17 year old has some issues with authority...

My 17 year old has some issues with authority and is considered selfish. If he does good in school he should be able to spend the night out (both Fri/Sat). The group he hangs with is a little older and has parents that allow their house to be the local hangout (stays up till 3-5). I plan to sit down tonight with a list of consequences - no car 1 week, no phone 2 weeks, no allowance, etc., and am considering an intervention using some friends and family. What can you suggest?

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A lot of 17-year-olds think they're grown up enough to set their own rules and to do such things as stay out all night. When you talk with him, emphasize that while his friends may have parents who think it's okay for them to stay out all night, that's not true in your family. In your family, you take your duties as parents seriously, and you believe it is your obligation to know where your child is, what he is doing, and that he is going to be safe in the house by a certain time (whatever your rule is about a curfew). You can tell him that that is the way you see it. If he continues to violate this rule, there will be more consequences. When he decides he is old enough to live on his own, then, of course, he can make any rules for his own life that he chooses. (I'm not necessarily in favor of an intervention for something like this).

Mark


==> My Out-of-Control Teen

Dealing with Violent Children

Hi Mark. Thanks so much for the parenting material, it has given my wife and I some positive direction in parenting our oppositional 10 year old boy. He ticks nearly all the boxes for ODD and in addition to working your program, we are endeavoring to have him see a child psychologist. However he is reluctant to go and when he does go he pretends everything is okay, insisting that he can control himself. The reason I am writing to you is that he has become increasingly violent, particularly towards my wife, often punching and kicking her with force. Should I be physically restraining him? This seems to increase his violence and up the level of his tantrum. I'm trying to stay poker-faced but still feel I need to do something to protect my wife and our children. I have taken our boy to the police after a recent violent episode, mainly for scare tactics, but they seemed quite bemused by the fact I would bring him. I'm also wondering if there is some medical issue below the surface here, but it is extremely difficult to get him to co-operate to go anywhere for assessment.

Click here for my response...

==> My Out-of-Control Child: Help for Parents