ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Parenting an adolescent can be tough, especially when he or she starts bringing new friends home. With all the different friends your youngster is bound to make, it’s very likely you’re going to dislike at least one of them. Here’s what to do to keep this issue from becoming a big problem: 1. As long as your youngster isn’t getting into trouble with his friend, and your dislike is not based on anything concrete, let your youngster make his own choices about which friends he is going to hang-out with. Keep a close eye, but believe in your kid to make good decisions. 2. Ask yourself if what you don’t like about the friend really matters. Is it the way he dresses? Is it a lack of good manners? Is your youngster getting into trouble with this friend? Once you identify this, you will have a better idea of how to proceed. 3. Be a fly on the wall when the friend is over.  One of the best ways to listen to conversations your teen and her friends are having is to make snacks and ...

Backtalk can be one of the most frustrating behaviors for moms and dads. It's hard to keep cool and clear-headed when teens are being disrespectful. The angrier we become, the more backtalk our teens dish out. Don't despair. Taming backtalk takes practice, but if you stay calm and consistent, you can get a hold of this troublesome behavior.  You can control this vicious cycle if you follow some of the tips below: 1. Avoid the word "if" (as in "If you do that again, I'm going to..."). It makes you sound weak instead of decisive, and your teenager will pick up on that. Moms and dads tend to over-talk. Taking action is much more effective. 2. Back off. If your adolescent is irate, any attempts to restrict or discipline her will only be counterproductive. Give her some time to cool off. If the situation calls for a consequence, it can be dealt later, but too often moms and dads make threats that are too harsh in the heat of the moment. 3. Back...

Guilt is a reality for those of us who are raising defiant teens. Balancing the tasks of raising kids, caring for our home, nurturing our relationship with our spouse, and earning money to pay the bills is just plain hard work. To make matters even more difficult, our child is now a teenager who may be acting out (e.g., being disrespectful, verbally abusive, failing academically, violating curfew, etc.). Something has to give! There’s just no way to do it all perfectly all the time – and so we don’t. We don’t fall short out of choice though, so we feel guilty. We are disappointed that our teenage son or daughter didn’t turn out the way we thought he or she would? We wonder how this child is going to function as an adult out in the “real world.” We feel like we should have been a better parent? And we have come to terms with the fact that our child is not the person we once knew. So what is a parent to do in light of all these circumstances? Feeling guilty is a habit that wil...

Will your children be spending a good portion of the holidays with your ex-spouse? If so, you may find yourself dealing with “Disneyland parent” syndrome… What is “Disneyland parent” syndrome? One possible reaction of an ex-spouse with part-time custody is to spoil the kids, ignore family rules, and become the “fun” mother or father in an effort to alleviate guilt, win the kids over, or make the ex-spouse look bad.     After divorce, it is common for one of the parents to feel guilty and think that her/she has to buy the youngster’s love and affection. In many cases, it is the nonresident parent who feels this burden so that his/her youngster will look forward to their time together. Some Disneyland parents may only see their children on holidays, but when they do, they make up for lost time and may take their children on extravagant trips, ignore bedtimes, eat cupcakes for breakfast, or skip from one adventure to the next. When they are away from their kids, the...

Most moms and dads find it difficult to tolerate an adolescent that they feel isn't trying. And unfortunately, often times the parents' attempt to motivate the teen actually backfires. In other words, the teen still refuses to do homework, but now parent-child conflict enters the picture; her refusal to do homework is often an indirect way of expressing anger. So how can parents get their teenager to be responsible for homework - but at the same time - avoid a knock-down drag-out fight?   Here are some tips for motivating your teen to do homework without the power struggles: 1. After an elapsed time, encourage your adolescent to do something she enjoys. Having her do something in which she excels will help bolster the confidence she needs to try school challenges. 2. Arrange for a peer study group. Encourage your teenager to form a study group of friends or neighborhood peers. Research shows that when teens study together, it can improve retention. It makes lear...

