Major Improvement

Hi Mark,

We have had a major improvement at home for now.

My Hubby went on a work training course about managing change in the workplace, and one thing he learnt regarding change in the workplace was not to just say, "this is what’s happening, now go do it." He was told to keep in regular contact with his employees.

This made him/us realise what we said to our 11-year-old: "Don't like your attitude, don't like your behaviour, change it." But that would be it, we wouldn't do anything or say anything else -- then 3 weeks later we'd be saying the same thing. It was like a big circle that NEVER changed.

So for the last 3 weeks we have been having a nightly meeting with our son. We bring a talking object (only the holder of the object may speak, and we put Josh in charge of what it was to be, so it changes daily), and we discuss the day.

We have found this has had a huge impact with Joshua. He likes attention. So our meetings are when our little one is in bed or outside. We have had to call a couple of what we call “crisis meetings” during the 3 weeks, but generally we have found a major improvement. We spent lots of time on the positives of the day, and we brush over the negatives - unless the day has been a major disaster with extreme behaviour.

This for our family is working well.

Regards,

M.
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I'm Getting No Support From My Fiancé

Mark,

I am still working on instilling assignment 1 into myself. I have caught myself many times arguing with my kids, but quickly caught myself.

My fiancé (to be honest) is not the support network I was hoping for. We live together, and he is here with the kids while I am at work and he hasn't even picked up the your book that I printed out.

I am unsure as to what to do. I have only really begun this today. I had to read it between working full time, a 19-month-old baby, 3 teenage boys, and a teenage daughter that isn't living at home any longer. I guess I am behind schedule.

I apologize. I kept waiting for my fiancé to take the time to go over it with me. I wanted to make sure I could count on his support. I don't believe that I can count on him to support me or even take this new approach seriously. Can I make this work even though he is still living here and not taking this too seriously?

C.

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Hi C.,

There have been instances where my wife felt un-supported, but she does a good job of asserting herself and telling me what she needs. This is very helpful to me, because I get a clear idea of what I need to do differently.

Anyway, I think it is very possible to make this work even though your fiancé is not taking things seriously. You will have to take the initiative however.

Can you sit down with him sometime and get him up-to-speed on the MOST important parenting strategies. Those would be:


· “The Art of Saying Yes”
· “The Art of Saying No”
· “When You Want Something From Your Kid”


He is probably willing to work with you to at least some degree -- if not, you should get rid of him!

Explain the most important strategies listed above. Keep it short and simple (i.e., summarize these strategies for him). Then the two of you practice, practice, then practice some more. Eventually your new parenting strategies will become habit.

Stay in touch. I’m here for you.

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com