I realized I had to change my behavior to help him change his...

Hello Mark ...thank you for the welcome e-mail, I just read thru the introduction and the first assignment and I’m already feeling empowered… I have been thru psychologists, psychiatrists, therapist, social workers and alternative medicine… and found no solutions, actually I think it has made matters worse, he uses his so called sickness as an excuse for his behavior. I ended up rewarding him for doing what he was supposed to do and not disciplining him for his bad behavior. I can’t get him to do anything without offering him a reward. I started taking him to the doctors when he was 5 years old and he is now 15. I’m afraid of what these next 3 years will bring my way. He will not do chores, homework, basically anything that I ask him to do. He constantly shows anger towards me and blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life. He is not accountable for his actions. He is currently failing in school. I have set-up a teachers conference today, asked the counselor to reach out to him and asked about the schools R.O.C. program or classes.

My decision today to look for another answer came because my son decided he was going to teach me a lesson because I refused to buy him yet another pair of expensive Jordan shoes, he made sure he got to school late yesterday and today he refused to go to school. (this is the first time that he has been this defiant) He threw me out of his room with horrible verbal abuse! I made a decision for the new year that I was going to find a solution to this ever mounting problem, but most importantly I wasn’t going to let him keep playing my buttons, no more anger, no more fear, no more reactions to his behavior. I realized I had to change my behavior to help him change his and with God’s help I found your web site.

Warm regards,

V.

My Out-of-Control Teen

He was very thankful and appreciative to have his privileges back...

Hi Mark,

I just thought I'd give you an update. Our son A__ went out New Year's Eve and arrived home on January 3rd, 2009. He did call though, but we told him that he would have to come home or deal with the consequences (he had no medication or clothes). When he returned home (at 7:15am after partying all night wreaking of smoke and booze - and gasping for air because he is asthmatic and smokes and had no ventolin) we took away, the TV, computer, phone and we locked his bedroom door and made him sleep on a roll-away cot. He bitched and complained that we were doing damage to his back....oh, we also told him 3 square meals a day, no snacking, which was torture because he is 6'3 and eats a lot. Anyway, we went the full 3 days and it's over now. He was very thankful and appreciative to have his privileges back....so that's great!!! It was hard, but we did it. To be honest I broke down once, but then got back with the program (I let him eat something between meals, and I had a whole heart to heart with him - which would have gone better if I'd talked to a wall) and my husband got mad once and yelled at him after I allowed him to eat and he left all his dishes all over and made him get off his cot at 1am and do the dishes. So we worked together as a team and put our poker faces back on.

I have told my Aunt about the program and she is going to sign up too.

J.

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Hi J.,

I really appreciate the update.

You are clearly NOT employing "half-measures." Great job -- and thanks for working the program as it is intended.

To your continued success,

Mark

Online Parent Support