tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.comments2024-03-15T06:08:01.707-07:00ONLINE PARENTING COACHUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger872125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-404970070682379112024-01-27T07:47:20.912-08:002024-01-27T07:47:20.912-08:00I'm afraid that I don't have answers for y...I'm afraid that I don't have answers for you, but am interested if someone else does. Our son (middle of 5) is in a similar frame of mind at 16. We have reached the point where we cannot see any outcome beyond him leaving the house. It is having long term impacts on everyone else and his defiance of consequences is phenomenal. We have been through the court system with him for Domestic Violence and he just doesn't care. He uses drugs and alcohol, and we have linked him in with counselling and psychological support. We are getting nowhere. He now refuses to return to school. I can definitely empathise with you but sadly do not have a solution. We are trying to get him into a full-time job, hoping that it will make the difference - wish us luck because I am sure that he will sabotage that too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-5228266257501414322024-01-14T17:21:35.415-08:002024-01-14T17:21:35.415-08:00My daughter got hurt and needed to come home for a...My daughter got hurt and needed to come home for a few weeks to heal and get better. She has an apartment in Fla. now she doesn’t want to leave. Because she hates Fla and she is 24 years old and her 28 year old boyfriend will not leave. What are my rights?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-30603197459679303762024-01-12T19:55:27.695-08:002024-01-12T19:55:27.695-08:00Our grandson had troubles, so much so that after a...Our grandson had troubles, so much so that after a year of in home parent teaching, we have him up. Gov found a residential treatment program, he got on proper meds from pediatrician and he transitioned back. He got disability diagnosis, buying to a special school, is on his computer 90% of his time at home ( banned from them at school) and knows where the door is if he wants to leave— but hey, he's really got it pretty good here. Wash, clean room, school. He also likes church youth groups and will go on Sundays with us. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-39901716586769752432023-12-27T10:59:31.463-08:002023-12-27T10:59:31.463-08:00There are children who are adopted into wonderful ...There are children who are adopted into wonderful families that have serious mental illness from trauma in their previous family life. You have not seen anything yet if you have not met a child with Attachment Disorder or a child with a severe Mood Disorder. Please understand that a child's behavior is not always due to poor parenting. These two disorders confound traditional parenting. Parents of su h a child need specialized training and support to parent these children without going completely bonkers or having to place rhe child in residential treatment for the safety if themselves and the rest of the household. If you do not know do not judge. Stepping in to offer support can help a parent better than criticism and judgemental. In fact criticism when a parent is dealing with an out of control tantruming child is likely to escalate the situation and the parent could feel more helpless. Children with these two disorders can and know where to act out and push buttons, get the adults up set then watch the feathers fly as the onl looker looking as innocent as a dove. The parents look a fool. It is not the child's fault in these instances. They have disordered minds that need help and healing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-29865526816987027032023-01-10T09:52:26.569-08:002023-01-10T09:52:26.569-08:00There sounds like presence of nagging in this situ...There sounds like presence of nagging in this situation. It seems like your son is expressing control and freedom by NOT handing in his work. The more negative reinforcements (“if you don’t turn in your assignment, then you will not be able to stay at a friends hour and lose your computer”) only causes him to get angrier. Since you’ve upped the “control and power” anti on him, the only way for him to up his anti is to get angrier at you and turn in even LESS assignments. <br /><br />It would be healthy for your son to have somebody who can sit down with him and ask him “hey what’s going on? What’s really going on? What are some of the feelings that are arising? What is the root issue? What is his true reason for not turning in his assignments? How does he feel powerless?” <br /><br />Since there is already a negative wedge between your relationship with your son, the best thing you can do is to either involve a good solutions-based therapist (SBT) or if it’s too expensive, then hopefully there is another member in your family or community who your son trusts to have a heart to heart chat with him. