She is an only child. Does this make a difference?

My fifteen year old daughter has always had problems with making and keeping friends. Its heart breaking when she never gets invitations to parties or sleep-overs. Is it too late to help her? She is an only child, does this make a difference?

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Hi S.,

The fact that your daughter is an only child does make a difference, but not a BIG one. Because only children do not have siblings with whom to interact, they learn to be children on their own and become very self-sufficient. Parents can help, but ultimately children become conditioned to depend on themselves. Although this self-sufficiency can have its benefits, it can also mean that only children are inherently alone as their personalities develop.

Only children must develop in social situations that may not be suited to their personalities. An only child's environment forces her to take on characteristics of extraversion despite natural inclinations toward introversion. A naturally introverted child must show extraverted qualities if she wishes to make friends. But take heart, the development of extraverted qualities can be learned, and with time, an element of extroversion becomes habit.

Of course, very few humans are strictly extraverted or introverted. To call an only child “introverted” would be to imply that the child developed into his/her natural tendency toward that certain personality type with little influence from the environment.

Nonetheless, environment forces the only child to struggle against his/her natural tendencies in order to function normally. Perhaps this struggle helps explain some of the common characteristics that emerge among only children, such as the tendency to not participate in many activities, but leading the ones in which they do participate. An only child tends to be more conscientious, more socially dominant, less agreeable, and less open to new ideas compared to the child who has siblings.

Therefore, she can choose to practice “approaching people” …she can practice speaking to people …and she can practice being interested in what others say and do. This will feel very abnormal at first, but with time, it will become habit. She can choose to have time alone – and she can choose to have times where she is “a part of” rather than “separate from.”

Here's to a better home environment,
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Treatment for ODD

Are there residential treatment centers that effectively treat ODD? How many kids in the US under 17 have ODD?

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Hi B. & D.,

RE: Are there residential treatment centers that effectively treat ODD?

Residential treatment is not recommended for the treatment of ODD. Parent management training (PMT) is the recommendation because it has been demonstrated to affect negative interactions that repeatedly occur between the children and their parents.

PMT consists of procedures with which parents are trained to change their own behaviors and thereby alter their child's problem behavior in the home.

PMT is based on 35 years of well-developed research showing that oppositional and defiant patterns arise from maladaptive parent-child interactions that start in early childhood.

These patterns develop when parents inadvertently reinforce disruptive and deviant behaviors in a child by giving those behaviors a significant amount of negative attention. At the same time, the parents, who are often exhausted by the struggle to obtain compliance with simple requests, usually fail to provide positive attention; often, the parents have infrequent positive interactions with their children.

The pattern of negative interactions evolves quickly as the result of repeated, ineffective, emotionally expressed commands and comments; ineffective harsh punishments; and insufficient attention and modeling of appropriate behaviors.

My Out-of-Control Teen eBook provides parents the training needed in disrupting negative behavior problems associated with ODD.

RE: How many kids in the US under 17 have ODD?

The exact number of cases of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in the U.S. in not known. ODD is the most common psychiatric problem in children. Over 5% of all children have this. In younger children it is more common in boys than girls, but as they grow older, the rate is the same in males and females.

What's the difference with ADHD and ADD?

My son has recently been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. He is almost 10 years old. He is really good at school, but he has the defiance problem away from school. My question deals with the ADHD. I see him as having problems with concentration at school, but he is NOT hyper at all. What's the difference with ADHD and ADD? Why don't they diagnose it as that instead?

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Hi B.,

About 15% of ADHD children are ADHD without hyperactivity. Children with ADHD without hyperactivity are different in many ways from ADHD kids.

-- They often have lower energy than normal.

-- They are less assertive than normal. As a result, they are usually quite popular in school compared to ADHD kids.

-- They are much more likely to have learning disorders (especially Math) than ADHD kids.

-- They are much less likely to have ODD or conduct disorders.

-- They usually do not get identified early in school.

-- They are more likely to quietly daydream and never accomplish much. As a result, they do a good job of staying out of the teacher’s radar.

--They have a tendency to just drift through school (their body is in attendance, but not their mind).

Hope this answers your question,

Mark

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl