tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-319435692024-03-15T06:08:01.782-07:00ONLINE PARENTING COACHHelp for parents with strong-willed, out-of-control teens and preteens.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1605125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-37591327971825519282024-03-11T06:49:00.000-07:002024-03-11T06:51:50.254-07:00Is Your Adolescent Exhibiting "Normal" Teenage Rebellion or Is He/She Headed for a Train Wreck?<div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD9ZCOjqfAOpgjda-HQLPjw6LmHQbRBChUsnyE3F1UnZTeXmKL5cEOkj8qwdyIl6gWFv3k3sQ2DEJxQ7rrdir2VUMKnjbbo9bHuLzaytnHJitI9F-vUMxZdqwGGarkX1FtGvUHp2MuUEqdZcFm7PJMBOoP5bJ8OP2ge4SvaDVhK7yBGsPxrjj9qQ/s900/ASD.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="671" data-original-width="900" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD9ZCOjqfAOpgjda-HQLPjw6LmHQbRBChUsnyE3F1UnZTeXmKL5cEOkj8qwdyIl6gWFv3k3sQ2DEJxQ7rrdir2VUMKnjbbo9bHuLzaytnHJitI9F-vUMxZdqwGGarkX1FtGvUHp2MuUEqdZcFm7PJMBOoP5bJ8OP2ge4SvaDVhK7yBGsPxrjj9qQ/s320/ASD.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">In this article, we will discuss key signs and factors that can help you distinguish between normal teenage rebellion versus dangerous behavior. Understanding this difference is crucial for parents, teachers, and anyone working with teenagers.<br /><br />First, let's define what we mean by normal teen rebellion. During adolescence, it's common for teenagers to push boundaries, seek more independence, and express themselves differently. This phase is a natural part of their development, as they explore their identities and test their own limits. It may involve engaging in minor acts of rebellion, such as experimenting with different styles, challenging authority figures, or questioning societal norms. However, it is important to remember that this rebellious behavior is typically harmless and doesn't pose a significant threat to their well-being.<br /><br />Now, let's shift our focus to indicators of dangerous behavior in teenagers. Dangerous behavior goes beyond the typical rebellious acts and can have serious consequences. Some warning signs to watch out for include sudden changes in behavior, extreme aggression, self-harm, substance abuse, isolation from family and friends, and persistent disregard for rules and boundaries. It's essential to pay attention to these red flags and take appropriate action to ensure the well-being of the teenager and those around them.<br /><br />To better differentiate between normal teen rebellion and dangerous behavior, it's important to understand the underlying motivations. Normal rebellion is often driven by a desire for personal growth, independence, and autonomy. Teenagers may engage in rebellious acts as a way to express their individuality and assert their own choices. On the other hand, dangerous behavior is often rooted in deeper issues such as trauma, mental health problems, or peer pressure. Recognizing these motivations can help us respond appropriately and provide the necessary support.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />One of the key factors in managing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior is effective communication and support. A supportive and open environment allows teenagers to express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or punishment. It's crucial to have regular conversations with them, asking open-ended questions, actively listening, and showing empathy. By providing a safe space, we can guide them towards positive choices and help them navigate through challenges they might be facing.<br /><br />In some cases, when the line between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior becomes blurred, it may be necessary to seek professional help. Mental health professionals, counselors, or therapists can provide valuable guidance and support to both teenagers and their families. They can help assess the severity of the behavior, address underlying issues, and develop appropriate intervention plans. Remember, it's okay to ask for help when needed, as it can make a significant difference in the well-being and future of the teenager.<br /><br />Building trust and understanding with teenagers is essential in addressing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior. Show them that you genuinely care, and your intentions are to support and guide them. Avoid judgmental language and instead, validate their emotions and experiences. By fostering a safe and trusting relationship, you can create an environment where they feel comfortable opening up and seeking guidance when needed. Remember, your role is to be a trusted ally, not an authoritarian figure.<br /><br />It's not just about understanding the difference between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior for ourselves. As responsible adults, we also have a duty to educate others. Share your knowledge with fellow parents, teachers, and community members. Organize workshops or informational sessions to raise awareness about the signs and consequences of dangerous behavior. By spreading this awareness, we can create a supportive and informed network that promotes the well-being of teenagers in our communities.<br /><br />Establishing clear boundaries is essential in managing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior. Set realistic expectations and communicate them effectively. Make sure the teenager understands the consequences of their actions and the reasons behind the rules. However, it's equally important to allow them some autonomy and flexibility within these boundaries. Find a balance between providing guidance and giving them space to learn and grow. Clear boundaries help create a sense of security and stability for teenagers.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYOqvQ2FdUUXN0HZH5ASxvwLndKFIa4tU2wD1HgLK_6co-RqlIh9NWbz15LdA_spUGTK51yPZ4qk1nzQFSIUaEYmFXsUAPYcJV2I3wEluHeEnSdc2BwWFYhXaBUuLYu3Z33qzHMkoxfUKiMWJQ-cIzVZbm5ORUry9Hlv-SRm31ccWIRKXqCl5CUg/s800/angryteens.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="530" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYOqvQ2FdUUXN0HZH5ASxvwLndKFIa4tU2wD1HgLK_6co-RqlIh9NWbz15LdA_spUGTK51yPZ4qk1nzQFSIUaEYmFXsUAPYcJV2I3wEluHeEnSdc2BwWFYhXaBUuLYu3Z33qzHMkoxfUKiMWJQ-cIzVZbm5ORUry9Hlv-SRm31ccWIRKXqCl5CUg/w106-h160/angryteens.jpg" width="106" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">While we focus on the challenges and risks associated with teen behavior, let's also acknowledge their strengths. Teenagers possess remarkable resilience and creativity. They have the potential to make positive contributions to society. Recognize their achievements, talents, and interests. Encourage them to channel their energy into activities they are passionate about. By nurturing their strengths and encouraging their personal growth, we can help steer them toward a path of success and fulfillment.</div><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;">No one can handle the challenges of raising a teenager alone. Building a supportive network is crucial. Connect with other parents, join support groups, or seek guidance from professionals. Share your experiences, learn from others, and offer support to those who might be facing similar struggles. Together, we can create a network of understanding, empathy, and shared resources that strengthens our ability to address normal rebellion and dangerous behavior effectively.<br /><br />Mental health plays a significant role in teenage behavior. Promote mental well-being by encouraging self-care practices, healthy coping mechanisms, and open conversations about emotions. Encourage teenagers to seek professional help if they are struggling with mental health issues. By prioritizing mental health, we can reduce the risk of dangerous behavior and provide teenagers with the support they need to navigate the challenges of adolescence.<br /><br />While it's important to differentiate between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior, it's equally crucial to recognize our own limits. We are not expected to have all the answers or be able to solve every problem. It's okay to seek help and involve professionals when necessary. Our role is to support, guide, and provide a safe environment for teenagers. Understanding our boundaries ensures that we can continue to offer the best possible support without feeling overwhelmed.<br /><br />By fostering open communication, building trust, and seeking professional help when necessary, we can make a positive impact and ensure the well-being of our teenagers.</div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-19599593560478076612024-03-05T05:05:00.000-08:002024-03-05T05:10:36.961-08:00Wife feels abandoned by husband and is embarrassed by son's behavior...<p style="text-align: justify;"> <b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Hi T.,<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">== > I’ve responded throughout your email below:<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Mark:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhTXzjET2kx6K8LBXQBSMtJSIX0TKSeUAoaZ2ZvbQJrkkxIRCUbhCSh581_kXmo4VXv5CSFkHYB7VYFyXGlOyr28GM-mlRV4mgzwrNLrSSqkLFCQvgdVLBgUIC9pFF4cPE3QoQ_cqAm0k-cUa1_0Jg7EV5crneFwzta3Gtd5LBy_bLQPCktS3tA/s800/angryteens.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="530" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOhTXzjET2kx6K8LBXQBSMtJSIX0TKSeUAoaZ2ZvbQJrkkxIRCUbhCSh581_kXmo4VXv5CSFkHYB7VYFyXGlOyr28GM-mlRV4mgzwrNLrSSqkLFCQvgdVLBgUIC9pFF4cPE3QoQ_cqAm0k-cUa1_0Jg7EV5crneFwzta3Gtd5LBy_bLQPCktS3tA/w149-h225/angryteens.jpg" width="149" /></a></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Thank
you so much for the MOOCT website. Our son is 15 and we love him to
bits - he isincredible, and he drives us crazy. Most of what we've
found at your site is not news to us, but it's an organized and concrete
approach that gives us tools, not idealisms. I am especially grateful
for the dialogue you give us to repeat over and over; so much easier to
not say the wrong things when we have a script to follow!<o:p></o:p></span></div><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">The
Kid is just starting on High Risk diversion (county program) for
multiple unruly filings and escalating behavior over the past 9 months.
No drugs (multiple clean tests), no physicial violence, worst
"community" crimes are curfew violations (regularly) and a couple of
fights (rarely - last >1 year ago). Our major problems with him have
been school (passed all classes this semester, at last, but with HUGE
support from the school), outright refusal to follow house
rules/parental edicts, and "loud and hurtful language" coupled with
intimidating behavior (punching walls, slamming doors, blocking path) at
the most minor of provocations (ie, the word "No.") In the past eight
weeks he's progressed to staying out all night or two, (three
occasions). And has stolen money from my husband's car the first two
times (~5 bucks or so each time). </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"> </p><p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;">== > Here you would want to use the strategy entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” – Session #3.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">This
is new behavior around our house; odd as it might sound, he has
attempted to respect *some* boundaries to this point. I should say,
too, that this is an intelligent and socially well-developed kid that
most people mistake for a better-educated young person several years
older than he really is. Which means his behavior is willful, and more
frustrating.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">So
we're several weeks past Week 4, and my husband and I are doing
*fairly* well. Our son's fuse has gotten shorter; we give the simple
"no" and single explanation and off he goes. He usually doesn't even
try to negotiate now; just screams some predictable vulgarities as he
proceeds to do whatever he wanted to do in the first place. The most
recent occasion, yesterday, came after a week of few conflicts and
general cooperation with no huge infractions. He had asked Thursday if
he could "spend the night anywhere" on Friday and was told no by both
parents. Friday, he left while we were at work and called late to ask
again if he could spend the night at someone's house, and I told him no.
When he (inevitably) raged about how it's not fair and he never gets
to blah blah blah, I remembered my rules and told him I wasn't going to
argue with him, and that I expected him home by 11pm (legal curfew). He
swore again and hung up on me.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">He did not come home.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">== > Give him a warning in addition to telling him that you expect him to be home by 11:00 PM. <i>“If
you choose to ignore your curfew, you’ll choose the consequence. The
police will be called. A runaway report will be filed. And I will go to
Juvenile Probation and file an incorrigibility complaint.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">When
I finally tracked him down today, he insisted that he thought I had
reversed my decision during his self-pity party. Let me stress, here:
This has *never* happened. And I sure didn't leave any room for
misunderstanding last night. I followed the rules to the letter and did
not engage in ANY discussion or back-and-forth. Also, he refused to
tell me where he was and didn't come home for another five hours.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">It
seems to me that now he's lost the ability to get us riled up to give
him an excuse to take off, he's desperate and turning to sheer
invention. Does that seem correct? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">== > Yes. We expect this to happen because the child’s <i>ability-to-control-parents</i> is waning.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoBodyText2" style="text-align: justify;">Right
now, of course, he's furious and hostile because I "got the police
involved", and they actually called one of his friends this time to see
if they could find him. I "got the police involved" the other times,
too, but this is the first time they've actively tried to track him
down. (Slow weekend here in suburbia, apparently.) </p> <p class="MsoBodyText2" style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > Good for you. You’re on track here.<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">I have three problems with this situation.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">First
is making sure that the way I'm handling this is correct. Although a
part of me is touched by the kid's plea of ignorance, the rest of me
remembers that forgetting and being confused and doing things poorly is
how kids like this one show rebellion. So I've told him he'll be
grounded from all privileges for three days, and that the clock starts
ticking when he stops being hostile and stays where he's supposed to be.
Is that appropriate?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">== > Yes …but, be more specific. “Stop being hostile” is too vague. Plus you did not give a time limit.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;">Say, for example, “When you stop yelling profanities, the clock will start.”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Second
is that my husband, when he gets back home tomorrow from his weekend
getaway, will ask me ad nauseum to "let it go" and not punish him. Or
punish him for only one day. And let him have his computer. He will
"reward" the kid during the grounding period with computer time and
money and treats from the store and friends at the house "for just a
little while" and etc. He will do this, even though he says he is fully
on board with the MOOCT program. How should I handle this?</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></p><p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">==
> He may be on board in word, but not in action. Having said this, a
weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a stronger
plan supported by only one.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Remember
your successes. During your marriage, you and your husband have
undoubtedly successfully negotiated many situations-with each of you
both giving and taking a little until you reached some middle ground.