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-12799082973676127442022-12-28T19:51:15.536-08:002022-12-28T19:51:15.536-08:00My daughter is 17 years old in her senior year of ...My daughter is 17 years old in her senior year of HS. She has completely disconnected from me and my entire family. She hasn’t called or text me in 3 weeks. I worry about her health and we’ll being, I miss her. Her friend tells me she is okay and is afraid to come home now because it’s been so long. I hope she decides to come<br />Home. She needs to finish school/ Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-27086925224884347322022-12-27T09:37:03.691-08:002022-12-27T09:37:03.691-08:00Our now 18 year old has been in trouble with vario...Our now 18 year old has been in trouble with various things from stealing social security mail, credit cards, hacking into school email systems, abusing his younger brother etc.. Since he was in fifth grade. We've been through the ringer with DSS, in home intensive, juvenile justice. He's been away from the home since just before his 27th birthday. Now the transition home he's been at has him sending threatening emails about what he's going to disclose if we don't pay this home $7500. I feel that it is extortion. Anyone been through this?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-66729530296791235692022-12-24T09:09:44.245-08:002022-12-24T09:09:44.245-08:00SameSameAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-67557742395206666622022-12-16T23:22:46.126-08:002022-12-16T23:22:46.126-08:00It’s as if you have described what my daughter and...It’s as if you have described what my daughter and living with her has been. She has totally ruined our lives with her lies and I can never forgive her. She recently accused her dad of sexual abuse. It was proven to be false. Our family is thorn apart and she is now in thw early stages of acting out towards me. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-71562296930429205282022-12-15T20:17:11.314-08:002022-12-15T20:17:11.314-08:00Same thing here . I’m a single mother and two of m...Same thing here . I’m a single mother and two of my boys make me feel like I wanna just kill myself. Police told me they can’t do nothing for me to just be parent.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-49306089986207958802022-12-14T06:20:40.917-08:002022-12-14T06:20:40.917-08:00I feel all your pain my daughter is 14 and violent...I feel all your pain my daughter is 14 and violent aggressive and she refuses to come home from school runs to her friends home and then to my fathers and stepmoms house today we ended up in a domestic situation and I am expecting another child and she also used violence against me during the last time I saw her and my father supported that I hate my father I hate him for supporting her not wanting to come home and now I have reported that to the police as my daughter hit and scratched me while I’m expecting and pulled my hair and told me to F off and she’s 14 and she needs to live her life and she can do whatever she wants and stay with anyone she wants my father also almost punched me whilst expecting to be honest with you I hate my father very much and I don’t know what to do tomorrow I’ll find out my result after further notice from the police Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-19010196145299043432022-12-12T21:22:49.872-08:002022-12-12T21:22:49.872-08:00My daughter has been lying and going to therapy fo...My daughter has been lying and going to therapy for years. Sometimes therapy has helped a little on other issues but never the lying. To b honest the small amount of help wasn’t worth the trouble of paying & taking her there. She is<br />approaching her 5th therapist. One died, one left town, one was fired, one decided to work from home.<br /><br />She goes to psychiatrist for ADhd, he continually thinks everyone can be fixed with the right drug and it is bi-polar. My daughter isn’t bi-polar she has no symptoms & he had her on lithium for a year, no difference on or off medication.<br /><br />My daughter is what they are used to say was dumb. No kidding, her iq is just above 1st level retarded in some areas, the ones that count. She has slow processing & slow executive functioning, probably due to damage to her frontal lobes. It isn’t Adhd, her brain just doesn’t function right.<br /><br />I’m sure over the years i’ve damaged her self esteem repeatedly, she wouldn’t do her homework, bad tantrums, etc. U would have to be a saint or an enabler not to get angry or yell. My daughter is dumb but if she did her work she could have slipped by with okay grades.