tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post7574758167365282023..comments2024-01-28T07:29:31.518-08:00Comments on ONLINE PARENTING COACH: How to Get Oppositional Children and Teens to CooperateUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-11871660681685434502018-01-22T09:00:21.583-08:002018-01-22T09:00:21.583-08:00I suggest looking into the Discovery School for Gi...I suggest looking into the Discovery School for Girls or the Discovery School for Boys, both located in Dillwyn VA. It is a Wilderness therapeutic boarding school that has helped many kids and their families restore healthy relationships and pushes the kids to grow in different areas while addressing behavioral/emotional issues and concerns. It is a long-term program averaging 13-15 months, due to behaviors taking a long time to change and replace. The program implements solid structure, a safe environment, and creates healthy peer and adult relationships. There are no distractions with cell phones, social media, tv.,and everything is earned (even school hours). They live in a group setting between 8-12 other kids ranging ages 12-18, with constant staff supervision. There are ways to get help with funding... reach out to your local community service board and ask about a FAPT team (a team that helps provide families financial support) or talk with Susan Lewis at the Discovery school to explore other financial options. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-31916007245371678322015-08-06T22:01:25.858-07:002015-08-06T22:01:25.858-07:00Anonymous with the 8 year old daughter above, have...Anonymous with the 8 year old daughter above, have you considered Pathalogical Demand Avoidance (PDA) instead of ODD? PDA is considered to be within the autistic spectrum and seems to fit the description of the behaviours you have mentioned. The book Understanding Pathalogical Demand Acoidance Syndrome in Children by Phil Christie has totally changed the dynamic in our home school and has been a total revelation. Otherwise read about it online and find very simple techniques to change behaviour, like instead of putting even basic demands on your child, by telling them or even asking them to do something, which makes them anxious that they are out of control, simply rephrase all your requests. I.e. Instead of asking my son to pick up his things from the floor, which he would refuse point blank to do, I say something like 'my arthritis is hurting today, can you please help me pick up these items'. Instead of publicly telling them of and humiliating them in front of peers, call them to one side, using another excuse like, please help me with something that I cannot do, then talk to them calmly about their behaviour. Teachers must do the same too. Good luck.Drowning Seahorsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17738621084217133440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-86370678615584930722011-02-04T11:41:23.738-08:002011-02-04T11:41:23.738-08:00Maddison is 13 years old and has been difficult si...Maddison is 13 years old and has been difficult since the womb. When I say difficult, I mean her behavior has always been a challenge and she does not respond to normal disciplinary actions. <br /> <br />Maddison is not a bad kid but she definitely has the potential for trouble in her future if I do not reign her in soon. Below is a brief history of some of her behavior...<br /> <br />From a young age, she has taken things that do not belong to her and hides them ( like a hoarding mentality) She does not play with them or enjoy them as far as I can tell, she just takes and hides. I have addressed this on many occasions and have recently discovered she is still doing it.<br /> <br />If she is told to do a certain task, there is always a period of refusal or complaining and in the end she more often than not does not perform the task, performs it very recklessly, or only performs it after you have reached your boiling point and stand over her lecturing all through out the chore. All the while she is protesting and insisting there is no reason for me to be so upset about it.<br /> <br />She recently cut school. Blatantly roamed around our neighborhood with 2 other classmates when she should have been in school and was caught by her father. I had to leave work and take her and her classmates back to school. I thought I handled it very well, but there was no real remorse or fear or any of the emotions you would expect Maddi to project in that situation which worries me.<br /> <br />I am forever telling Maddison what is expected behavior, what will not be tolerated, what consequences will be for certain acts. It is all out there on the table and yet she defies on a regular basis. And not in an angry way, she just chooses to.<br /> <br />Just last night, while searching her room for scotch tape to wrap a present, I found an unopened beer can (not her father's brand) in her dresser drawer and my husband's cigarette lighter in her desk (which she knows we have been searching for for days). when I calmly asked her about the objects, the excuses were very lame and she was annoyed that I did not believe her. Now, we have had the trust discussion several times, how she needs to earn my trust and her defiance of my small rules and request make it impossible for me to consider trusting with the big issues...<br />I honestly told her I did not know how I was going to address this latest discovery but it was by no means over.<br /> <br />I fear for her future everyday. I need to make the right decisions here and resolve her behavior before it escalates to more serious and permanent consequences.