You can also be successful at ending arguments in front of the children
if you really want to. It won't be easy, but it will be rewarding.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="margin-bottom: 12pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Agree
on a signal to alert both of you that the conversation is, or is about
to, get too heated and needs to be halted. Make a commitment to honor
and act on the signal. You might walk away and have an agreed-upon
cooling off period. Or set a time to revisit your differences in
opinion. Or write down what you're feeling and later share it with your
husband, who might better understand where you're coming from.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; margin-bottom: 12pt; text-align: justify;">Create
your own family "rulebook." Write clear, reasonable, attainable rules
(for both parents and kids) about what behavior is acceptable and what
isn't. Your family, like a baseball team, will be more successful when
you have clear guidelines.</p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;">Don’t
go overboard in trying to avoid arguments. Having small squabbles in
front of the kids-and then resolving them peacefully-can actually be
good for them; it shows that it's possible to disagree with someone you
love, and that relationships don't end just because people are
quarreling with each other.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Third
is that I feel abandoned by my husband and am embarrassed by my son's
behavior; when the police officer visited our house this evening to
confirm that son was safe and sound, he was very rude to the officer. I
apologized to the policeman, but can't help feeling guilty that they
have to take time out from protecting our city to be subjected to such
rude behavior. I know it's part of their job, but it's so unpleasant. I
am ashamed of our home situation. Is it normal to feel this way?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">== > Yes.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Re:
husband. I’m guessing that at some level you feel as though you are
“parenting” two children sometimes – your son and your husband. Plus it
appears that your husband wants to remain “the good guy” in your son’s
eyes.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Re:
son. You need not be embarrassed by your son’s behavior. Remind
yourself that he is just a kid who has a lot to learn – not a bad person
with evil intentions.</span> </p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;">Just
keep doing what you’re doing, because you are really on track as far as
I can tell! Don’t ignore your successes – and I’m sure there are many.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Thank
you in advance for your input. I'm sorry this email is so long, and I
appreciate your taking the time to respond to us floundering parents
with your expertise and experience.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Sincerely,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">T.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">== > You’re very welcome. It was good to hear from you. Email again in the future if you need some support.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;">Mark Hutten, M.A.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-9727881213337511692024-02-27T05:42:00.000-08:002024-02-27T05:43:08.097-08:00How to Set Boundaries with Rebellious Teenagers<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0AjDtlNltk6FdJLdiToQb-Ad-qg2LIEdy5hdxpSauMqJYLL3Oe3Zg5IBhoSg5D4azV86B9AbGCACeVfszE-bEatgOJGObC7iuLT44-eewBXNsnjMS6Q6DncAXBwHLGSqhl9AanHFSDmOvWRixcueYTJtUyiEbPHxpTZD0epcDXmR6bw9dceWYtg/s800/angryteens.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="530" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0AjDtlNltk6FdJLdiToQb-Ad-qg2LIEdy5hdxpSauMqJYLL3Oe3Zg5IBhoSg5D4azV86B9AbGCACeVfszE-bEatgOJGObC7iuLT44-eewBXNsnjMS6Q6DncAXBwHLGSqhl9AanHFSDmOvWRixcueYTJtUyiEbPHxpTZD0epcDXmR6bw9dceWYtg/w121-h183/angryteens.jpg" width="121" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Before we discuss how to set boundaries with rebellious teenagers, it's important to understand why boundaries are crucial. Boundaries provide structure and guidance, helping teenagers develop self-discipline and make responsible choices. By setting boundaries, parents can establish clear expectations and create a safe and supportive environment for their teenagers to thrive.<br /><br />Effective communication is key when setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Start by having open and honest conversations about expectations, rules, and consequences. Listen actively to your teenager's perspective and validate their feelings. It's important to maintain a respectful tone and avoid getting defensive. Remember, communication is a two-way street.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;">To set effective boundaries, establish clear rules and consequences. Be specific and consistent in outlining what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Ensure that the consequences are reasonable and logical, directly related to the misbehavior. By being firm and consistent in enforcing these boundaries, you send a clear message about your expectations and reinforce accountability.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;">While it's important to set boundaries, it's equally important to set realistic expectations. Understand that rebellious behavior is normal during adolescence as teenagers assert their independence. Don't expect perfection from your teenager but rather focus on progress. Celebrate their achievements and offer support and guidance when they make mistakes.<br /><br />Parents play a crucial role in modeling behavior for their teenagers. If you want your teenager to respect boundaries, you need to lead by example. Demonstrate good communication skills, respect for boundaries, and healthy conflict resolution. Your actions speak louder than words, so be mindful of the behaviors you exhibit in front of your teenager.<br /><br />When faced with rebellious behavior, it's important to stay calm and emotionally regulate. Avoid getting into power struggles or arguments with your teenager, as this can escalate the situation. Take a step back, practice deep breathing, and respond in a composed and non-reactive manner. This will help de-escalate tension and create a more productive environment.<br /><br />Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool when setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Recognize and reward your teenager's efforts when they follow the rules and meet your expectations. This can be in the form of praise, privileges, or small rewards. By focusing on the positive, you motivate and encourage your teenager to make better choices.<br /><br />If you find it challenging to set boundaries with your rebellious teenager or if the situation escalates beyond your control, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support, and practical strategies tailored to your specific situation. Remember, it's okay to ask for help when you need it.<br /><br />Creating an environment of open dialogue is essential when dealing with rebellious behavior. Encourage your teenager to express their thoughts, concerns, and frustrations. Listen attentively and non-judgmentally, showing empathy and understanding. This will strengthen your relationship and help your teenager feel heard and valued.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />While it's important to set boundaries, it's also important to be flexible and willing to compromise. Adolescence is a time of self-exploration and identity formation. Be open to discussing and renegotiating certain rules and expectations, adapting them as your teenager grows and matures. This shows that you respect their individuality and are willing to work together.<br /><br />Rebellious behavior can sometimes be a cry for help or a manifestation of deeper emotional struggles. It's important to provide emotional support to your teenager during this time. Be there to listen, offer guidance, and help them navigate their emotions. Let them know that you're there for them unconditionally, no matter what mistakes they make.<br /><br />Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Stick to the established rules and consequences, even when it's challenging or tempting to give in. This sends a clear message that your boundaries are non-negotiable and helps your teenager understand the importance of consistency in their own lives.<br /><br />As you navigate the journey of setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers, don't forget to celebrate their progress. When your teenager demonstrates positive changes and respects the boundaries, acknowledge their efforts and let them know how proud you are. This will reinforce their behavior and encourage them to continue making positive choices.<br /><br />In summary, dealing with defiant teens can be challenging, but setting boundaries is an important step in helping them learn how to follow rules and respect authority:<br /><br />1. Be clear about your expectations: Let your teen know what is expected of them in terms of behavior and responsibilities. Be specific and clear about the consequences of not following the rules.<br /><br />2. Be consistent: Follow through with consequences every time your teen crosses the established boundaries. This will help them understand that you mean what you say and that there are consequences for their actions.<br /><br />3. Be firm but calm: It's important to remain calm and composed when setting boundaries with your teen, even if they are being defiant or argumentative. This will help defuse the situation and prevent it from escalating.<br /><br />4. Involve your teen in the process: Ask your teen for their input on the rules and consequences. This will help them feel more invested in the process and more likely to follow the rules.<br /><br />Remember, setting boundaries is not about punishment, but about helping your teen learn how to make responsible choices and respect authority. By being clear, consistent, and firm but calm, you can help your defiant teen learn to follow rules and behave appropriately. Adolescence is a challenging phase, but with patience, consistent communication, and a supportive approach, you can help your teenager navigate this period and thrive. Stay positive and keep investing in your parent-child relationship.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> <span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-37401530719667682682024-02-27T05:38:00.002-08:002024-02-27T05:38:58.551-08:00Parenting Kids and Teens with Emotional & Behavioral Issues - On FACEBOOK<p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiakWdczkJqBsmAH1HfGUaKiZacL1RERi40ltFnPdIdrBFC0_39xRG4jE1AiM8yyTeIVwZBartDYRedRpY4p-Db94Z7icN_yMhqI5OFgq8c2DeBUgi28W7Ndmo0p66JYaPRMLzzzg/s1880/parenting+defiant+kids+and+teens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="696" data-original-width="1880" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiakWdczkJqBsmAH1HfGUaKiZacL1RERi40ltFnPdIdrBFC0_39xRG4jE1AiM8yyTeIVwZBartDYRedRpY4p-Db94Z7icN_yMhqI5OFgq8c2DeBUgi28W7Ndmo0p66JYaPRMLzzzg/w383-h141/parenting+defiant+kids+and+teens.jpg" width="383" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Dear Parents, </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Join our new Facebook "private group" that provides support and education for parents of children and teenagers who exhibit
difficult and destructive behavioral patterns associated with ADHD, ODD,
ASD, anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, learning
disorders, conduct disorders, OCD, PTSD, and much more.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Look for great content on a daily basis. We will be providing a lot of videos and articles that will offer instruction and moral support for parents who are at their "wits-end."</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">==> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentingdifficultchildren" target="_blank">JOIN NOW</a></span></b><br /></p><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-67495215886138101962024-02-27T05:38:00.001-08:002024-02-27T05:38:51.070-08:00Help for Distraught Parents of Defiant Teenagers: Discipline Methods That WORK!<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/s200/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="200" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/w167-h129/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" width="167" /></a></div>One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">little boy</span>
rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining
my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but
you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.<br /><br />During
adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their
own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school.
Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with
alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">normal teen rebellion</span> versus <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">dangerous behavior</span>? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?<br /><br /><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for full article...</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/s568/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="494" data-original-width="568" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/w173-h150/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" width="173" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a
battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected.
After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be
so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is
occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.<br /><br />Outbursts,
rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of
life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our
children. But what does it cost us?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/ODD-child.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for the full article...</div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/s200/angry+girls+autism.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="200" height="107" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/w142-h107/angry+girls+autism.jpg" width="142" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical”
teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with
serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages,
self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with
the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of
the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to
control.<br /></div><div><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/audio-course.html"><b>Click here</b></a> for the full article... <br /><p></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-13545494522351975552024-02-22T06:31:00.000-08:002024-02-22T06:33:14.984-08:00What are some signs that my child is using drugs and/or alcohol?<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRAl-X9xeW60zV4vko8-PYxYDckcfl0yIKhGVDxebfTa6can0B_GwuqFIYbjyZY23eDZlzsh3TmLMpwAaojj2bEPWBuiyWm7oZHF8VH1IPBhVuE3iIT6BtFPd_jO-pAvFXp2yy7XH1QWeTI1os3n0RVau6LflAWksSaRnxxC3q9VL7NxTBrXPp-g/s700/illicit-drug-use-disorder-among-12-to-17-year-olds.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="700" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRAl-X9xeW60zV4vko8-PYxYDckcfl0yIKhGVDxebfTa6can0B_GwuqFIYbjyZY23eDZlzsh3TmLMpwAaojj2bEPWBuiyWm7oZHF8VH1IPBhVuE3iIT6BtFPd_jO-pAvFXp2yy7XH1QWeTI1os3n0RVau6LflAWksSaRnxxC3q9VL7NxTBrXPp-g/w395-h268/illicit-drug-use-disorder-among-12-to-17-year-olds.png" width="395" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">As parents, it's important for us to stay vigilant and be aware of any signs or behaviors that may indicate substance abuse. One of the first things to pay attention to is any sudden changes in your teen's physical appearance. Do they have bloodshot eyes, frequent nosebleeds, or unexplained weight loss? These can be potential signs of drug use. Additionally, look out for changes in their energy levels or persistent coughing.<br /><br />When it comes to behavioral changes, it's crucial to keep an eye out for any sudden and unexplained shifts in your teen's actions. Are they isolating themselves from family and friends? Have their academic performance or interests dramatically declined? Are they frequently lying or becoming excessively secretive? These behavioral changes can be indicative of drug use, and it's important to address them lovingly yet firmly.<br /><br />One of the telltale signs of drug use in teens is drastic mood swings. If your teen goes from extreme irritability or aggression to sudden episodes of euphoria or extreme relaxation, it might be a cause for concern. These mood swings can greatly impact their relationships and overall well-being, so it's essential to communicate openly and supportively with your teen during this time.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />Another red flag to watch out for is when your teen begins neglecting their responsibilities. Are they skipping school or work? Failing to complete assignments or chores? Substance abuse can lead to a significant decline in motivation and focus, causing them to lose interest in previously important tasks. Encourage open communication and offer your support to help them get back on track.<br /><br />Pay attention to any significant social changes in your teen's life. Are they suddenly spending time with a new group of friends who exhibit risky behaviors? Have they withdrawn from their usual social activities or hobbies? Peer influence can play a big role in substance abuse, so it's important to monitor their social circle and have open conversations about making safe choices.<br /><br />Keep an eye out for any financial issues that may arise. If you notice your teen is constantly needing money or has unexplained expenses, it could be an indication of drug use. Substance abuse can be an expensive habit, and teens may resort to stealing or lying to obtain money for drugs. Make sure to have discussions on responsible money management and set clear boundaries.<br /><br />If you have prescription medications in your home, keep an eye on them. Are your teen's prescribed medications going missing? This can be a warning sign that they are experimenting with or abusing substances. Lock up your medications and have conversations about the importance of following prescribed guidelines.<br /><br />It's essential to be familiar with the various drug paraphernalia that may be associated with substance abuse. Look out for things like pipes, rolling papers, syringes, or small baggies that may contain drugs. Discovering such items in your teen's possession is a clear indication of their involvement with drugs.<br /><br />Another crucial aspect to monitor is the changes in your teen's friendships. If they start distancing themselves from long-time friends and only associating with individuals who are known drug users, it's a significant cause for concern.<br /><br />Physical evidence can be a strong indication of drug use. Look for signs like the smell of smoke, strange odors, or the presence of drug-related items like pill bottles, powders, or drug residue. It's important to approach the situation calmly and gather evidence before confronting your teen.<br /><br />Keep an eye on your teen's sleeping patterns. Are they experiencing significant changes in their sleep, such as insomnia or excessive sleepiness? Drug use can disrupt normal sleep cycles, leading to erratic sleeping patterns. If you notice any extreme changes, it's important to address it and explore the underlying causes with your teen.<br /><br />As a parent, it's crucial to educate yourself about different types of drugs and their effects. By being knowledgeable, you can better understand your teen's situation and have more informed conversations. If you've noticed multiple signs and behaviors indicating drug use in your teen, it's essential to seek professional help. Reach out to substance abuse counselors, therapists, or doctors who specialize in adolescent addiction. They can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate this challenging situation and help your teen on the path to recovery.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />In conclusion, it is crucial to be aware of any signs or indicators that a child may be using drugs. There are various behaviors and physical changes that may suggest drug use, and it is important to pay attention to these signs to help prevent further harm or damage to the child's health and well-being.<br /><br />Changes in a child's behavior can be a powerful indicator that something is amiss. These changes may include a sudden shift in behavior, such as becoming more secretive or withdrawn, avoiding conversations or interactions, or being unresponsive to questions or inquiries. Additionally, abrupt mood swings, increased irritability, or an uncharacteristically aggressive attitude can also be warning signs.<br /><br />Physical changes can also serve as indicators of drug use. These changes may include bloodshot eyes, dilated pupils, or a sudden change in weight, either gain or loss. Additionally, the child may experience a decline in academic or work performance, which could be accompanied by a lack of focus, disinterest, or a lack of motivation.<br /><br />If drug use is suspected, it is important to look for any drug paraphernalia or unusual odors in the child's room, such as small plastic bags, rolling papers, or pipes. If such items are found, it is essential to have an open and honest conversation with the child and seek professional help if necessary. Early intervention can prevent further harm and enable the child to receive the necessary support and care to overcome their addiction.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p><p> </p><p><i>MORE.....</i><br /></p>
<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/s200/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="200" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/w167-h129/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" width="167" /></a></div>One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">little boy</span>
rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining
my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but
you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.<br /><br />During
adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their
own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school.
Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with
alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">normal teen rebellion</span> versus <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">dangerous behavior</span>? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?<br /><br /><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for full article...</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/s568/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="494" data-original-width="568" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/w173-h150/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" width="173" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a
battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected.