<br /><br />So now she is nearly 17, she got involved talking to some dead beats from another state online. This has been a repeat issue. Her friends have caught her lying to them. I love her but i really don’t want to spend more years with somebody I can’t trust. She knows better. Maybe one day she will become more mature & this will change but i just can’t do what is recommended in this article. I have put up with this for so long I just don’t have it in me anymore. I guess I should tell u she is adopted from foster care at age 4. <br /><br />Not to be negative here but I don’t know if it possible to overcome the genetics. I’ve come to believe her family is lower average Iq & no amount of money, therapy, medication & education can fix that. I’m tired of her telling people she wants to murder me. When she is 18 i’m hoping to hell she takes off. I think there might b a point where I might have to b the one to leave while I still have some life left. I feel so guilty being negative about adoption but love, effort and all the support in the world can’t fix everything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-75970623029084847112022-12-07T19:22:17.428-08:002022-12-07T19:22:17.428-08:00My close to 14 years old son stole my car last nig...My close to 14 years old son stole my car last night. Came back 6h later and begun a festival of the most colorful insults in the most irate way because I had dared calling the sheriff. That is the last straw of a series of defiances, one more colorful than the other. He is going to be evaluated impatient and will start a more extensive therapy. I already contacted the youth judge and explained to him that the next step would be their decision. I am unfortunately not confident in the outcome. He acts as this is common occurrence at his age. I am stunned to see that other parents deal with similar defiance. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-12145719700520787062022-12-03T18:42:14.593-08:002022-12-03T18:42:14.593-08:00Nobody likes to hear or admit this. One of the rea...Nobody likes to hear or admit this. One of the reasons it happens is because of a personality disorder. I’m no doctor and I’m not diagnosing anyone. But it’s one of the reasons. If you believe it can be it’s best to seek treatment.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-42516668433028080192022-11-30T08:25:59.923-08:002022-11-30T08:25:59.923-08:00re: "What if the child physically takes the s...re: "What if the child physically takes the stuff back. Access to money is really the only thing a parent can control."<br /><br />The mom described above put all his things in the trunk of her car and kept the keys out of sight.Mark Hutten, M.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10143414720553831694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-30535885430571213912022-11-23T22:49:40.405-08:002022-11-23T22:49:40.405-08:00In California the police don't take action. Yo...In California the police don't take action. You can't get help that way. First it was, "she's only 14" and then "because of the pandemic" and then "she's only 15" and now "it's your word against hers and there was no witness". 17 times. If you try to have her removed or give up your parental rights, then you get a record for Caregiver Absence Child Abuse. You can't work around kids, which is just about everywhere. Fire Dept paramedics were actually gleeful that I was not 65 for 3 more days so they didn't have to report it as Elder Abuse and I saved them 30 minutes of paperwork. The kid lied and said I fell on my head and that's how it got cut. She won't take meds, she won't take vitamins, she won't do school work, and she says I just like to play the victim. The day after she turns 18, I've told her she has to move out. I'm counting the days.jillybeansismehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01765659565175197660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-13159898986821838632022-11-17T19:46:23.734-08:002022-11-17T19:46:23.734-08:00Ditto same horrible experience by my q3 Yr old wir...Ditto same horrible experience by my q3 Yr old wiry mental diagnoses Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-29557549660869310742022-11-16T09:10:55.061-08:002022-11-16T09:10:55.061-08:00Same here my son has the same diagnosis and he get...Same here my son has the same diagnosis and he gets violent. He also threatens me and says mean things like I hope you die in car crash. This kind of talk is crazy to me I would never in a million years say these things to my parents. He pushes me sometimes once I fell and bruised and he laughed. It's just a very alone feeling and nobody caresAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-79954994434291185202022-11-14T17:26:00.000-08:002022-11-14T17:26:00.000-08:00My 15 year old is gone for days. Doesn't want ...My 15 year old is gone for days. Doesn't want or let me know where he is at. He will only text me when he feels like it.. I don't want to call the police to find him. His friends parents don't question why he's there all the time or call me either. Not sure what to do anymore. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-89732941107394569272022-11-10T10:36:18.211-08:002022-11-10T10:36:18.211-08:00When my daughter went to the psychiatric hospital ...When my daughter went to the psychiatric hospital there was a girl there that did the same thing. They said she had ADHD or some sort of impulse control. Anyway, you and his dad need to get professional help. A good counseling system will hear both sides, not just the teen'sAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-83537641974002841492022-11-10T10:32:29.874-08:002022-11-10T10:32:29.874-08:00Did you get him back? The parenting classes should...Did you get him back? The parenting classes should be family therapy. Also, it sounds like he reported you in haste. He may have regretted it as soon as he was removed from the home. I'm not sure. