Children Who Abuse Their Pets

Child and teen motivations for the abuse of pets have not been studied extensively. However, case reports and a child interview study (using the Cruelty to Animals Assessment Instrument) suggest a number of developmentally related motivations.

Why Children and Teens Abuse Pets—

• Animal phobias (that cause a preemptive attack on a feared animal).
• Attachment to an animal (e.g., the youngster kills an animal to prevent its torture by another individual).
• Curiosity or exploration (i.e., the animal is injured or killed in the process of being examined, usually by a young or developmentally delayed child).
• Forced abuse (i.e., the youngster is coerced into animal abuse by a more powerful individual).
• Identification with the youngster's abuser (e.g., a victimized youngster may try to regain a sense of power by victimizing a more vulnerable animal).
• Imitation (i.e., copying a parent's abusive "discipline" of animals).
• Mood enhancement (e.g., animal abuse is used to relieve boredom or depression).
• Peer pressure (e.g., friends may encourage animal abuse or require it as part of an initiation rite).
• Post-traumatic play (i.e., reenacting violent episodes with an animal victim).
• Rehearsal for interpersonal violence (i.e., "practicing" violence on stray animals or pets before engaging in violent acts against other people).
• Self-injury (i.e., using an animal to inflict injuries on the youngster's own body).
• Sexual gratification (i.e., bestiality).
• Vehicle for emotional abuse (e.g., injuring a sibling's pet to frighten the sibling).

Research on the abuse of pets reveals the following:

• A youngster harming - or killing - a family pet is a precursor to some very serious violent behavior. Research in psychology and criminology shows that kids and teens who commit acts of cruelty against animals don't stop there – many of them move on to their fellow humans.
• Acts of cruelty toward animals are the first signs of violent pathology that includes human victims.
• Animal abuse is not just the result of a minor personality flaw in the abuser, but a symptom of a deep mental disturbance.
• Kids who abuse animals most likely are repeating a lesson learned at home from their moms and dads or guardians. They are reacting to anger or frustration with violence.
• Kids who harm family pets are at risk for other kinds of acting-out behavior and need immediate help.
• Domestic abuse is directed toward the powerless; animal abuse and youngster abuse often goes hand and hand.
• Police records indicate that a history of cruelty to animals is one of the traits that regularly appear in its computer records of adult violent criminals. Violent and aggressive criminals are more likely to have abused animals as kids.
• The youngster's violence is directed at the only individual in the family more vulnerable than himself — an animal.
• What also goes along with torturing animals is setting fires. If you smell smoke, you'd better take it seriously.

Here are some “red-flag” behaviors that a youngster may exhibit towards a pet:

1. Chasing after an obviously scared pet
2. Intentionally feeding pets harmful substances
3. Intentionally putting an animal in danger such as throwing it out the window or kicking it onto a busy street
4. Locking pets inside enclosed spaces
5. Taking pleasure in watching a pet who is in pain
6. Tying strings or chords on pet’s neck, limbs or paws
7. Violently lashing out at a pet after being reprimanded by an adult

Once detected, it is advisable that moms and dads step-in and immediately correct the behavior before it worsens.

What Parents Can Do About the Abuse of Pets—

One of the most powerful tools we have for preventing cruelty to pets is education. It is important to plant the seeds of kindness in kids early, and to nurture their development as the youngster grows. Kids not only need to learn what they shouldn't do, but also what they can do. When kids see that their pets are happy and loving, it will make the youngster feel good, too. This in turn will help the kids care for their pets' feelings.

Kids need proper education, too. Please urge your local schools to integrate humane education into their curricula. To help you, your local shelter may have outreach programs, education materials, camps, etc.

Every youngster is unique, and grown-ups should use caution and careful thought when discussing cruelty with kids. In general, kids under the age of four simply should not be exposed to cruelty. Two-year-olds can begin to learn that their actions make others (including pets) happy and sad. With two- and three-year-olds, discuss their own experiences and how they would feel if they were treated the way they treat their pets or other pets in their immediate lives. Help them relate not only the ways they would feel hurt, but also the ways they would feel happy.

