What Parents of Troubled Teens Need to Know About Fentanyl

The Nation’s Greatest and Most Urgent Drug Threat

In recent years, the opioid crisis in the United States has shifted dramatically with the emergence of fentanyl as the most significant and urgent drug threat facing the nation. Fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, is not only highly addictive but also immensely potent, causing an escalating number of overdoses and fatalities across the country. Understanding the impact of this substance, its origins, and the measures being taken to combat its proliferation is essential to grasp the severity of the crisis.

 The Potency and Dangers of Fentanyl

Fentanyl is reported to be 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine and is estimated to be about 50 times stronger than heroin. This extreme potency significantly raises the risk of overdose, as even a minuscule amount can be lethal. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), synthetic opioids, primarily fentanyl, accounted for over 70% of all opioid-involved deaths in 2021. This staggering statistic underscores the urgent nature of the fentanyl crisis.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support  

The drug is commonly manufactured illegally and is often mixed with other substances, including heroin, cocaine, and counterfeit prescription pills. Many users are unaware they are consuming fentanyl, resulting in unintentional overdoses. For instance, a person seeking heroin may unknowingly purchase a product laced with fentanyl, leading to catastrophic consequences.

 The Origins and Distribution of Fentanyl

Fentanyl was originally synthesized in the late 1950s and was initially used in medical settings for pain management, particularly for cancer patients. Its medical use continues, but over the years, illegal production has skyrocketed. Fentanyl is primarily manufactured in clandestine laboratories, and a significant proportion of the illicit supply originates from foreign shipments, particularly from Mexico and China.

The accessibility of fentanyl is troubling. It is inexpensive to produce and can be transported easily due to its potency, which allows traffickers to maximize profits. As a result, fentanyl has flooded the American drug market, exacerbating an already dire opioid epidemic.

 The Human Toll

The human cost of the fentanyl epidemic is staggering. Families and communities are devastated by the loss of loved ones to overdose. The CDC reports that synthetic opioids, primarily fentanyl, were involved in more than 71,000 deaths in 2021 alone. This represents a significant jump from previous years, highlighting an alarming trend that shows no signs of abating.

Moreover, the crisis impacts not just those who use drugs but also their families and communities. The ripple effects are felt in terms of increased healthcare costs, loss of productivity, and strained social services. Communities across the country grapple with the challenges of supporting those addicted while also addressing the fallout from the crisis.

Factors Contributing to Teenagers’ Use of Fentanyl

1. Peer Pressure and Social Influence: Adolescence is a critical period where peer acceptance becomes paramount. Many teenagers may feel compelled to try substances to fit in or to gain social status. This peer influence can lead them to experiment with drugs that they perceive as safe or less harmful.

2. Accessibility: The availability of prescription medications has been a longstanding issue, but the illicit market for fentanyl has significantly increased its accessibility. Teens may easily acquire fentanyl-laced substances through social networks or online platforms without realizing the dangers involved.

3. Misconceptions About Drugs: There is a pervasive misinformation about opioids and their effects, particularly concerning synthetic opioids like fentanyl. Some teenagers may believe that they can control their use or that they won't experience severe consequences, underestimating the potency of these drugs.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support  

4. Mental Health Issues: Many teenagers face mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, or trauma. They may turn to drugs as a means of coping or escapism. This may lead them to experiment with opioids, including fentanyl, as a method of self-medication.

5. Cultural Factors: Media portrayal of drug use and the glamorization of a party lifestyle can also play a role in normalizing substance use. This cultural context can create an environment where trying drugs, including those containing fentanyl, becomes more acceptable.

 The Risks Associated with Fentanyl Use

The consequences of fentanyl use can be severe and far-reaching. Key risks include:

1. Risk of Overdose: Due to its potency, even a small amount of fentanyl can result in an overdose. Symptoms can include difficulty breathing, extreme drowsiness, confusion, and loss of consciousness. The risk is even higher when fentanyl is mixed with other substances, as users may not be aware of the fentanyl content.

2. Addiction: Opioids are highly addictive substances. Teenage use of fentanyl can lead to physical dependence and addiction, which can derail their personal and academic lives.

3. Mental Health Decline: Substance use can exacerbate existing mental health issues and lead to new challenges. The chemical effects of fentanyl on the brain can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders.

4. Legal and Social Consequences: Engaging in drug use can lead to serious legal issues, including arrests and involvement with the juvenile justice system. It can also affect family relationships and social dynamics, causing isolation or damaging friendships.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support  

Combating the Crisis

In response to the fentanyl epidemic, various strategies are being employed at local, state, and federal levels. These include:

1. Enhanced Law Enforcement Efforts: Law enforcement agencies are targeting illicit fentanyl production and trafficking. This involves better coordination among local, state, and federal authorities and international cooperation to disrupt supply chains.

2. Harm Reduction Strategies: Programs that provide access to naloxone, a medication that can reverse opioid overdoses, are expanding. Communities are also focusing on safe injection sites and drug testing services to prevent overdoses.

3. Public Awareness Campaigns: Educating the public about the dangers of fentanyl is critical. Campaigns aim to raise awareness about the risks associated with illicit opioid use and the signs of overdose.

4. Access to Treatment: Increasing access to addiction treatment programs, including medication-assisted treatment (MAT), is crucial to addressing the underlying issues of substance use disorders. Providing support for recovery is essential for individuals seeking help.

5. Legislative Action: Policymakers are exploring new regulations and laws aimed at curbing the distribution of illegal fentanyl. Some states have enacted tougher penalties for trafficking in synthetic opioids while simultaneously supporting prevention and treatment initiatives.

 Conclusion

Fentanyl has become the nation’s greatest and most urgent drug threat due to its extreme potency, prevalence in the illicit drug market, and the devastating consequences it has wrought on families and communities alike. Combating this crisis requires a multifaceted approach that includes law enforcement, public education, access to treatment, and harm reduction strategies. The fight against fentanyl is far from over, but through collective efforts, there is hope to turn the tide of this epidemic and ensure a safer future for all. Addressing this urgent drug threat is essential not just for public health but for the well-being of society as a whole.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

The Alarming Challenges Faced by Generation Z

Generation Z, the cohort born between the mid-1990s and early 2010s, is the first to grow up with the internet and digital technology as a constant presence. Their fluency in technology, social awareness, and desire for change are defining characteristics. However, despite these strengths, Generation Z faces a unique set of challenges that impact their mental health, education, employment, and social dynamics.

 1. Mental Health Issues

One of the most pressing challenges for Generation Z is the alarming rise in mental health issues. According to various studies, this generation is more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and stress compared to previous generations. Factors contributing to these mental health challenges include:

- Social Media Influence: Constant exposure to social media can lead to feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and low self-esteem. The curated lives presented on platforms like Instagram and TikTok can create unrealistic expectations and pressure to present a perfect image.

