ONLINE PARENTING COACH

What you have described is the behavior of my husband who is 45 yrs old. We have been married 25 years. He does the opposite of what he is asked -- not just by me -- but his associates. Can this information help me deal in a better way with him, especially his temper and denial of any mistakes on his part. No counseling has never worked. Counselors in his mind are idiots. Thanks, J. ```````````````````````````` Hi J., Great question. And the surprising answer is "Yes ...it will help with an oppositional, defiant spouse." A significant number of mother's who join Online Parent Support state that they feel as though they are raising two children -- their child and their husband. The really cool (and unforeseen) benefit to this program is that the material will work on anyone (e.g., child, spouse, coworker, parent, etc.). Most people don't believe me when I say this, because it all "sounds too good to be true" -- and the old adage is "i...

We started your program with our 3-year-old daughter 2 weeks ago, and when we ignore her she screams at us “... talk to me ... look at me ” and she has started to hit and kick us. `````````````````````````````` I would suggest you start making a concerted effort to "catch your daughter being good." When she cooperates, is helpful, or shows kindness, make sure you praise her, and give her a smile and a hug. Be specific with your praise, such as "I really like the way you played quietly while I was talking on the telephone," or "Honey, I'm so proud of the way you put your toys away!" This is providing intensity when “things are going right.” The other side of this equation is that you need to wear your poker face when she whines, complains, or begs. If you repeatedly nag or lecture her, you are giving her exactly what she wants -- your intensity. When kids are acting out in order to get intensity, I always tell parents, "Don't get mad --...

"16 year old daughter refuses to come home …don’t know where she is staying …skipping school …has a foul mouth lately …has a boyfriend that is doing same as she is." ````````````````````````````````````````` When parents begin to implement appropriate discipline for broken house rules, some children may respond by threatening to runaway from home if they do not get their way. If this occurs, defuse the situation, but do NOT threaten or challenge your child. For example: “Daughter, you know that I cannot control you. And if you really want to run away from home, I cannot stop you. I cannot watch you 24 hours a day, and I can’t lock you up in the house. But no one in the world loves you the way I do. That is why we have established these house rules. Because I love you, I cannot stand by and watch you hurt yourself by __________ (e.g., not going to school, using drugs or alcohol, destroying house property), and running away from home will not solve the probl...

My son will not do what he is told and everyday is a fight... help. He also has a foul mouth, swearing, ect... what can I do to get him to stop? ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` While there are many ways parents can help children avoid bad language, there is no substitute for avoiding it yourself. Most children under 3-years-old won't comprehend that certain words are unacceptable. Often, ignoring the offense may be the best defense when dealing with the very young. But after their third birthday, they're more likely to understand that some words are naughty. So take action. Get down on your knees, look your child directly in the eye, and tell him, “That's a word that we don't use in our family.” Make the words - not the child - the culprit to give him a chance to move away from the behavior. If your child persists in using such language, show him you mean business with disciplinary action outlined in the My...

Moms & dads can help through early education about drugs, open communication, good role modeling, and early recognition if problems are developing. If there is any suspicion that there is a problem, parents must find the most appropriate intervention for their child. The decision to get treatment for a child or adolescent is serious. Moms & dads are encouraged to seek consultation from a mental health professional when making decisions about substance abuse treatment for children or adolescents. Parents and families must be informed consumers and should be involved in their child's recovery. Here are some important things to consider: · Addicted or drug-abusing individuals with co-existing mental disorders should have both disorders treated in an integrated way. Because addictive disorders and mental disorders often occur in the same individual, individuals should be assessed and treated for the co-occurrence of the other type of disorder. · Counselin...

I am a mother of three children and I run a daycare from my house. I have a sixteen year old daughter who I have always referred to as having intense anger Issues. Over the years I have felt I dealt with my children fairly assertively and mildly indulgent I got 63 on your test. My son is 14 my other daughter is 8. All my children have been expected to do certain things around the house and have been issued consequences for inappropriate behaviours. My kids are good kids the two older ones each have outside jobs. Pay for most of their things they need. They are all good students and respect curfews and most rules in our home. Now the problem my husband and I have is with my sixteen yr old when she is presented with something she does not agree with she becomes extremely intense very quickly at times without much warning. She swears and becomes physical at times. I have tried the poker face response and have a problem with my other children seeing her react this way. They see that she ...

