.  You don’t need -- nor would you want -- a 250-page manual on how to be a better parent.  Who has time for that?  And you don’t need to go through another year of pain and misery with rebellious, foul-mouthed teenagers with an "attitude."

However, what you may need is someone who has worked with troubled teens and frustrated parents for nearly 20 years -- and does so for a living -- to show you a set of very effective parenting techniques that are guaranteed to work. That would be me, Mark Hutten, M.A.

OPS includes:
  • Live Audio Recordings of the entire parent-program I conduct at Madison County Youth Center
  • Power Point Presentations and Videos shown during the program (plus dozens of additional videos on everything from ADHD to Wilderness Programs)
  • OPS Website -- updated daily with many additional parenting resources
  • Parent Forum -- where members of OPS support and seek advice from one another; meet and talk (via forum or chat) to married and single parents who are experiencing the same parent-child difficulties as you  
  • OPS Weekly Newsletter -- provides additional resources for parenting today's teens and pre-teens
  • Access to me via phone, email, or OPS Chat Room -- always feel free to contact me as often as needed while you begin to implement your new parenting strategies
  • 100% Money Back Guarantee

Whether you have big problems or small problems, teens or preteens, whether you are a single parent, divorced or separated parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, step parent, a traditional two-parent family, or a grandparent raising a grandchild -- this material is guaranteed to work for you.

Initially, the parents who attend my parent-program (the same program you’ll get with Online Parent Support) are at their "wit's end" and describe home-life as “hell's kitchen.” 

A few short weeks after they complete the program (which is divided into 4 sessions, 90 minutes each session), the majority of parents report that problems in their homes have reduced in frequency and severity and are finally manageable.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how simple it is to get started with these non-traditional parenting strategies.  Whenever you have a couple spare moments sitting at your computer, you can see how to bring about positive change in your household …change that will reduce parent-child conflict …change that will reduce your stress-level significantly …and change that will increase the likelihood that your child will be a success both at school and in life.

=> Is your child in charge (the tail is wagging the dog)?

=> Does she/he have an "attitude" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

=> Is she/he resentful about something that happened in the past and just can’t seem to get over it?

=> Are you concerned that your child is:

  • Having unprotected sex?
  • Hanging with the wrong crowd?
  • Experimenting with drugs or alcohol?

=> Has your child:

  • Lied to you?
  • Stolen from you?
  • Skipped school?
  • Destroyed property?
  • Ran away from home?
  • Had a brush with the law?
  • Refused to follow any rules?

If so, then I hope you download My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook and join Online Parent Support today. Click on the Buy Now button below:


You Can't Lose With My 100%, Ironclad,
"Better-Than-Risk-Free" Money Back Guarantee

I say "better-than-risk-free" because this whole package is yours
to keep even in the unlikely event you decide to ask for a refund.

If for any reason you aren't thrilled and satisfied
with your purchase, just contact me within 365 days
(that's right - one year!) and I'll give you a 100%
prompt and courteous refund ... no questions asked!


Online Parent Support is all about:
  • Serving people, specifically parents who are at a point of frustration with their child's emotional/behavioral problems and resultant parent-child conflict
  • Providing an invaluable product that everyone can afford
  • Providing a parenting-package that continues to grow over time by incorporating additional products and services at no extra cost to existing members

Feel free to contact me.  You'll get no "sales pitch" -- just answers to any questions you may have.
  • My email: mbhutten@gmail.com  (I will respond within 24 hours!)
  • My cell: 765.810.3319

1. What is your toughest parenting challenge currently?
2. What other problems are you experiencing with your child right now?
3. Do you have any questions about OPS or My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook?

A few emails from parents:

"I just have to let you know that I just started reading your book...I am in tears as I am reading. It is like you have been hanging out in our home, watching us. We are on our 4th therapist in a 3 year period and not one of them have seemed to have a grasp on what we are dealing with, but your first few chapters have summed us up almost immediately. I had to stop and say thank you." -- M.J.

"I had problems with my 15-year-old daughter last year and found your online course. I can’t even begin to tell you how helpful it was in turning my daughter around.  I followed it up with a trip to Uganda – just the 2 of us – for 15 days last summer, which forced us to bond. It’s been a great year this year and I want to thank you for your huge part in that. No more sleepless nights.  Your website gets lots of referrals from me! I think your method utilizing online courses and support groups is brilliant. Warm regards." -- M.H.

"Thank you for your concern for others. My husband and I were at the end of our ropes. I prayed for wisdom and God certainly answered my prayer.  I have already tried some things on the first week actually the day I ordered this and to my amazement - they worked!!  I had already been thinking the turmoil was like a drug for my daughter and I was right.  Thank you so much and God Bless you!" – E.H.

"Tara and I joined your website for our 16 year old quite a few months back. Let me say this after having gone through many different programs for difficult teenagers, your program is very solid. We have told our current counselors and connections about it so that other parents may use your very good resources, too. Our son is to the point now where he no longer argues." – T.M.