- Academic Pressure: Generation Z faces immense pressure to excel academically, often leading to high levels of stress and burnout. With the competitive landscape of college admissions and job markets, many feel they must perform at an exceedingly high level.

- Global Uncertainty: Growing up amidst significant global issues such as climate change, political instability, and economic uncertainty adds to this generation’s anxiety. Many Gen Zers feel a sense of helplessness regarding the future, which contributes to their mental health struggles.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support  

 2. Education and Workforce Transition

As Generation Z approaches adulthood, they encounter numerous challenges in their education and the transition to the workforce:

- Student Debt: The rising cost of education has made it difficult for many young people to pursue higher education without being burdened by significant debt. This financial strain can deter them from furthering their education or force them into undesirable jobs.

- Job Market Instability: The job market has changed dramatically in recent years. With automation and technological advancements, many traditional jobs are disappearing, and Generation Z is left to navigate an uncertain employment landscape. They are often expected to have a wide range of skills and adapt quickly to new technologies.

- Work-Life Balance: This generation prioritizes work-life balance, yet many find it challenging to achieve. The demand for constant connectivity can blur the lines between personal and professional life, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support  

 3. Political and Social Activism

Generation Z is more engaged in social and political issues than any previous generation, which comes with its own set of challenges:

- Activism Fatigue: While many Gen Zers are passionate about causes such as climate change, social justice, and equality, the constant cycle of news and the pressure to stay informed can lead to "activism fatigue." This overwhelming bombardment can result in feelings of helplessness and burnout, as individuals grapple with the enormity of the issues at hand.

- Navigating Polarization: In a time of increased political polarization, Generation Z must navigate differing opinions and often hostile environments. Engaging in discourse on sensitive topics can lead to conflict, online harassment, and a feeling of alienation from peers.

 4. Inequality and Social Justice

Generation Z is not sheltered from the ongoing issues of inequality and discrimination. Many members of this generation actively fight against these injustices but face their own struggles in doing so:

- Systemic Inequality: Many young people belong to marginalized communities that are disproportionately affected by systemic inequalities, including racism, sexism, and economic disparity. These issues deeply affect their daily lives and opportunities.

- Representation: Generation Z is one of the most diverse generations in history. However, the quest for representation in media, politics, and leadership roles remains an ongoing challenge. Many young people feel that their experiences and voices are not adequately represented, leading to frustration and disillusionment.

 5. Environmental Concerns

With climate change becoming a pressing global issue, Generation Z is often labeled as the "climate generation." While their advocacy for sustainability is commendable, it also presents challenges:

- Climate Anxiety: Understanding the severity of climate change can evoke deep feelings of dread and uncertainty about the future. Many Gen Zers grapple with eco-anxiety, worrying that their lives and futures will be impacted by environmental degradation.

- Calls for Action: There is an immense pressure on this generation to take action against climate change. While many feel motivated, the scale of the problem can also create feelings of inadequacy, as individual efforts may seem negligible against the broader issues.

In summary, Generation Z is a generation poised for change, yet burdened by numerous challenges. Addressing these issues requires a concerted effort from educators, employers, and society as a whole. Understanding and supporting the needs of this generation is vital, as they navigate the complexities of modern life and work towards a future where they can thrive.

By fostering resilience, encouraging open dialogue about mental health, and creating more equitable systems, we can empower Generation Z to rise to their potential and enact the change they so fervently seek. This support is not just beneficial, but necessary for the well-being and success of Generation Z.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

Understanding the Behavioral Manifestations of a Depressed Teenager

Adolescence is a critical period marked by profound physical, emotional, and social changes. For many teenagers, this is a time of exploration and self-discovery. However, for some, it can also be a time filled with darkness and despair, particularly in the case of depression. Understanding the behavioral manifestations of a depressed teenager is crucial for parents, educators, and peers in order to provide the necessary support and intervention.

 The Nature of Depression in Teenagers

Before exploring specific behaviors, it’s important to understand that depression can manifest differently in adolescents compared to adults. While adults may express their feelings more openly, teenagers often display their emotional struggles through changes in behavior rather than verbal communication. Additionally, hormonal changes and the pressures of adolescence can complicate the identification of depression, as some behaviors might be mistakenly attributed to typical teenage angst.

 Common Behavioral Signs of Depression

1. Withdrawal from Activities: One of the most noticeable signs of depression in teenagers is a withdrawal from activities they once enjoyed. Whether it’s sports, hobbies, or social events, a depressed teen may lose interest in things that used to excite them. This withdrawal can lead to isolation, making it easy for them to feel more alone.

2. Changes in Social Interactions: Along with withdrawal from activities, teenagers may also begin to distance themselves from friends and family. They may become irritable or short-tempered, which can lead to conflicts and abandonment by peers. This social withdrawal can create a vicious cycle, exacerbating feelings of loneliness and sadness.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

3. Academic Decline: A decrease in academic performance is another common behavioral manifestation. Depressed teenagers might struggle with concentration, resulting in lower grades or missed assignments. This decline can generate feelings of inadequacy and further deepen their depressive state.

4. Sleep Disturbances: Changes in sleep patterns can serve as a significant indicator of depression. Some teenagers may experience insomnia, finding it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep, while others may oversleep as a means of escaping their emotional pain. Both conditions can contribute to fatigue, lack of motivation, and cognitive difficulties.

5. Increased Irritability or Anger: Depression does not always present as sadness; in teenagers, it may manifest as irritability or anger. Teens might exhibit uncharacteristic outbursts or become easily frustrated with themselves or others. This change can strain relationships with family and friends, making it difficult for loved ones to recognize the underlying issue.

6. Changes in Appetite or Weight: Depression can significantly impact a teenager's eating habits. Some may lose their appetite and experience weight loss, while others may turn to food for comfort, leading to weight gain. These physical changes can further affect their self-esteem and body image, which are particularly sensitive areas during adolescence.

7. Risky Behavior and Recklessness: Some depressed teens may engage in risky behaviors, such as drug or alcohol use, reckless driving, or unsafe sexual practices. These behaviors often stem from a desire to escape feelings of pain or numbness and can lead to dangerous situations or long-term consequences.

8. Self-Harm: In severe cases, some adolescents may resort to self-harm as a way to cope with emotional pain. This behavior often serves as a release or a form of self-punishment. It is critical for friends and family members to take any signs of self-harm seriously and seek professional help immediately.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

 The Role of Communication

Effective communication is essential in supporting a depressed teenager. Encouraging open dialogue about feelings and experiences can create a safe space for them to express what they are going through. Active listening, without judgment or immediate solutions, can help a depressed teen feel heard and understood.