After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be
so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is
occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.<br /><br />Outbursts,
rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of
life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our
children. But what does it cost us?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/ODD-child.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for the full article...</div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/s200/angry+girls+autism.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="200" height="107" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/w142-h107/angry+girls+autism.jpg" width="142" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical”
teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with
serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages,
self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with
the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of
the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to
control.<br /></div><div><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/audio-course.html"><b>Click here</b></a> for the full article... <br /><p></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-36790218369136409272024-02-17T07:45:00.000-08:002024-02-17T07:45:24.169-08:00 The Shocking Statistics on Current Gun Violence in Teenagers<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpCQ2Xz862KhlGtV38HcC2VhErut10ULb21nPYTHNqudLPjp3OmKDLiQN0BvzDcFF7c3ln7v9wTOCt0HzpzJF5KL8DI_ZnDonOxzn2qrzakPSZ3_DXRAzvCp2P9vEUg-81cM5iecemxP-So2nSrkKybroTxej1YTaR1jBroic5zdCpeWJkj6rW2Q/s275/gun%20violence%20in%20teens.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpCQ2Xz862KhlGtV38HcC2VhErut10ULb21nPYTHNqudLPjp3OmKDLiQN0BvzDcFF7c3ln7v9wTOCt0HzpzJF5KL8DI_ZnDonOxzn2qrzakPSZ3_DXRAzvCp2P9vEUg-81cM5iecemxP-So2nSrkKybroTxej1YTaR1jBroic5zdCpeWJkj6rW2Q/s1600/gun%20violence%20in%20teens.jpg" width="275" /></a></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">In this article, we will be exploring the current statistics surrounding this pressing issue. By understanding the facts and figures, we can work towards finding effective solutions. <br /><br />Before we proceed, let's define what we mean by gun violence. It refers to any form of violence, including homicide, suicide, or accidental injury, inflicted with the use of firearms. Sadly, such incidents have become all too common among adolescents in recent years.<br /><br />The statistics surrounding gun violence in adolescence are truly alarming. According to a Pew Research Center analysis of the latest annual mortality statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the number of young people killed by gunfire in the United States increased 50% between 2019 and 2021. <br /><br />In 2019, there were 1,732 gun-related deaths among U.S. children under the age of 18. By 2021, that figure had increased to 2,590. The gun death rate among young people rose from 2.4 deaths per 100,000 in 2019 to 3.5 deaths per 100,000 two years later – a 46% increase. Both the “number” and “rate” of young people killed by gunfire in 2021 were higher than at any point since at least 1999. Moreover, the number of gun-related deaths and injuries among adolescents has been steadily rising since 2021. These numbers highlight the urgent need for action.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />Understanding the risk factors associated with gun violence in adolescents is crucial. Factors such as exposure to violence, easy access to firearms, and mental health issues significantly increase the likelihood of such incidents occurring. By identifying these risk factors, we can implement targeted interventions to prevent future tragedies.<br /><br />The consequences of gun violence on adolescents are far-reaching and devastating. Not only does it result in loss of life, but it also leaves long-lasting physical and psychological scars on survivors. Additionally, communities affected by gun violence experience a breakdown of trust and safety. It is vital that we address these consequences head-on.<br /><br />In order to tackle gun violence in adolescents, we must prioritize preventive measures. These include implementing stricter gun control laws, promoting responsible gun ownership, enhancing mental health services, and fostering supportive environments for at-risk youth. By taking a comprehensive approach, we can make significant progress in reducing such incidents.<br /><br />Educational programs play a vital role in raising awareness about gun violence among adolescents. By providing young people with the knowledge and skills to resolve conflicts peacefully, we can empower them to make informed choices. These programs also encourage open discussions, reducing the stigma surrounding mental health and seeking help.<br /><br />Engaging the community is key to addressing gun violence in adolescents effectively. By involving parents, educators, law enforcement, and community leaders, we can create a support network that works towards prevention and intervention. Together, we can ensure a safer environment for our young people.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />The media also plays a crucial role in shaping public perception and influencing behaviors. By responsibly reporting on gun violence and avoiding glamorization, the media can contribute to raising awareness and fostering a culture of safety. Let's hold the media accountable for their role in preventing gun violence!<br /><br />Legislation and policy changes are essential in addressing gun violence in adolescents. We need stricter background checks, limitations on firearm purchases, and enforcement of safe storage practices. By advocating for comprehensive policies, we can create a safer society for our young people.<br /><br />Accessible and effective supportive services are critical for those affected by gun violence. From counseling and trauma-informed care to community resources, these services help individuals heal and rebuild their lives. Let's ensure that survivors have the necessary support to overcome the challenges they face.<br /><br />Advocacy and raising awareness are powerful tools in combating gun violence in adolescence. By speaking out against violence, sharing stories of survivors, and supporting organizations working in this field, we can create a collective voice for change. Together, we can make a difference.<br /><br />We can also gain insights from international perspectives on addressing gun violence. By studying successful initiatives and learning from strategies implemented in other countries, we can adapt and adopt effective practices. Let's explore different approaches to find the most impactful solutions.<br /><br />It is clear that gun violence in adolescents is a significant concern that demands our attention and action. By understanding the statistics, risk factors, consequences, and preventive measures, we can work towards creating a safer future for our youth. Together, let's strive to end gun violence in adolescents once and for all.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-61451134035471221372024-01-16T07:29:00.000-08:002024-01-16T07:29:32.404-08:00Prolonged Screen Time May Be Making Your Child More Autistic-Like<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-zndb5jwYSd-r6v1hupaFXlPA4zCuJhDOP9FiFp7bijoeTxw4TsTmm8jG46B2ffZi289WaSfbOsXs1lDanfK4YUwJiQQqzd8PUUObNluy0a79dlcM4rdTZm3S-1uUDzk7Tt3pnNeu4ByZSfb26-YbUd9Ss5OQpdzK2hXoSSKb3UB_3ot_WoYrQ/s1280/prolonged%20screen%20time%20and%20autistic%20symptoms.webp" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="109" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-zndb5jwYSd-r6v1hupaFXlPA4zCuJhDOP9FiFp7bijoeTxw4TsTmm8jG46B2ffZi289WaSfbOsXs1lDanfK4YUwJiQQqzd8PUUObNluy0a79dlcM4rdTZm3S-1uUDzk7Tt3pnNeu4ByZSfb26-YbUd9Ss5OQpdzK2hXoSSKb3UB_3ot_WoYrQ/w193-h109/prolonged%20screen%20time%20and%20autistic%20symptoms.webp" width="193" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Recent research has demonstrated that excessive screen time in young children can have significant negative impacts on their physical, emotional, and cognitive health. Studies have revealed that prolonged screen time can lead to decreased cognitive ability, impaired language development, mood problems, and even autistic-like behavior, such as hyperactivity, short attention span, and irritability.<br /><br />The negative effects of screen time on cognitive ability and language development can be attributed to the fact that screen time often involves passive consumption of information, as opposed to active engagement, which is crucial for learning and development. Moreover, excessive screen time can interfere with children's sleep patterns, resulting in mood and behavioral problems.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />Over the past few decades, there has been a significant and steady increase in the number of children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). This trend has raised concerns among researchers and parents alike, who have been working tirelessly to identify the factors responsible for this surge. While the exact causes behind this rise remain elusive, several changes have been noted in recent years that are believed to contribute to this phenomenon. <br /><br />Autism has been a topic of concern in recent years, with experts trying to understand the root causes behind its prevalence. One theory is that there has been an actual increase in the number of cases of autism. This may be due to various factors, such as changes in lifestyle and environmental exposure to certain toxins or chemicals. <br /><br />Another theory is that greater awareness and improved diagnostic techniques have led to more cases being identified. As more people become aware of autism and its symptoms, healthcare professionals can better identify and diagnose individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).<br /><br />Additionally, some researchers suggest that environmental factors may play a role in the development of autism. For example, prenatal exposure to certain chemicals or toxins may increase the risk of ASD. Genetics may also be a primary factor in the development of autism, with certain genes being associated with higher risk of developing ASD. However, the exact genes involved in autism are not yet fully understood.<br /><br />To gain a better understanding of autism and its causes, ongoing research is necessary. Researchers are examining various factors that may contribute to the development of ASD, such as genetics, environmental exposures, and lifestyle factors. By identifying the root causes of autism, we can develop more effective treatments and interventions to improve the lives of those affected by this condition.<br /><br />To ensure healthy development in young children, parents and caregivers must be vigilant in monitoring the amount of time children spend in front of screens. Encouraging alternative activities and hobbies that promote healthy development, such as playing with toys, engaging in physical activity, and reading books, can be instrumental in mitigating the negative effects of screen time. <br /><br />By limiting screen time and promoting healthy activities, parents and caregivers can help ensure that young children have the best possible chance of thriving and succeeding in their future endeavors.</p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-958243595123052362024-01-13T07:02:00.000-08:002024-01-13T07:03:20.991-08:00How Parents Can Tell When Their Teen Is Lying<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPJX_Q7I_jcjEQb521CGB7YSicq8tQdA_9NU7JtURBec93DF_xeijVegei1A3NIpvpsu02YtSgjGh7WvZUJiQ4jsTWWUvPqHHsRTjLFZJ9GeY182Ux2-MxOGOPpk1wzUD6eeT3MDMemUZ5ezT7LpLhUu10cxFEkHxDFklvsuKKD9MGRVrOvMHpYw/s967/teens%20lying%20to%20parents.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="967" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPJX_Q7I_jcjEQb521CGB7YSicq8tQdA_9NU7JtURBec93DF_xeijVegei1A3NIpvpsu02YtSgjGh7WvZUJiQ4jsTWWUvPqHHsRTjLFZJ9GeY182Ux2-MxOGOPpk1wzUD6eeT3MDMemUZ5ezT7LpLhUu10cxFEkHxDFklvsuKKD9MGRVrOvMHpYw/w189-h122/teens%20lying%20to%20parents.jpg" width="189" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In this article, we will discuss some valuable insights and techniques that can help you recognize when your teenager is being less than honest. So let's get started!<br /><br />Before diving into the signs of lying, it's crucial to highlight the role of open communication in building trust with your teenager. By fostering a safe and non-judgmental environment, you create a space where they feel comfortable being honest with you. Make it clear that honesty is valued and that you are there to support them unconditionally.<br /><br />One of the key indicators of lying is body language. Pay attention to any sudden shifts in posture or excessive fidgeting. Avoiding eye contact, crossing arms, or touching the face are also common signs of discomfort and potential dishonesty. However, it's essential to remember that these cues are not foolproof evidence but rather potential red flags that deserve further investigation.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />Besides body language, there are verbal indicators that can indicate lying. Keep an ear out for inconsistencies in their story or frequent use of fillers like 'um' and 'uh.' They may also avoid giving direct answers or become defensive when questioned. Pay attention to changes in their tone of voice or hesitations, as these can be clues that they are hiding something.<br /><br />Never underestimate the power of parental intuition. As a parent, you have a deep understanding of your teenager's behaviors and patterns. If something feels off or doesn't align with their usual demeanor, trust your gut feeling. It's often a reliable indicator that there might be more to the story than what they are telling you.<br /><br />When you suspect your teen is lying, it's essential to address it calmly and assertively. Clearly communicate the consequences of dishonesty, emphasizing that trust is the foundation of your relationship. By setting clear boundaries and expectations, you can help deter future lies and encourage open, honest communication.<br /><br />Creating an environment where your teenager feels comfortable sharing the truth is crucial. Encourage open conversations by actively listening without judgment, asking open-ended questions, and showing empathy towards their experiences. This approach allows you to understand their perspective and address any underlying issues that may contribute to dishonesty.<br /><br />Trust-building is a gradual process that requires consistency and patience. Be reliable in keeping your promises and commitments, demonstrate your trustworthiness through your actions, and be understanding of your teenager's mistakes. Through ongoing efforts to strengthen the bond, you can create an environment where honesty thrives.<br /><br />Engage with your teenager on an emotional level. Often, lies can be a defense mechanism to protect themselves from judgment or consequences. By acknowledging and validating their emotions, you create a safe space for them to open up. Help them develop healthy ways to cope with challenging emotions, reducing the need for dishonesty.<br /><br />If you suspect your teenager is lying, it might be necessary to gather evidence to support your claims. This could involve checking their social media activity, talking to their friends or teachers, or even consulting professionals if the situation warrants. Remember, the goal is not to invade their privacy but to ensure their well-being.<br /><br />While addressing lying is important, it's equally essential to maintain a balanced approach. Continuously reinforce positive behaviors and acknowledge their efforts to be honest. By highlighting their growth and progress, you encourage transparency and reinforce trust in your relationship.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Teens may still lie occasionally, even with the best parenting strategies in place. It's crucial to set realistic expectations and understand that it's a normal part of their development. Instead of focusing solely on catching them in a lie, emphasize the importance of open communication and building a trustworthy connection.<br /><br />In conclusion, recognizing when your teenager is lying can be challenging but not impossible. By being observant of their body language and verbal cues, trusting your intuition, and fostering open communication, you can build a stronger relationship built on trust and understanding.</p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-34762201537797231132024-01-09T11:41:00.000-08:002024-01-09T11:41:29.107-08:00 My Child Became a Teenager Who Became a Substance Abuser<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRAhlfO_IAuKEXQVTz0E7qxk-7TdTS0K6oIXhEF2U7vghi40ReHP7KfDrZYo6rfkl2KcYJllKMYRkQAgadqMYGJfaF1S2xGpKIlgZzVTqjnKm58mxu-EJ1CnlmkskrfVCGIDzOdVfiwsvD2tdKItp9TzfKvaVwTvttlibdhWH-m_CliFNS7kAP4A/s600/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="540" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRAhlfO_IAuKEXQVTz0E7qxk-7TdTS0K6oIXhEF2U7vghi40ReHP7KfDrZYo6rfkl2KcYJllKMYRkQAgadqMYGJfaF1S2xGpKIlgZzVTqjnKm58mxu-EJ1CnlmkskrfVCGIDzOdVfiwsvD2tdKItp9TzfKvaVwTvttlibdhWH-m_CliFNS7kAP4A/w139-h155/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" width="139" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The issue of teen drug use is a complex and evolving problem that has been a major concern for many years. While some drugs, such as marijuana and alcohol, have been traditionally associated with teen drug use, there has been a significant shift in recent years towards the use of other substances, such as e-cigarettes and prescription drugs. <br /><br />This changing landscape has created new challenges for parents, educators, and healthcare professionals, who must stay informed and adapt their strategies to effectively address the ever-evolving nature of teen drug use. It is crucial to understand the underlying reasons behind this shift and to develop innovative approaches that can help prevent and address the harms of drug use among teenagers.<br /><br />It can be difficult for parents to recognize the signs of substance abuse in their teenagers, but early identification and intervention can greatly improve their chances of recovery. </div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />Some signs that your teen may be struggling with substance abuse include changes in behavior, such as mood swings, withdrawal from family and friends, decline in academic performance, loss of interest in hobbies or activities they used to enjoy, and difficulty sleeping or staying awake. <br /><br />Physical signs may include bloodshot eyes, dilated or constricted pupils, weight loss or gain, poor hygiene, and tremors or shakes. If you suspect your teen may have a substance abuse problem, it's important to seek professional help and support as soon as possible.<br /><br />Dealing with a teenager who is struggling with substance use can be a challenging and distressing situation for any parent. It's important to approach this situation in a compassionate, empathetic, and supportive manner. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Here are some detailed guidelines on how you can best support your teen who is going through substance use:<br /><br />1. Educate yourself about substance use. Learn about the different signs and symptoms that may indicate substance use, as well as the various treatment options available. This will help you understand the challenges your teen is facing and enable you to provide appropriate support.<br /><br />2. Communicate openly and frequently with your teen. Have an open and honest conversation with your teen about their substance use, without judgement or criticism. Let them know that you are there for them and that your primary concern is their well-being.<br /><br />3. Encourage your teen to seek professional help. Substance use is a complex issue, and it's crucial to seek professional help. Encourage your teen to speak with a therapist, counselor, or healthcare provider who specializes in substance use. Offer to help them find a suitable professional if needed.<br /><br />4. Set clear boundaries and expectations. It's essential to set clear boundaries with your teen regarding substance use. Make it clear what behavior is acceptable and what consequences they will have to face if they cross those boundaries. Follow through on the consequences if necessary.<br /><br />5. Take care of yourself. Supporting a teen through substance use can be emotionally draining. Ensure that you are taking care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating well, and seeking support from friends and family. Remember, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.<br /><br />Remember, substance use is a complex issue that requires patience, understanding, and support. By approaching the situation with empathy and compassion, you can help your teen get the support they need to overcome their struggles and lead a healthy, fulfilling life.<br /><br />One helpful resource is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). They have a national helpline that provides free and confidential information and support 24/7. You can reach them at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit their website for more information.<br /><br />Another option is to seek out local support groups such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. These organizations provide support for families and friends of individuals struggling with substance use.<br /><br />It's also important to talk to your healthcare provider about your concerns. They can provide guidance and connect you with additional resources in your area.<br /><br />Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and can make a significant difference in your teen's recovery journey.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-20018318676824917642024-01-02T06:55:00.000-08:002024-01-02T06:55:43.938-08:00 Managing Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Help for Distraught Parents<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZ0PqhodCjXS7MYVM92MzMsDNIC5eCJNzIRo-H72c8I_vI90TziouVdFD9_blCH0Mj-HuzLDAwxALsKaWT9HScXZss5UvpWc22Zxf1RJeGveKWv6DvxH73ZqjdsT5w5pO_-l5eURuohDjYLtiaYUJjWPUseuI7GyGfiO9rfFC_mPfAKVVr0zJzA/s200/angry%20aspergers%20teens.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="200" height="119" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZ0PqhodCjXS7MYVM92MzMsDNIC5eCJNzIRo-H72c8I_vI90TziouVdFD9_blCH0Mj-HuzLDAwxALsKaWT9HScXZss5UvpWc22Zxf1RJeGveKWv6DvxH73ZqjdsT5w5pO_-l5eURuohDjYLtiaYUJjWPUseuI7GyGfiO9rfFC_mPfAKVVr0zJzA/w155-h119/angry%20aspergers%20teens.gif" width="155" /></a></div>Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a behavioral disorder characterized by a pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures. It is a common disorder among children and adolescents, and it can cause significant distress and dysfunction in the affected individuals and their families.<br /><br />The Power of Positive Reinforcement—<br /><br />Managing ODD can be a challenging task for parents, teachers, and healthcare professionals. While there are many different approaches to managing ODD, positive reinforcement has emerged as a powerful tool for promoting positive behavior and reducing negative behavior in children and adolescents with ODD.