Your Teen’s First Cell Phone: Help Her Avoid the Risks of Texting

Text messaging can be a fun way for adolescents to communicate — but texting carries risks, too. To help your adolescent avoid texting problems, consider these important adolescent-texting tips.

How should I talk about texting with my teenager?

Your adolescent may be more digitally savvy than you are, but a lack of maturity can easily get him or her into trouble when using technology. That's why it's important to talk to your adolescent early about texting and proper use of cell phones. Before you start a conversation, get to know the technology firsthand, then ask your adolescent:

• Has anyone ever taken an embarrassing picture of you without your permission? Have you ever taken an embarrassing picture of someone else? What did you do with it?
• Has anyone you don't know ever sent you a text message? If so, what did you do about it? How did he or she get your number?
• Have you ever communicated with someone you met online through your cell phone?
• How many numbers do you have stored in your phone? Do you personally know all of these people?
• What features do you use on your cell phone? Can you show me how to use them?
• Who would you tell if someone sent you a text or picture that was inappropriate?

What are the risks of texting?

Texting can pose potentially serious physical and emotional risks. Talk to your adolescent about:

• Cyberbullying - Cyberbullying refers to sending harassing texts, emails or instant messages, as well as posting intimidating or threatening Web sites or blogs. Receiving bullying text messages can make an adolescent feel unsafe and lead to school absences. Discuss cyberbullying with your adolescent. Encourage your adolescent to talk to you or another trusted adult if he or she receives harassing text messages and to consider options such as rejecting texts from unknown numbers. Explain to your adolescent that it isn't appropriate to send harassing text messages to others.
• Disrupted sleep - Many adolescents send and receive text messages after turning out their lights and going to bed, which can interfere with a good night's sleep. Even moderate nighttime texting can greatly increase the risk of long-term fatigue. Consider keeping your adolescent's cell phone out of his or her room at night.
• Sexting - Sexting refers to sending a text message with sexually explicit content or a sexually explicit picture. This type of texting can cause emotional pain for the person in the picture, as well as the sender and receiver. Explain to your adolescent that text messages shouldn't contain pictures of people without their clothes on or kissing or touching each other. Make sure your adolescent understands that sending this type of text message is considered a crime in some areas and that the consequences could involve the police and suspension from school.
• Texting while driving - Research suggests that distractions such as texting may be an even greater threat to adolescents than to other drivers. Peer influence also may play a role. The more passengers in the car, the more likely young drivers are to use cell phones while driving. Talk to your adolescent about the consequences of texting while driving. Monitor your adolescent's driving behavior, and set clear rules and consequences — such as revoking driving privileges if your adolescent texts while driving.

How do I set appropriate limits on my adolescent's use of text messages?

Start by talking to your adolescent about how much he or she texts. You can also review cell phone records to see if your adolescent is sending or receiving late-night texts. Working together, set an appropriate limit for your adolescent's use of the technology. You might also have your adolescent pay for the cost of his or her texts with allowance money or by performing chores or working at a part-time job. Explain to your adolescent any exceptions, such as texting with you or other family members and texting during emergency situations.

Also, let your adolescent know that you'll periodically check his or her phone for inappropriate content. The older your adolescent is, the more often you may need to check. You may also be able to use software to monitor your adolescent's text and picture messages. If your adolescent isn't willing to follow the rules and expectations you've set, consider removing your adolescent's ability to text or send pictures through his or her phone.

Pay attention to warning signs that your adolescent may be spending too much time texting, including:

• A drop in grades or other academic problems
• Skipping activities, meals or homework to text
• Weight loss or gain

What else can I do to help my adolescent text safely?

Understand the types of security settings that are available on your adolescent's cell phone and use them appropriately. In addition, remind your adolescent that any text message he or she sends can be shared with the entire world, so it's important to use good judgment. Discourage your adolescent from gossiping, spreading rumors, bullying or damaging someone's reputation through text messages — and have an honest discussion about the consequences of poor judgment.

Texting can carry risks for your son or daughter. Monitoring your adolescent's texting habits and setting appropriate limits can help prevent problems down the road.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Talking To Your Adolescent About S e x

Sex education is offered in many schools, but don't count on classroom instruction alone. Sex education needs to happen at home, too. Sex is a staple of news, entertainment and advertising. It's often hard to avoid this ever-present topic. But when moms and dads and adolescents need to talk, it's not always so easy. If you wait for the perfect moment, you might miss the best opportunities. Instead, think of sex education as an ongoing conversation.