Dear Discouraged/Frustrated Parents,

I know I’ve made some pretty strong claims above. And you might be thinking, "This guy is full of it …he must think he can work miracles.”

No, I’m not a miracle worker. But you don’t need a miracle! All you need is this simple set of proven parenting techniques to use with your oppositional, defiant child.

I'm not offering a complete cure for ALL behavior problems, and I'm not trying to claim that every single thing that you'll ever need to help your child is in my eBook. But if you are looking for rock solid and proven solutions to a whole bunch of parenting-predicaments that you have with your out-of-control child, then I'm confident that you can benefit from my help.

For many years now I've been running a very successful parent program, but I wanted to take it a step further.  I wanted to reach out to parents worldwide and help them discover that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. That’s when I came up with Online Parent Support (OPS).  Since its launch in 2004, OPS has overwhelmed users and success rates have been phenomenal.

If you're one of those parents who has paid a fortune on must-have parenting eBooks only to find they were full of useless information you could have gotten anywhere, then don’t make the mistake of clicking off this site before you at least call or email me with some specific questions about My Out-of-Control Teen eBook. I guarantee you won't find this information anywhere else.

You could (and may) spend the rest of the afternoon surfing and "researching" only to find that you've gained a wonderful knowledge of what the problem is without any knowledge of what to do about it.

Let’s face it: You have been force-fed garbage and misinformation that will never put your teen back on the right track.  All you have really been doing is building-up even more barriers and creating more stress – for you and your family.

I'm tired of reading all the bad advice out there …I’m tired of seeing teenagers' lives ruined because they just can’t be controlled …and I’m tired of seeing parents chase their tails in a hopeless cycle of frustration, drama and chaos.

I’m giving you the chance to break the cycle of abuse and mistrust …to bring harmony back into your life …and to keep your child from self-destruction. And I’m going to put my money where my mouth is:

If you don’t begin to experience success with these strategies within the first week, then I want you to email me – mbhutten@gmail.com – and say, “I want a refund.” With one click of my mouse, I will send your refund-request to PayPal (the secure network that sells my eBook), and they will promptly refund 100% of your purchase.

Parenting strong-willed, out-of-control children is tough! If you don't know how, that is...

Here’s a recent email from a new member of Online Parent Support. She and her husband sent this email to their son’s Counselor:

“…coming up with a proper diagnosis and treatment has taken us down many roads, all leading to different therapies, parent-education classes, including Jayne Major's course Breakthrough Parenting Services as well as James Lehman's Total Transformation Program. Through countless hours of research and phone calls, we have discovered the different levels of support are dependent on insurance, out of pocket expenses, including potentially selling our home and putting him in a residential treatment center with no guarantees of a positive outcome. Needless to say, quality intervention has been hard to find. Recently we found an on-line course by Mark Hutten called My Out Of Control Teen. It seems the most helpful and pragmatic approach so far. We wanted to share with you where we are in the course so we are all on the same page in helping our son and family through this crisis.”

$29 is really a painless drop in the bucket compared to the money you could lose over time with counseling, parent-education classes, psychiatric evaluations, treatment, etc.

Yes, for the price of dinner at a local restaurant, you will have all the information you need to jump full force into getting peace and respect back in your house again. If you need to justify the expense, skip taking the kids to McDonald's for dinner once this week - and it's paid for.

If you’re going through the same parent-child conflict that most of the other parents who land on this site are going through, then the problems at home and school are not getting better -- they’re steadily getting worse. How much longer are you willing to wait?  I'm guessing that you have already wasted too much time and energy trying to get some real solutions.

I trust that you’ll take a step of faith here and get started with this on-line program immediately.

~ Mark Hutten, M.A.



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==> Frequently asked questions...

==> Emails from a few of the parents who have joined Online Parent Support...

==> A brief biography can be viewed here...

My Out-of-Control Teen eBook is the
#1 Best Selling Parenting eBook for "Defiant" Teens.
Even if you have a very slow internet connection,
download time is only about 5 - 30 seconds.
Audio CDs of the parent-program are
available to OPS members upon request.
Delivered in 3 - 7 days.
 

Mark Hutten, M.A. 
Parent Support Group of Madison County Youth Center
Online Parent Support, LLC
2328 N 200 E
Anderson, Indiana  46012
 
Cell: 765.810.3319
Email:
mbhutten@gmail.com

ONLINE PARENT SUPPORT STAFF:
Mark Hutten, M.A. (Counseling Psychology)
David McLaughlin, MD (Consultant: Psychiatry)
Julie Kennedy, Psy.D. (Consultant: Clinical Psychology)

_______________________________________

About the author: Mark Hutten, M.A. is the founder of Online Parent Support, a practicing counseling psychologist, and a parent coach with more than twenty years’ experience. He has worked with hundreds of children and teens with behavioral problems over the years. He presents workshops and runs training courses for parents and professionals who deal with troubled children and teens, and is a prolific author of articles and ebooks on the subject.