<br /><br />Positive reinforcement is a behavioral technique that involves rewarding desired behavior. The reward can be anything that the child or adolescent finds reinforcing, such as praise, attention, privileges, or tangible rewards. The goal of positive reinforcement is to increase the frequency and intensity of desired behavior and reduce the frequency and intensity of undesired behavior.<br /><br />The use of positive reinforcement in managing ODD has been supported by research. Studies have shown that positive reinforcement can be an effective tool for promoting positive behavior and reducing negative behavior in children and adolescents with ODD.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />One key to using positive reinforcement effectively is to be specific and consistent in identifying and rewarding desired behavior. For example, instead of simply praising a child for being good, it is more effective to praise the child for specific behaviors, such as following directions, sharing with others, or using kind words. This helps the child to understand exactly what behaviors are being rewarded and encourages them to repeat those behaviors in the future.<br /><br />Another important factor is to make sure that the rewards are meaningful and appropriate for the child's age and interests. Rewards should be something that the child finds motivating and enjoyable, such as extra screen time, a special treat, or a fun activity.<br /><br />It is also important to be consistent in the use of positive reinforcement. Rewards should be given consistently and immediately after the desired behavior occurs, as this helps the child to make the connection between the behavior and the reward. Inconsistent use of rewards can lead to confusion and frustration, and can actually reinforce negative behavior instead of positive behavior.<br /><br />Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for managing ODD in children and adolescents. By rewarding desired behavior and consistently reinforcing positive behavior, parents, teachers, and healthcare professionals can promote positive behavior and reduce negative behavior in children and adolescents with ODD.<br /><br />From Chaos to Calm: Strategies for Parents of Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder—<br /><br />If you are a parent of a child with ODD, you may feel helpless and overwhelmed at times. However, there are strategies you can use to help manage your child's behavior.<br /><br />1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Children with ODD often test boundaries and challenge authority. It is essential to establish clear, firm boundaries and consequences for breaking them. Be consistent with your expectations and follow through with consequences.<br /><br />2. Use Positive Reinforcement: Children with ODD respond well to positive reinforcement. Praise and reward good behavior, no matter how small the accomplishment. This will encourage your child to repeat the positive behavior.<br /><br />3. Practice Effective Communication: Communication is vital in managing behavior. Use active listening skills, speak calmly, and be clear and concise. Repeat your expectations to ensure your child understands what is expected of them.<br /><br />4. Seek Professional Help: ODD can be a challenging disorder to manage alone. Seek the help of a mental health professional who can provide you with additional strategies and support.<br /><br />5. Take Care of Yourself: Raising a child with ODD can be stressful and emotionally draining. Take care of your mental and physical health by engaging in self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with friends and family.<br /><br />Remember, managing ODD is a process, and it takes time and effort to see results. With patience, consistency, and the right strategies, you can help your child manage their behavior and live a happy, healthy life.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /><br />The Role of Mindfulness in Reducing Symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—<br /><br />While traditional treatments for ODD often involve medication and behavioral therapy, there is growing evidence to suggest that mindfulness-based interventions may also be effective in reducing symptoms of ODD. Mindfulness is a mental state characterized by non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. It involves paying attention to one's thoughts, feelings, and sensations without becoming attached to them or reacting impulsively.<br /><br />Research has shown that mindfulness-based interventions can help children and adolescents with ODD develop skills in emotional regulation, impulse control, and empathic understanding. These skills can help them better manage their behavior and improve their relationships with others.<br /><br />One study published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that a mindfulness-based intervention was effective in reducing symptoms of ODD in children. The intervention involved teaching children mindfulness and relaxation techniques, as well as social-emotional skills training. The children who received the intervention showed significant improvements in their behavior, compared to a control group that did not receive the intervention.<br /><br />Another study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that a mindfulness-based intervention was effective in reducing symptoms of ODD in adolescents. The intervention involved teaching adolescents mindfulness and emotion regulation skills, as well as cognitive-behavioral therapy. The adolescents who received the intervention showed significant improvements in their behavior, compared to a control group that received only supportive therapy.<br /><br />Overall, the evidence suggests that mindfulness-based interventions may be a promising approach for reducing symptoms of ODD in children and adolescents. By teaching children and adolescents mindfulness skills, they can learn to regulate their emotions, manage their behavior, and improve their relationships with others.<br /><br />Understanding the Link Between Trauma and Oppositional Defiant Disorder—<br /><br />Research has shown that there is a link between trauma and ODD. Trauma can have a significant impact on a child's behavior, and can increase the likelihood of developing ODD. Trauma can take many forms, including physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence. Children who have experienced trauma may develop a range of symptoms that can contribute to the development of ODD. These can include hyperarousal, hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping, and flashbacks. <br /><br />Children who have experienced trauma may also have difficulty forming healthy attachments to caregivers, which can contribute to their oppositional behavior. Treatment for ODD typically involves a combination of therapy, medication, and family support. Therapy can help children develop coping skills and learn to regulate their emotions. <br /><br />Medication may be prescribed to help manage symptoms of anxiety or depression. Family support is also important, as parents and caregivers can learn strategies for managing their child's behavior and providing a supportive environment. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">The Importance of Early Intervention for Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder—<br /><br />Early intervention is crucial for children with ODD. The earlier a child receives intervention, the better the outcome is likely to be. Intervention can take many forms, including therapy, counseling, and behavior management techniques. The goal of early intervention is to teach children with ODD how to manage their behavior and emotions effectively, as well as to improve their social skills and relationships with others.<br /><br />One of the most effective approaches to early intervention for children with ODD is parent training. This involves teaching parents specific strategies and techniques to help manage their child's behavior and encourage positive interactions. Parent training can be done through individual or group sessions and is often based on cognitive-behavioral therapy principles.<br /><br />Another important aspect of early intervention for children with ODD is school-based interventions. Teachers and school counselors can work with children to improve their behavior and social skills, as well as to provide support for academic challenges. This may include individualized education plans (IEPs) or behavior intervention plans (BIPs) that are tailored to the child's specific needs.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br />In addition to parent training and school-based interventions, there are also various therapies and treatments that can help children with ODD. These may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, play therapy, and medication in some cases. It is important for parents to work closely with their child's healthcare provider to determine the best course of treatment for their child.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-28152023912198709932023-12-21T08:12:00.000-08:002023-12-21T08:13:10.478-08:00Coping with the Struggles of Parenting a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIv2gkaYQIaq_1Cr__NI63Maus-f56eK8-jz5gPQmbWuPEnBpqdcgmi4oEnRakWpi9F8AuF3RrJ4WDcLOHPtuhPrTbWqhq37wfFoyBVynkV_UpUNhUQQ99UPuMZFQ0UIq32LpPBJtlT5kUhyphenhyphenr51AUJU32NU9VtaREdp09svXbjWOMxXCbZHgHhMA/s600/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="540" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIv2gkaYQIaq_1Cr__NI63Maus-f56eK8-jz5gPQmbWuPEnBpqdcgmi4oEnRakWpi9F8AuF3RrJ4WDcLOHPtuhPrTbWqhq37wfFoyBVynkV_UpUNhUQQ99UPuMZFQ0UIq32LpPBJtlT5kUhyphenhyphenr51AUJU32NU9VtaREdp09svXbjWOMxXCbZHgHhMA/w118-h131/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" width="118" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> Living with a defiant child can be a challenging and complex experience, with daily life feeling like a never-ending struggle. What may start as minor issues can quickly escalate into major conflicts, causing significant stress and emotional turmoil for the entire family. </div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Parents can often feel overwhelmed and uncertain about how to handle the situation, leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration. The key is to understand the underlying causes of their defiance and use techniques that are tailored to their individual needs.<br /><br />Setting clear boundaries and expectations is an important first step in managing defiant behavior. Children need to understand what is expected of them, and having clear rules in place can help reduce the likelihood of negative behavior. Using positive reinforcement, such as praising and rewarding good behavior, can also be an effective tool in encouraging positive habits.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> <br /></i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br />Offering choices within reasonable limits can help children feel more in control and reduce the likelihood of defiance. It's also crucial to be consistent in implementing consequences for negative behavior to help children understand that there are consequences for their actions. Time-outs can be a useful consequence for negative behavior, allowing the child time to calm down and reflect on their actions.<br /><br />Modeling good behavior is essential for parents dealing with defiant children. Children often mimic the behavior of adults around them, so it's important to model positive behavior and remain calm and composed in the face of challenging behavior.<br /><br />It's important to take a holistic approach when addressing the issues that come with raising a defiant child. This may involve recognizing and addressing any mental health concerns that may be contributing to the behavior, or seeking out additional resources such as family therapy, parenting classes or support groups. Additionally, setting realistic expectations and boundaries can help parents manage their child's behavior in a way that is both firm and compassionate.<br /><br />It's important to remember that not all children respond to the same strategies, and what works for one child may not work for another. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be a valuable resource for families dealing with challenging behavior. With patience, consistency, and the right support, parents can manage their child's defiant behavior and create a more peaceful and harmonious home environment.<br /><br /><i>Summary points:</i></p><ol style="text-align: justify;"><li>Set clear boundaries and expectations: Establishing clear rules and expectations with your child can help them understand what is expected of them and reduce the likelihood of defiance.</li><li>Use positive reinforcement: Praising and rewarding good behavior reinforces positive habits and can motivate your child to continue behaving well.</li><li>Offer choices: Giving your child choices within reasonable limits can help them feel more in control and reduce the likelihood of defiance. </li><li>Use consistent consequences: Consistency is key to managing defiant behavior. Be firm and consistent in implementing consequences for negative behavior. </li><li>Model good behavior: Children often mimic the behavior of adults around them, so modeling positive behavior can encourage them to do the same. </li><li>Use time-outs: Time-outs can be an effective consequence for negative behavior, allowing the child to calm down and reflect on their actions. </li><li>Seek professional help: If your child's behavior is causing significant distress or is not improving despite your efforts, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be a valuable resource.</li></ol><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> <br /></i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-41665691257287535592023-12-19T07:51:00.000-08:002023-12-19T07:51:34.199-08:00When Your Oppositional Teen Seems to Get a "Pay-off" for Arguing with You<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdySTeZmizbO05HX8UbhC7fSKX_5FrZBE3i5Js0OYvL6wYvOAUT4VyYXrA0geL91gtDx3BExYHuY7JMWxzesSa_aZPyA-PdtXmlsA8Eiffcxp6Lm5ma746Rlw1URFN39kINCZPqFfSCqTSUWIAOyrZV8kSLoJWdlyeTvN0DW4oXi5DufyV0_jyXw/s450/behavior%20problems%20in%20teen%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="299" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdySTeZmizbO05HX8UbhC7fSKX_5FrZBE3i5Js0OYvL6wYvOAUT4VyYXrA0geL91gtDx3BExYHuY7JMWxzesSa_aZPyA-PdtXmlsA8Eiffcxp6Lm5ma746Rlw1URFN39kINCZPqFfSCqTSUWIAOyrZV8kSLoJWdlyeTvN0DW4oXi5DufyV0_jyXw/w87-h130/behavior%20problems%20in%20teen%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg" width="87" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">When your teenager wants to argue with you as a parent, it's important to approach the situation with patience and understanding. Teenagers are at a stage in their lives where they are trying to assert their independence and challenge authority, and it's natural for them to want to argue with their parents. However, as a parent, it's crucial that you handle these situations with care to maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with your teen.<br /><br />Firstly, it's important to listen to your teen's perspective and validate their feelings. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything they say, but it does mean that you need to show empathy and respect for their point of view. Try to understand where they are coming from and acknowledge their concerns. This can go a long way in building trust and rapport with your teen.<br /><br />Validating your teenager's feelings is an important aspect of building trust and strengthening your relationship with them. It involves acknowledging and accepting their emotions without judgement, and showing empathy and understanding towards their perspective. It can be as simple as saying things like "I can see that you're upset" or "That must have been really hard for you". By validating their feelings, you create a safe space for them to express themselves and feel heard, which can lead to better communication and a stronger bond between you and your teenager.</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Secondly, encourage open communication and problem-solving. Instead of shutting down their arguments or dismissing their concerns, try to engage in a constructive dialogue. By doing so, you can help your teen develop critical thinking skills and learn how to express themselves in a respectful and effective manner. Helping your teenager develop critical thinking skills is an important aspect of their overall growth and development. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Here are some ways you can assist your teenager in developing these skills:<br /></p><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>Encourage questions: Encourage your teenager to ask questions about the things they see and hear. Teach them to think critically about the information they receive and to ask themselves if it makes sense.</li><li>Teach problem-solving: Encourage your teenager to think through problems and find solutions. Guide them through the process of analyzing the problem, considering different solutions, and selecting the best course of action.</li><li>Discuss different perspectives: Encourage your teenager to consider different perspectives on a topic. Teach them to listen to others' opinions and to think critically about their own beliefs.</li><li>Encourage research: Encourage your teenager to research topics they are interested in. Teach them to evaluate the credibility of sources and to think critically about the information they find.</li><li>Model critical thinking: Be a role model for your teenager by demonstrating critical thinking skills in your own life. Encourage discussions with your teenager that demonstrate your own thought processes when considering different options to solve problems.</li><li>By teaching your teenager critical thinking skills, you are helping them to become independent, rational, and thoughtful individuals who can make informed decisions and evaluate information effectively.</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">Thirdly, set clear boundaries and expectations. While it's important to be understanding and accommodating, it's also important to set limits and communicate your expectations in a respectful but firm manner. This can help your teen understand what is and isn't acceptable behavior, which can be helpful in avoiding future arguments.<br /><br />Setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers can be a challenge, but it is an important part of helping them learn responsibility and accountability. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i> <br /></i></span></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Here are some tips for setting boundaries with your rebellious teen:<br /></p><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju8B6v74Ld1ZulYdVAd43lzoSGi_3qDmssmsm3LSfXFJGr6nB_IdT4tsvR2uDlqE3LsGDPADKJ8bAvwo6EVBovVTpwTcCZn3AtcBo2Kj_toc-w39Lh3GPvTuFpsyWFvOQFyqAGr-vhLgn3c-ngTF8l0rjmgr5j3m_2-24qSicid9BwOR6j0o_yDg/s600/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="540" height="110" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju8B6v74Ld1ZulYdVAd43lzoSGi_3qDmssmsm3LSfXFJGr6nB_IdT4tsvR2uDlqE3LsGDPADKJ8bAvwo6EVBovVTpwTcCZn3AtcBo2Kj_toc-w39Lh3GPvTuFpsyWFvOQFyqAGr-vhLgn3c-ngTF8l0rjmgr5j3m_2-24qSicid9BwOR6j0o_yDg/w99-h110/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" width="99" /></a></div>Be clear and consistent: Clearly communicate your expectations and the consequences for breaking boundaries. Consistency is key - if you set a boundary, make sure you enforce it every time.</li><li>Listen to their perspective: Your teenager may have reasons for their behavior that you haven't considered. Listen to their perspective and try to understand their point of view.</li><li>Be firm but gentle: It is important to be firm in setting boundaries, but also gentle in your approach. Avoid yelling or threatening, and instead, calmly explain why the boundary is important and what the consequences will be for breaking it.</li><li>Offer choices within limits: Giving your teenager choices within limits can help them feel more in control and invested in the process. For example, you might give them a choice between doing their chores before or after dinner, but not whether or not to do them at all.</li><li>Follow through: If your teenager breaks a boundary, follow through with the consequences you have established. This will help them learn accountability and responsibility for their actions.</li><li>Remember that setting boundaries is not about controlling your teenager, but rather about helping them learn how to navigate the world responsibly and make healthy choices. By setting clear and consistent boundaries, you can help your rebellious teenager develop into a responsible and respectful adult.</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">Fourthly, be willing to compromise and find common ground. While you need to set boundaries and expectations, you also need to be willing to be flexible and find solutions that work for both you and your teen. This can help build trust and respect between you and your teen, and can ultimately lead to a stronger and healthier relationship. Compromising with your teenager can be a great way to help them feel heard and respected, while also maintaining important boundaries. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Here are some tips for compromising with your teenager:<br /></p><ul style="text-align: justify;"><li>Be open to their ideas: When your teenager approaches you with a request or suggestion, listen with an open mind. Even if you don't agree with their idea, acknowledging their perspective can go a long way towards building trust and respect.</li><li>Identify common ground: Look for areas where you and your teenager can agree. For example, if your teenager wants to stay out later with friends, you might both agree that it is important for them to be safe and responsible.</li><li>Brainstorm solutions: Once you have identified common ground, work together to brainstorm solutions that meet both of your needs. This might involve setting specific boundaries or compromises that allow your teenager more freedom while still maintaining your expectations.</li><li>Be flexible: Remember that compromise involves some give and take. Be willing to adjust your expectations or boundaries in order to find a solution that works for both you and your teenager.</li><li>Follow through: Once you have agreed on a compromise, it is important to follow through with your end of the agreement. This will help your teenager learn that compromise is a two-way street and that they can trust you to keep your promises.</li><li>Remember that compromising with your teenager is not about giving in to their every demand, but rather about finding solutions that work for both of you. By working together and being open to each other's ideas, you can build a stronger, more respectful relationship with your teenager.</li></ul><p style="text-align: justify;">In summary, when your teenager wants to argue with you as a parent, it's important to remain calm, listen to their perspective, encourage open communication, set clear boundaries and expectations, and be willing to compromise. By doing so, you can foster a healthy and respectful relationship with your teen that will benefit both of you in the long run.