Do I let him continue to suffer...

Ryan has suffered with bad acne. We have taken him to 2 different doctors. He has yet to truly follow the regime of either so needless to say he has not seen improvements. I KNOW this impacts his mood. We have a follow up scheduled for May 4th.

>>>>>>>>>>Here's some info for you on the subject: ACNE

1. Do I let him continue to suffer the "natural consequences" of not following docs orders?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yes

2. Do I take him for his follow up visit and let the doctor tell him? This seems like the typical over indulgent. I keep paying for docs and medicine and he does not take it and then blames the doctor?

>>>>>>>>>> No

3. Continue to remind him (although as gently as I try to do it he perceives it to be nagging?

>>>>>>>>>>>>> No

>>>>>> Whose problem is it ...yours or your son's? The more responsibility you take for his acne, the less he will take.

>>>>>> In general, when you are undecided about what to do, ask yourself the question: "Is what I'm about to say or do going to foster the development of self-reliance in my child -- or is it going to inhibit the development of self-reliance?

>>>>>> If it's going to promote self-reliance (directly or indirectly), then do it -- if not, then don't.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Online Parent Support

WOW!!

You rock! This is EXACTLY the type of help I was looking for.

Now let me know how this all works!

1. This is what we can get as part of the online parent support?

>>>>>>>>>> Yes

2. Is there a limit to how much/how often?

>>>>>>>>>>> No

If I have questions every few days in the beginning would this be included?

>>>>>>>>>> Yes

3. IF we wanted to do weekly or bi-weekly personal coaching via the phone, do you offer this?

>>>>>>>>>>> I’m willing to do periodic phone-consults (i.e., once every month or two). I have to set some limits on my time due to the sheer volume of Online Parent Support members that email and/or call.

How much?

>>>>>>>>> Free for members of Online Parent Support.

How can we get started?

>>>>>>>>>>> The best way to do a phone consult would be to call the Toll Free number [856-457-4883] and leave a message re: your time zone and an approximate day/time that I could return your call.

Email is GREAT …but I think hearing you and having you HEAR my husband and I would work wonders! Let me know.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>>>>>>> You are very welcome. Thank you for being willing to work a program [for your kid’s sake].

Join Online Parent Support

She says I am overprotective and do not trust her...

Hi Mark I was just looking at the safe internet use email and safe surfing guide. I am very concerned about my 15 year old daughter: she is fiercely secretive about her use of the internet - I think mostly instant messenger, Bebo and My space. She refuses to let me see her profile and the type of messages she receives and sends. I have been able to see her provocative pictures and language without her knowing. Her contacts are boasting about trying pot. I want to talk about the dangers of her image openly but I will loose trust if she finds out I have been snooping. She always flicks off if I open the door. She says she understands the dangers and is using the internet safely. She says I am overprotective and do not trust her. This has coincided with her change of attitude to authority - teachers etc and caring less about the quality of her homework, keeping appointments and handing work in on time. She wants more freedom, fun and social time and has a closed, secretive, rebellious attitude. She is not open to any advice/suggestions from us. I want to enforce the safety rules described, but I know she will see this as distrust and an infringement of her freedom which I fear will make her rebel more. I would like help on how to balance the need for her to understand the risks she is taking with building a trusting relationship where we can talk openly. Help please, L.T.

 _____________ 

Hi Linda, I’m going to be a bit tough on you. Ready? You are not a buddy!  And yes …she IS going to rebel more. It probably WILL get worse before it gets better. Do not try to “advise” her or “suggest” things to her – this is a traditional parenting strategy that does not – and has not – worked. You are being too lenient, which is a huge contributor to the existing problems. Computer use is a privilege – not a right. Please re-read the ebook and listen to all the audio-files. Please don’t get upset with me, but I’m concerned you didn’t ‘get it’ the first time around. Your concerned parent-coach, Mark