 Importance of Seeking Professional Help

While understanding and support from family and peers are vital, professional help is often necessary. Mental health professionals can offer therapy and, if needed, medication to help manage depressive symptoms. Early intervention is crucial, as the longer depression goes untreated, the more difficult it can become to address.

In summary, recognizing the behavioral manifestations of depression in teenagers is essential for timely intervention and support. By understanding these signs, caregivers and peers can create a supportive environment that encourages adolescents to seek help. As we continue to discuss and address mental health in our society, it is important to foster understanding and compassion for those who are struggling. Providing the right tools and resources can significantly impact a teenager's recovery journey, helping them navigate through this challenging phase of life.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

Parent's Use of Positive Reinforcement for Struggling Teenagers

Parenting a struggling and/or rebellious teenager can be a challenging and exhausting experience. It's easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when faced with defiance, disrespect, and risky behavior. However, using positive reinforcement can be an effective and compassionate way to encourage positive changes in your teenager's behavior.

Positive reinforcement involves providing rewards or praise to encourage desirable behavior. It focuses on acknowledging and rewarding the behaviors you want to see more of, rather than punishing the negative behaviors. When used effectively, positive reinforcement can strengthen the parent-child relationship, boost your teen's self-esteem, and create a more harmonious home environment.

Here are some tips for using positive reinforcement with rebellious teens:

1. Identify and Acknowledge Positive Behaviors: Take the time to identify and acknowledge your teen's positive behaviors, no matter how small. This could be anything from completing chores without being asked, showing kindness to a sibling, or making responsible choices. By acknowledging these behaviors, you are reinforcing them and encouraging your teen to continue making positive choices.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

2. Be Specific and Genuine with Praise: When offering praise, be specific about what behavior you are praising and why it is important. Genuine and specific praise can make your teen feel valued and understood. Instead of generic praise like "good job," try saying something like, "I really appreciate how responsible you were in completing your homework without reminders. It shows great initiative and maturity."

3. Use Incentives and Rewards: Consider using incentives and rewards to motivate your teen to make positive changes. This could be offering privileges, extra screen time, or other rewards for meeting specific goals or demonstrating positive behaviors. For example, you might offer a special outing or activity for consistently completing chores without reminders.

4. Encourage Open Communication: Positive reinforcement goes beyond just offering rewards. It also involves creating an open and supportive environment where your teen feels comfortable discussing their thoughts and feelings. Encourage open communication and actively listen to your teen's concerns without judgment. This can help strengthen your relationship and build trust, making positive reinforcement more effective.

5. Set Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations for behavior and the specific behaviors you want to reinforce. When your teen knows what is expected of them, they are more likely to understand what behaviors will be positively reinforced.

It's important to note that positive reinforcement should be used in conjunction with other parenting strategies, such as setting boundaries, providing guidance, and being consistent with consequences. Every teen is different, so it's essential to tailor your approach to suit his or her individual personality and needs.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

One mother of a teenage daughter stated the following regarding the use of positive reinforcement over academic problems:

“My teenager, Sarah (age 14), was really struggling with her grades in school. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to improve. I decided to try using positive reinforcement to help her. Instead of focusing on the bad grades, I made sure to praise her for any improvements she made, no matter how small. I also offered rewards for reaching certain goals, like going out for ice cream if she brought up her math grade by the end of the month.

At first, she was a bit skeptical, but she soon started to respond to the positive feedback and rewards. She began to put in more effort and started to see the results. Her grades slowly started to improve, and she seemed much happier and more confident in herself.

I could see the positive reinforcement was making a real difference in her attitude and motivation. Over time, she became more self-motivated and started to take pride in her accomplishments. It was amazing to see how a little positivity and encouragement could make such a big impact on her.”

In summary, positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool for parents dealing with rebellious teens. By focusing on and reinforcing positive behaviors, you can help your teen build confidence, strengthen your relationship, and encourage them to make more positive choices. It's not always easy, but with patience, consistency, and genuine support, positive reinforcement can make a positive impact on your teen's behavior and well-being.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

Parenting Strategies: Dealing with "Teen Violence" Directed At Parents

Parenting a teenager can be a challenging and tumultuous experience, especially when a teenager becomes violent toward their parents. It's important for parents to understand that teen violence is a serious issue that requires careful and thoughtful handling. 

 

Here are some parenting strategies for dealing with teen violence toward parents:

1. Stay Calm and Seek Safety: When faced with a violent outburst, it's crucial for parents to remain as calm as possible and prioritize their own safety. If the situation escalates, it's important to remove oneself from harm's way and seek help from authorities or trusted individuals.

2. Open Communication: Create an environment where open and honest communication is encouraged. Teens should feel comfortable expressing their emotions and concerns without fear of judgment. This can help prevent feelings of anger and frustration from boiling over into violence.

3. Set Clear Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries and rules within the household is essential for maintaining a healthy and respectful environment. Clearly communicate the consequences of violent behavior and enforce them consistently.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

4. Seek Professional Help: If a teenager's violent behavior persists, it's important to seek professional help from therapists, counselors, or support groups. These professionals can help both the teenager and the parents understand and address the underlying issues contributing to the violent behavior.

5. Teach Coping Skills: Help teenagers develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing stress, anger, and other strong emotions. Encourage activities such as exercise, journaling, or mindfulness practices to help them channel their emotions in a positive way.

6. Model Respectful Behavior: Parents should model respectful and non-violent behavior in their interactions with their teenagers. Showing respect and empathy can help foster a positive and nurturing relationship.

7. Encourage Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise positive behavior and achievements. Positive reinforcement can help teenagers feel validated and appreciated, potentially reducing the likelihood of violent outbursts.

Some teens who are violent may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). ODD is a behavioral disorder characterized by a pattern of hostile, disobedient, and defiant behavior towards authority figures. It is important for parents to understand that dealing with a child who has ODD requires patience, empathy, and consistent support.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

First and foremost, it is crucial for parents to educate themselves about ODD. Understanding the nature of the disorder, its symptoms, and its impact on the teenager's behavior can help parents respond to their child more effectively. Seeking professional guidance from mental health professionals or support groups can also provide valuable insights and strategies for managing ODD.

Communication is key when parenting a teenager with ODD. Open and honest communication can help build trust and understanding between parents and their child. It is important to actively listen to the teenager's concerns and frustrations, and to validate their emotions. Setting aside regular time for family meetings or one-on-one discussions can provide a platform for the teenager to express themselves in a safe and supportive environment.

Consistency and structure are essential in managing ODD behaviors. Establishing clear and reasonable rules, boundaries, and consequences can help provide a sense of stability and predictability for the teenager. It is important for parents to remain consistent in enforcing these rules while also offering positive reinforcement for good behavior. This can help the teenager understand the expectations and consequences of their actions.