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><span style="font-size: small;"><i> <br /></i></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-71233635489058816642023-11-21T05:38:00.000-08:002023-11-21T05:38:43.436-08:00Mother states that she feels like she is in the middle of a Tornado...<p style="text-align: justify;"> <b>Hi B.,</b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > I’ve responded throughout your email below:<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Hi Mark</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXlTxiPR2Byoi8xrTGv1-vh5lEoYsTBSE4hlFNf-pKPzaU-kxlA2xHK6NsJAerPP2O4oqpnaPVgAjkFWVd96seGeBpQKQIVspVSg1ZpTKB95JSkU5U5fMFKTPiQZWcGxEqNDW8bGpAfL4FtiapzY9pHQmcQzsMw0H3p6pmCGo3H_qq5PExiwBKCA/s299/13%20year%20old%20daughter%20having%20sex.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="168" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXlTxiPR2Byoi8xrTGv1-vh5lEoYsTBSE4hlFNf-pKPzaU-kxlA2xHK6NsJAerPP2O4oqpnaPVgAjkFWVd96seGeBpQKQIVspVSg1ZpTKB95JSkU5U5fMFKTPiQZWcGxEqNDW8bGpAfL4FtiapzY9pHQmcQzsMw0H3p6pmCGo3H_qq5PExiwBKCA/w150-h267/13%20year%20old%20daughter%20having%20sex.jpg" width="150" /></a></b>Thanks for the quick response to my queries..I am now having a few more... I told L___ that I realised I had made mistakes etc this morning and she flew off the handle so aggressively telling me that I couldn't change things now and that she would not change no matter what etc etc..</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > This is to be expected.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I managed to remain relatively calm, at least externally but on the inside i left the room and proceeded over the next hour to experience a pretty intense emotional meltdown... it felt like a combination of guilt for the past, pain and anger at having such a difficult child and fear that it was all too much and that things were never going to change... I am thinking that perhaps it is quite natural to feel a deep emotional reaction to all this shift..??</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > That’s correct. People don’t like change, because change gets them out of their comfort zone. Plus it takes a lot of energy to adjust to new things.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I want to know if I am supposed to TELL her that she is going to have to EARN everything from now on or do I just implement the strategies without explaining exactly WHAT and WHY we are doing life like this now...</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > This was discussed in Session #2 Assignments. What you say is, “I want to try compromising this week.”<span> </span>Be sure to watch </b><b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">Instructional Video #18.</span></b><b><u><o:p></o:p></u></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Also our situation is made complex by a few practical factors..they are:</p><p style="text-align: justify;">...we have a shop business that D___ and I run that is 45 mins from home…we travel there each day but sometimes one of us is at home ( we have two smaller children who go to school) ..Many, in fact most weekends we are staying down at the shop as it is just easier that way and we take the two small children with us but for the past 6 months or more we have been leaving L___ at home due to the extreme amount of tension with her and her wanting to be with her friends etc... she has proven to be reliable and responsible in the sense that she respects the home and does not throw parties and she maintains jobs like caring for animals and garden when asked etc whilst we are away...BUT she has as a result experienced a lot of trust from me and a lot of freedom...she has not broken my trust, she is not one of those really wild kids with NO respect at all for others etc but I can certainly see the symptoms of the ODD character in her and the disregard she shows for myself and D___ and the family system in general is VERY DISTURBING… she lacks any real motivation and has left school and is not doing anything about getting a job etc..</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;">So basically the situation is very uncomfortable and I am unsure about how I am going to fully implement the new boundaries etc when we have to attend to the needs of the business and to hers when we stay away from the home base for periods of time.. We are just about to move shop premises starting July 1st and so we will be staying down there with the small children from tomorrow for three weeks of the school holidays to get the job done...I have told her already the other day that I am not happy for her to be at home unsupervised for long periods and that she will have to come and stay with us for at least Mon-thurs and that she can be up the hill at home on the weekends to see her friends etc…She of course balked at that but has not yet refused as I have yet to implement it…Now I am confused about whether I should be allowing her any freedom to be with her friends AT All, due to the Self-reliance strategy program or should I be waiting to implement ANYTHING you teach until I have nothing else major going on in my life</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > We want our kids to have as much freedom as possible – HOWEVER – this freedom MUST be <i>earned</i>.<span> </span>“Freedom” does not contribute to the behavior problems. “Unearned freedom” does, though. Allow her to continue to have the freedom to be with her friends, but come up with something simple for her to do to earn that privilege.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">... I thought I recalled reading somewhere that we should not undertake ANY major endeavour whilst going thru this program..???</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>== > Yes …do not fix anything that is not broken. If your daughter is living up to your trust, then do not change anything in that particular area.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I feel like I am in the middle of a Tornado and very overwhelmed with all that is on my plate so I will await your reply...</p><p style="text-align: justify;">PS..You are absolutely sure that these strategies work...??? stupid question...she feels so irretrievable now...at times I feel like it's just too late..</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>==> Doubting yourself is normal. I track outcomes with this program, and approximately 92% of parents report that (a) problems have reduced in frequency and severity and (b) the few remaining problems are manageable. So it doesn’t work 100% of the time – and it doesn’t wipe out ALL behavior problems. But the overall success rate is very good.<o:p></o:p></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Mark<o:p></o:p></b></p><b><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 12;">P.S. Be sure to watch ALL the Instructional Videos.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: "; font-size: 12;"><br /></span></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: 400;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i style="font-weight: 400;"> </i></div></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-65189310512546323102023-09-19T07:31:00.004-07:002023-09-19T07:33:35.360-07:00The Tail Is Wagging The Dog <p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUgLxf440xr1ERyhSteTWy7UrwuxZ6vhe2ciMRwnYIhujyE-eWFxypclssmiiZu0-SGmz8Kf-BZtv79x5ixG_y1F6y41PkhqwmcKGxVBp7gTiQXRW20N9B2NOPIRHED0CJZvrRTTqBVdZ3FVuD-_-0hJeSMNTD6W8xxee8yeCduroHfqowDn6jiA/s338/aspergers%20in%20adolescence.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="300" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUgLxf440xr1ERyhSteTWy7UrwuxZ6vhe2ciMRwnYIhujyE-eWFxypclssmiiZu0-SGmz8Kf-BZtv79x5ixG_y1F6y41PkhqwmcKGxVBp7gTiQXRW20N9B2NOPIRHED0CJZvrRTTqBVdZ3FVuD-_-0hJeSMNTD6W8xxee8yeCduroHfqowDn6jiA/w117-h132/aspergers%20in%20adolescence.jpg" width="117" /></a></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">Mark,</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;"> I have been putting your principles into practise for a few months now and everything was going well until my sons best friend came back into his life big time. His girlfriend dropped him two weeks ago and he had been kicked out of both his mothers and fathers house because they cannot live with his behaviour any more, this child has uncontrollable tempers and word around the place is he is on steroids. How do I get my son back on track and to accept that his friend is a bad egg.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">He stayed out all night because I was mad with him, he is not responding to the consequences unless I change them. He is now 17 and I know he would be scared if I really threw him out, but I am scared if it backfires. If I call the police when he stays out, is this not going to backfire and make him so wild with me? What normally happens in this case? Can you give some advice? ~ </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">L.</span></i></div></span></i><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">`````````````````````````</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;" /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hi L.,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">Re:</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: italic;"><span> </span>…son’s best friend.</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Peer pressure is a very potent force, but its influence is very subtle. Often, teens don't even know they're being influenced. Teens associate with peers who are not necessarily a good influence because they don't want to say "no" …don't want to be left out …don't want to seem like a wimp …don't want to lose their friends …and are afraid their friends will tease them and spread rumors around school.</div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Family support is crucial to adolescents. Adolescents take their major values in life from their parents. When adolescents are negatively influenced by their peers, it is more likely because something is lacking in parental involvement. Those who do not have a high level of support from their parents are more likely to become involved in undesirable behaviors. Support and effective communication lessen adolescent's vulnerability to negative peer pressure.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: 700;"><br /></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: bold; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Here are some suggestions:</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Check whether your concerns about their friends are real and important.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Do not attack your child's friends. Remember that criticizing your teen's choice of friends is like a personal attack.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Encourage reflective thinking by helping your teen think about his or her actions in advance and discussing immediate and long-term consequences of risky behavior.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Encourage your teen's independence by supporting decision-making based on principles and not other people.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Get to know the friends of your teen. Learn their names, invite them into your home so you can talk and listen to them, and introduce yourself to their parents.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Help your teen understand the difference between image (expressions of youth culture) and identity (who he or she is).</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· If you believe your concerns are serious, talk to your teenager about behavior and choices -- not the friends.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Keep the lines of communication open and find out why these friends are important to your teenager.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Let your teen know of your concerns and feelings.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">· Remember that we all learn valuable lessons from mistakes.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">No matter what kind of peer influence your teen faces, he or she must learn how to balance the value of going along with the crowd (connection) against the importance of making principle-based decisions (independence).</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">Re:<span> </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: italic;">He stayed out all night because I was mad with him, he is not responding to the consequences unless I change them.</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Where was your poker face? Also, “changing” consequences to meet the demands of the child is a form of over-indulgence.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">Re:<span> </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: italic;">If I call the police when he stays out, is this not going to backfire and make him so wild with me?</span></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">I can see that the tail is wagging the dog. You have clearly lost control in the relationship. Rather than worrying about things “backfiring,” I would recommend that you concern yourself with the damage that will be done to your son if you continue to over-indulge.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Please review Session #3 in the eBook {online version}. I think this chapter applies best in your circumstance.</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Stay in touch,</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium;">Mark</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> Hutten, M.A.</span></div></span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-29668894935905810162023-08-07T07:24:00.005-07:002023-08-07T07:25:17.324-07:00Discouraged mom states, "I feel I am always nagging... "<p style="text-align: justify;"><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3b23lMF1BVsoCY5uJ8WgHjWgBz82ox1SnmqvjG9wk6IMoj2zRGSVjH-IHMujovcv52Z_iLIZOpQskuOebeMOe14IBtZN2DipVeiSYXE4SdOQqKVbiAELcbsPEmsTi2Cop0w5fWPquRFuTYTUdJqIi3YIrNP0joGsDW9Y7UK0YO4Xoygv5aNfRQw/s600/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="540" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3b23lMF1BVsoCY5uJ8WgHjWgBz82ox1SnmqvjG9wk6IMoj2zRGSVjH-IHMujovcv52Z_iLIZOpQskuOebeMOe14IBtZN2DipVeiSYXE4SdOQqKVbiAELcbsPEmsTi2Cop0w5fWPquRFuTYTUdJqIi3YIrNP0joGsDW9Y7UK0YO4Xoygv5aNfRQw/w170-h189/anger%20in%20teens%20with%20high%20functioning%20autism.jpg.png" width="170" /></a></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>"I would like some guidelines on setting up clear rules. My 15 year old son constantly yells, belittles his younger brother and basically tries to defy or argue when I ask him to anything. He certainly sets the mood for the house. I found it harder to stay in control and feel I am at wits end. He doesnt worry about his appearance and I constantly remind him of basic hygiene. He lacks motivation at school, football relationships at school always seem to be a drama. He seems to be closer to girls and does not seem to be able to form close relationships with boys. Has quit his part time job. Doesnt seem to be passionate about anything. He often tells me how he wants to leave and live with anyone but me. My husband has been ill with Leukaemia and suffers with the complications of the treatment. It has impacted our life for the past three years. Upsets me that he is so angry and not happy. I would like him be responsible for the cleanliness of his room, his appearance and speak nicely and want him to contribute to the family in a loving way. I feel I am always nagging but where is the fine line between letting him just do what he wants. I seem to feed off his anger. I just want to understand R___ and my behaviour and what I can do to help to make this situation better? Appreciate any feed back? If anything, writing helps to clarify my thoughts. kind regards ~ J."</i></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i><i></i><br /><br /><br />Hi J.,<br /><br /><i>Re: My 15 year old son constantly yells, belittles his younger brother and basically tries to defy or argue when I ask him to anything.</i><br /><br />Please refer to the page in the <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank"><b>eBook</b></a> [online version – session #3] entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid”. Much of what you are dealing with in this email will be addressed there.<br /><br /><i>Re: He doesn’t worry about his appearance and I constantly remind him of basic hygiene ...and lack of motivation.</i><br /><br />Your child's teenage years can be a difficult time. Teens may feel overwhelmed by the emotional and physical changes they are going through. At the same time, teens may be facing a number of pressures - from friends to fit in and from parents and other adults to do well in school, or activities like sports or part-time jobs.<br /><br />The teenage years are a time of transition from childhood into adulthood. Teens often struggle with being dependent on their parents while having a strong desire to be independent. They may experiment with new values, ideas, hairstyles and clothing as they try to define who they are. Although this may be uncomfortable for parents, it is a normal part of being a teenager.<br /><br />Communicating your love for your child is the single most important thing you can do. Children decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how their parents react to them. It is also important to communicate your values and to set expectations and limits, such as insisting on honesty, self-control and respect for others, while still allowing teenagers to have their own space.<br /><br />Parents of teens often find themselves noticing only the problems, and they may get in the habit of giving mostly negative feedback and criticism. Although teens need feedback, they respond better when it is given positively and spoken with love.<br /><br />Praising appropriate behavior can help your teen feel a sense of accomplishment and reinforce your family's values.<br /><br />Teens, especially those with low self-esteem or with family problems, are at risk for a number of self-destructive behaviors such as using drugs or alcohol or having unprotected sex. Depression and eating disorders are also important issues for teens.<br /><br />The following may be warning signs that your child is having a problem:<br /><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">· Agitated or restless behavior<br />· Drop in grades<br />· Fatigue, loss of energy and lack of interest in activities<br />· Lack of motivation<br />· Low self-esteem<br />· Not caring about people and things<br />· Ongoing feelings of sadness<br />· Poor hygiene<br />· Trouble concentrating<br />· Trouble falling asleep<br />· Weight loss or weight gain</span><br /><br />If you suspect there is a problem, ask your teen about what is bothering him or her. And then listen.<br /><br />Don't ignore a problem in the hopes that it will go away. It is easier to cope with problems when they are small. This also gives you and your teen the opportunity to learn how to work through problems together.<br /><br />Again, please refer to <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Session #3</a>. I think that session really applies here.<br /><br />Mark Hutten, M.A.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> </i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-7645190100187344242023-07-02T08:08:00.004-07:002023-07-02T08:13:32.494-07:00"My son did not get his required highschool credits..." <div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">
<i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgULxmmis_aMjSCstcBkHrjuMNcq2USkPdI9LbQP6ct7IiI5hT_yCTgLj4Vz1IL8WAGcMhsujNLi6DEASoPGEcPrkqWYI2M7YUTAHdXuHOAZQ5KuzEfMWT3aasOyGGkboobFFLOoGSU73QlKIo3bA6TnifniGisMmAHvrwLpzcPx4T-dfCXn5i-wg/s200/aspergers%20teen%20behavior%20problems.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="120" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgULxmmis_aMjSCstcBkHrjuMNcq2USkPdI9LbQP6ct7IiI5hT_yCTgLj4Vz1IL8WAGcMhsujNLi6DEASoPGEcPrkqWYI2M7YUTAHdXuHOAZQ5KuzEfMWT3aasOyGGkboobFFLOoGSU73QlKIo3bA6TnifniGisMmAHvrwLpzcPx4T-dfCXn5i-wg/s1600/aspergers%20teen%20behavior%20problems.jpg" width="120" /></a></div>"Hello Mark, Well his grade 12 graduation is this week-end. He is not able to “walk the stage” as he did not get his credits required. Natural consequence of not attending school and not getting his work done. He is still planning to go in a limo with his friends and attend the banquet with his girlfriend. My husband says we should not attend any of the grad events, however, will our son ever forgive us for being the only parents not there? We have tried to talk him out of going but is insisting he wants to. Please advise whether we, as the parents, should be “celebrating” a grad event when he is not technically graduating. </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><i>Thank you Mark. ~ S."</i><br /></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"><span style="font-size: medium;">Hi S.,<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Re: <span style="font-style: italic;">Please advise whether we, as the parents, should be "celebrating" a grad event when he is not technically graduating.</span><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Great question!<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Should you be celebrating? No. There's nothing to celebrate, unless you want to celebrate lack of credits.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Should you attend at least one grad event? Probably. Not to celebrate, but to show your son that you support his education and all that is associated with it.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Should he go in a limo with his friends and attend the banquet with his girlfriend? Absolutely. This may wet his appetite for finishing his education on a strong note.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Don't feel sorry for him, but do bear in mind that he may feel a bit inadequate during the events.<br /></span>
<span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
Mark</span><br /></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN Online Parent Support</a></b></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-2891928009023456812023-05-09T07:11:00.008-07:002023-05-09T07:12:55.893-07:00RE: "She had the most amazing temper tantrum and was kicking me..."<div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-TkLA_wKUSKxUZAGT0FyiCpXMMxabXF-FBVSoRx1IPZvEPOJ0whcx1FOYVBr76MXxYgJt9foo7NkXbJ1Bwco1Rrx0XJfZfEbpTZcjPQI_B59XBgz4Fk12EOkWppyTpQu1pP4U8fP8K4rouY6uIL4hCSSTw1IdZnvvmyruI6S26AqGTgxiqjQ/s200/angry%20girls%20autism.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="200" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-TkLA_wKUSKxUZAGT0FyiCpXMMxabXF-FBVSoRx1IPZvEPOJ0whcx1FOYVBr76MXxYgJt9foo7NkXbJ1Bwco1Rrx0XJfZfEbpTZcjPQI_B59XBgz4Fk12EOkWppyTpQu1pP4U8fP8K4rouY6uIL4hCSSTw1IdZnvvmyruI6S26AqGTgxiqjQ/s1600/angry%20girls%20autism.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> <i>Hi Mark, Another question from Australia (I have SO many questions)!