Update on the situation here. My son (who decided to move out with friends) came home today and asked my husband if he could come home. My husband told him that we would have no problem if the kid that we had last year came home but not the kid he has become. Mark I really had a good kid up until last summer of 2008. He was always appreciative and respectful now I have this monster. All of Chris's friends that he had hate the new group he started hanging around with they call this group the kids that are going no where. Chris started smoking drugs with this bunch. Chris told my husband that he doesn't see the problem with him having this habit. The reason he left was because we would not tolerate this behaviour, I am not going to change it is against my values and my morales to have a kid sitting there doing drugs. This kid choose this live style not me. It was like he choose to lose. What steps do I do here, I don't want him home if it is going to be the sa...

How do I deal with my 14 year old daughter's "unspoken" threats to hurt herself/commit suicide? She has never said anything to me, but I know from reports to her school guidance counselor, her comments/poetry on my space, and having heard from her friend's and their parents. She knows I am aware because of school, parent, and child services involvement. However, when I try to discuss it or when it is brought up by the school, parents, or others she denies it (e.g. that she said or did anything self-destructive, or that she want to die). She has been cutting herself for some time and acting out in many other ways. This self destructive behavior and comments have been going on for nearly a year and continue to escalate with each passing week. My gut instinct based on my knowing her, tells me she is doing this to manipulate people (especially me, but also friends for attention) and situations, but I am also concerned about the underlying emotional factors that ar...

Mark, we just found out that my 16 y.o. son used his step mom's credit card to purchase an online gaming membership. His bio mom caught him stealing checks from her husband a year ago. The credit card theft is a felony here in Texas. How should I handle this with him? `````````````````````````````````````````` When a teen has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a pattern of stealing. When there’s pattern of stealing, it's recommended that parents follow through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is caught stealing, the parent can take the teen back to the store and meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what happened. The embarrassment of facing up to what he or she did by having to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why stealing is wrong. Further punishment, particularly physical punishment, is unnecessary and could make the...

Mark, You may not be able to offer any specific advice on our issue, but I have to bring this up – we are at our rope’s end. Our son, R___, is having a tough time focusing on his academics. He is 16, a junior in public high school, Port Orange Florida. He is in the IB (International Baccalaureate) program. Over the past year and a half his grades have steadily decreased: his current reporting period (4 week) GPA is 1.7 a solid “D.” He is an avid an accomplished soccer player, but at the rate he’s going he will be on academic suspension. His outlook for college is at best, not good – despite the fact that he definitely seems to want to go to college. (We are beginning to wonder if the IB program is just too hard for him, although says he really wants to do it.) We’ve just subscribed to OPS. We’ve read your online material, in particular advice to one parent regarding a similar situation in which you made the following points: (1) Let him do his own work – that’s his job, his teacher...

Dear Mark I have just signed on for your e-course. My son has recently been diagnosed with ODD and thank God I have an answer to the challenge (understatment of the year!) that it has been trying to understand what was going on with him. He is only eight years old but I have had nightmares about what would become of his future and of my sanity! The thing is the more I read about the disorder for my son, the more pieces fall in place for the troubles I have had and am still having with my husband and marriage. He is sooooo much like our boy in nearly every way. At the same time, all that I read on the subject pertains to children and teenagers. Although he would probably have a fit if he knew I was even thinking it about him, i desperately need to know if adults can suffer from the disorder as well? Regards, J. ``````````````````````````````````````` Hi J., Re: ...i desperately need to know if adults can suffer from the disorder as well? Absolut...