Here are some ideas to help you get started — and keep the discussion going:

• Be direct. Clearly state your feelings about specific issues (e.g., oral sex, intercourse). Present the risks objectively, including emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections, and unplanned pregnancy. Explain that oral sex isn't a risk-free alternative to intercourse.
• Be honest. If you're uncomfortable, say so — but explain that it's important to keep talking. If you don't know how to answer your adolescent's questions, offer to find the answers or look them up together.
• Consider your adolescent's point of view. Don't lecture your adolescent or rely on scare tactics to discourage sexual activity. Instead, listen carefully. Understand your adolescent's pressures, challenges and concerns.
• Invite more discussion. Let your adolescent know that it's OK to talk with you about sex whenever he or she has questions or concerns. Reward questions by saying, "I'm glad you came to me." 
• Move beyond the facts. Your adolescent needs accurate information about sex — but it's just as important to talk about feelings, attitudes and values. Examine questions of ethics and responsibility in the context of your personal or religious beliefs.
• Seize the moment. When a TV program or music video raises issues about responsible sexual behavior, use it as a springboard for discussion. Remember that everyday moments (e.g., riding in the car, putting away groceries, etc.) sometime offer the best opportunities to talk.

Sex education for adolescents includes abstinence, date rape, homosexuality and other tough topics.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents 

Be prepared for questions like these:  

• What if my boyfriend or girlfriend wants to have sex, but I don't? Explain that no one should have sex out of a sense of obligation or fear. Any form of forced sex is rape, whether the perpetrator is a stranger or someone your adolescent has been dating. Impress upon your adolescent that “no” always means “no.” Emphasize that alcohol and drugs impair judgment and reduce inhibitions, leading to situations in which date rape is more likely to occur.
• What if I think I'm gay? Many adolescents wonder at some point whether they're gay or bisexual. Help your adolescent understand that he or she is just beginning to explore sexual attraction. These feelings may change as time goes on. Above all, however, let your adolescent know that you love him or her unconditionally. Praise your adolescent for sharing his or her feelings.
• How will I know I'm ready for sex? Various factors (e.g., peer pressure, curiosity, loneliness, etc.) steer some teens into early sexual activity. But there's no rush. Remind your adolescent that it's OK to wait. Sex is an adult behavior. In the meantime, there are many other ways to express affection (e.g., intimate talks, long walks, holding hands, listening to music, dancing, kissing, touching and hugging, etc.).

If your adolescent becomes sexually active — whether you think he or she is ready or not — it may be more important than ever to keep the conversation going. State your feelings openly and honestly. Remind your adolescent that you expect him or her to take sex - and the associated responsibilities - seriously.

Stress the importance of safe sex, and make sure your adolescent understands how to get and use contraception. You might talk about keeping a sexual relationship exclusive, not only as a matter of trust and respect, but also to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Also, set and enforce reasonable boundaries (e.g., curfews, rules about visits from friends of the opposite sex, etc.).

Your adolescent's doctor can help, too. A routine checkup can give your adolescent the opportunity to address sexual activity and other behaviors in a supportive, confidential atmosphere — as well as learn about contraception and safe sex. For girls, the doctor may also stress the importance of routine human papillomavirus vaccination (HPV) to help prevent genital warts and cervical cancer.

With your support, your adolescent can emerge into a sexually responsible grown-up. Be honest and speak from the heart. If your adolescent doesn't seem interested in what you have to say about sex, say it anyway! He or she is probably listening.

Sex education basics may be covered in health class, but your adolescent might not hear — or understand — everything he or she needs to know to make tough choices about sex. That's where you as the parent come in. Awkward as it may be, sex education is a parent's responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your adolescent learns in school, you can set the stage for a lifetime of healthy sexuality.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Effective Parenting Strategies for Troubled Teens

There’s probably a good reason you’ve found us. You’re here because you want to change your defiant teenager’s behavior, and you want to learn some real parenting strategies that work.

OnlineParentingCoach.com has been giving our website visitors real results since 2006. Here you will find articles with crucial parenting techniques you can use to help turn your teenager’s behavior around – immediately.  So, if you’re looking for professional advice that works, you’ve come to the right place.

Our website is a single resource for children, parents, teachers, mental health professionals, and others who deal with the challenges of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, ADHD and other childhood disorders. We provide articles, conference information, educational resources, links to local/national/international support groups, lists of camps/schools, moderated support message boards, recommended reading, sources of professional help, and online parent-coaching.

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If your child or teenager is experiencing a behavioral problem that you need assistance with, feel free to contact Mark Hutten, M.A. [mbhutten@gmail.com]. You will get a response within 24 hours.

Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
2328 N. 200 E.
Anderson, Indiana
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Cell: 765.810.3319 (available between 9:00 AM & 5:00 PM Eastern Time)
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com