Furthermore, it is important for parents to model and teach healthy coping skills and problem-solving strategies to their teenager. Encouraging the teenager to engage in activities that promote self-regulation, such as mindfulness, exercise, or creative outlets, can help them manage their emotions and impulses in a constructive manner. Teaching conflict resolution and negotiation skills can also empower the teenager to navigate challenging situations more effectively.

In summary, dealing with teen violence toward parents requires a multifaceted approach that prioritizes safety, open communication, and professional guidance. By implementing these parenting strategies, parents can work towards fostering a healthy and respectful relationship with their teenagers, while addressing and mitigating violent behavior.

 ==> Join Online Parent Support 

When Your Children Are Not Accepting of Their New Stepfather

Children not being accepting of their new stepfather is a sensitive and complex issue that can have a significant impact on the dynamics of a blended family. When a parent remarries, it often introduces a new adult figure into the lives of the children involved. This transition can be challenging for children, especially if they are still dealing with the emotions and changes that come with their parents' divorce or separation.

One of the primary reasons children may struggle to accept their new stepfather is the fear of losing their connection to their biological father. Children may feel disloyal or guilty for forming a bond with their stepfather, and this internal conflict can lead to resistance and rejection. Additionally, children may feel hesitant to embrace a new authority figure in their lives, especially if they had a strong bond with their biological father prior to their parents' separation.

Moreover, the dynamics between the children and the stepfather can be strained if they perceive him as a threat to their mother's attention and affection. Children might feel that their needs and emotional well-being are being overshadowed by the new relationship, leading to feelings of insecurity and resentment towards the stepfather.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

Furthermore, the age of the children can play a crucial role in their acceptance of a new stepfather. Adolescents, in particular, may find it difficult to adjust to the presence of a new parental figure, as they are already dealing with their own developmental challenges and identity issues. Younger children, on the other hand, may be more adaptable but could still struggle with the concept of a "replacement" for their biological father.

To address these challenges, it is essential for the adults involved to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and understanding. Open communication, building trust, and acknowledging the children's feelings are crucial steps in fostering acceptance.

It is important for the new stepfather to establish a supportive and caring relationship with the children, without trying to replace their biological father. Creating a transparent space for the children to express their emotions and concerns can also help in building a sense of security and acceptance within the blended family.

In summary, the process of children accepting their new stepfather is complex, but with the right approach, it's possible to facilitate a healthy and positive relationship between children and their new stepfather in a blended family. By acknowledging the children's emotions, being patient, and fostering open communication, a positive outcome can be
achieved.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

The Best Diet for Teens with ADHD

 

Understanding that teenagers with ADHD often face unique challenges that can be influenced by diet and nutrition can empower parents and caregivers. Finding the best diet for teens with ADHD is an important consideration for those who want to support their overall well-being and manage their symptoms effectively.

Following a balanced and nutritious diet can give parents and caregivers a sense of control in managing ADHD symptoms in teens. Research suggests that certain dietary changes can have a positive impact on focus, behavior, and overall cognitive function. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach, there are some general dietary guidelines that can benefit teenagers with ADHD.

1. Limiting Sugar and Processed Foods:
   High-sugar and processed foods can lead to fluctuations in blood sugar levels, which can affect attention and energy levels. Encouraging teens to limit their intake of sugary snacks, sodas, and processed foods can help stabilize their energy levels and reduce hyperactivity.

2. Emphasizing Protein-Rich Foods:
   Including lean proteins such as poultry, fish, eggs, and legumes in the diet can provide a steady source of energy and help maintain focus and concentration. Protein-rich foods can also support the production of neurotransmitters that play a role in mood and cognition.

3. Incorporating Omega-3 Fatty Acids:
   Omega-3 fatty acids, found in fish, walnuts, and flaxseeds, have been linked to improved cognitive function and may benefit teens with ADHD. Adding sources of omega-3 fatty acids to their diet, either through food or supplements, may help support brain health and reduce symptoms.

4. Including Fruits, Vegetables, and Whole Grains:
   A diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains provides essential vitamins, minerals, and fiber that support overall health. These foods can contribute to a steady release of energy and provide important nutrients for brain function.

5. Identifying Food Sensitivities:
   Some individuals with ADHD may have sensitivities to certain foods or food additives that can exacerbate their symptoms. Keeping track of any potential food triggers and consulting with a healthcare professional can help identify and address specific dietary concerns.

In addition to these dietary recommendations, it's important for teenagers with ADHD to stay properly hydrated and maintain a consistent eating routine. Encouraging healthy eating habits, such as eating regular meals and snacks, can help stabilize their energy levels and support their overall well-being.

Ultimately, the best diet for teens with ADHD is one that focuses on whole, nutrient-dense foods while minimizing potential triggers. Working with a healthcare professional or a registered dietitian can provide personalized guidance and ensure that any dietary changes align with the individual needs and preferences of the teenager. This collaboration can bring a sense of reassurance to parents and caregivers, knowing they are on the right track in managing ADHD symptoms and promoting the overall health and wellness of their teens.

 

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

Click here for full article...

 

------------------------------

 

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

Click here for the full article...

 

------------------------------

 

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

Click here for the full article...

How do I get my over-achieving daughter to slow down?

"I have taken the quiz and surprisingly found that I was a severely over indulgent parent. This angers me because I didn't think I was. The question is: How do I get an over-achiever to slow down? There's more to the story but that is the 'gist' of the situation - she is not sleeping because of work and she wants more money."

``````````````````````````

Hi R.,

Overachievers rarely express their genuine feelings. They are driven to succeed and try fiercely to be independent. But many are actually very dependent on outside accomplishments to justify their existence. 

 

These teens can crash emotionally when they experience rejection or failure such as the break-up of a relationship or failing to be admitted to a "competitive" university. The most important message a parent can send to an overachieving teen is "I know you are human and struggling just like everyone."

“Overachieving behavior” is often a mask for depression. The onset of depression during the teenage years can be gradual or sudden, brief or long-term; and it can be hidden or "masked" by other clinical conditions such as anxiety, eating disorders, hyperactivity, and substance abuse. 

 

Although the incidence of more severe depression is less than 10 percent in all teenagers, many of the symptoms (sadness, poor appetite, inability to sleep, physical complaints) are seen more often. In fact, research has shown that up to a third of all teens experience some of these symptoms, even so-called "normal" teens.

If you suspect that your child is struggling with signs of depression, there are positive ways to help. Some of these ways include:

```Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings; listen to their concerns without being judgmental; acknowledge the pain and suffering.

```Share similar unpleasant experiences that ended positively to provide a basis of hope; but make sure not to minimize their concerns and worries.