About Online Parent Support: Online Parent Support was the first “online program” for parents with defiant children and teens, and has been helping parents like you since 2003. Dozens of parents join Online Parent Support every day. YOU can be next! You can start your program in 15 min. from now, and you WILL see positive changes in your child’s behavior within the first week -- or your money back! Has your son or daughter been "out-of-control" for several months - if not years? If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen!


http://www.verisign.com/
http://pressexposure.com/

Biography: Mark Hutten, M.A.

Personal

Mark was born in Freemont, Ohio in 1956. He graduated from Anderson High School (Anderson, IN) in 1974.

Educational
  • Bachelors Degree; Psychology -- Anderson University, Anderson, IN
  • Masters Degree; Counseling Psychology -- Vermont College of Norwich University, Montpelier, VT

Employment
  • Madison County Juvenile Probation: SHOCAP Program
  • Madison County Community Justice Center
  • Madison County Correctional Complex
  • Sowers of Seeds Counseling
  • Indiana Juvenile Justice Task Force

Mark has worked in the “addictions” field since 1994 and has worked with children who are experiencing emotional and behavioral problems - and their parents - since 1988. He was a Probation Officer as well as a Family Therapist and performs home-based counseling/supervision for families experiencing difficulty with their children's emotional and behavioral problems. His primary mission is to help these families develop much needed coping skills so that they can avoid involving their children in the Juvenile Justice system.

Mark also conducts the following group therapies for court-ordered individuals (although many volunteer):
  • Parent Education Training
  • Anger Management Groups
  • Relapse Prevention Groups
  • Drug/Alcohol Workshops
  • Sex Offender Groups

Accomplishments


Mark is the creator of the Parent-Support Group (a parents only group for parents with strong-willed, out of control children). He is the author of My Out-of-Control Teen and My Out-of-Control Child eBooks, and the founder of Online Parent Support (the online version of the Parent Support Group).

Many of Mark's articles and columns related to parenting children with ADHD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome, Autism, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and more, are featured on prominent "online" magazines (ezines) and websites.

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Emails from a few of the parents who have joined Online Parent Support...

Emails from parents:

"I just wanted to say a BIG Thank You for
your work! I think, I mean I KNOW that
your e-books and website are the most
informative I have ever seen. And I have
looked everywhere, read everything, tried
it all! Thank you!" - D.G.

“Your ebook is very thorough and has
helped me and my family immensely. My
husband and I have a better understanding
now!  Since completing the program, my
son Jonathon has brought his grades up
35%, and he is getting praise from his
teachers. The Assistant Principal wrote a
letter describing improvements in
Jonathan’s behavior and gave it to me at
the parent-teacher conference.” - T.S.

“We thank everyone involved with this
program.  We are using the techniques we
have learned on ALL of our children, not
just the one we were having trouble with.”
- A.J.

“I found your book very helpful, even
though our child was already in placement
at a juvenile facility.  Wish we had taken
this course years ago.” - T.P.

"I looked forward to each session. It was my
support to get through the week.  Plus I
looked forward to what new things to learn
to help with my child.  Thanks for your
help.  Thanks for being there." - J.D.

“Everything was helpful. I wish I had
known about this class 3 years ago. I hope
we haven’t waited too long to try these
parenting techniques.” - M.Q.

"I am very pleased to know I have
somewhere I can come for help -- and I
thank you for your help!" - A.H.

"I know if it hadn't been for this program,
my son would be in the 'system' and my
stress level would be through the roof."
- J.L.

"It's been 6 weeks since my wife and I
completed the ebook, and although things
are not perfect -- it's a lot better than it was!
Thanks." - S.H.

"The ebook was straight forward and
concise. It was good to see another
approach.  I wish we had started using
these techniques earlier." - L.D.

"This program should be mandatory for
some parents!" - J.H.

"I remember feeling so helpless, like I
couldn't do anything about the chaos and
drama in my home. I told myself, 'If you
haven't got the power, there is nothing you
can do about your situation' ...Seeing
myself as helpless insured paralysis and
provided a powerful rationale for doing
nothing. But now I feel empowered because
most of the things I'm trying actually
work." - M.C.

"I pretended that things were getting better
on their own, but this pretending took the
place of the effort required to bring about
real change. That's all over now. I'm taking
responsibility for my part of the problem,
and my daughter is accepting her part as
well." - B.E.

"I think my biggest problem was that I
didn't change the things that weren't
working. I kept using the same old
parenting strategies and hoped for different
results. This turned out to be almost as big
a problem as not trying to fix problems in
the first place. 
I have better  tools in my 

parenting toolbox now.  Thanks
for all your help." - G.B.