With all kids under six or so, you may wish to help guide their hands so they can learn how to pet and hold their animal companions. Kids do not have fine control over their movements and impulses—they will want to treat their pets with love, but will need a little help from you to do it correctly.

Kids who are between about four and six often begin to understand basic moral concepts, such as fairness. These kids can learn to be kind to pets because the pets "deserve" it. Kids may discuss injuries they have had themselves, but do not introduce discussions about other types of injuries. Try to limit discussions of animal cruelty to the simple fact that pets can be hurt; do not describe how they can be hurt (e.g., starvation, physical abuse, etc.).

With most kids who are six to ten years old, you can begin to discuss why someone might be mean to an animal (as long as you make sure the youngster always keeps in mind that it is wrong to hurt pets). In addition, do not let discussions of animal cruelty satisfy the morbid curiosity some kids of this age may have. Kids of this age often form some of their earliest memories and impressions about the state of the world beyond their families. It is very important that grown-ups filter what these kids perceive! Even if kids witness violence as a "bad example" or as a way NOT to act, they are still witnessing violence, and can be strongly affected by it.

Many kids between 10 and 14 are exploring their self-image and reflecting upon their relationships with others. Studies indicate that kids of this age are still strongly affected by violence, so discussions about animal cruelty should still be kept free of details about the violence. Nonetheless, the issue can be raised directly—if delicately—with most of these kids. Grown-ups should make it clear that they do not condone violence in their own thoughts and behavior. Kids of this age are finely attuned to the words and actions of adults, and still rely on them as role models.

Moms and dads, educators, and trusted adults can also discuss with 10- to 14-year-olds how they would act if their peers or friends treated pets cruelly. By couching the advice in terms of what you would do if you were in a given situation, you can help kids overcome peer pressure and follow what they know is right. These kids may encounter others abusing pets—knowing that they are in the right and will be supported for standing up to it is very important at this age of strong peer pressure.

Again, with all kids – even older teens – keep in mind the importance of modeling appropriate behaviors. Our kids do emulate us, even if they wouldn't admit it. If we treat pets cruelly or as unfeeling machines, our kids will probably think that this is right or, at least, normal. The more a youngster identifies with an adult, the greater an impact that person will have on the youngster-in both good ways and bad ways.

Kids who know of animal cruelty should tell a grown-up about it. Make sure kids know who they can trust—such as moms and dads, educators, police, etc.—and nurture their trust so they can tell you.

It's vital that children who hurt pets receive intervention — including counseling and a ban on contact with animals — to prevent their violence from continuing. It's also crucial that animal guardians protect their dogs and cats from abuse and other dangers by keeping them indoors and never leaving them outdoors unattended.

Although vandalism may represent costly and psychologically significant destructiveness, smashed windshields and graffitied walls do not feel pain or cry out when they are damaged. Pets, however, do express their distress when they have been abused, and their distress calls out for attention. This article has provided an overview of the under-reported and under-studied phenomenon of pet abuse in childhood and adolescence. Addressing cruelty to animals as a significant form of aggressive and antisocial behavior may add one more piece to the puzzle of understanding and preventing youth violence.

==> Help for Abusive Children and Teens

How to Settle Arguments Between Siblings

As close as brothers and sisters can be, they can also be fierce rivals. It is common for sibs to be playing peacefully one moment and arguing or fighting the next. Sibs learn to interact and get along with others by first learning how to live peacefully with a brother or sister.

A youngster who has sibs is taught from firsthand experience how to see another person’s point of view, how to settle disputes, how to compromise, and how to show affection and not hold a grudge.

Some situations require a parent’s intervention. You’ll know it’s time to mediate when:

1. You know the argument has gone too far when your youngster is already bawling, screaming, or throwing a fit. He can neither reason nor be reasoned with fairly in this frustrated condition.