```Seek professional help from someone experienced in normal adolescent developmental changes.

```The possibility of suicide is always there. References, threats and attempts at hurting oneself should always be taken seriously.

Mark

==> Join Online Parent Support 

RE: “I have a 16 year old who is failing school and has absolutely no motivation.”

In this article, we will be discussing an important issue that many parents face - when their teenager is failing at school and has no motivation to succeed. It can be a challenging situation, but there are strategies and approaches that can help.

In order to address this issue, it is crucial to understand the root causes. Teenagers may lack motivation due to various reasons such as academic pressure, lack of interest in the subjects, external distractions, or personal struggles. By identifying the underlying factors, we can better support our teenagers and guide them towards success.

Developing a strong relationship with your teenager is essential. Take the time to listen to their concerns, validate their feelings, and show empathy. By building rapport, you create a safe space for open communication, which is crucial in addressing their academic challenges and motivating them to succeed.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

Encourage your teenager to set realistic goals. Break down long-term objectives into smaller, manageable steps. By achieving these smaller milestones, they will gain a sense of accomplishment and stay motivated. Celebrate their successes along the way to further boost their confidence and drive.

As parents, it's important to provide the necessary support. This can include creating a conducive study environment, offering assistance with homework, or even considering additional resources such as tutors or study groups. Let your teenager know that you are there to help them overcome any obstacles they may face.

While academics are important, it's crucial to encourage a healthy balance. Encourage your teenager to pursue other interests and hobbies outside of school to prevent burnout. Engaging in physical activity, socializing with friends, and pursuing creative outlets can enhance their overall well-being and motivation.

Open communication with your teenager's teachers and school staff is essential. Collaborate with them to gain insights into your teenager's progress and discuss any concerns. By working together, you can develop strategies to support your teenager's academic growth and provide a consistent message across all environments.

Recognize and celebrate your teenager's efforts. Acknowledge their hard work, perseverance, and improvement. This can be done through verbal praise, small rewards, or even simple gestures like writing encouraging notes. Celebrating efforts reinforces positive behaviors and encourages them to continue striving for success.

If your teenager's lack of motivation persists or is accompanied by other signs of distress, it may be helpful to seek professional help. School counselors, therapists, or educational consultants can provide valuable guidance and support. Remember, it's important to prioritize your teenager's well-being above all else.

Help your teenager discover their passions and interests. Encourage them to explore different career paths and discuss how education can open doors to their desired future. By instilling a sense of purpose and emphasizing the relevance of education, you can ignite their motivation to excel in their academic journey.

Regularly monitor your teenager's progress. Set aside time to review their assignments, grades, and overall academic performance. This allows you to identify areas for improvement, provide timely feedback, and adjust strategies if needed. Continuous monitoring shows your commitment to their success and helps them stay on track.

Gradually foster independence in your teenager. Encourage them to take responsibility for their own learning, time management, and study habits. This empowers them to develop crucial skills needed for future success. Be there as a guiding figure, but allow them to navigate their academic journey with increasing autonomy.

Remember, change takes time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to motivate your teenager. They may face setbacks or resistance along the way, but your consistent support and belief in their abilities will make a difference. Stay committed and encourage them to keep pushing forward, even when the going gets tough.

As your teenager starts to regain motivation and succeeds academically, make sure to celebrate their achievements. Whether it's a graduation, improved grades, or even a small milestone, take the time to acknowledge their hard work and dedication. This reinforces their intrinsic motivation and sets the stage for future success.

==> Join Online Parent Support

When Teens Destroy Parents' Property for Revenge

In this article, we will explore the reasons behind teenage destructive behavior and discuss strategies to prevent and handle these situations effectively.

First, let's dive into the reasons why teenagers may resort to destroying their parents' property for revenge. Adolescence is a stage filled with emotions, and sometimes teenagers struggle to express their anger in healthy ways. They may feel misunderstood, neglected, or unfairly treated, leading to feelings of resentment and a desire for retaliation. It's vital for parents and guardians to empathize with their teenagers and validate their emotions, creating a safe space for open communication and problem-solving.

Effective communication and setting clear boundaries are crucial in preventing destructive behavior. Encouraging open dialogues and active listening can help parents and teenagers understand each other's perspectives. Establishing boundaries can help manage expectations and avoid situations that may trigger acts of revenge. By maintaining a healthy level of respect and understanding, parents can foster a supportive environment where conflicts can be resolved in a constructive manner.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

To effectively intervene, it's essential to recognize the warning signs that indicate a teenager's potential for destructive behavior. These signs may include sudden changes in behavior, aggression, verbal threats, or displays of extreme anger. Stay alert and address these warning signs promptly, reaching out for professional help if necessary. Early intervention can prevent further escalation and provide the necessary support for both the teenager and the family.

Building strong relationships with teenagers is key in preventing destructive acts. Parents should invest time and effort in fostering trust, understanding, and empathy. By actively participating in their lives, showing genuine interest, and providing avenues for personal growth, parents can create a strong foundation of love and support. When teenagers feel valued and heard, they are less likely to resort to destructive behavior as a means of retaliation.

When faced with challenging behavior, it's important to utilize positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching and guiding rather than punishment. This includes setting clear expectations, enforcing consequences in a fair and consistent manner, and providing opportunities for growth and learning. By promoting accountability and responsibility, parents can help teenagers develop essential life skills and make better choices.

Empowering teenagers with emotional intelligence is key in helping them manage their anger constructively. Teaching them to identify and understand their emotions, as well as providing them with healthy coping mechanisms, can significantly reduce the likelihood of destructive behavior. Encourage activities such as journaling, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in hobbies that promote emotional well-being.

Educating teenagers about the consequences of destructive behavior is crucial. Through open conversations and real-life examples, parents can help them understand the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Highlighting the legal, financial, and emotional consequences in a non-judgmental manner can serve as a deterrent and promote responsible decision-making.

In some cases, destructive behavior may be indicative of underlying emotional or psychological issues. It is important for parents to recognize when to seek professional help. Consulting with therapists, counselors, or other mental health professionals can provide valuable support and guidance in understanding and addressing the root causes of the destructive behavior.

Encouraging teenagers to engage in healthy outlets for their emotions can be an effective strategy. This could include participating in sports, joining clubs or organizations, or pursuing creative activities. Physical exercise, creative expression, and social connections can help teenagers channel their frustrations and negative emotions in a positive way.