"I realized I was very good at allowing my
children to be independent, but I was not
very good at setting clear and firm limits
for behavior. My children easily discovered
rules that could be broken if their protests
were long and loud enough ...Often times, I
just wanted to avoid the hassle of a conflict.
It was easier for me to let the rules slide
than to deal with the fuss. Also, it was
sometimes hard to refuse my children
anything, because I didn't want them to be
unhappy. I thought "unhappy children"
equals "bad parents."  And I guess at some
level, I was afraid my children would
become angry and hate me if I tried to set
boundaries. Now I know that children want
to know that their parents are in charge;
they need structure and limits. This
concept alone is helping me immensely."
- J.W.

"Just a short note to say thanks. We are
now well into your assignments and things
are going well. As you predicted, things got
a lot worse to begin with, but the three kids
and both parents are starting to settle well.
We are getting into a routine, and now "no"
is truly beginning to mean "no."In addition,
consequences to actions are beginning to be
followed, and your method of getting them
to do something is very effective. Many
thanks. I hope it's still o.k. to write with
any questions as they come along, as I feel
we are only part way through. And as they
get older, new things are going to appear.
Thanks again." - M.V.

"Thanks for the accommodations. You are a
big help. I started some of the pointers that
we've talked about, and I see some good
effects. It's very hard to switch emotions,
but I'm trying my best. I think I will be
sending you a lot of thanks for this book and
for the warm accommodation on the first
phone consultation.  I know I got the right
help now. I wish God will give you more
time to accommodate parents like me."
- K.N.

"My husband and I have been going over
your book and we have found it to be
incredibly helpful.  I am still losing control
over myself and getting into screaming
matches with my ODD kid, but we are still
doing better than before we found your
book." - C.K.

“Thank you for saving my family. When
my 13-year-old daughter turned into an
angry out of control person last spring
I had no idea of how to handle her. Nor did
the therapists I consulted. I thought I might
have to put her into a nearby residential
treatment program. I found your web-site
and downloaded your book. I refer to it as
"the Bible." My daughter's behavior turned
around the instant I stood up to her and
gave her limits. The change was amazing
and all for the good. It has helped me to be
clear, less reactive, calmer, more loving -
and a lot firmer. If a situation arises, I feel
that I know what to do and what action to
take. In other words, you are a genius!
I am deeply grateful.” - R.B.

"Thanks again Mark. I have been very
impressed with your advice and felt I
should "pay it forward" as we feel we are
getting such extreme value for our money.
As such, I sent your web mail address to the
doctor who was "trying" to help us. Our son
was so extremely disrespectful during our
visit with the doctor that the doc was
exasperated at the end and told us there
was nothing more he could do and so we
should consider kicking him out at 18 and
prior to that, send him to a home for
"raging" kids if his behaviour continued. I
also note that our doctor has a Psychology
degree. I know he has many cases such as
ours, so I sent him your website to pass on
to other parents who would benefit from
this resource. Kindest regards." - S.T.

"Mark- I am only on the second week of
your program, but I'm already seeing an
amazing and positive difference in my
daughter. We have struggled with her
behavior since she was 9 months old. I was
humbled and astounded to learn that I was
a very big part of the problem in the way
that I was reacting to her. We actually
have some peace in our home and she even
hugs us and says “I love you” on a regular
basis. She has even begun apologizing for
getting angry and being unreasonable. The
next step is to help her bring her grades up
and stay out of trouble at school. I have
every confidence that we have turned a
corner and I’m referring everyone I know
to your program." - T.E.

"When I started the program, I felt so lost
and helpless.  Mark said things that made
me swear he knew my child personally.
Everything I read seemed to be about my
child.  This was how I knew this program
was different, and that it could work.  The
steps were easy to follow, and the results
were fast.  When we took the parenting
quiz, I scored an 80 and my husband scored
100.  This really opened our eyes. Now all
3 of my children are happier and easier to
deal with." - K.J.

"I wanted to say thank you for all your
support, sound advice, and speedy
responses last year. You were the only
person I could speak with, and you helped
me enormously." - M.E.

"I have purchased your e-book and cds...
just wanted to say how amazing your work
is proving to be.  I work in field of
psychiatry but have struggled to discipline
my son and to understand his behaviour.
I have put in to practice the first week
session and already it is working.  Your
insight into teenagers is amazing... it was
like you had written it all for my son and I.
Thank you, a 1000 times, thank you.  I’ll
keep you informed of J__’s progress, my 16
year old out of control teenager!" - T.W.

"I am so thankful and blessed I found
your website.  I am incorporating your
suggestions into my life with my 15-year-
old daughter – and things are going so
much better.  We are both trying and,
though she still goes to counseling, I feel
like I have tools to work with her now.
Thanks a $$$million and God Bless You!"
- P.O.

"Thanks Mark.  After reading some of your
ebook, it makes me realize areas we have to
work on. Not ONE counselor we've ever
seen has ever made more sense -- we've
wasted dozens of hours in counseling. We
are going to take some positive steps
forward now." - E.S.

