My husband and I read your e-book a couple of weeks ago and we have started making a lot of changes. Our daughter is not responding well. She took her tantrum to a whole new level last night, bringing a knife into her room and telling us that we make her want to kill herself. We have been giving her a lot of positive attention when she is good and spending time talking to her etc. But, she feels like she is always getting into trouble now. I realize now that we let her get away with so much in the past, and it is a difficult adjustment. We have sent her to her room at least once a day and taken away a lot of her computer privileges. We are not yelling or getting emotional, but being firm. I don’t know what else to do. I didn’t give her any attention when she had her tantrum last night, but I am worried that she will do something stupid.
Also, she told us that one of her good friends has told her that she started taking drugs, but she is not sure if it is true and does not know what kind. Do we forbid her from spending time with her friend?
It’s good that things are getting worse …that tells me you are working the program. Be patient with your daughter as she adjusts to the parenting changes you’ve made.
You’re in a precarious stage right now. This current ‘stage-of-change’ is the stage when many parents usually feel guilty (e.g., “I’m afraid I’m coming down too hard on my child”) as well as insecure (e.g., “I’m not sure I made the right decision when I decided to start using these new parenting strategies”).
When parents begin to doubt themselves, and when they fall for more manipulations (e.g., child says “I’m going to kill myself …”I’m going to run away” …etc.), they tend to revert back to their original parenting strategies, which is the “kiss of failure.” Reverting back to original parenting strategies puts the parent back in her “comfort zone” again (or should I say “discomfort zone”?), but the huge benefits associated with positive change are never realized.
Re: “Do we forbid her from spending time with her friend?”
No …otherwise, your daughter will feel betrayed and may never divulge information about her friends ever again. Reward her for telling the truth by saying something like, “We appreciate that you told us the truth about your friend …and we know you will be truthful about your friends -- and their possible drug use -- in the future. Since you’re honest, we trust you to see your friend.”
Do you really have all this trust in your daughter? No, of course not …but she will live up to – or down to – your expectations of her.
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
Click here for the full article...
Click here for the full article...
- ► 14 (62)
- ► 13 (52)
- ► 12 (57)
- ► 11 (109)
- ► 10 (147)
- ► 09 (150)
- ► 08 (408)
- Want Some Peace In Your House Again?
- Teenage Son is a Trouble Maker
- She doesn't seem too worried about her future...
- He is on concerta, strattera, celexa, trazadone......
- We are facing some challenging times ahead...
- Yes ...there actually is audio on the Online Versi...
- Stealing all the money on the debit card...
- Are we still liable for any accidents and injuries...
- School Refusal
- Is she psychotic?
- Ranting & Raving
- Resentment Flu
- Small problems get small consequences.
- My daughter doesn't respond to what we do and rare...
- I feel like no matter what I do, it will be wrong ...
- Adolescent Sex Offenders
- It's All About Money ...right?
- The education of the kids is seriously hampered......
- It would be nice to find a solution...
- He calls us losers and that we suck...
- Kid Has Parents Arrested
- Do I let him continue to suffer...
- Online Parent Support
- I'm so worried that she's driving off to Las Vegas...
- She says I am overprotective and do not trust her....
- Ryan has always been different...
- He threatening to slit my throat...
- She took her tantrum to a whole new level...
- Do you think this is just jealousy...?
- She Will Probably Make It A Disaster
- We are exhausted...how do we get her out this summ...
- I really want my child back...
- Brain on Drugs? NO!
- I'd like to take the door off his room.
- Why don't I just 'know' how to parent the right wa...
- Terminate The Relationship?
- Son Abuses Mother
- Child Anger Revealed
- He's Got 4 Parents.
- J's school counselor recommended a part time job.
- She's got ADHD, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Di...
- She's a Shoplifter!
- He can smell the stink of it...
- He's Being Bullied.
- He blows smoke in my face...
- My 15-year-old daughter had been drinking...
- Picky Eater & Poor Organizer
- Runaway Daughter is Smoking Weed
- Ivy Ridge Academy
- You saved us a lot of money on therapy.
- She's a Pooper.
- Make 'em itch!
- Things were going well for awhile.
- Are you for real?
- ▼ 3 (54)