When Your Husband Is An Over-Indulgent Parent

"Both my husband and I have read your eBook. However, he is still wanting to 'over-indulge' our daughter. What can I do?"

Hi C.,

It will be very important for you and your husband to be united and bonded on most issues. But, bear in mind that a weaker plan supported by the both parents is much better than a stronger plan support by only one parent.

The two of you must set aside your differences as partners and resolve to work together as parents in the best interest of your child. This is difficult, but not impossible to do.

You will continue to disagree – and that's O.K. But agree that you will not let your own differences interfere with your ability to parent together. Argue only when your child is not within earshot.

Make important decisions about your child together. Sit down with your husband and create rules that your child must follow, but that the two of you agree on.

Also, learn to let go a little and accept that the situation cannot be perfect. 

Try to schedule talks with your husband at times when you are both relaxed and can concentrate. It is much easier this way. 

Finally, put your plan in writing. For example:  

"As parents, we agree to allow our daughter to do a, b, and c. And we will mutually impose a consequence for x, y, and z. The consequence for x is ___________, for y is ______________, and for z is ______________."

Give it a try.

Please stay in touch,

Mark

 ==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Oppositional, Defiant Teens

Would you suggest any further contact?

Here's an email from a mother whose 17-year-old son is "on the run." He has a drug habit, and is basically floating from one living arrangement to another. This mother sent her son a letter inviting him to Christmas Eve dinner:

________

Hi Mark,

Sent letter to my son. He would have received it on Friday. In it I also expressed your advise. I have also invited him to join all our family for Christmas Eve dinner. It is Monday. Would you suggest any further contact? If yes when? Or do you think I should wait until he contacts us? Christmas Eve is in 6 days. It's frustrating when we don't have the answers ourselves anymore. What do you suggest?

________

Hi M.,

The main goal is for (a) your son to start taking responsibility for himself, and (b) for you to take less responsibility in order to achieve (a).

Whenever you are undecided about what to say or do, ask yourself the question, "Is what I"m about to say or do going to promote the development of self-reliance in my son, or is it going to inhibit the development of self-reliance? If your decisions promote self-reliance, then they are good decisions ...period.

Thus, should there be further contact? I don't think so.

Further contact feels a bit like you taking on too much responsibility (again). He's been given an invitation. It's his choice whether to show up or not. If he "no shows" ...you can give him his gifts as well as a Christmas kiss on the cheek whenever he does show up. In the meantime, spend your time and energy on the family members that are near you.

Let go and let God. Don't give your son the power to steal your joy this Christmas -- this is YOUR choice.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com