2. You’ll easily recognize when an argument is going nowhere (e.g. “Did, too!” “Did not!” “Did, too!” “Did not!”). Don’t let it reach boiling point, and don’t bother asking who started it. Since children have short attention spans, at this point, they’ve probably even forgotten how the fight started.

3. Since they can’t express themselves clearly, children sometimes resort to hitting to release their frustration. Whether it’s a “harmless nudge” or an “innocent push,” moms and dads should intervene. Otherwise, children might conclude that physical aggression is a valid way to solve problems.

4. When the dialogue has veered from the issue and has become an exchange of cruel and disrespectful remarks (e.g. “You’re retarded!”) and maybe even bad words, it’s time to draw the line.

5. If one youngster is bigger or older than the other and is getting physical, it’s time to intervene. Intervening between two siblings is one way of teaching older children to practice tolerance toward their younger siblings.

The “Kid-of-the-Week” Method for Mediating Sibling Arguments--

1. Line up your children and, one by one, take their individual pictures.

2. Make a little frame that will hold the picture and add a magnetic strip to the back so that it will stick to the refrigerator.

3. On the frame in easy-to-read letters write these words: “Kid of the Week.”

4. Put the pictures in a hat, randomly select one and slip it in the frame. This youngster will be the first Kid of the Week. Select a second one and this will be the next kid of the week. Keep doing this until you run out of kids.

5. Now the problem is solved. Whoever is Kid of the Week gets first option on whatever is up for debate. If there is ever an argument over who gets to sit where, who gets to go first, or who gets to use the TV remote, just ask the question: Who is Kid of the Week? They will know and the problem is solved.

6. If you have more than two kids the next choice goes to the next Kid of the Week and on down the line. Just make sure you keep the pictures in order and rotate them at the beginning of the week. Trust me – your children will make sure you do this.

7. You may want to do more than just settle arguments. Whoever is Kid of the Week also has additional responsibilities. For example, Kid of the Week has to empty the garbage cans, help clean up the kitchen, and be the first to carry out other chores when needed. Use Kid of the Week to teach that “with privileges come responsibilities.”

8. Implement Kid of the Week and have fun with it. It's a great teaching tool and it settles a multitude of arguments. The only other thing you will need to do is figure out a way to keep them from gloating: "Ha, ha, I'm kid of the week!"

It may be impossible for moms and dads to be around all the time to mediate, but proper conflict resolution needs to be modeled as much as possible. This means that in the end, all parties involved must be willing to compromise and to give in to the other’s needs and wants.

==> Discipline for Defiant Teens

How To Ground Your Child

As most parents know, grounding is a technique effective with school-age children and teenagers and involves restricting the child to a certain place, usually home or his room, as punishment.

But, unfortunately, most parents do not know the proper way to use grounding, and instead, ground too long – or not long enough. The result: grounding totally loses its effectiveness, and the parent complains, “I’ve tried everything with this child –and nothing works!”

How To Ground Your Child - 20 Tips for Parents:

1. Age appropriate groundings are a vital consideration. Little kids who are put in 'time out' are in effect being grounded. At this age, time outs and groundings need to be timed in minutes. The rule of thumb for time outs, groundings or withholding of privileges should be commensurate with age, but only up to a certain point. Kids under about six years of age should be given incremental time outs in minutes. Time outs should last no more than about one to two minutes per year. Between the ages of six to ten, you can start to ground kids to the yard or house for a few hours to a day at a time.

2. Be prepared to alter your routine in order to enforce the grounding. This may mean making small sacrifices and inconveniencing one or more members of your family. Making small sacrifices now will reap benefits in the future for you and your youngster. So, if grounding your daughter means that one parent stays home with her and misses the family’s Saturday pizza night, so be it.

3. Be ready to take extra steps to enforce the grounding if need be. If your child leaves the house and goes to the party anyway, go and get him. This action lets him know that you mean business. Don’t worry about embarrassing your child, since his friends probably already know that he’s supposed to be grounded anyway.