Your teenage son is becoming more and more aggressive toward you. He is quickly developing the habit of getting in your face and yelling when he doesn’t get his way. He has even threatened to hurt you if you don’t let him do what he wants. To make matters worse, he is taller and stronger than you, and you’re a single mother who gets no protection from your son’s father since he is rarely – if ever – around to intervene. What is a single mom to do?! Aggressive male teens emotionally abuse their single mothers in an attempt to control them. Emotional abuse is considered domestic abuse, and it is just as harmful as physical abuse. Domestic abuse is defined as any instance when one family member begins to dominate the other member. Your aggressive son abuses you emotionally so he can get complete control over you – your thoughts, beliefs and concept of yourself – in order to be able to do what he wants, when he wants, and without any consequences. Emotional abuse is often the pr...

Once a youngster reaches adolescence, many moms and dads may think it is too late to help him or her change a negative attitude. This is not the case, and while it may take longer, it is possible to help your youngster develop a positive attitude. Having a positive attitude is essential to your child’s happiness and success. A negative attitude can result in him or her feeling unloved, frustrated and easily led. How to Give Your Teenager an Attitude Adjustment: 1. Avoid harsh criticism, especially if it includes humiliation and mockery. Sometimes it will be necessary to provide “constructive criticism” to your adolescent, and as a mother or father, you are right to do it. However, if the criticism is harsh, this will have a negative effect on the adolescent's attitude. The way you word constructive criticism is important. Using "I" instead of "you" statements is a good way to communicate with your child. For example, "I would like you to clean-up ...

A catastrophe, such as recent hurricanes, is frightening to many kids – and even adults. Talking to your kids about the event can decrease their fear.  It is important to explain the event in words the youngster can understand, and at a level of detail that will not overwhelm him or her.  Several factors affect a youngster's response to a disaster.  The way kids see how their moms and dads respond to such an event is very important. Kids are aware of their parent’s worries most of the time, but they are particularly sensitive during a crisis. Moms and dads should admit their concerns to their kids, and also stress their abilities to cope with the disaster.  Falsely minimizing the danger will not end a youngster's concerns. A youngster's reaction also depends on how much destruction and/or death he or she sees during and after the disaster. If a family member or friend has been killed or seriously injured, or if the youngster's school or home has been severel...

Attention seeking behavior is basically your son or daughter regularly misbehaving to get attention from you, the parent. It may be as simple as doing things to annoy you and disobeying any house rules. Your youngster is acting this way not because he likes to get yelled at, but because he enjoys the attention his misbehavior brings. He knows that you don’t like it when he misbehaves, and there is only so much you can do to stop him. This gives him a sense of power. The problem here is, sometimes moms and dads let the youngster have his way so he will stop acting-out. This is the worst approach since he will then realize that misbehaving also comes with bonus! Therefore the attention-seeking behavior pattern continues and will be used more often. Here are some of the traits of the attention-seeking child. He or she: Is frequently out of his or her seat at school Is late in getting school assignments turned in May use profanity or crude language Often tries to be nonconfor...

Your child was once loveable, cheerful, and a fairly good student. But now his behavior has changed dramatically. And to make matters worse, you suspect that your child is now using AND selling drugs.    No attempts to reason with your teenager have helped. You have scolded, threatened, taken away privileges, had difficult talks with the school and the cops – and nothing works! You are watching your adolescent turn into a “stranger in your house.” The stakes are high, because he’s engaging in criminal behavior that could cost him jail-time, and he’s putting chemicals in his body that may literally destroy him. What now!? The first step is to recognize the signs of drug abuse and drug dealing.  Here are some of the prominent red flags that parents should look for: any request for information is met with hostility behavior problems in school drop in grades dropping old friends has become disrespectful and defiant has a sudden influence of a new crowd incre...

One minute, your teenager is begging you to take her to McDonald’s for lunch. The next minute, she’s insulting your intelligence and calling you a “bitch.” If you look closely, you'll notice that you've been through this before: When she was a 2-year-old, she needed you one minute, and was throwing a tantrum the next. She was seeking independence then – and she continues to do so now. Part of being a teenager is about separating and individuating, and many teens feel like they need to reject their mom and dad in order to find their own identities. Teenagers focus on their peers more than on their parents and siblings, which is normal too. So, why do some teens lash out and use harsh words like "I hate you"?  Because they are in a difficult stage of "transition" (oh, and by the way, they don't actually hate you, rather they are simply trying to separate from you and haven't found a tactful way to do it, yet). Here's a closer look...