ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi L., This is Mark, and I’ve responded where you see these arrows: >>>>>>>>> Thanks for your answer Mark. I really appreciate how quickly you respond. You must get hundreds of emails every day from desperate parents! Re the fighting: I understand what you are saying and I agree with your analysis. This is what we did for many years when E___ was very small. I never felt safe leaving the 2 kids alone. The last few days I have been successful in keeping my 'poker face' although i see that I have to work on being consistent and keeping to the said consequence. Here is a scenario that just played out. My kids say I am being unfair. Could you please give me some feedback and any advice? This afternoon I was taking my kids B___ 11 yo (the intense one) and E___ 7 yo to the grocery store and said we would get an ice cream. >>>>>>>>>> What did they do to earn this privilege (i.e., ice cream)? As I stopped for...

Consequences can be used to discourage unacceptable behavior in defiant adolescents . Usually this will occur after other techniques have been tried unsuccessfully. In summary, consequences: are given to help defiant adolescents establish boundaries are more effective when discussed in a matter-of-fact manner from a caring and controlled point of view help moms and dads present their adolescents with fundamental life lessons while helping adolescents recall what they learned from these disciplinary actions should be applied consistently (i.e., the behavior disciplined today will again be disciplined  next week if needed) should be clearly explained, related to the behavior, and completed as soon as possible should never be given in anger should not be confused with punishment Also, behavior disciplined for one child will not be allowed for others. This consistency lowers anxiety by making the environment predictable. "Discipline” means to teach, and positive disc...

Hi S., I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >> >>>>> Good Morning, To begin, I just wanted to say that I joined your online program a few days ago and it has already been so helpful. There seems to be an ample supply of resources in my commu nity for parenting young children, but haven't come across much for parenting the pre-teen and teen age s. I've been studying the materials and started implementing the strategies therein. Which has now brought about a couple of questions I could use some support on. First, a few days ago I removed my daughter's computer privilege for the 3 day time frame. I didn't engage in the power struggle, simply explained the consequence, and stated I wasn't going to argue. The first day went surprisingly well. She did say my rules were dumb and asked for clarification about how long and when she would get computer time back. I told her if there we re no more occurr...

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

==> Help for Parents of Children and Teens with ODD (and comorbid ADHD)

 "What's the most appropriate way to talk to teenagers about the topic of sex education?" Sex education basics may be covered in health class, but adolescents might not hear or understand everything they need to know to make tough choices about sex. That's where parents come in. Awkward as it may be, sex education is your responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your adolescent learns in school, you can set the stage for a lifetime of healthy sexuality. If parents wait for the perfect moment to discuss sexual issues, they may miss the best opportunities. Instead, think of sex education as an ongoing conversation. Here are some ideas to help you get started and keep the discussion going: Clearly state your feelings about specific issues (e.g., oral sex, intercourse). Present the risks objectively, including emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections, and unplanned pregnancy. Explain that oral sex isn't a risk-free alternative to intercour...

  ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

According to parenting experts, the average youngster hears the word “no” an astonishing 400 times a week. That's not only tiresome for you, but it can also be harmful to your son or daughter. According to studies, children who hear “no” too often have poorer language skills than kids whose moms and dads offer more positive feedback. Also, saying “no” can become ineffective when it's overused (a little like crying wolf). Some children simply start to ignore the word, while others slip into a rage the minute that dreaded syllable crosses your lips. So what's a parent to do — let her kids run amok without any limits? Well, no! Parents can break out of the “yes-no tug-of-war” by coming up with new ways to set limits. Here are 20 positive ways to answer your child in the negative: 1. Adjust your use of the word "no" over time. For example, in the first year of life, the word "no" is usually reserved for warning your youngster of dangers he...

Why should parents stop screaming at their kids – in all cases – effective immediately? Here are 4 important reasons why: With parental screaming, your children will learn that they never really have to change their behavior, because screaming is not much of a consequence. Instead, they will just listen to the yelling and do whatever they want to do anyway. And eventually, they will simply tune you out completely. When yelling becomes your usual method of dealing with problems, your kids are also apt to think that it is okay for them to scream a lot. You’re teaching your children that yelling is an appropriate response when one is angry or stressed. Screaming teaches that life, in general, is often out-of-control. Screaming actually empowers your children (but in a bad way), because it gives them the message that you are not in control …and if you are not in control, they assume that they are the ones in charge. If you find yourself yelling at your youngster too often, it’...

Mark Hutten, M.A. - Master's in Counseling Psychology The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control children and teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success.  And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the child "acts-out." I often hear the following statement from parents: "I've tried everything with this child -- and nothing works!"   But when they work with me , they soon discover they have not tried everything, rather they have tried some things. If you're interested in Skype counseling, simply do the following: Create a Skype account, if you haven't done so already -- it's free! Add me to your contacts list. My Skype name is: markbhutten . [After you get into your Skype account, do a search using my Skype name. You'll see my picture and my name: Mark Hutten.] Send me a contact request. I will accept it and add you to my contacts. Email me so we can...

How much longer will you tolerate dishonesty and disrespect? How many more temper tantrums and arguments will you endure? Have you wasted a lot of time and energy trying to make your child change?   ==> If so, then this may be the most important article you'll ever read!

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is defined as a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months. Behaviors included in the definition are as follows: refusing to follow rules losing one's temper deliberately annoying other people blaming others for one's own mistakes or misbehavior being touchy, easily annoyed or angered being resentful, spiteful, or vindictive arguing with grown-ups actively defying requests Here’s what ODD looks like throughout childhood: Preschool— family instability, including economic stress, parental mental illness, harshly punitive behaviors, inconsistent parenting practices, multiple moves, and divorce, may also contribute to the development of oppositional and defiant behaviors temperamental factors, such as irritability, impulsivity, and intensity of reactions to negative stimuli, may contribute to the development of a pattern of opposit...