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-86735007219074670212011-02-03T06:22:47.497-08:002011-02-03T06:22:47.497-08:00I am at the end of my rope. I have a 12 year old(...I am at the end of my rope. I have a 12 year old(will be 13 in a few days) who has almost destroyed me. He is so disrespectful and rude to me. He basically thinks he rules the house. I feel that I have nowhere to turn. I have called the police on him several times for hitting me and they only talk to him which does no good. I have contacted DHR and they will not give any assitance. They all say counseling, we have tried counseling but it is just not working. <br /> <br />I have contacted several boot camps and other facilites but they are so expensive and I can't afford them. I am literally living my worst nightmare with this child. He is on a road of destruction and I am helpless. He has threatened me on several occasions. I fear for my own safety in my home and it seems that the law is not concerned with my safety.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-22477605394316847262011-01-31T12:44:05.976-08:002011-01-31T12:44:05.976-08:00My 14 year old daughter is having some troubles an...My 14 year old daughter is having some troubles and it is causing a lot of problems for my ex wife and I. My wife and I recently divorced after 20 years of marriage. I have moved out of the family home and my daughter and ex are living together.<br /> <br />My daughter has always been and A/B student, but this year her grades have plummeted.<br />She has also began to use foul language towards her Mom and yells and curses at her constantly.<br />Last weekend she got into a verbal shouting match with her Mom and left the house and walked over 2 miles to an ice skating rink (without permission). Her Mom called me to try and find her. I went to the rink and found her skating with her friends. I told her to get in the car that I was taking her home.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-26929175263750519092011-01-27T10:04:21.560-08:002011-01-27T10:04:21.560-08:00I have
an 8 year old daughter who was initially di...I have<br />an 8 year old daughter who was initially diagnosed as having ADD/ADHD<br />after she had problems following instructions and kept disrupting<br />class in school. We tried several different medications but I just<br />wasn't seeing the expected results, so I started having doubts she was<br />properly diagnosed. (I have friends with ADD/ADHD children, and when<br />their medications wear off, it's a night and day difference, like<br />someone just turned on a light-bulb. My kid's behavior didn't seem to<br />change perceptibly at all, by contrast.)<br /><br />Finally, I had her tested at the Judevine Center for Autism in a 2-3<br />hour long session where they determined she had Asperger's. That made<br />more sense, and she's currently attending school in our Special School<br />District, in a small classroom designed to help kids with Asperger's<br />and other similar issues.<br /><br />The thing I keep noticing though is that she regularly seems unhappy<br />or angry about things, and she constantly argues with me or my<br />girlfriend, when we tell her to do things (like getting ready for bed,<br />taking a bath, picking up something she dropped on the ground, etc.<br />etc.). At school, they claim she's slowly been improving over the<br />last 2 years or so. (We have an IEP they're working with, outlining a<br />number of key problem areas with her behavior.) But still, every<br />other day or so, the daily report they send home indicates she had<br />problems in at least one or two classes where she "refused to follow<br />directions", "couldn't use kind words", or "couldn't keep her hands to<br />herself" - and I get the occasional note about her getting "angry"<br />(often for "no understandable reason") and having to be sent to a<br />"refocus room" to calm her down and re-direct her.<br /><br />On the other hand, an aspect you outline that indicates ODD speaks of<br />"having no remorse for behaviors", and she doesn't fit that<br />description at all. If she misbehaves, most of the time she'll<br />apologize for it later or express sorrow/regret for it. Plus, with<br />her, it really varies. There are times she's a really sweet, nice kid<br />and happily does what she's told - even going over and above what's<br />asked. But other times, she just gets in one of those moods (which<br />I'd say happens at least 2-3 times per day) and she just wants to<br />argue and refuse to listen.<br /><br />She seems to do best when she's in "one on one" situations and gets<br />100% of people's attention. It's when she's told to wait, or someone<br />else is being addressed first that she's more likely to have an<br />outburst or start interrupting. (My mom takes care of her for a few<br />hours each day after her school lets out, before I get home from work<br />and can pick her up from there - and the interesting thing is, my mom<br />claims she doesn't really have many problems with her at all. I get<br />the idea she "bottles up her frustrations" with my mom though, out of<br />some sort of fear of misbehaving around her - and takes it out on us<br />shortly after we get home.) Of course, from my mom's point of view,<br />we're just "not as good at disciplining or handling her" as she is....<br /> (sigh)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-58926519214180667942011-01-27T05:59:12.850-08:002011-01-27T05:59:12.850-08:00As parents of a 16 year old son with ADD & ODD...As parents of a 16 year old son with ADD & ODD, we are ready to give up. He is constantly choosing friends who use him for what he can give to them plus he will do anything to gain a friend. He has destroyed high end family vehicles by giving keys to friends then joining them as they party and wreck everything we own. He is good for a period if we keep him away from everybody and only us. He is now in cyber school and has honor roll marks but we pay dearly for tutors to sit with him.<br /><br />He smokes, uses w@#$$, steals, lies, and does everything to defy us. He is 16 and we dont know what direction to go to have our son lead a respectable life. What path do we follow to give him a normal life. He is also suicidal at times and low self esteem.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com