4. Consider reprieves, but only for good behavior, and often only if the grounding was initially too ‘over-the-top’. Prepare to apologize as well, and be sincere, because in a fit of anger, parents often make the punishments too harsh, then cool down and realize they made a mistake.

5. Good things to ground children from are: sugary snacks or candy, television, computer, video games, IPod, cell phone, special events (e.g., going to a friend's house, after school party, trip to McDonald's or some other junk food venue, etc.).

==> Parenting Techniques for Difficult Teens

6. Grounding for a week or longer is difficult to follow through with. Within a week's time, many activities take place. Mothers/fathers must constantly decide whether each activity is included in the grounding. It's also difficult to simply follow through at all on a long grounding. Parents who take away the driver's license for a month often shoot themselves in the foot. For one thing, this means that the parents need to provide transportation to work, school and other events that are not included in the grounding.

7. Grounding must be done in small increments of time (i.e., minutes, hours, or days). Then, if kids defy the grounding, it is increased in small amounts as well. If the original amount of grounding time is large (e.g., 2 weeks), moms and dads risk escalating their youngster’s defiance rather quickly. CASE EXAMPLE: Talking on the phone instead of doing homework. Normal Consequence: Cell phone taken away for one day and evening. First Escalation: Cell taken away for one additional day/night. Second Escalation: Three days. Third Escalation: Four days.

8. If your child retaliates by destroying your stuff or making a mess, then it is appropriate to add to the grounding. However, it should be O.K. for a youngster to discharge his anger through screaming and yelling, but it is never acceptable for him to take his anger out on someone else or his property.

9. Try to give a definite date for the end of the grounding. Prisoners almost always know when their sentences will end, when they have committed far worse crimes. Knowing when the grounding will end will be reassuring to the youngster, while still being effective.

10. Be calm whenever you impose any kind of punishment and avoid any form of aggression. Keep in mind that grounding should be a removal of privilege not an administering of harm.

11. Kids should not be grounded from school field trips or special interest group activities, sports practices, Boy Scout camping trips, youth group functions, band concerts, choir presentations, sports events in which they participate.

12. Never withhold meals or other necessities from a youngster during grounding.

13. Kids should not be grounded from visiting relatives. For example, they should be permitted to go on outings with grandparents (otherwise, you are punishing the grandparents, too). Find something else to withhold.

14. Lift the grounding when your youngster must go to someone’s home (e.g., to be watched while you are at work). Continuing the grounding is difficult for the ‘caretaking adult’ to follow through with. It may cause some tensions that will only have an adverse affect on the desired outcome of the punishment.

15. Make sure that you know whether or not the child’s disobedience was deliberate. Believe it or not, often what seems to be a knowing disobedience is actually something a youngster thought was O.K., and being punished for that could take him by surprise and teach him that you are just waiting to take away his things. Sometimes, kids even forget things, and the proper way to deal with forgetting a chore is to have the youngster do an extra chore for payment.

16. Make sure the punishment fits the crime. Example: If a youngster keeps on imitating fights seen on TV and uses knives, forks, or anything else that is dangerous, then TV restriction is a good course of action.

17. Make sure the situation the youngster is being grounded from is something she really sees as punishment. If she doesn’t seem to care whether or not she goes to her grandfather’s birthday party, ground her on another day when she’ll miss going out with her friends. If your youngster enjoys spending time alone in her room, restricting her to her room will serve to reward her instead of punishing her. Try taking a privilege away instead, or require her to spend some time outside her room.

18. Once you have grounded the youngster, prepare for him to protest, scream, and throw a fit. If that happens, ignore him, and he will soon realize you will not listen to his whining.

19. Only on the rarest occasions should your child be grounded from playing with other kids. If they get into trouble together, or if the youngster is a threat or danger to your youngster, then it would be acceptable to ground your child from seeing the other child.

