The education of the kids is seriously hampered...

I am highly delighted over my admission as a member of online parent support. I truly pledge to utilize this admission to the fullest advantage. I shall always bring to your knowledge issue, questions and matters bordering my family.

Presently, I have a family of seven comprising wife, four boys, a girl, and myself. The five kids are all in school.

The family runs a small sized paint-processing factory, the proceeds of which sustained the family and catered for the education of the kids. Unfortunately, due to the absence of public power supply in our area since January 2006, the business has grounded. Due to the high cost of generating sets, it has not been possible to resuscitate the factory. Equally, there is a great lull in other ventures as a result of this energy problem.

Consequently, the education of the kids is seriously hampered, as the family now finds it difficult to cope with the high cost of education in Nigeria.

Because of this precarious development, my first son, Chinomso, who was doing second year in the university, withdrew. He now wonders about and constitutes a big problem to the family. The family is seriously disturbed. Efforts made to send him back to school have not yielded any positive dividend as a result of the poor financial state of the family.

What shall we do please? I shall spread the word about online parent support to friends and colleagues.

Thank you, and best regards.

In addition:

I am writing about one Mum in my area with five kids, whose husband died some years ago and has no other extended family to assist her for the upbringing of her kids.

As a result of this predicament the kids resulted to scandalous behaviours of wondering about and appear uncontrollable. Their state has affected their mum’s health adversely and her condition is deteriorating.

Please advice in this regard.

M.O.

He calls us losers and that we suck...

Mark, ok thank you,

If you recall I was the parent that sent in a blog about breaking up a party that my son was at (Saint Patrick’s night). The parents that were away are friends of mine thru little league coaching.

Their daughter had some kids over for a get together after DECA practice. Her parents were at their ski lodge in Maine. According to their daughter the kids just started showing up. Today’s technology with phones and text messages is to blame for that nowadays.

Anyway I broke the party up with the owner of the house on the phone. My main concern was that the drinking did not mix with the driving. Once I announced myself all the kids scattered. To make a long story short my kid is very mad at me and totally disrespects our authority and hates what I did.

After the weekend and one school day my son started talking w/ my wife and said I did this and that at the party broke up making my wife drift towards believing my son which was totally out of context.

I had such a responsibility that night and most likely prevented what could have been some serious problems that the kids could have gotten into.
He calls us losers and that we suck.

Now the consequences: This is what my wife and I have planned to present to my son


1) No more sleep-overs for the rest of the school year
2) He must get a weekend job
3) Grounded for 2 weeks
4) Must call the house owners and sincerely apologize
5) If these items are not taken seriously I am taking his laptop and phone away.

This kid is 19 years old senior in H.S. Mostly a great kid but hates to be around us and his 3 other brothers. He said that we cannot prevent him from drinking and that he would be a looser if he did not drink. Everyone drinks he says. Every time we give him reins he gets in trouble again. He has had 4 instances with the police ever since he turned 16.

College next year!!!

What do you think?

J.

__________________


J.,

All sounds good except consequence #3 (I’d make the grounding for only 1 week). Also, in consequence #5 you stated, “if these items are not taken seriously” you will take his laptop and phone away. If I were to video tape your son “taking these items seriously” what would I see. Make it very clear to him what you expect – be specific.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Do I let him continue to suffer...

Ryan has suffered with bad acne. We have taken him to 2 different doctors. He has yet to truly follow the regime of either so needless to say he has not seen improvements. I KNOW this impacts his mood. We have a follow up scheduled for May 4th.

>>>>>>>>>>Here's some info for you on the subject: ACNE

1. Do I let him continue to suffer the "natural consequences" of not following docs orders?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yes

2. Do I take him for his follow up visit and let the doctor tell him? This seems like the typical over indulgent. I keep paying for docs and medicine and he does not take it and then blames the doctor?

>>>>>>>>>> No

3. Continue to remind him (although as gently as I try to do it he perceives it to be nagging?

>>>>>>>>>>>>> No

>>>>>> Whose problem is it ...yours or your son's? The more responsibility you take for his acne, the less he will take.

>>>>>> In general, when you are undecided about what to do, ask yourself the question: "Is what I'm about to say or do going to foster the development of self-reliance in my child -- or is it going to inhibit the development of self-reliance?

>>>>>> If it's going to promote self-reliance (directly or indirectly), then do it -- if not, then don't.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com