M__ and I are in the process of starting up some chores and allowing A__
to earn some money from the non-mandatory ones. We thought we'd have a
rule where the mandatory ones had to be done first and then there would
be the capacity to earn money from other chores. If the mandatory ones
are not done, then there is no pocket money for the week. Is this OK?
Can we put a caveat on her spending like no lollies, fizzy drinks or
junk food-her behavior is so much worse if she has these things-she can
buy books, toys clothes or save some for example?</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><i> <br /></i></div><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Also, what
happens if we have bad behavior during the week-can we tie it all in
together-bad behavior, no money or is that a separate issue of
consequences? A__ was so awful the other night-she had the most amazing
temper tantrum and was kicking me and M__ had to restrain her-she is
getting too big for me-at the age of 8 she is up to my chin (I'm 5'7")
and it was not easy to just walk away as she was grabbing hold of me (I
have a torn rotator cuff muscle in my right shoulder courtesy of her
wrenching my arm in a fit of rage) and I've endured an MRI and 5 months
of physio to get it better... Thanks Mark.</i><br /></div><div><div><br />```````````````````<br /><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">Hi L.,<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Re: If the mandatory ones are not done, then there is no pocket money for the week. Is this OK?</span><br /><br />Absolutely.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Re:
Can we put a caveat on her spending like no lollies, fizzy drinks or
junk food-her behavior is so much worse if she has these things-she can
buy books, toys clothes or save some for example?</span><br /><br />Yes but …here’s one caveat to your caveat: Allow her to have one “treat” that falls into the junk food category per week.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Re:
…what happens if we have bad behavior during the week-can we tie it all
in together-bad behavior, no money or is that a separate issue of
consequences?</span><br /><br />Make the consequence fit the “crime” (i.e.,
the misbehavior) as much as possible. Not every poor choice your
daughter makes will be linked to money.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Re: Domestic battery.</span>
This should involve the authorities if it happens again. You don’t want
to send her the message that physical violence goes un-punished.<br /><br />Mark<br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span></div><p></p></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-14986625277040970682023-03-25T08:10:00.008-07:002023-03-25T08:10:47.047-07:00Son won't be able to graduate but continues to go out at night rather than focus on school...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0UzmSCVmFbT0ix08RiMWSDgruA8ud4kQMBab4mg8oC0x6zRG86dch3myKc6egM61lPaWFUaZDykX-V6ZE2u6LHHSQsrP8_tXQ9wHIFIaOrTfKUFboHgxZhkwS_1LeEKzxGxs0tuZjYmZzfJWiYwWDWEzXvqWwrQpe3kiZ0mV77GxIyn0cdJw/s400/adult%20child%20living%20at%20home%202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="249" data-original-width="400" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0UzmSCVmFbT0ix08RiMWSDgruA8ud4kQMBab4mg8oC0x6zRG86dch3myKc6egM61lPaWFUaZDykX-V6ZE2u6LHHSQsrP8_tXQ9wHIFIaOrTfKUFboHgxZhkwS_1LeEKzxGxs0tuZjYmZzfJWiYwWDWEzXvqWwrQpe3kiZ0mV77GxIyn0cdJw/w230-h143/adult%20child%20living%20at%20home%202.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>I wanted to get some final advice from you relative to my soon to be 18 year old son. Your website advise was great and the personality traits you explain have been dead on. I think we learned this a bit late in the game though.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">We are at the point where it is highly unlikely that he will graduate. He continues to say he will be able to graduate but continues to go out with friends at night rather than focus on school. We have not planned for any grad events and I do admit to feeling guilty as this should be such a wonderful time of his life. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><i><span>Question One</span></i><span><i>:</i> What should our attitude be toward grad? We know his work is not done to graduate and yet he insists he will be fine. He even wants to get a suit this week-end?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span class="text" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><b><span>== > The more you take responsibility for your son's academics, the less responsibility he will take. The problem is an ownership problem. Let go of ownership of your son’s education. This problem belongs to your son. When you give up ownership, your son will have to make a choice - he'll have to decide if he will or will not accept ownership of his education. And he'll lose the power of pushing your education buttons, to frustrate and worry you.</span></b></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><b><span><br /><br /><span class="text">Out-of-control teens intentionally perform poorly to push their parents’ buttons. Often parents are in a never-ending cycle of their kid’s sabotage. Since parents are continuously telling their kids how important an education is, their kids use this information to anger them. The more parents try, the less out-of-control kids work.</span><br /><br /><span class="text">Many people who are successful in life performed poorly in school.</span> <span class="text">Your son is not going to end up sitting on the street corner with a tin can waiting for coins to be handed him from sympathetic passersby. Get rid of the fear that poor school performance will damage his future. When he decides it's time to succeed, he will. I've never meet a kid yet that didn't realize - at some point - that he at least needed to get a GED</span></span>.<o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">He has his car a cell phone taken away and this has been the case for a week. He only needs to do chores to pay us back money he owes but says there is not point as he doesn't get anything when he works hard or does chores??? (Fact is we always give him a break but he always forgets.)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> <br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><i><span> </span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><i><span>Question Two</span></i><span><i>:</i> Will he ever get it? Work equals pay?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">He does not work and has no money. He says he will work part-time this summer (He will be 18) and work fulltime in the all. We know he is emotionally immature and he puts his friends before everything. We believe he should work full-time in order to pay his bills.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">== > If he is living in your house at the age of 18 – and not attending school, then working to pay his room and board should be mandatory. If he refuses to pay room and board, then you need to (a) help him find an apartment, (b) help him move, (c) pay his first month’s rent, and (d) let go (i.e., he can certainly come home to visit, but he can no longer live at home). This is the parental tough love that separates the women from the girls (so to speak). Which are you mom?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><span><i>Question 3:</i></span><span> Do you think at 18 he should be cut off from everything and told to pay his way? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyText" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; font-weight: bold;">== > Yes. In addition to what you’ve listed below, he should pay a reasonable rent as well as buy most of his own food. How long will you be willing to continue to raise an adult child?</span> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">We would provide a home and food but he will pay for cell phone, gas, car insurance, eating out, etc.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">He does not talk to us most of the time and is always gone. This makes it difficult to apply what we have learned in your program as he is not receptive. When we do finally get his attention, it is usually negative as he has not done his chores, gone to school etc. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> Join Online Parent Support</a></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> <br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><i><span> </span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><i><span>Question 4:</span></i><span><i> </i>How do we handle a non-communicative teen?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><b><span>== > I think you have a deadbeat child on your hands (no offense - I’m sure he is a great kid). </span>The latest parenting challenge is dealing with adult children who have no intention of leaving the nest. Many 18- to 25-year-olds either return home after college or they've never even left home. Parents are worried that their kids will NEVER leave home.<span> </span>Why do over-indulged kids refuse to leave the nest?<o:p></o:p></b><br /><br /><b>1. They Are Unprepared-- They are overwhelmed or unmotivated to live independently. They would rather play it safe by occupying the family home, playing computer games and delivering pizza. These kids often grow up living the life of the privileged. Here, well-meaning parents provide their children with all the amenities congruent with an affluent lifestyle. The parents are focused on doing more for their children than what their parents did for them – at the expense of keeping them dependent. Kids don't move out because they've got it made! When your financial generosity isn't combined with teaching kids how to become self-sufficient at an early age, we cannot expect them to automatically possess adequate life skills when they reach legal adulthood. How will they gain the skills to confidently live their own life when they haven't had the opportunity to do things for themselves?<br /><br />2. They Are Cautious or Clueless-- They are committed, but unsure how to discover their ideal career path. They approach college with the same trial and error mindset their parents had only to find out that it no longer prepares them for today's competitive world. Parents do their kids a disservice by waiting until they are 17 or 18 before initiating career-related discussions. In our dynamic society where change is a daily diet, this is much too late! It's best to start young, at age 13. This stage of development is the perfect time to begin connecting the dots between what they love to do and possible career options. It can take years to prepare for the perfect career. Beginning early will help teens maximize their opportunities in high school and make college a much better investment.<br /><br />3. They Have Personal Problems--They don't have effective life coping skills, have failed relationships or are grieving some other loss or wrestling with a challenging life event. If your son is struggling emotionally, don't make the mistake of thinking it will somehow magically get better without an intervention. Tough love requires that you insist your adolescent get professional help so that he or she can move forward. If you don't know how to have that kind of conversation, consider getting help from a parenting expert.<br /><br />4. They Have Mounting Debt-- They've accumulated significant credit card debt and moving back in with their parents is a way to pay it off. According to the National Credit Card Research Foundation, 55 percent of students ages 16 to 22 have at least one credit card. If your teen falls into this group, make sure you monitor spending together online. Helping your teen understand how to budget and manage credit cards will be important for handling a household budget in the future. Kids can't learn to manage money if they don't have any or if parents always pay for everything. If your offspring moves back home, I recommend you charge a nominal amount for room and board. As an adult member of your household, it's important for your young adult to contribute to household chores and expenses.<br /><span> </span><br />Determine Goals and Stick to Them— Most parents enjoy having their children visit and will consider offering some short-term help. However, indulging an adult child's inaction does not help your son begin his own life. If your child defaults on your agreement, be willing to enforce consequences to help him launch into responsible adulthood.<o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><b>I’ve been kinda tough on you in this email S___, but I know you would want the truth.<o:p></o:p></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Stay tough,<br /><br />Mark</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank"><b>==> Join Online Parent Support</b></a></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-52628484610516748542022-10-02T06:51:00.000-07:002022-10-02T06:51:54.413-07:00The "Grief Cycle" that Many Parents of Defiant Teenagers Experience<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-70453662524927044282022-06-28T05:03:00.004-07:002022-06-28T05:10:53.141-07:00Parents have a severely out-of-control 16 year old daughter...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: medium;">QUESTION:</span></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><i> </i></div><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglsfbw-xJFT1pGAax7BwD7HpwGjgXMw3AI30jIsMQChgP2XaSeFuhD6dWtNkVz3u-rP9RlZV1FzbUObkOfoDXjDCL7_r4NivfA_tHJDMlr8uyrfidmCBmvk4A87E1uwIatcz8cdf0rsiCO_-n9ELA55uh5cnAZ1KusBiT3eW20IzFxNcsNODE/s200/Aspergers%20girls%20and%20depression.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="150" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglsfbw-xJFT1pGAax7BwD7HpwGjgXMw3AI30jIsMQChgP2XaSeFuhD6dWtNkVz3u-rP9RlZV1FzbUObkOfoDXjDCL7_r4NivfA_tHJDMlr8uyrfidmCBmvk4A87E1uwIatcz8cdf0rsiCO_-n9ELA55uh5cnAZ1KusBiT3eW20IzFxNcsNODE/s1600/Aspergers%20girls%20and%20depression.jpg" width="150" /></a></div></i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Hi I'm Yvonne and I have an out of control 16 year old daughter. For the past year and a half we have been having issues on a weekly bases with our daughter. I will fill you in quickly on some of the things that we have been dealing with over this time.