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-87407175320899731032022-11-03T11:10:29.084-07:002022-11-03T11:10:29.084-07:00I am going through a similar situation. My daughte...I am going through a similar situation. My daughter, nearly 16 has for the third time made accusations of abuse. Once against her dad, then her stepdad and more recently myself. She has even gone to the extent of researching various injuries before she tells her confidant about the assault, which have been numerous. We have been through the child mental health services who basically said ahh.. she’s a teenager they all tell lies. Social services, who have had to check on our other children as well. It has all caused so much stress and upset that I just don’t know what to do anymore. Monday evening we were chatting and I had said I had booked us tickets to watch a show for me, her and sister. Told her I would book her into the salon with me for a hair colour before our holiday in 2 weeks. She’s then gone upstairs and literally 5 minutes later text this lady and told her I had just punched her in the head. I am at my wits end. I have sent her over to stay with her Nan for a few days while I try and process this but I just can’t see a future for her living here when she can’t be trusted or truthful after everything she’s already put us through. I do think that she probably has a mental health disorder of some sort but child mental health services are pathetic unless they are threatening suicide. Any advice would be welcome. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-64072076449790467352022-10-30T00:13:02.157-07:002022-10-30T00:13:02.157-07:00Hello, my fiance and I are raising a family of 5 k...Hello, my fiance and I are raising a family of 5 kids from the ages of 3 to 14. My fiances 14 year old for the past two years has been out of control. He has had many consequences but one thing my fiance does is protects him when I say anything to him because of his bad behavior.<br /><br />He has been in DCF custody three times, been suspended from his school back in Ellis Kansas several times both in school and out. He got kicked out of the middle school last year after vaping 7 different times. <br /><br />He is now in the High School in Hays Kansas. We test him every two day he has been positive for nicotine and THC, skipping class, getting out of class to go vape. The only consequence his mom has given him is we took his TV out of his room, but she said he can watch TV in our living room or in our playroom. <br /><br />He does not bring homework home, he has a F and two D's heading to F's. He lies about work, but has 20 missing assignments. <br /><br />He has cussed at me, tried to throw punches at me, has hurt my son by kicking a soccer ball 3 times at his back now, threw a ball at his sister. Cleated my son on another occasion. Always puts down his siblings every single day. He tries to blame them for things that they have not done wrong. He has went as far as stealing money from his sister and my son. He stole $300 from his mom. <br /><br />It is a battle every single day with him cussing at his mom or myself, slamming doors and continuing to break house rules. I am to the point, what consequences do we give him.<br /><br />By the way he sees High Plains Mental Health, he has two counselors and a med doctor through them. He has a social worker who sees him weekly, a school counselor that sees him weekly.<br /><br />He lies to them all the time as well. He has a family Therapist through his former probation office, which he got off probation in August. He went through a TIRC program, drug program and behavior program. He went to group meetings with kids his age at high plains mental health.<br /><br />Where do we go next. I don't think his consequences are enough. He has ADHD and ODD, which he has meds for. When he is out in the main room our twomiddle kids and my 3 year old go to a bedroom. My 3 year old who loves everyone said to him I hate you, he continues to steal her stuffed animals or does things to aggravate her. <br /><br />Please let me know what I can do, it is tearing us all apart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-1864089497678583412022-10-16T13:08:38.776-07:002022-10-16T13:08:38.776-07:00My daughter stole my car at 1:30a this morning, de...My daughter stole my car at 1:30a this morning, deputy showed. She's safe but I'm lost as to what to do...I'm a single momAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31943569.post-46231148934648406512022-09-29T07:28:45.868-07:002022-09-29T07:28:45.868-07:00Definately in the midst of this situation. Hoping ...Definately in the midst of this situation. Hoping to find something helpful that doesn't push him to crime or threaten us with self harm. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com