"Today, I spoke to my son's former counselor
(whom I was asking for a referral for
another counseling, which I did before I
found your ebook). I told her, “I think I
don't need it for now,” because I found your
site. I gave her your site and told her to
spread the word about your ebook, since
her job deals with parents and kids of
similar problems. In a week's time, I've seen
a great change. Now my 2nd son (AJ) asks
permission before he goes out of the house
and calls me when he can't come home on
the agreed time. I can also see some smiles
on his face little by little. Thanks again for
all the help!" - F.D.

"Just started reading your Ebook and
WOW, even if my daughter who is 14 is
not as bad as some, just dealing with small
issues compared to some,  I just have this
calming feeling that we are going to be o.k.
I started the techniques from Assignment 1
and already can see a look of astonishment
on my daughter's face." - W.A.

"I should mention our successes. Last week,
our son received a merit award at school
assembly for  his ‘amazing improvements’
in class. He was also sent to the headmaster
to show him a piece of creative writing he’d
done, which was beautiful, detailed and
above all way beyond what he was asked to
do (he had been doing absolute minimum,
and nowhere near what he is capable of).
The headmaster wrote him a note of
congratulations, which he proudly brought
home. Mark, I just want you to know this is
completely unprecedented. I believe it is
entirely due to the recent changes we’ve
made by following your program . As you
mentioned, it is going to take some time to
turn around behaviour that has become
habit over 11 years, and I’m sure there are
continuing challenges ahead, but we really
want to thank you this program, and the
insight and support it provides. Best
regards." - L.H.

"Thank you for your program.  I'm totally
desperate to fix this worsening situation in
our home. I was so stressed out before
finding your website and program, that
even after I purchased it (with scepticism),
it took all my energy to read Session 1. Now
I see all the things I am doing wrong (I'm a
text book case of the over-indulgent parent
and the queen of advance credit) and
realise there's hope - and we haven't tried
everything." - D.N.

"I just wanted to say THANK YOU. I was
trawling the WWW at 02.30 for some help
and found your sight and thought I would
have a look. I sat in tears listening to you it
was like you had stepped into my home and
seen the destruction, the tears became
tears of relief that I could possibly make a
change in my parenting that could help
change my children's behaviour and so I
signed up. It has taken me 2 weeks to get
thought the first chapter on to assignment
1 but I have already seen tiny creaks for
the better in all our behaviour. Assignment
1 starts today. Once again… thank you for
putting your expertise on the WWW as we
live in England. Although youth offending
team do a program like yours called tripe P,
it is too soft in its approach, so that I as a
parent disconnected with it." - E.B.

"I had problems with my 15-year-old
daughter last year and found your online
course. I can’t even begin to tell you how
helpful it was in turning my daughter
around.  I followed it up with a trip to
Uganda – just the 2 of us – for 15 days last
summer, which forced us to bond. It’s been
a great year this year and I want to thank
you for your huge part in that. No more
sleepless nights.  Your website gets lots of
referrals from me! I think your method
utilizing online courses and support groups
is brilliant. Warm regards." - M.H.

"I've already recommended this program
to several families. I do not believe this
program is for just out-of-control teens.
I think every parent can benefit from this
program. I wish I had access to something
like this when my children were young.
It would have saved us a lot of heart ache
now. You really need to franchise this
program to other areas. I would love to
attend a seminar, but live too far from you.
It would be great to have one in my area."
- K.P.

"Thank You Mark! Our prayers were
answered with your program/ministry.
We are gradually reclaiming control of our
family. THANK YOU for bringing love,
peace and harmony to our family once and
for all this time.  Yes there are still those
idle complaints here and there and the
occasional gnashing of teeth.  But this time
it is our kids and not us the parents whom
we find gnashing their teeth and
complaining.  That is a sign of order just
as God our Father has intended it to be.
THANK YOU!" - E.S.

"I just have to let you know that I just
started reading your book...I am in tears
as I am reading.  It is like you have been
hanging out in our home, watching us.  We
are on our 4th therapist in a 3 year period
and not one of them have seemed to have a
grasp on what we are dealing with, but
your first few chapters have summed us up
almost immediately.   I had to stop and say
thank you." - M.J.

"I am so thankful and blessed I found
your website.  I am incorporating your
suggestions into my life with my 15-year-
old daughter – and things are going so
much better.  We are both trying and,
though she still goes to counseling, I feel
like I have tools to work with her now.
Thanks a $$$million and God Bless You!"
- J.Y.

"I have been using your program for about
a month now, I am on chapter 3, and I
have to tell you----THANK YOU!!!!!   I
finally have had PEACE in my life.  My
children are doing their chores.  I have not
argued with my teenager (15) during all
this time. Life is good again, and I feel
confident and supported. My husband and
I were making mistakes without even
knowing.  I'll keep you posted. So far so
good!!!" - F.J.