</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">
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She was wagging school, suspended on 3 occasions for smoking in school uniform, got suspended for drinking at school, left home for 5 days and wouldn't let us know where she was. Started casual at McDonalds in Jan. this year but 1 mo. later decided that she didn't want to got to school anymore so left to work at McDonalds full time but got on average 15 - 25 hours a week and spent the rest of the time hanging out with her friends why we were at work. Then in March got fired for stealing money out of the register (for a friend). Had people over when we weren't here and they did a burnout in our carport and did about $1,000 damage to the new concrete that we installed not long ago got. Has told me that she is smoking weed on weekends when she is with her friends. We have on many occasions had money go missing from our wallet and have to keep them in our room and I take mine to the shower in the morning just in case she comes into our room. We feel that we can't leave anything lying around the house and I feel sick having to live like this in our own home.</i></div><i>
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What we have done.</i></div><i>
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I wake her in the morning and she has to be out of the house at 7.30 when I leave for work as I have told her that she can't be trusted after everything that has happened to be left in the home that she has no respect for. </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b> <br /></i></div><i>
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We use to pay her for doing chores around the house but have stopped this lately as she needs to get out their and find a job and the chores that she does do (not often) is payment for the food, and bed that she has within the home. </i></div><i>
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We have 2 international students with us at the moment and one had $100 go missing out of his bag and of course we know who took it but she always says that she hasn't. This is the last straw as we have once again had to cover money that she has taken from other people and it would add up to around the $700 or more over the last 2 years. </i></div><i>
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We love our daughter but don't like the things or the people that she is involved with at the moment and have tried everything we can think of going as far as calling the police who came and had a talk to her.</i></div><i>
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I know why she does a lot of things she does and that is she is a large girl for her age and feels that no one likes her so she does anything and everything to get attention whether it be good or bad and this is something that we noticed from the age of about 9 years. She has an older sister 21 and a younger brother 13. She gets on well with her brother, just the usual kid fights. Her elder sister and her had a good relationship up until the age of about 12 when the age gap between them started to show and her elder sister didn't want her around any more, and has not been a close relationship since. Her elder sister has just moved to the UK for up to 5 years so is no longer at home.</i></div><i>
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This is just touching the surface but hope that you can give us some advice. At the moment my husband and I are ready to pack her bags and send her out into the big wide world to fend for her self as we had enough.</i></div><i>
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Can't wait to hear from you,</i></div><i>
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Desperate Parents Yvonne and Phil</i></div><i>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">ANSWER:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;">Hi Yvonne and Phil,</div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Re: smoking pot and drinking…</span></div>
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Please forward this part of the email to your daughter. I would like for her to read the following:</div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">Hi,<br /><br />I am sorry that you feel so lonely and overwhelmed. I can sense the sadness in you and I am here to tell you that you can feel a lot better about yourself and your life. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better. I have worked with many kids your age who got their lives back under control and who became the people they wanted to be. They all were unsure whether they could handle turning their lives around but with their own courage and some support from caring family, friends and talented professionals, they did it. <br /><br />You and I both know that weed can be very psychologically addicting. If you are lonely, getting a little high or quite stoned can temporarily make you feel better -- but as you know, when the high wears off, reality hits you in the face again. You must let your folks know how you have been feeling and tell them about your use of weed. They must assume some responsibility for their part in this and be the parents that you need them to be. I know that talking to them about this scares you and I don't know what their response will be. <br /><br />You MUST trust some adult to help you. You cannot do this on your own and it's not because you're a weak or bad kid, it's because right now you are too overwhelmed with sadness and despair. Confide in an adult, school counselor or clergy member whom you trust. Let them take some of the burden. They will be honored that you have chosen them to trust. It's the first big step that you have to take. You need a support system and the knowledge that grownups will stand by you as you show how much courage and determination you have. <br /><br />You were not meant to fail school, to have no true friends, to dull yourself with weed. You were meant to know happiness and joy. There are many people out there, just waiting for a friend like you - people who don't need you to do drugs with them to be your friend. Let someone into your life who will help guide you and support you as you come back to life, to be the girl you were truly meant to be.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b> <br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Re: running away…</span></div>
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The following is a brief list of suggestions that can help reduce the risk of a runaway. Keep in mind that these are only suggestions than may help. If the risk is high, and your relationship is extremely poor, including the level of trust, then these suggestions may not help.</div>
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· If you get overwhelmed or upset, tell your child "I'm overwhelmed and a little upset. I need a break and a chance to calm down and think about this." Then tell them you want a 20 minute (or so) break and then you will talk to them again. Be sure to take a break. </div>
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· Never call you teenager names or label them with words like liar, a thief, a brat, a punk, childish, immature, untrustworthy, selfish, cruel, unkind, stupid, etc... These words will not help. Your child will only begin to think of you in negative terms and may even start calling you worse names. </div>
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· Never dare your child to run away because you think they may not. </div>
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· Never explain yourself or argue if your child expects you to justify the fact that you do not agree. </div>
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· Never interrupt your teenager when they are talking or trying to explain something - even if you disagree. Waite until they are done. </div>
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· Never raise your voice or yell - especially when your teenager is raising their voice or yelling. </div>
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· Never use sarcasm or a negative attitude that demonstrates that you do not respect your teenager.</div>
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· Remember you can also agree with your child, but you don't have to let them do whatever they want. For instance, you might agree that their is be no significant difference between some teenagers who are 17 years old and some people who are 21 years old, but that does not mean you will allow teenagers to consume alcohol at a party at your house. </div>
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· Remind yourself that simply listening and telling your child that you understand does not mean you will agree when they are finished, nor does it mean you will do what they seem to want. </div>
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· Stay calm and quiet, make eye contact, and don't respond if your child is angry, shouting or in a rage. Wait until they are calm. </div>
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· Talk less and use fewer words than your teenagers. </div>
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· Tell you teenager that you understand what they are saying. Say "I understand." And if you don't understand, say "I'm not sure I understand, ...tell me again." </div>
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· When two parents are speaking with a teenagers, it is important to take turns, but be careful to let your teenagers speak as much as BOTH parents speak. Both parents should talk equally and use less words than their child. </div>
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· When you don't agree and you are certain that you understand your teenager's point of view (and your teenager believes you understand) tell your teenager. "I think I understand, but I don't agree with you. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don't have to agree." </div>
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· When your teenager stops talking, ask "Is there anything else you want to tell me." </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b> <br /></div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Re: theft…</span></div>
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When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow through with strict consequences. For example, when a teen is caught shoplifting, the parent can take the child back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened. If the teen steals from parents or other family members, the police should be called and theft charges should be filed. The teen's embarrassment at facing up to what she did makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong. </div>
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Re: hanging with the wrong crowd…</span></div>
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Don't expect to like all your teen's friends. After all, do you like all your friends' children?</div>
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Accept teens 'try out' friends in the same way that they 'try out' fashions, lifestyles and even values in their search for a new adult identity. Avoid over-reacting and take comfort from the fact that many teen friendships are transitory!</div>
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Get to know your teen's friends... don't exclude them. You can't hold an opinion about somebody you don't know, as your teenager will be only too quick to tell you. Encourage your teen to hang out with friends at home. Get to know them and understand what your teen sees in them. It's easier to keep an eye on potential troublemakers when they're under your own roof.</div>
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Don't sweat the small stuff... base decisions on facts, not emotions. Try to keep feelings out of the picture and avoid unsubstantiated judgments. It will only annoy your teen and send her off complaining to her friends. Look past superficial images to the people they really are. You may find that you like them. Accept experimentation when things don't really matter; hair color and body-piercings are easily reversible. Be firm on rules that are important to you, like courtesy and consideration in the home.</div>
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Avoid criticism and keep communication open. Your teenager views criticism as an attack on his own judgment and may resort to secrecy to keep you off his back. Try to initiate positive discussion about your child's general social life and interests. This can also be a good time to subtly encourage other social opportunities such as part-time work or extracurricular activities.</div>
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Above all, make sure your teen understands that you are always available to talk about concerns and provide non-judgmental advice. It's the best way to keep track of small problems before they turn into major issues. If facts truly point to a potentially harmful situation, seek expert advice on an appropriate course of action.</div>
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Mark Hutten, M.A.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b> <br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">=================================<br /></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
MORE ARTICLES.....</span><br /></div>
</div>
<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/s200/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="154" data-original-width="200" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxN3ytBJnasK7W0qLVY_lk-A_FO8-YhPbLqKiAq1fZXvnPODdsrev0g9QQO2PSm40b-_1jZOOOJfEnnI5v5o4GJ2vT6x-jJlF1sbuphVNg5MjKIJ4RKHz-UWTGTka-tXrLvktrAA/w167-h129/angry+aspergers+teens.gif" width="167" /></a></div>One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">little boy</span>
rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining
my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but
you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.<br /><br />During
adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their
own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school.
Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with
alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">normal teen rebellion</span> versus <span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-style: italic;" style="font-style: italic;">dangerous behavior</span>? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?<br /><br /><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for full article...</div><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/s568/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="494" data-original-width="568" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSi-sDXx1sCIyAGGboKOWEgRfux1-VqtrrGuRHd2bR1oX_Uigewzoas_9xCyLpFHbx-UItcdopWB9nRyKL_qNPcRbhsMs8dd9B2nP3vODJ5IeStTsGlgjrvwObGs5isH7fz6Z_hA/w173-h150/anger+is+aspergers+child.jpg" width="173" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a
battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected.
After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be
so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is
occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.<br /><br />Outbursts,
rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of
life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our
children. But what does it cost us?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/ODD-child.html"><span data-blogger-escaped-style="font-weight: bold;" style="font-weight: bold;">Click here</span></a> for the full article...</div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">------------------------------</p><p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/s200/angry+girls+autism.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="200" height="107" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5oH3yyJcQ6Qc43KMS4ci9SqkfP7qZ6kN-4sRDULNejfaskv8j5Rnv6QbS0jq2pNwGLCgbVstfNCkDWc4GIx7w6K7uIceZtW6pnD-IwAqI3QUtA-a9xHbuzVvd0ECIaLTFKFKQ1A/w142-h107/angry+girls+autism.jpg" width="142" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical”
teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with
serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages,
self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with
the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of
the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to
control.<br /></div><div><br /><a href="http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/audio-course.html"><b>Click here</b></a> for the full article... <br /><p></p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-66784526672543830962022-05-15T07:53:00.002-07:002022-05-15T07:54:13.284-07:00When Your Teenager's "Best Friend" is a Negative Influence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSTpoZ8iMK4GhuHcf59A6o7VzJoEpT5-G01CdJSRFAH_h-NMWU2RPQKTDxyfwmiDu4sQt9oz6bwFdX9K5BGXOyCP24lA3yWo5UH4k5Uh9__tbWNl-PQleU7pIO_7jc4zXmHkMfpg/s1600/teen+daughter%27s+best+friend+is+a+negative+influence.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSTpoZ8iMK4GhuHcf59A6o7VzJoEpT5-G01CdJSRFAH_h-NMWU2RPQKTDxyfwmiDu4sQt9oz6bwFdX9K5BGXOyCP24lA3yWo5UH4k5Uh9__tbWNl-PQleU7pIO_7jc4zXmHkMfpg/w245-h163/teen+daughter's+best+friend+is+a+negative+influence.jpg" width="245" /></a></div>
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<i>"I am reading and reading <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank"><b>your eBook</b></a>, and I like it so far - makes a lot of sense - but the biggest problem for me with my teens especially the 16 year old girl is who her friends are. She has one best friend, and doesn't seem to hang around or call too many others - only one or two on the phone. But this girl is NOT one that is a positive influence in my daughter's life. While she is basically a sweet girl, she has had problems with drugs (in rehab type program) smokes (and now so does my daughter) has run away from home over night she is depressed and says she takes meds for her mood swings as well, and her parents that aren't as stable as would be preferred - and most sad is often accused by other kids of her "cheating" with my daughter's boyfriend, which kills my daughter but she always ends up believing her or at least saying so. </i></div>
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<i>My daughter is often depressed and she says things like "I can't take any more" and she says I will kill myself when I tell her I think the other girl is a bad influence. She says she doesn't mean it but it scared me so now she sees a therapist. She had a different friend of exactly the same type but she "left" her for this girl. While she was friends with the other one, she "tried" drinking wine coolers and experimented a lot with sex. I have let her continue to hang out with her supervised at my house - but - I let her go to the movies with her the other night - telling her I decided to trust her - and specifically asked her to "do the right thing" - and stated that meant she was not to leave the movie theatre for any reason and I specifically said don't leave the building to go and smoke. She came home - I asked to smell her breath - and sure enough she smoked outside in front of the theatre - or so she says. </i></div>
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<i>I can't figure out whether I am to allow her to hang out with this girl - I want her so badly to be friends with people who are on the HAPPIER side of life. I understand teenage angst, but these girls are really dark and down. How do I find advice about this? I am so desperate about this."</i></div>
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The need for acceptance, approval, and belonging is vital during the teen years. Teens who feel isolated or rejected by their peers — or in their family — are more likely to engage in risky behaviors in order to fit in with a group. In such situations, peer pressure can impair good judgment and fuel risk-taking behavior, drawing a teen away from the family and positive influences and luring into dangerous activities.</div>
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For example, teens with ADHD, ODD, learning differences or disabilities, depression, etc., are often rejected due to their behavior, and thus are more likely to associate with other rejected and/or delinquent peers. Some experts believe that teenage girls frequently enter into sexual relationships when what they are seeking is acceptance, approval, and love.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b> </b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents</a></span> <br /></div>
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A powerful negative peer influence can motivate a teen to make choices and engage in behavior that his or her values might otherwise reject. Some teens will risk being grounded, losing their parents' trust, or even facing jail time, just to try and fit in or feel like they have a group of friends they can identify with and who accept them. Sometimes, teens will change the way they dress, their friends, give up their values or create new ones, depending on the people they hang around with.</div>
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Some teens harbor secret lives governed by the influence of their peers. Some — including those who appear to be well-behaved, high-achieving teens — engage in negative, even dangerous behavior when with their peers. Once influenced, teens may continue the slide into problems with the law, substance abuse, school problems, authority defiance, gang involvement, etc. If your daughter associates with peers who are using drugs or displaying self-destructive behaviors, then she is probably doing the same. </div>
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It is important to encourage friendships among teens. We all want our children to be with peers who will have a positive influence, and stay away from those who will encourage or engage in harmful, destructive, immoral, or illegal activities. Parents can support positive peer relationships by giving their teenagers their love, time, boundaries, and encouragement to think for themselves.</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Specifically, parents can show support by:</i></div>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Be genuinely interested in your teen's activities. This allows parents to know their teen's friends and to monitor behavior, which is crucial in keeping teens out of trouble. When misbehavior does occur, parents who have involved their children in setting family rules and consequences can expect less flack from their children as they calmly enforce the rules. Parents who, together with their teens, set firm boundaries and high expectations may find that their teens' abilities to live up to those expectations grow.</li>