20. There is a point at which the grounding has the opposite effect from the desired correction (i.e., the point of saturation). For the first few days of grounding, the youngster often feels a certain remorse for the behavior. Whether they admit it or not, most kids understand why they were grounded, if it was an appropriate grounding. After a few days to a week, children begin to get bored and restless. Resentment begins to set in and what was initially effective, corrective discipline backfires.

==> Parenting Techniques for Difficult Teens

MODIFIED GROUNDING—

Many moms and dads use grounding as a discipline technique with their teenagers. However, when parents ground their teenagers for long periods (e.g., several weeks or more) it often loses its effectiveness because there is typically little incentive for teenagers to behave well during the grounding. Also, when parents ground teenagers for a long period of time, they often give in and reduce the length of grounding because of the restraints it places on the whole family. When this happens, teenagers learn their mother/fathers won't follow through with the grounding they impose.

The modified grounding procedure described below involves brief and intense grounding, but the teen is allowed the opportunity to earn his way off grounding by completing a job assignment. This technique is most appropriate for older kids (e.g., 12-17 year olds).

Points to consider when using modified grounding:

1. After your teen has completed the assigned job(s), he should come to you so that his performance can be checked. If the job has been done well, it is important to briefly praise your teen for the job performance and inform him that the grounding is over. If the job has not been completed satisfactorily, briefly provide feedback to your teen on the aspects of the job that have been done well and those that need additional work. Be specific in what additional work needs to be done. Try to handle corrective feedback in a matter-of-fact manner without nagging, lecturing, or becoming upset.

2. Grounding is severe and means staying in one's own room (or an assigned room) except for attending school, eating meals, or performing chores. During grounding there should be no television, no video games, no radio or tape players, no other games/toys, no visitors, no telephone calls, no snacks, no reading materials except school books, and no outside social activities. If a family outing is scheduled, a sitter should be used so that the grounded teen remains at home while the moms and dads and other family members can still go on the family outing.

3. Sit down with your teen and develop a list of 10-15 jobs that often need to be done around the home. Do not sit down with your teen to start this procedure at a time when your teen is about to be punished. Choose a time when your teen is behaving well to discuss the technique and to create a list of jobs. These jobs should not be chores that the teen is expected to do on a regular basis. These jobs should take a significant amount of time to complete (e.g., at least 1-2 hours). The jobs should also be things that your teen is capable of doing. Examples of such jobs include washing the windows in the house, cleaning out the garage, and cleaning the bathroom.

4. After a list of jobs has been created, your teen should be told that when he misbehaves to the degree that grounding is necessary, this new discipline technique will be used. Immediately after the misbehavior has occurred, the teen will be told he is grounded and an index card will be picked at random. The teen will be completely grounded until that job has been completed to the parent's satisfaction. For particularly significant misbehavior, more than one card can be drawn.

5. It is critical that you not nag your teen about the jobs to be done. The rules of grounding should only be explained to your teen once.

6. Write each individual job on a separate index card. This description should include a very detailed description of exactly what is required to do the job satisfactorily. For example, cleaning the garage would involve removing all objects from the garage, removing cobwebs on the ceilings, sweeping the floor, hosing/scrubbing the floor, and replacing objects in an organized and neat fashion. If some jobs are relatively brief, it is possible to combine jobs together so that all cards have a job assignment that will take approximately the same total time to complete.

7. Remember to frequently praise and give teenagers positive feedback when they are behaving well. As with any punishment technique, grounding will only be optimally effective when there is a positive and loving relationship between mothers/fathers and their teenagers.

Using the modified grounding procedure, your teen earns his way off grounding. Therefore, your teen basically determines how long the grounding will last. Grounding may last anywhere from just a few hours to several days. If the grounding lasts more than several days, it is important to check to make sure your teen is being appropriately grounded (e.g., they're not sneaking television/radio).

==> Parenting Techniques for Difficult Teens