"I started using the language and skills
suggested and WOW what a difference it's
making already! My most defiant child is
being positive, kind and respectful to me.
It's hard to change, but I'm convinced this
is going to work for my family. I've learned
that my actions have a direct effect on my
children, and when I show them respect I
get it right back! Thank you so much for
retraining me!" - T.K.

"I wanted to tell you how important a
resource your program was for me a few
years ago.  One of my sons is extremely
strong willed.  He was always a very good
student and athlete in high school but
started drinking and smoking pot, was
extremely rude and disrespectful to us and
oftentimes very angry.  During this time
I could never trust him.  He oftentimes
snuck out windows late at night.  It was a
very difficult situation for all of us.  Willing
to try anything, I scoured the internet and
came across your site.  This was the most
important purchase that I ever made
online.  I printed this manual out at home
and referenced it many, many times over
the next year or so.  My husband and I were
often not "on the same page" in dealing with
our son's behavior.  I would directly quote
your instructions to him anytime he tried
to let one of our son's bad behaviors slide.
Your program worked. We came to find out
much later that our son had been
experiencing severe anxiety and panic
attacks.  During one bad attack at school
he left the building, drove away and called
me.  Thank God he had the courage to
finally confide in me what he had been
experiencing for a long time. He finally
agreed to go to therapy which also helped
him tremendously (as long as you find the
right one).  My son is now in his second
year of college. He continues to be a
wonderful student and athlete, and I now
have my "old son" back. He is enjoying life
and is a delight to be around. He is still
very strong willed and always will be, but
that is now serving him well.  I can't thank
you enough.  You were the start of saving
my son's life and putting him back on
track.  My advice to any parent who is
having problems with their teens would be
to try to follow your program and don't
give up on your child.  It is worth all of the
effort! Thanks again." - A Forever Grateful
Mom

"My child had been on medication for ADD
for several years.  It never seemed to help
the way we hoped. His anger was out of
control and most of the walls in our home
had holes from him punching them.  He
was violent with his siblings and distant
from us. I found your program while
looking for a treatment facility to send him
away to.  I knew it was not safe for his
brother and sister if he stayed in our home.
About 2 and a half weeks into your
program we were able to take him off the
medication and he continued to improve.
(His doctor insisted we were making a huge
mistake and that medication was the only
way to help him.)  He is changing into a
more confident self-controlled person
thanks to your program. He used to scream
at me how much he hated me.  Now when
he does not get his way he will yell, “Why
are you such a good parent??? God, I love
you so much!!  Why can't you be a rotten
parent like my friends parents???” He will
try to sound angry, but he is letting me
know he is happier with the way things are
now.  He is learning to diffuse tense
situations as well.  We have both become
better people.  Thank you for giving me my
son back." - K.K.


More emails from parents...

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Frequently Asked Questions About Online Parent Support

FAQ:

1. What types of behavior problems are covered in the program?

Mark: “The Online Parent Support® (OPS) program will help you deal with most of the negative behaviors children and adolescents exhibit. I focus primarily on the behaviors that prevent a child from getting along with parents, teachers, siblings, etc., as well as those behaviors that may damage the child's future, mental health, and/or physical health. For example:

·        Acting-out sexually
·        Anger-control problems
·        Annoying siblings, classmates, etc.
·        Arguing with adults and other authority figures
·        Behavior problems at school
·        Blaming others for mistakes and misbehavior
·        Cigarette smoking
·        Destroying property
·        Disrespect
·        Experimenting with drugs or alcohol
·        Fighting
·        Getting suspended or expelled from school
·        Hanging with the wrong crowd
·        Harboring resentments
·        Having brushes with the law
·        Lying
·        Poor academic performance
·        Poor self-esteem
·        Refusing to comply with rules and requests
·        Running away from home
·        Skipping school
·        Staying out late at night without permission
·        Stealing
·        Talking back
·        Temper tantrums
·        Verbal & physical abuse toward parents and others

The techniques outlined in the program will help you in parenting ALL your children, not just those who are out-of-control.”

2. Do you have any outcome measures regarding the success rate of your program?

Mark: “We do track outcomes for the Parent Support Group (i.e., the live seminars), which if the offline version of OPS. The material presented during these seminars is exactly the same as the material presented online. The only difference is that individuals who attend the live seminar see me face-to-face and ask questions directly, whereas members of OPS see me in a series of Online Instructional Videos and ask questions via email.

Based on data collected since March of 2002, approximately 94% of participants report that (a) the child’s behavioral problems have reduced in frequency and severity and (b) the few remaining problems are manageable. Research of OPS has also shown:

·        Reduced screaming and name-calling
·        Reduced parental stress and anxiety
·        Reduced or eliminated spanking and hitting
·        Reduced child behavior problems
·        Increased parental confidence
·        Improved parenting skills
·        Improved parent-child relations
·        Improved child self-esteem
·        Improved child cooperation
·        Improved child adjustment
·        Improved child academic performance

The success rate for members of OPS is nearly identical to that of parents who attend the live seminars.”