It's important to recognize and address any unhealthy family dynamics that may contribute to destructive behavior. Family therapy or counseling can provide a platform for open communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening family bonds. By fostering a supportive and nurturing environment, parents can create a strong foundation for healthier interactions and prevent incidents of revenge-driven destruction.

Teaching teenagers the importance of taking responsibility for their actions is crucial in preventing destructive behavior. By encouraging accountability, parents can empower teenagers to learn from their mistakes, make amends, and grow as individuals. This includes apologizing and finding ways to repair the damage caused by their destructive actions.

Positive peer relationships play a significant role in promoting healthy behavior. Encouraging teenagers to surround themselves with supportive and like-minded friends can reduce the chances of destructive behavior influenced by negative peer pressure. By fostering a sense of belonging and connection, parents can help their teenagers navigate the challenges of adolescence more effectively.

Parents must never underestimate the power of their influence on their teenagers' behavior. Modeling healthy communication, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution skills are essential. By leading by example, parents can instill values, empathy, and resilience in their teenagers, helping them make positive choices and reducing the likelihood of destructive revenge scenarios.

In conclusion, understanding why teenagers may resort to destroying their parents' property for revenge is essential in finding proactive solutions. By fostering open communication, setting boundaries, and providing support, parents can empower their teenagers to handle their anger in healthy ways.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

 

The Negative Consequences of Strict Parenting: Tips for Parents with ASD

Some parents on the autism spectrum can be overly-strict with their children. In this article, I'll be discussing the negative consequences of this style of parenting. It's important to understand that while discipline is necessary, being overly strict can have detrimental effects on a child's development.

One of the consequences of strict parenting is that it often leads to limited emotional expression in children. When parents are too strict, children may become afraid to express their true emotions, fearing punishment or rejection. This can hinder their ability to develop healthy emotional skills and can even lead to emotional suppression later in life.

Strict parenting can also result in low self-esteem in children. Constant criticism, harsh punishments, and unrealistic expectations can chip away at a child's self-confidence. They may start doubting their abilities and develop a negative self-image. This can have long-lasting effects on their sense of self-worth and overall happiness.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

 
Overly strict parenting can hinder a child's ability to develop independence. When parents control every aspect of their child's life, it leaves little room for them to make decisions and develop problem-solving skills. As a result, they may struggle in adulthood when faced with real-world challenges and decision-making.

Children raised by overly strict parents often face difficulties in building social skills. Strict rules and limited freedom can make it challenging for them to interact with their peers and establish meaningful relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and hinder their ability to navigate social situations effectively.

Strict parenting can contribute to higher levels of anxiety and stress in children. Constant pressure to meet unrealistic expectations and the fear of punishment can create a highly stressful environment. This can have a negative impact on their mental health, leading to anxiety disorders and other stress-related conditions.

Overly strict parenting can result in rebellion and resentment in children. When they feel suffocated and controlled, they may resort to rebellious behavior as a means of asserting their independence. This can strain the parent-child relationship and create a hostile home environment.

Strict parenting often leads to excessive academic pressure on children. Parents may set unrealistically high standards and place immense pressure on their children to achieve top grades. This can have negative effects on their mental well-being and hinder their overall academic performance.

Children who grow up with overly strict parents often struggle with problem-solving skills. Since their parents make most decisions for them, they may not have the opportunity to develop critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. This can impact their ability to handle challenges and obstacles effectively in adulthood.

Another consequence of strict parenting is that it can hinder a child's ability to express their individuality. When parents enforce rigid rules and expectations, children may feel compelled to conform and suppress their unique interests and desires. This can lead to a lack of self-discovery and self-expression in the long run.

Overly strict parenting can strain the parent-child relationship. Harsh punishments, lack of trust, and constant control can create a distance between parent and child. This can result in a breakdown of communication and a strained bond that may be difficult to repair.

Children raised in overly strict households may experience difficulties in their future relationships. The lack of emotional expression, low self-esteem, and poor social skills acquired in childhood can impact their ability to form healthy and fulfilling relationships later in life.

Strict parenting can make it challenging for children to cope with failure. As they are constantly under pressure to meet high expectations, failure can be devastating for them. They may struggle with resilience and may be afraid to take risks in fear of disappointing their parents.

Overly strict parenting can limit a child's creativity and innovation. When they are bound by rules and expectations, it leaves little space for imagination and exploration. This can hinder their ability to think outside the box and stifle their growth in creative fields.

In conclusion, it's important to find a balance between discipline and flexibility as a parent. Being overly strict can have long-term negative consequences on a child's emotional, social, and mental well-being. By fostering a nurturing and supportive environment, we can give our children the tools they need to thrive and lead fulfilling lives.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

Vaping and the Negative Impact on Your Teenager’s Health

Vaping has become increasingly popular among young people, but it is crucial to understand the risks associated with this habit. Before we explore the dangers, let's start by understanding what vaping is. Vaping refers to the inhalation of aerosolized substances, typically through an electronic cigarette or similar device. These devices heat a liquid, often containing nicotine or other chemicals, producing a vapor that can be inhaled. Many believe that vaping is a safer alternative to smoking, but the truth is, it comes with its own set of risks and hazards.

When it comes to the dangers of vaping, the most prominent concern is the impact on our health. Vaping has been linked to various health risks including lung damage, respiratory issues, and cardiovascular problems. The chemicals present in the vaping liquid can cause inflammation and irritation in the lungs, leading to severe lung diseases such as popcorn lung. Additionally, the nicotine content in e-cigarettes can have detrimental effects on brain development, especially in young individuals.

Another critical aspect to consider is the addictive nature of vaping. Nicotine, a highly addictive substance, is commonly found in e-cigarettes, hookah pens, and other vaping devices. The addictive properties of nicotine can lead to dependency and make it challenging for individuals to quit vaping. Over time, the addiction can affect various aspects of life, including mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

One of the most alarming aspects of vaping is its impact on youth. Vaping has gained popularity among teenagers and young adults, often enticing them with appealing flavors and stylish designs. This widespread use among the youth is concerning as it can lead to a lifelong addiction and potential health complications. It is crucial to educate the younger generation about the dangers of vaping and encourage them to make informed decisions.

Apart from the well-known risks, vaping also poses hidden dangers. There have been cases where e-cigarette devices have exploded, causing severe injuries and burns. The faulty batteries in these devices can be a significant safety hazard. Moreover, the act of vaping itself can lead to accidents due to impaired judgment, especially when done while driving or engaging in other activities.

The marketing tactics employed by vaping companies are another concern to address. They often target young individuals through strategic advertising, catchy slogans, and endorsements by influencers. These marketing strategies can normalize vaping culture, making it seem trendy and harmless. It is important to be aware of such tactics and understand that the marketing messages may not always reflect the reality of the dangers associated with vaping.

