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Is your teenager shutting you out? In other words, she won’t talk to you – and she ignores you when you try to talk to her. You know something is bothering your teen, but she’s not going to tell you what it is. She’s either mad at you or someone else – but in the meantime, you’re getting the cold shoulder. A teenager may use the silent treatment as a way to freeze parents out, to get them to leave her alone, and to push their buttons. What most moms and dads don’t realize is that, under the surface, something else is going on. In general, most silent treatment is an indication of poor communication skills. The teen can’t solve her own problems, and as a result, she becomes resentful toward her parent(s). Some silent treatment indicates an inability to articulate one’s feelings during parent-child conflict. These teens are sometimes referred to as “emotionally shut-down.” Silent treatment intended to inflict emotional punishment is present in the teenager who has “shutdown,” es...

Adolescents, by virtue of their “not fully-developed” brains, typically have poor problem-solving skills. As a result, they struggle in many areas of their lives. When they encounter unfamiliar complications, they may become overwhelmed and unable to resolve problems independently, which often translates into behavioral issues (e.g., back-talk, disrespect, violation of house-rules, etc.). Teenagers encounter so many different problems during adolescence. Tough teenage challenges coupled with poor problem-solving skills often influences teens to act-out in ways they never would if they knew how to solve their dilemmas. They have social problems (e.g., the inability to get along well with certain peers), functional problems (e.g., meeting responsibilities at home or school), and emotional problems (e.g., feeling angry, sad, frustrated or helpless). Many adolescents who lack problem-solving skills will simply try to avoid the problem completely; they will ignore it in hopes that it...

If you're like every other parent, you don't always bond with your teenager. He might create distance between you just at the times when you most long to become closer. He might be busy on the computer, the phone, with his friends, or homework. When you try to talk to him, he doesn't listen, or just leaves the room. He thinks that you are embarrassing, and you don't know how to change that. Despite your best intentions and efforts, creating a meaningful bond with your adolescent isn't always easy. But, you're not alone. A feeling of distance between parent and teenager is a normal part of development, but you don't have to feel like you're losing your son or daughter. By putting in just a little bit of effort, you can re-bond with your adolescent.  Here are some tips to help you bond with your emotionally-distant teenager: 1. Ask your adolescent to teach you how to produce an online photo gallery. Most young people today were raised in the d...

Parenting out-of-control teenagers is a tough job for sure!! And it’s totally understandable when parents fly off the handle because their teens continually exhibit blatant disrespect and hatefulness. But sometimes, we as parents get stuck in a cycle of over-reacting to our teen’s “bad” behavior, which weakens our immune system and tends to make a bad problem worse. One of the best parenting strategies we can employ is to “avoid throwing gas on the fire” by over-reacting in the heat of the moment. This one strategy alone will reduce your parental stress by at least 50%. Do you often: Assume the worst about your teenager’s behavior due to his bad “track record”? Feel alarmed by your uncontrollable reactions to her rude comments and putdowns? Have to apologize for your abrupt actions or words? Lash out when your teen is ill-mannered? Regret things you say in the heat of emotion? Withdraw when parent-child arguments get emotionally overwhelming? If you answered “y...

At some point, you as a parent have probably been involved in a knock-down, drag-out argument with your defiant teenager. Each of you is convinced the other is wrong. Neither of you will back down. You've tried everything to get through to your son or daughter (e.g., ironclad logic, negotiating, yelling louder and longer), but neither side will budge. So, what can parents do when they find themselves in frequent verbal fights with their out-of-control teenagers? Here are 15 parenting tips to help resolve heated arguments with defiant teens: 1. Ask your teen if she would be willing to summarize your position. If she can't, or she hasn't heard it yet, ask if she would be willing to listen to what you have to say now. 2. Don't try to force your teen into admitting they he is wrong. That's the kind of tactic that keeps the argument burning. Genuine agreement will come, when and if it comes. It can't be forced. 3. Enlist the help of a mediator (e.g.,...

"I get so frustrated with my rebellious 13-year-old son - and often lose my temper! You can’t leave him alone for a minute without problems of some sort (won’t go into all that here though). Am I a bad mother? How can I avoid over-reacting like this? I know I'm throwing gas on the fire!!" Most moms lose their temper with their teens from time to time. It's OK to feel angry …just don’t take it out on your son. If you feel angry with your son almost every day or have trouble controlling your temper, get some help. There's no shame in that! Start by talking to your family doctor. Also, there are groups that can help moms, too. You can join our support group here: ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents When you get frustrated and upset, give yourself a break (rather than getting angry, and then feeling guilty for getting angry). Everyone needs a break from being a parent once in a while. If you have another adult in your family, take turns getting a...