3. Will this program work as effectively for an African American family, for example, as it does a Caucasian family?  In other words, is race an issue at all?

Mark: “There has been a great deal written about the effects of class, race, and ethnicity on parenting styles. Many of these studies have portrayed the parents in “non-dominant” groups and those with low socioeconomic status as deficient in parenting. The negative portrayal of parents who are members of non-dominant groups has occurred to a large extent because White, middle-class European American parenting styles have been used as the standard against which parenting styles are measured. Parenting styles that are viewed as less than optimal in one cultural context may be necessary to cope with the realities of another cultural context.

Most authors tend to write about the culture they know best. Because it is the predominant culture in this country, most authors of programs and books write about white, middle-class families. As a result, some programs may not be sensitive to the cultural differences of minority populations.  In the past ten years, there has been a rapid movement towards making programs more culturally relevant to different populations. We pay attention to how different cultures raise their kids – and have adapted OPS to match these differences.”

4. Can grandparents use the program?

Mark: “Yes. More and more grandparents are becoming the primary caretakers these days. Thus, they must take on a different role -- the role of parent. Many members of OPS are grandparents who have learned effective ways to deal with problem behavior that was beyond their wildest imagination -- behavior they had never witnessed in their own children. Whether you have big problems or small problems …teens, preteens or younger children …whether you are a single parent, divorced or separated parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, step parent, a traditional two-parent family, or a grandparent raising a grandchild …this material is guaranteed to work for you.”

5. What is the difference between conventional versus unconventional parenting techniques?

Mark: “Unconventional parenting strategies are simply those approaches to parenting that moms and dads do not typically think to use. We have to be creative when parenting strong-willed, out-of-control children and adolescents. In some cases, you will be instructed to do the last thing you would ever think to do first.

It is widely accepted by parent educators today that parenting patterns are learned in childhood and replicated later in life when children become parents. The experiences children have during the process of growing up have a significant impact on the attitudes, skills, and child-rearing practices they will use with their own children. However, when raising a child with oppositional defiant tendencies, typical parenting strategies (i.e., techniques your parents used when you were growing up) tend to make the child’s behavior problems worse. No parent is prepared, based on his/her past family-experience, to deal effectively with an above average level of defiant behavior. Parenting a strong-willed child does not come naturally. Regrettably, parents often waste years trying to figure out a way to ‘get through’ to this type of child.”

6. Can teachers, social workers, and other therapists use the information in the OPS program?

Mark: “Every adult who works with children in some shape/form/fashion will benefit from the strategies presented in OPS program. Hundreds of OPS members (as well as individuals who attend the live seminars) are now better equipped to deal with their difficult students, clients, and patients because they learned how to think outside the box and approach behavioral problems from a completely different angle. Clinicians, educators, therapists, etc., will receive five Continuing Education Units (5 CEUs) after completing the course and filling-out the program evaluation form at the end.”

7. Will this program meet the requirements for court-ordered parenting classes?

Mark: “Yes. OPS is endorsed by Madison Superior Court, Division II. Parents can receive a certificate of completion (upon request) after completing the course and filling-out the program evaluation at the end.”

8. Why an E-book rather than a regular book?

Mark: “We wanted the book to be digital (i.e., an eBook) so that parents could download it instantly – no waiting for shipment. Most parents who are struggling with their child’s behavior problems need answers immediately rather than in 3 to 10 days. Parents do not have to wait for a physical product (e.g., a book) to be shipped to their homes. Instead, they can begin programming within a matter of a few minutes.”

9. Is there a recurring monthly charge, and is there a time limit regarding how long parents can access the material?

Mark: “No. Members only pay a one-time fee of  $29.00, and there is no time limit. You can go at their own pace, access the material from multiple computers, and share your membership with other family members at no extra cost (e.g., spouse, ex-spouse, grandparents, etc.).”

10. Why only $29.00? The other programs out there are so much more expensive.

Mark: “Because there are no physical products. We have no inventory, and there is nothing to ship. All the video, audio and text are completely download-able. If we had to ship DVDs, CDs, and a hard copy of the book, the cost would be closer to $299.00.”

11. Can this program work for me if I’m divorced and my son’s father lets him get away with everything while at his home?

Mark: "Yes (you're referring to the Disneyland Dads). But I have to say, neither you nor your ex can control your child. Neither one of you can make your child spit, stand on his head, walk a straight line, or any other behavior for that matter. Thus, you will learn how to (a) stop trying to 'control' behavior, and instead (b) start 'influencing' her/him to make better choices. As a result, your child will take your 'influence' with him/her (so to speak), even when he/she goes over to dad's house."