<li>Encourage independent thought and expression. In this way, teens can develop a healthy sense of self and an enhanced ability to resist peer pressure.</li>
<li>Have a positive relationship with your teen. When parent-teen interactions are characterized by warmth, kindness, consistency, respect, and love, the relationship will flourish, as will the teen's self-esteem, mental health, spirituality, and social skills.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You may not be comfortable about your daughter's choice of friends or peer group. This may be because of their image, negative attitudes, or serious behaviors (e.g., alcohol use, drug use, truancy, violence, sexual behaviors, etc.).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents</a></span> <br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Here are some suggestions:</i></div>
<ul style="text-align: justify;">
<li>Check whether your concerns about your daughter's friends are real and important.</li>
<li>Do not attack your her friends. Remember that criticizing your teen's choice of friends is like a personal attack.</li>
<li>Encourage reflective thinking by helping your teen think about her actions in advance and discussing immediate and long-term consequences of risky behavior.</li>
<li>Encourage your teen's independence by supporting decision-making based on principles and not other people.</li>
<li>Get to know the friends of your teen. Learn their names, invite them into your home so you can talk and listen to them, and introduce yourself to their parents.</li>
<li>Help your teen understand the difference between image (expressions of youth culture) and identity (who he or she is).</li>
<li>If you believe your concerns are serious, talk to your daughter about her behavior and choices -- not the friends.</li>
<li>Keep the lines of communication open and find out why these friends are important to your daughter.</li>
<li>Let your teen know of your concerns and feelings.</li>
<li>Remember that we all learn valuable lessons from mistakes. </li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
No matter what kind of peer influence your daughter faces, she must learn how to balance the value of going along with the crowd (connection) against the importance of making principle-based decisions (independence). </div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents</a></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-32306836648162599152022-01-03T07:54:00.001-08:002022-01-03T07:54:17.227-08:00Is your defiant teenager depressed or extremely manipulative or a combination of both?<div style="text-align: justify;"><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgBYUqWhTFmwdrB_EQfxqLpoVT-hWQ5TDWu8D0Jj5rkcxcc62dK0TMfwUVhvAAQdpS7YhE9SNYf9gBCYD0UJaDEhWYSVHbbDqm49KXQ6cJcReLYwGHW-JmljDAPqMf-sq5K5p6QmTLDZ_c3ecmtPKs-5gV-CB14csb7bGMS3URPG1TgXSLiwVY=s210" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="210" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgBYUqWhTFmwdrB_EQfxqLpoVT-hWQ5TDWu8D0Jj5rkcxcc62dK0TMfwUVhvAAQdpS7YhE9SNYf9gBCYD0UJaDEhWYSVHbbDqm49KXQ6cJcReLYwGHW-JmljDAPqMf-sq5K5p6QmTLDZ_c3ecmtPKs-5gV-CB14csb7bGMS3URPG1TgXSLiwVY=w158-h148" width="158" /></a></div>My 14 (almost 15) yr. old son is dating a 17 yr. girl. Just about the time he started seeing her, my almost 17 yr. son came to me because he felt his brother was showing signs of depression. The oldest son is very mature, kind, very religious, and sensitive towards others, particularly his brothers. He showed me how to access his brother's instant messaging e-mails. I was then able to get into my son's head (he's not very talkative) and find out what is going on with his girlfriend because I had some concerns about their relationship. Also in his e-mails, he told his friends that he was very sad but didn't know why and that he doesn't believe in God. I kept on eye on it and didn't see anything more in the e-mail about him being sad nor did I notice him looking down until I grounded him. The younger one has had his moments of bad moods over the years, and with the combination of hormones and having a girlfriend in the picture, I decided to monitor it. </i><br /><i>
</i><br /><i>
Long story short, I told him I didn't want him to be alone in the car with her. That's what started the terrible outbursts. My husband and I came home to them in our driveway and I knew they were doing more than kissing. I found out more on the e-mail. They are not there yet (physically) but will be if I don't try and prevent it. He doesn't know about the e-mail, of course. After I told him my concerns about being alone in the car with her, he had a major temper tantrum like I never saw before. He swore at me, threw things and screamed at me. I grounded him over the weekend. That meant more tantrums. My husband was out of town so I had to do this all by myself. My son took full advantage of his dad not being around and let it all out. Screaming and crying for hours begging and begging to go out. </i><br /><i>
</i><br /><i>
He was telling me how very sad he was and that he needed to talk to his friends. Normally, he is a very good kid. Does very well in school (except after I told him about the car issue and the straight A student received a D on a test recently) and has great friends (including his girlfriend). I stood my ground with the grounding, but he was wearing me down. He followed me throughout the house crying and begging. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I went into the bathroom a lot that day (yesterday) to get away from him. Sometimes he would get into a fetal position. At one point he grabbed a knife and said he was going to use it on himself. I didn't let on but I didn't believe him. The 17 yr old got it away from him. My older son was so upset that he broke down sobbing. I ended up calling the police after he threatened to take some pills. They talked to him and got him on the phone with a crisis center and recommended that he see someone. He told the counselor that if he had had a gun, he would have used it. </i><br /><i>
</i><br /><i>
Afterwards, he was very tired and calm after 8 hrs of crying and went to bed (it was rather late). I was exhausted. At 6:45, he woke me up (it was a Sunday) to ask if it was now all right for him to see his friends that day. Technically, he was still grounded. After the scare from the night before, and the fact that I didn't want to go through it again...I told him yes. He ended up telling me his plans (his girlfriend was going to pick him up) and they were going out to eat and then her parent’s house to watch a movie. He was smiling when he walked in the door after being with her. He then asked me when dinner was because he wanted to go for some ice cream with her. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop when he was going to approach me again to tell me what his plans were. I didn't want to get into because I wasn't sure what stand to take. Apparently, she couldn't go, so instead of eating dinner, he went to be at 7pm. </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i> </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b> </i><br /><i>
</i><br /><i>
I am so confused. Is he depressed or extremely manipulative or a combination of both? Regardless, I know he has a problem of some sort but....... it’s difficult to parent because I'm afraid of what he might do. I am going to seek help. I've already tried someone today but he wasn't available. On Friday, I did put a call into the guidance counselor but he wasn't available. Who should he see?</i><br /><i>
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Thank you</i><br /><br />
`````````````````````````````````````````<br /><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">Dear Parent,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Whether or not you feel that he is serious or just wanting the attention from it, you need to get him help. And I do not mean, talking to a counselor at school when he might be available next. I mean inpatient care if possible.</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
This can be done through a family doctor, or the ER. After any threat or attempt, it is best to have the teen evaluated by medical professionals. </span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
This does several things. It helps to "feel out" if it was a threat or real. If it was real, it will be the first step in getting him help, and in helping him to understand that there are better ways to deal with his emotions. Second, if he was using it as a tool to get what he wants, he will learn very quickly that threatening to harm himself will not get him what he thinks it will - and is not ok to do.</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
Next time you do ground him, I would suggest to prevent what happened over this instance, don’t just ground him to your house. Take the computer, the cell phones, and tell him he comes out of his room (a) to eat when you call him to eat, (b) to go to the bathroom (but no more than 10 minutes can be spent in the bathroom at a time), (c) for emergencies of course - but not self created ones.</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
While I don’t advise reading your teen's emails, I feel that in this case you had reason to do so. I am not sure if you ought to read each and every email though. You might want to sit down with his girlfriend’s parents, and address some of your concerns about the physical part of your son's and their daughter’s relationship. It may very well be that they are unaware of the extent of it.</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
Remind your son, that due to federal and state law, once his girlfriend turns 18, the relationship with her will have to stop. She will be considered an adult, and he is still a minor. </span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
But most important, I wouldn’t wait more then 24-36 hours before he sees someone. Admit him if you have to. </span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
Mark</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><br /><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span><b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-12022187990477292372021-12-24T06:50:00.000-08:002021-12-24T06:50:05.990-08:00Passive versus Active Parenting<p style="text-align: justify;"><i></i></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7XRXJ80YMNrliKPp1g-IMDUpOQWVSc9cgEsCGTkEepiXCetzs95w5DLcrgo8oNtk50bX507EppDplnxcZwIY__qLw-FLciOOvgc8jjliM5HsW0PXn_ukqO_gf3y9V5cty3RqjQ/s507/how+aspergers+adults+can+make+friends.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="507" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif7XRXJ80YMNrliKPp1g-IMDUpOQWVSc9cgEsCGTkEepiXCetzs95w5DLcrgo8oNtk50bX507EppDplnxcZwIY__qLw-FLciOOvgc8jjliM5HsW0PXn_ukqO_gf3y9V5cty3RqjQ/w194-h129/how+aspergers+adults+can+make+friends.jpg" width="194" /></a></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Hi Mark, Thanks for sharing and helping us parents who are frustrated and absolutely dumbfounded as to what to do with our little darlings. My question to you is how do parents who are divorced work together and stay consistent? My ex and I are equally worried and upset with our 17yr old boy. We however, have very different parenting styles. I'm more into boundaries and keeping the lines of communication open. My ex lets our son run the show. I cannot tell my ex what to do or how to handle situations because he doesn't like anyone doing this, especially his ex. He takes everything very personally. </i><br /></div><div><p></p><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>
I have raised my son for over 16 yrs. My son is now living with his dad. He needs to see if the grass is greener and in some ways it is through his eyes. Less structure, way more freedom, no chores, no sch. meals, girlfriend can sleepover, money magically appears in his bank acct., curfew not enforced. These are just a few examples that I cannot deal with. His father doesn't know how to parent, because historically his been the Disneyland parent and now he needs to be the real parent and he doesn't know where to begin. Can you give me some simple steps that will help us see eye to eye just a little? I do plan on offering your web page to him. Yes or No ...Thanks for your time and wisdom, D.</i><br /></div><i>
</i><br />
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<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">
Hi D.,<br />
<br />
Yes …please do offer the website and eBook. Do your best to recruit your ex as a partner in problem solving in spite of the fact that he seems to be on the opposite page from you.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">==> A weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a strong plan supported by only one parent. <==</span><br />
<br />
Your situation is far from ideal. Your husband is apparently doing a lot of things that contribute to the problem rather than help resolve it. However, that system tends to break down in the long run. </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">Here’s the pattern I see quite frequently with divorced parents:<br />
<br />
1. Child does not like the structured environment with the ‘active parent’ (i.e., the one in which the parent issues and enforces house rules).<br /> </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">2. Child moves to the least restrictive environment with ‘passive parent’ (i.e., the one in which the parent has few rules/expectations).<br /> </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">3. Due to low supervision/monitoring, the child gets into significant trouble (e.g., at school, with the law, etc.) – or -- child and ‘passive parent’ get into a huge argument, thus ‘passive parent’ kicks child out of his/her home.<br /> </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">4. Child returns to the ‘active parent’s’ home.<br />
<br />
Your husband is trying to be the “good guy” – but the “good guy” usually only maintains “good-guy-status” for the short-term due to the following: The more free hand-outs of stuff and freedom the ‘passive parent’ issues, the more the child expects and desires (enough is never enough!). </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;" trbidi="on">This strong sense of entitlement on the part of the child tends to grate on the ‘passive parent’s’ nerves over time, resulting in some serious parent-child conflict.<br />
<br />
In any event, remember that a weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a strong plan supported by only one parent. <br />
<br />
Good luck,<br />
<br />
Mark<br /></div><div style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: medium;">==> <a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">JOIN </a><a href="https://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2014/12/effective-disciplinary-techniques-for.html" target="_blank">Online Parent Support</a></span></b></div>
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-36910674804619871982021-12-24T06:49:00.007-08:002021-12-25T07:32:45.789-08:00Why is Parental Involvement Important in Education?<p style="text-align: justify;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilGjPjRNZUw2z9-13kuDkG903tzlXSbcfB-bTEqJOc0nQAUfRNsfa895aY_IcrqfO3kkH-XY0WHFZEXYaA6ODJkE14Y0NFMjD14wofXCu3nvcNTY5YuL20S9fNOhAtVXBKP6II_mc3goLuy4QXiVmJSpZrJxwtSJj1VW7bpLHdZ2ZuGBOlJe8=s1999" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1335" data-original-width="1999" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilGjPjRNZUw2z9-13kuDkG903tzlXSbcfB-bTEqJOc0nQAUfRNsfa895aY_IcrqfO3kkH-XY0WHFZEXYaA6ODJkE14Y0NFMjD14wofXCu3nvcNTY5YuL20S9fNOhAtVXBKP6II_mc3goLuy4QXiVmJSpZrJxwtSJj1VW7bpLHdZ2ZuGBOlJe8=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Good education is a way to a successful future. You can agree or not with this statement, but it is the general thought of modern society. Special colleges and universities that graduate future billionaires are available to a small number of students and have no free places for common people. Big money, big intellect or special connections can open the road to these places. <br /><br />The main problem for those who want to become a part of this system is that you need to start studying deeper and harder from the first years, but 6 or 7 years old children can’t plan so far. He can’t even schedule his future for a few weeks ahead. The only way for them to become successful is the involvement of parents in their education. However, it does not work for the best, because parents forget that they make their dreams come true, using their children. Let’s find out a shortlist of the pros and cons of the increased involvement for both sides.<br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Parental Involvement: Controlling Scenario </span><br /><br />Here we discuss the situation when parents push a lot and control the education process a lot.<br /><br /></p><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Parents can try to raise an IT child, although he has inclinations to art.</b> This dangerous way doesn’t lead to success in a good case and leads to hatred to studying in a bad case. Listening to a child's needs, trying different directions, discussions and guiding are the only way.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Parents stop paying attention to their private life and spend too much money on the education of a child</b>. Some parents devote their lives to their child's education and count on gratitude in the future. They leave jobs to bring him from one class or sports section to another during the whole working day, so they can’t focus on their plans and lives.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>As a result, the child can enter the university that parents planned easily.</b> This is good news if the parents were right with their choice. Deep knowledge is great anyway and can be used when you are not expecting this, but it is much better when you are proud of what you want and what you do instead of ignoring it.</li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Parental Involvement: Balanced Scenario</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">At the same time, the lack of control is also bad for the majority of children. That’s why the balance is necessary and we believe that it will lead only to positive results. Let’s find them to assure everyone that parental involvement is not only important but extremely necessary.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>More control - less wasted time.</b> Social networks and youtube videos are thieves of time for everyone, but adults can control themselves, unlike children who have more energy and want to be in trend most of all. To help them with scheduling their free time is an important task for every parent.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Doing homework together creates deeper connections between parents and children.</b> We don’t say that adults should do something instead of students, but discussions, explanations, and extra examples work great to everybody’s understanding in general. Checking tasks and paying extra attention to possible problems is very helpful.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Discovering together the inclinations and hobbies help children to develop in the direction they like.</b> Thanks to this, studying doesn't seem like studying anymore. Here we also mean sports and art, robotics and IT directions, geography and nature.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Competitions and prizes increase self-esteem for everyone.</b> Different olympiads even at school work perfectly for every person. You should create close goals and long goals to estimate your success. Children work harder when they see the end of it and the reward they will get.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Controlling the social connections of the child.</b> When you know what your child prefers you can predict his social connection and influence them. If you and your child are the chess lovers. </li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Support in activities that develop a child.</b> If you see that your child likes guitar playing or asks Santha for a ball every year then you need to move this way. It doesn't mean that you need to leave all other activities and science. Children change their opinion so fast that you can hardly keep up with them. The role of adults in this situation is to identify and support the real interest of their baby.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Following the tendencies in studying and checking that your school corresponds to them.</b> Do you know that studying programs change every year? They look different compared to the programs when you were a student. Gadget influenced all spheres and education is not an exception. They run faster and don’t need to spend time on things like making copies of lecture notes or sitting for hours in libraries.</li><li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Collect the feedback of the teachers and make corrections in studying and behavior according to them.</b> If the teacher says that he sees the potential of the child in math but you don’t see it, try to listen to the teacher. They are more experienced and saw hundreds of students so their estimation is more professional. It doesn’t mean that you should follow their advice blindly, but think about it and discuss it with your child seriously. </li></ul><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><div style="text-align: justify;">Parental Involvement: When things don’t go as planned</div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">No matter which scenario you decide to follow, what really matters is that you do it with the final goal in mind. Your final goal is not to control your kid, but to help them. The process here may seem as more important than the result, but from the educational path standpoint, the result is still valuable. When the deadline is too close, address a reliable essay writing company, such as <b><a href="https://smartwritingservice.com/" target="_blank">smartwritingservice.com</a></b>. Here, you will find expert writers willing to help you and your child with assignments of any level of complexity. You can use those tasks as samples, to learn from the best and the brightest, and later navigate how your kid approaches the same assignment.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">All these steps and attention to detail will help your child to understand his needs in life, build strong and deep relations with you and find friends with similar interests. Later your child can change the way you started together but he will do it with all respect and understanding clearly what he or she is doing. Unlike the situation of pushing and hating the direction of studying.</div><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0