Not only does vaping pose risks to the individuals engaging in it, but it also affects those around them. Second-hand vaping refers to the inhalation of exhaled e-cigarette aerosol by non-users. This can expose bystanders, friends, and family members to harmful chemicals, further emphasizing the importance of creating a smoke-free environment.

Understanding the regulatory framework and legality surrounding vaping is crucial. Laws and regulations regarding vaping differ across jurisdictions, and it is essential to be aware of the rules in your specific location. Some countries have imposed restrictions on the sale and marketing of vaping products, whereas others have banned them altogether. Staying informed about the legal implications will help you make informed choices.

If you or someone you know is struggling with vaping addiction, here are some tips to quit. Firstly, seek support from friends, family, or support groups. They can provide guidance and encouragement throughout the journey. Secondly, gradually reduce nicotine intake by choosing lower nicotine concentration e-liquids or using nicotine replacement therapies. Lastly, engage in healthy alternatives and activities that can help distract from cravings, such as exercise or hobbies.

To combat the dangers of vaping, educational initiatives play a vital role. Schools, communities, and healthcare organizations can collaborate to raise awareness about the risks and consequences of vaping. Education should focus on providing accurate information, debunking myths, and equipping individuals with the knowledge to make informed decisions.

Research studies have consistently highlighted the dangers of vaping. According to the National Academy of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, there is substantial evidence that vaping is associated with adverse health effects, including lung injury and nicotine addiction. Various scientific publications and government agencies around the world have echoed these findings, further emphasizing the need to address this growing public health concern.

Parents play a crucial role in preventing and addressing vaping among their children. Open communication, setting clear expectations, and being aware of the signs of vaping can all contribute to a proactive approach. It is essential for parents to educate themselves about the dangers of vaping and have conversations with their children, emphasizing the risks and promoting healthy alternatives.

==> Join Online Parent Support  

Parenting Kids and Teens with Emotional & Behavioral Issues - On FACEBOOK

 

Dear Parents,

Join our new Facebook "private group" that provides support and education for parents of children and teenagers who exhibit difficult and destructive behavioral patterns associated with ADHD, ODD, ASD, anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, learning disorders, conduct disorders, OCD, PTSD, and much more.

Look for great content on a daily basis. We will be providing a lot of videos and articles that will offer instruction and moral support for parents who are at their "wits-end."

==> JOIN NOW

Is Your Adolescent Exhibiting "Normal" Teenage Rebellion or Is He/She Headed for a Train Wreck?

In this article, we will discuss key signs and factors that can help you distinguish between normal teenage rebellion versus dangerous behavior. Understanding this difference is crucial for parents, teachers, and anyone working with teenagers.

First, let's define what we mean by normal teen rebellion. During adolescence, it's common for teenagers to push boundaries, seek more independence, and express themselves differently. This phase is a natural part of their development, as they explore their identities and test their own limits. It may involve engaging in minor acts of rebellion, such as experimenting with different styles, challenging authority figures, or questioning societal norms. However, it is important to remember that this rebellious behavior is typically harmless and doesn't pose a significant threat to their well-being.

Now, let's shift our focus to indicators of dangerous behavior in teenagers. Dangerous behavior goes beyond the typical rebellious acts and can have serious consequences. Some warning signs to watch out for include sudden changes in behavior, extreme aggression, self-harm, substance abuse, isolation from family and friends, and persistent disregard for rules and boundaries. It's essential to pay attention to these red flags and take appropriate action to ensure the well-being of the teenager and those around them.

To better differentiate between normal teen rebellion and dangerous behavior, it's important to understand the underlying motivations. Normal rebellion is often driven by a desire for personal growth, independence, and autonomy. Teenagers may engage in rebellious acts as a way to express their individuality and assert their own choices. On the other hand, dangerous behavior is often rooted in deeper issues such as trauma, mental health problems, or peer pressure. Recognizing these motivations can help us respond appropriately and provide the necessary support.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

One of the key factors in managing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior is effective communication and support. A supportive and open environment allows teenagers to express their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or punishment. It's crucial to have regular conversations with them, asking open-ended questions, actively listening, and showing empathy. By providing a safe space, we can guide them towards positive choices and help them navigate through challenges they might be facing.

In some cases, when the line between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior becomes blurred, it may be necessary to seek professional help. Mental health professionals, counselors, or therapists can provide valuable guidance and support to both teenagers and their families. They can help assess the severity of the behavior, address underlying issues, and develop appropriate intervention plans. Remember, it's okay to ask for help when needed, as it can make a significant difference in the well-being and future of the teenager.

Building trust and understanding with teenagers is essential in addressing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior. Show them that you genuinely care, and your intentions are to support and guide them. Avoid judgmental language and instead, validate their emotions and experiences. By fostering a safe and trusting relationship, you can create an environment where they feel comfortable opening up and seeking guidance when needed. Remember, your role is to be a trusted ally, not an authoritarian figure.

It's not just about understanding the difference between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior for ourselves. As responsible adults, we also have a duty to educate others. Share your knowledge with fellow parents, teachers, and community members. Organize workshops or informational sessions to raise awareness about the signs and consequences of dangerous behavior. By spreading this awareness, we can create a supportive and informed network that promotes the well-being of teenagers in our communities.

Establishing clear boundaries is essential in managing both normal rebellion and dangerous behavior. Set realistic expectations and communicate them effectively. Make sure the teenager understands the consequences of their actions and the reasons behind the rules. However, it's equally important to allow them some autonomy and flexibility within these boundaries. Find a balance between providing guidance and giving them space to learn and grow. Clear boundaries help create a sense of security and stability for teenagers.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

While we focus on the challenges and risks associated with teen behavior, let's also acknowledge their strengths. Teenagers possess remarkable resilience and creativity. They have the potential to make positive contributions to society. Recognize their achievements, talents, and interests. Encourage them to channel their energy into activities they are passionate about. By nurturing their strengths and encouraging their personal growth, we can help steer them toward a path of success and fulfillment.

No one can handle the challenges of raising a teenager alone. Building a supportive network is crucial. Connect with other parents, join support groups, or seek guidance from professionals. Share your experiences, learn from others, and offer support to those who might be facing similar struggles. Together, we can create a network of understanding, empathy, and shared resources that strengthens our ability to address normal rebellion and dangerous behavior effectively.