12. How long will it take to see a positive change in my child's behavior?

Mark: "You should notice positive changes in your child – and in yourself – the very first day you use OPS parenting strategies. As you begin to implement the techniques outlined in the program, you will see even more significant, long lasting changes in your child’s behavior and attitude. Parenting your child will become easier -- and more enjoyable."

Bear in mind that if your child is, say, 13-years-old -- it has taken 13 years for the problems to get to this point. So it will take at least a few weeks to get the problems turned around. Most parents (90% plus) see permanent changes in their child's behavior within 4 weeks.

13. My child has a diagnosis (e.g., ADD, ADHD, ODD, Bipolar Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, Reactive Attachment Disorder, etc.). Will it work for him?

Mark: “Definitely. Children rarely act-out for extended periods of time simply because they have a behavior problem. Most of these children have underlying, core issues that will need to be dealt with in advance of 'misbehavior'.  The OPS program is especially helpful -- and indeed necessary -- for children who are having these mental health issues.”

14. Is there anyone who shouldn’t use the program?

Mark: “Children with severe autism, profound mental retardation, and disorders that result in an inability to communicate will probably not benefit as much from the strategies outlined in the OPS program.”

15. What is the age range for this program?

Mark: “I've used the techniques and concepts in the OPS program successfully with children as young as 3 years of age – and as old as 19. The program has proven to be effective with children of any age, because it provides detailed guidelines to help parents create (in some cases spontaneously) the most effective approach for any given problem -- regardless of age, gender, or race. A popular parenting-myth is that one should parent differently depending on the child’s age. This is an example of the misinformation floating around. You would certainly want to use different language depending on the child’s developmental stage (e.g., you don’t want to use big words with a 3-year-old), but parents should basically parent the same way whether their child is 3, 13, or 23.”

16. What if the program doesn’t work for me?

Mark: “Then we will refund 100% of your purchase price ($29.00).

If you will work the program, the program will work for you – especially if you take full advantage of the parent-coaching aspect of OPS. Our third-party researcher who conducts ongoing 'outcome measures' of OPS reveals that, of those random members who are polled, approximately 94% report that:
  •  the child's behavioral problems have reduced in frequency (i.e., the number of episodes of parent-child conflict that occurs within any given week)
  • the child's behavioral problems have reduced in severity (i.e., the intensity of the parent-child conflict)
  • the few remaining problems are easily managed by the parent.

It should be noted that we rarely get requests for refunds – in fact, quite the opposite. We frequently receive emails from parents who feel as though they have 'under-paid' for this service because of the huge benefit received.”

17. Can I order this program even though I live in Australia?

Mark: "Yes. The program is all online - so your geographical location is not an issue. Nearly 70% of OPS members are from outside the United States."

Defiant Behavior versus Normal Teenage Rebellion

Many families of defiant teens live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur because teens are naturally rebellious, to a degree. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our teenager. But what does it cost us?

There is a significant difference between normal teenage rebellion versus defiance:
  • Defiant teens are destructive and disagreeable by nature
  • They like to push their parents' anger-buttons
  • Every request results in a power struggle
  • Lying is a daily habit, and stealing is a favorite hobby
  • Getting others to react strongly pleases and amuses them
  • They blame others for their mistakes and misbehavior
  • And they have no remorse for the hurtful things they say and do

The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a defiant child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent -- are the one with the problem. Parents of defiant teens are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive. Where does that leave a parent?

Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of her/his teenager.

Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of the defiant teen -- he/she sees YOU, the parent, as the enemy. Small expectations on the parent's part can set the defiant teen off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.

Your home becomes a war-zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities -- and your own sanity. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your troubled teen. You want him/her to have a fulfilling life and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.

In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous effects on our well-being, literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.

In parenting a defiant teenager, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope.

The strains a defiant teen puts on your family can be enormous.

Effects on the family:
  • A defiant teen will play one parent off the other, which could result in  a rift between parents.
  • Dreams of the perfect, loving, caring family are squashed. There is no such thing as perfect family, but a family with a defiant child can become quite dysfunctional.
  • Due to the child’s disruptive behavior, parents often withdraw from social functions.
  • Family events, like Christmas, can be filled with anger and frustration.
  • Parents appear to be unfair, strict and sometimes hostile, as parenting skills used with healthy children do not work with defiant children.
  • Siblings and pets can often be targeted and threatened.
  • Siblings often feel ignored or overlooked as the defiant child takes up so much of the parent’s time.

Defiant teens are not bad -- but they are very intense.  And they seek intensity from others as well -- especially their parents!

Unfortunately, they have discovered that their parents are the most intense and exciting when things are going wrong.  What parents may have viewed as punishment for their defiant child was actually a reward (i.e., he/she received a bigger payoff for misbehavior).

Articles

Parenting Rebellious Teens

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

Click here for full article...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

Click here for the full article...

The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

Click here for the full article...

Online Parenting Coach - Syndicated Content