Mark- I’m a middle school teacher. Actually I purchased your ebook to help me understand – and cope with – some of my unruly students. It has been an immense help. One question: How do you deal with a student who – out of the clear blue – slips into a temper tantrum? Thanks, M. ````````````````````````````` Hi M., When a youngster reportedly has 'temper tantrums' in school, one of the first questions I always ask is whether this is also happening in the home. If it is, then is it only happening when homework or school-related matters arise, or is it happening in other situations as well? Thinking about under what conditions the kid loses control can help us determine where to start looking, what accommodations might be needed, and what other assessments and/or interventions might be needed. Suppose that the kid is not having 'temper tantrums' at home, but is having them in school. While it is still possible that it is the kid's disabi...

Thanks Mark. I'm really excited about this program, and just watching the videos I did yesterday and doing the quiz has made me realize it's going to help immensely. My teens aren't out of control yet, but one of them certainly is an intense child and displays many of the traits you speak about. The explanation of that type of child getting excitement from the meltdowns is something I've thought for a long time but didn't know how to put in perspective. I am looking forward to this program and have already learned and implemented some of your ideas. D. Online Parent Support

Hello Mark, What do you know about Risperdol and the treatment of ODD? ``````````````````````````````````` In choosing drugs for ODD, look for drugs that have been proven safe in children, have no long term side effects, and have been found in research studies to be effective in extremely aggressive children and adolescents or in Comorbid conditions which children with CD often have. Each drug has certain problems that need to be watched for. The current medical literature suggests three basic principles when using psychiatric drugs in children: 1. Start low 2. Go slow, and 3. Monitor carefully Start low means that you do not start any of these drugs at the usual dose, or the maximum dose. When you have pneumonia, it can be a real emergency. You want to give people plenty of medicine right away, and if there are problems, then you reduce it. Unfortunately, many people use this same strategy in the medical treatment of ODD. The problem is that big doses can cause ...

Hi, I have been applying your techniques for about 5 weeks now and can say that things have definitely gotten better. We have had a couple moments but otherwise have been much happier and getting along great. I have read the emails regarding the poor grades and how I should let my son (14 yrs) take ownership of his grades and treat school like it's his job. I completely understand that and agree that the concept should work. I've been fighting with him for 4 years and gotten nowhere so it's obvious that I can't control the outcome. He thinks he can never do good enough for me. So I have told him that it is his job now and his future and he is in charge of it. He only has to live up to his own expectations. Here's my question...he wants to take 2 days off of school next week to go hunting, a once a year opportunity. He says he will take care of making up all of the work that he will miss for those days ahead of time. I don't know if I should have a say in this ...

Hi Mark, Things have been going better over this way with our 15 year old daughter. We've taken your advice and are trying to refine the techniques. Thanks for your previous help. I do have a question and wondered if you had any insight. My daughter left a note from her boyfriend that she received at school laying by the computer last night. I found it this morning. He was talking about them experimenting with something called salvia. I've been doing some research on this and it seems it is legal here in Indiana. I've discovered it is a hallucenogenic herb. Scary stuff. From this note and the exchange of IMs I read this morning before I left for work, she seems to be struggling with this and does not want to do it. He stated he was going to try it and it was okay if she didn't. A couple of days ago she asked about spending some time with this boyfriend and we did the "yes, but..." She fulfilled the but and now has our permission to spend time with ...

Hello Mark, What do I do when my daughter hurts me? When she does not like what I say she punches, has gone after me with scissors, pens and whipped me with coat hangers and throws things at me. How do you handle this? Help ``````````````````````````````` Hi T., Although aggressive behavior such as hitting, screaming, and even biting is not seen as all that unusual from a youngster of one or two years of age, the same conduct in kids merely a year or two older is often seen as cruel and problematic. Controlling feelings and emotions is, however, a learned skill and can be very difficult to master (even for some adults!). Staying calm and collected not only requires a fair amount of self-control and discipline, but also a basic understanding of appropriate social behavior and morality. Most kids under the age of five or six have a minimal comprehension of what exactly is socially acceptable, at least beyond pleasing Mom or Dad. Even then, some kids may find it...