Are you for real?

Hi Mark,

Are you for real? Do you really have the answers to help with teenage behavior? I read through your material on the website and think my daughter doesn't steal, do drugs, lie, so skip school is this the program I need for her? She is 16 years old, 17 this April, and the problem we are experiencing with her is the "attitude". She has been a troubled girl from little on. She is deaf in one ear, and just seemed to pull away from everyone (including any friends she may have had). She was bullied terrible from Kindergarten to Grade 6-7.

She started washing her hands so much that her hands were red and sore. She finally quit that business, but then turned to other things, like specific routines when going to bed, or not wanting to go on road trips (especially school field trips, but even family ones) because she was worried about bathroom breaks and what if there was no place to wash your hands afterwards, and things of that nature.

We've seen counselors, psychiatrists and doctors but no one has been able to understand what her problem is. She does not go out with friends (she only has the one 14 year old girl she calls a friend) always they hang out at our house. I think she feels safer for some reason. She hates to shop (even for clothes or anything fun for herself). When I do take her along its frustrating for me and anyone else that is with us as she gets antsy and impatient like its time to go already...

She has always been a very unhappy child and now an unhappy teenager. I always said that she would be one of these teens that either get a gun and shoot all of her classmates in the school; or go the other way and kill herself. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into this, but she is in grade 11 and I worry about where she will end up when she graduates. She does well in school, but if she won't leave home, how can she further her education or even get a half decent job. We live in a small town (1800) and believe me there is nothing for her here.

My problem at this stage is I've created a very selfish teenager. She thinks only of herself and unless nagged, won't help out with anything. She comes home from school and lies around on the couch, or down stairs on the computer. She won't sweep the floor, do the dishes or pick up after herself. I've tried to talk with her, and let her know that I need help. I can't do it all by myself. But still she does nothing to help.

Please understand too that I'm the type of mom who wants everyone happy, so I make excuses for her and when she asks something of me, I'm there in a minute. Then two days later I get so angry at her because she hasn't done something I've asked of her and threaten to say no to her the next time she asks, but it never happens. Always the "pleasing mom" I can't say no to my kids. They walk all over me and everyone knows it.

Please Mark, do you have any advice for a very tired, frustrated mom. I feel I need advice as to what discipline do you use on a 16 year old. She is driving and relies on our car to go and pick up her friend and take her home again. She loves her music, and family computer. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time and assistance on this family problem.

Best Regards,

J.H.

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Hi J.,

Yes ...I'm real. My full-time job consists of going to the homes of parents who are at a loss on what to do or how to help. I work with both the parent and the defiant child over a period of about 4 to 6 weeks. During our time together, I show the parent how to use some highly effective “unconventional” parenting strategies to use with their out-of-control, “unconventional” child.

These parents have tried very hard to address their child’s emotional & behavioral problems on their own, but with little or no success. And it seems the harder they try, the worse it gets.

Here’s the good news. These “out-of-control” kids I see on a daily basis are the most enjoyable bunch I could ever work with. I get nothing but respect and cooperation from all of them. Why? Because, I’ve learned how to approach them. And believe me, it’s taken many years to get it right.

Now I want to show YOU how to be the “therapist” and how to approach your child -- in spite of all the emotional and behavioral problems. There is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stressed-out parent. I will help you resolve most of the behavioral problems, but I can’t do it for you!

If you will read my eBook, listen to my talks, view my videos and power point presentations, and email me with specific questions as you go along – we WILL get the problems turned around. If you will take a step of faith here, you will experience the same success that hundreds of other parents are now enjoying.

After years of dealing with strong-willed, defiant children, many parents feel so defeated that they believe nothing or nobody will be able to help them – they think it’s simply “too late.” But I promise you – it is NOT too late!!

If you’re tired of the disrespect, dishonesty and arguments …if you’re tired of trying to deal with the problems “on your own,” then let’s get started with these parenting strategies.

I'm not a “miracle worker,” but you don't need a miracle to get your kid on a good track behaviorally and emotionally -- you just need the right combination of “unconventional” parenting strategies.

I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to Join Online Parent Support: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl


Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Why two names?

Thank you. One more thing. I've gotta ask - is your name Mark Hutten or Mark Huttenlocker. Which one, and why two names?

That makes me a little nervous.

Thanks.

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Actually, my name is Mark Hutten-Locker, but this name seems to confuse everybody. So in an attempt to make my life a bit easier, I chop off the "Locker" part (except in those cases where my full name is needed, of course). Hope this isn't too confusing. Please just call me Mark Hutten. Thanks!

Mark Hutten

How do I encourage some conversation in our home?

Mark,

I continue to use your strategies from the online book. We continue to have fewer and less intense discussions with our son. In fact, they happen very rarely now.

The issue we still struggle with is getting him to open up and communicate with us. An example, last night he worked. Typically his shift is from 4 pm to ~ 9 pm. He came home ~8:30. After saying hello, I asked "I'm surprised to see you this early. Weren't you busy tonight?" His reply was a one-word answer, "No". I do realize that I didn't form the question the correct way and I allowed him the option of a one-word answer. But in trying to keep the conversation going, all I got were grunts and more one-word answers.

Mark, on a typical day, if we hear 50 words from him we are lucky. There is very little conversation at the dinner table when we eat together and like last night, many of the conversations end with me running out of things to talk about and him going on his way to something he wants to do.

How do I encourage some conversation in our home? He has never been much of a talker, even before all of the behavior problems started.

G.W.

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I don't think you have a problem here. He's not much of a conversationalist, but that's o.k.

I wouldn't try to squeeze words out of him. Don't assume that "few words" = "hidden problems."

Try to match to him. In other words, keep conversations short on your end too. In this way, you will (a) send a message that you are indeed interested in what is going on in his life, and (b) avoid giving him the impression that he is not divulging enough information.

It sounds like he simply does not need a lot of "parent time." I wouldn't take this personally.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com