Do you happen to use an “overindulgent” parenting style? If so, then you are probably experiencing a lot of behavioral problems with your teenager! What’s the connection between overindulgence and behavior problems you ask? In this post, we will answer this question in great detail… First of all, do you notice any of the following characteristics in your teen? Asks for help on a task she should be able to do on her own Can be obnoxious and temperamental Constantly engages in whining and complaining Demands things all the time Exhibits extreme clinginess or the inability to be alone Fails to bounce back from normal adolescent disappointments Has little concern for the welfare of others Ignores or negotiates every request you make Is self-centered Is verbally and/or physically aggressive Is very manipulative Lacks motivation Repeatedly asks for rewards or money for basic chores  Shows little gratitude for what she has Wants to control the decisions of other famil...

The adolescent years are notoriously difficult to navigate, which can create a nightmare for moms and dads whose teenagers are out-of-control. Whether your son or daughter is lying, stealing, doing drugs, or acting defiantly – you CAN resolve these issues with the proper strategies.  Here are some quick tips on how to regain control: 1. First of all, YOU have to take care of YOU. Dealing with out-of-control teenage behaviors is very stressful. Build in some time for social support and recreation each week so that you can recharge your batteries and feel refreshed and motivated to continue on. 2. Come up with a plan on how you will hold your teenager accountable. What will you do if he does not meet your expectations?  How will you respond? In the heat of the moment, it’s most effective to state your expectations – and then walk away. Then after things have calmed down, do some “problem solving” and give a consequence if the situation calls for it. 3. Don’t over-neg...

The biggest challenge when parenting an adolescent is how to get her to listen to you and your advice. You want to protect her from bad decisions and choices. But now that she’s “all grown up” (in her mind), she “knows it all” and does not listen to you. She has transformed from a kid that followed your lead and had everything done for her to a teen that makes her own choices and decisions. As most parents may have already figured out, you can't make your teenager change if he doesn't want to. No amount of pleading, forcing, or discipline will work. In fact, the more you persist, the more he will rebel. So, instead of “How can I get my teen to listen to me?” …the question should really be “How can I get my teenager to WANT to listen to me?” The answer is to examine the quality of the attachment between you and your teenager. A weak parent-child bond translates to having a deaf teen. How to get your teen to WANT to listen to you: 1. As a parent, you have to “pretend” ...

Social networking sites play an important role in the lives of many teens. Over 60% of 13-17 year olds have at least one profile on a social networking site, many spending more than 2 hours per day on these sites. Social networking sites can present opportunities to teenagers who participate with them, but like any activity, there are also associated risks. Thus, it is important for moms and dads to help their teens use these sites wisely. Some potential benefits are: (a) developing and expressing individual identity; (b) developing new social contacts with peers with similar interests; (c) sharing content of self-expression (e.g., art work, music, political views, etc.); and (d) staying connected to friends. Online social networking can involve new risks such as: (a) vulnerability to predatory adults; (b) sharing too much information; (c) sharing photos or videos that the teenager may later regret; (d) risk of identity theft; (e) reduced amount of time for physical activity;...

Most moms and dads don’t understand why their defiant teens behave in an impulsive, irrational, and sometimes dangerous way. At times, it seems like these young people don’t think things through or fully consider the consequences of their actions. They differ from their "normal" peers in the way they behave, solve problems, and make decisions. There is a biological explanation for this difference. Researchers have identified a specific region of the brain called the amygdala, which is responsible for instinctual reactions (e.g., fear, aggressive behavior). This region develops early; however, the frontal cortex (i.e., the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act) develops later. This part of the brain is still changing and maturing well into the early- to mid-twenties. Other specific changes in the brain during the teenage years include a rapid increase in the connections between the brain cells and pruning (i.e., refinement) of brai...

Graduating from high school and planning for life afterwards is an exciting AND challenging time for older teens and their parents. For adolescents with psychiatric diagnoses, it is especially important to plan ahead for a successful "launch” from high school to a university. All universities are different. It is important to investigate the mental health services and other supports available at each university you are considering. Some topics to investigate and consider include: Availability of student advocacy groups and outreach services to support students with special needs Can the psychiatric condition be successfully managed on campus, or will additional community resources be required?  Consider ease of access to off-campus providers How are medical and counseling services paid for? Does a student fee cover everything or is your insurance accepted?  The availability of a Counseling Center, Student Health Services, and off-campus mental health resources ...