Mental health plays a significant role in teenage behavior. Promote mental well-being by encouraging self-care practices, healthy coping mechanisms, and open conversations about emotions. Encourage teenagers to seek professional help if they are struggling with mental health issues. By prioritizing mental health, we can reduce the risk of dangerous behavior and provide teenagers with the support they need to navigate the challenges of adolescence.

While it's important to differentiate between normal rebellion and dangerous behavior, it's equally crucial to recognize our own limits. We are not expected to have all the answers or be able to solve every problem. It's okay to seek help and involve professionals when necessary. Our role is to support, guide, and provide a safe environment for teenagers. Understanding our boundaries ensures that we can continue to offer the best possible support without feeling overwhelmed.

By fostering open communication, building trust, and seeking professional help when necessary, we can make a positive impact and ensure the well-being of our teenagers.

==> Join Online Parent Support 

Wife feels abandoned by husband and is embarrassed by son's behavior...

 Hi T.,

== > I’ve responded throughout your email below:

Mark:

Thank you so much for the MOOCT website. Our son is 15 and we love him to bits - he isincredible, and he drives us crazy. Most of what we've found at your site is not news to us, but it's an organized and concrete approach that gives us tools, not idealisms. I am especially grateful for the dialogue you give us to repeat over and over; so much easier to not say the wrong things when we have a script to follow!

The Kid is just starting on High Risk diversion (county program) for multiple unruly filings and escalating behavior over the past 9 months. No drugs (multiple clean tests), no physicial violence, worst "community" crimes are curfew violations (regularly) and a couple of fights (rarely - last >1 year ago). Our major problems with him have been school (passed all classes this semester, at last, but with HUGE support from the school), outright refusal to follow house rules/parental edicts, and "loud and hurtful language" coupled with intimidating behavior (punching walls, slamming doors, blocking path) at the most minor of provocations (ie, the word "No.") In the past eight weeks he's progressed to staying out all night or two, (three occasions). And has stolen money from my husband's car the first two times (~5 bucks or so each time). 

==> Join Online Parent Support 

 

== > Here you would want to use the strategy entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” – Session #3.

This is new behavior around our house; odd as it might sound, he has attempted to respect *some* boundaries to this point. I should say, too, that this is an intelligent and socially well-developed kid that most people mistake for a better-educated young person several years older than he really is. Which means his behavior is willful, and more frustrating.

So we're several weeks past Week 4, and my husband and I are doing *fairly* well. Our son's fuse has gotten shorter; we give the simple "no" and single explanation and off he goes. He usually doesn't even try to negotiate now; just screams some predictable vulgarities as he proceeds to do whatever he wanted to do in the first place. The most recent occasion, yesterday, came after a week of few conflicts and general cooperation with no huge infractions. He had asked Thursday if he could "spend the night anywhere" on Friday and was told no by both parents. Friday, he left while we were at work and called late to ask again if he could spend the night at someone's house, and I told him no. When he (inevitably) raged about how it's not fair and he never gets to blah blah blah, I remembered my rules and told him I wasn't going to argue with him, and that I expected him home by 11pm (legal curfew). He swore again and hung up on me.

He did not come home.

== > Give him a warning in addition to telling him that you expect him to be home by 11:00 PM. “If you choose to ignore your curfew, you’ll choose the consequence. The police will be called. A runaway report will be filed. And I will go to Juvenile Probation and file an incorrigibility complaint.”

When I finally tracked him down today, he insisted that he thought I had reversed my decision during his self-pity party. Let me stress, here: This has *never* happened. And I sure didn't leave any room for misunderstanding last night. I followed the rules to the letter and did not engage in ANY discussion or back-and-forth. Also, he refused to tell me where he was and didn't come home for another five hours.

It seems to me that now he's lost the ability to get us riled up to give him an excuse to take off, he's desperate and turning to sheer invention. Does that seem correct?

== > Yes. We expect this to happen because the child’s ability-to-control-parents is waning.

Right now, of course, he's furious and hostile because I "got the police involved", and they actually called one of his friends this time to see if they could find him. I "got the police involved" the other times, too, but this is the first time they've actively tried to track him down. (Slow weekend here in suburbia, apparently.)

== > Good for you. You’re on track here.

I have three problems with this situation.

First is making sure that the way I'm handling this is correct. Although a part of me is touched by the kid's plea of ignorance, the rest of me remembers that forgetting and being confused and doing things poorly is how kids like this one show rebellion. So I've told him he'll be grounded from all privileges for three days, and that the clock starts ticking when he stops being hostile and stays where he's supposed to be. Is that appropriate?

== > Yes …but, be more specific. “Stop being hostile” is too vague. Plus you did not give a time limit.

Say, for example, “When you stop yelling profanities, the clock will start.”

Second is that my husband, when he gets back home tomorrow from his weekend getaway, will ask me ad nauseum to "let it go" and not punish him. Or punish him for only one day. And let him have his computer. He will "reward" the kid during the grounding period with computer time and money and treats from the store and friends at the house "for just a little while" and etc. He will do this, even though he says he is fully on board with the MOOCT program. How should I handle this?

==> Join Online Parent Support 

 

== > He may be on board in word, but not in action. Having said this, a weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a stronger plan supported by only one.

Remember your successes. During your marriage, you and your husband have undoubtedly successfully negotiated many situations-with each of you both giving and taking a little until you reached some middle ground. You can also be successful at ending arguments in front of the children if you really want to. It won't be easy, but it will be rewarding.

Agree on a signal to alert both of you that the conversation is, or is about to, get too heated and needs to be halted. Make a commitment to honor and act on the signal. You might walk away and have an agreed-upon cooling off period. Or set a time to revisit your differences in opinion. Or write down what you're feeling and later share it with your husband, who might better understand where you're coming from.

Create your own family "rulebook." Write clear, reasonable, attainable rules (for both parents and kids) about what behavior is acceptable and what isn't. Your family, like a baseball team, will be more successful when you have clear guidelines.

Don’t go overboard in trying to avoid arguments. Having small squabbles in front of the kids-and then resolving them peacefully-can actually be good for them; it shows that it's possible to disagree with someone you love, and that relationships don't end just because people are quarreling with each other.

Third is that I feel abandoned by my husband and am embarrassed by my son's behavior; when the police officer visited our house this evening to confirm that son was safe and sound, he was very rude to the officer. I apologized to the policeman, but can't help feeling guilty that they have to take time out from protecting our city to be subjected to such rude behavior. I know it's part of their job, but it's so unpleasant. I am ashamed of our home situation. Is it normal to feel this way?

== > Yes.

Re: husband. I’m guessing that at some level you feel as though you are “parenting” two children sometimes – your son and your husband. Plus it appears that your husband wants to remain “the good guy” in your son’s eyes.

Re: son. You need not be embarrassed by your son’s behavior. Remind yourself that he is just a kid who has a lot to learn – not a bad person with evil intentions.

Just keep doing what you’re doing, because you are really on track as far as I can tell! Don’t ignore your successes – and I’m sure there are many.

Thank you in advance for your input. I'm sorry this email is so long, and I appreciate your taking the time to respond to us floundering parents with your expertise and experience.

Sincerely,

T.

== > You’re very welcome. It was good to hear from you. Email again in the future if you need some support.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

 

==> Join Online Parent Support