I have a question.
My out of control teen, assaulted me, ran to the neighbor's house and then had me and my husband arrested for assaulting her (she lied). She moved in with the neighbors and seems to be content. She does not want to move back or even speak to us. It's like she replaced us with them.
My husband said we should rattle her cage, talk to her friends, get people arrested for their behavior etc. And basically have questions thrown in her face.
I don't know what to do. I miss her, I'm upset that she is gone, but I was told to let her fall all by herself in life and she will contact me. I really don't know if that's true, other people can help her, and I really don't want her to fall that much. I don't want her to go to jail. I don't want her to get a drug habit or become a pregnant teen mom. And I don't want to wait 6 years, for her to grow up a little bit, and then maybe contact me. But then, if I contact her, she will see she has the upper hand and only contact me to use me for money or whatever.
What is the best thing to do? Shake things up, leave her alone (and for how long?), or contact her (what do you say?)?
Assuming you have read my ebook, the parents’ job is to ‘foster the development of self-reliance’ in their child – this is paramount. Thus, we can ask, will “shaking things up” achieve this goal? I don’t believe it will.
I don’t know how old she is, but if she’s at least 17, then she should be allowed to see the world for what it is. She should be allowed to make mistakes and experience painful emotions associated with any poor choices she makes …this is how she learns …this will promote self-reliance.
Do not attempt to save her from herself -- you won't be able to. In fact, I will go so far as to say that the more you attempt to reconcile in the hopes she will return home, the more you will drive her away. If she returns home on her own accord however, she must abide by your house rules.
If you are being falsely accused of child abuse, please refer to this page:
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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