www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark,

I wanted to thank you for such a wonderful program. My wife and I have been utilizing the steps with our 18 year old son and have achieved remarkable results.

Recently, a friend of mine told me of his 18 year old daughter who was giving them problems similar to what we experienced with our son. I shared some of your steps and techniques. He had his first "encounter" with his daughter last night. He "put on his poker face" and dealt with the issue unemotionally and factually.

He came in this morning and reported that to his amazement it worked. His daughter returned home with him and they are now working on moving to the next phase of their relationship.

Again, thank you. I tell everyone I know about www.myoutofcontrolteen.com and how well the program works.

Keep up the good work!

Best Regards,

G.W.

The Program is called FAMILY...

I have four children ranging between the ages of 10 and 13. My two oldest are 13 year old girls. I got your program because I was needing help, help to stop screaming and having an awful day everyday because I couldn't get my kids to do anything that was expected of them. I learned a lot of our Parenting Newsletters, I read them every time the come into my inbox. I do not miss an issue! However, with my kids I needed more. My mother accuses me of being a liberal parent. Which I am sure that most of the parents from my generation are, I'm 33 years old. My father was impossibly hard and my mother was the typical housewife, "Listen to your father and you'll be ok." I swore I would give more to my children, more freedom, more understanding but through it all, I realized that you don't love them more if you give them MORE room to breathe. At times, you are actually hurting them.

The seem to be less confident, wanting to push the rules more because they already get so much. So, I have had to find a new way of parenting. I've gone to therapist after therapist that works with troubled kids and parents that are so lost in parenting. I finally found one that gave me a great idea that helps the children still feel like they have some control over what happens to them, but forces them to have consequences to their chosen actions.

The Program is called FAMILY. The way it works is this:

1. As a family you devise a set of rules that cannot be broken. We came up with about 20 of them. You can have as many as you want. Also a list of chores and due dates/times.

a. do as you are asked immediately

b. no cussing

c. curfew rules

2. Decide on how many cards each violation will cost

a. do as you are asked immediately costs (2)

b. no cussing costs (5)

3. Make 40 Good Habits Cards, 5 Wild Cards and 5 Grace Cards

a. Good habit cards - are things that have to be done around the house but are not normal chores

b. Wild Cards - are whatever you want them to be at the time of drawing them

c. Grace Cards - are get out of jail free cards, they get no extra jobs

4. When the child breaks a specific rule, the already know how many cards they are going to draw

a. the child can do the good habit card immediately or wait

b. if the child chooses to wait, they must wait in their room with NO tv, video games, phone etc (the self ground until the cards are completed)

c. once the card is completed, the punishment is over

5. Three Strikes Rule - these are for serious offenses and are not used lightly (ie running away from home etc)

a. Strike One - 1 week grounding, cannot leave room for any reason other than family meetings, bathroom, eating or school. Cannot play, watch tv, etc but can read a book or sleep for one week.

b. Strike Two - Same as above with 1 additional week of grounding and drawing all 50 good habit cards

c. Strike Three - Goes to a treatment facility

d. Pop-fly - the action is so bad (got caught with drugs or having sex, or running away from home for more than a day) they go directly to treatment facility

e. Bad-hair day - having a bad day and received a warning about to receive a strike

6. Devise a list of rewards

a. give a list of rewards with points required to receive them (such as going to the movies with friends)

7. Handipoints

a. use this website to calculate points received for doing their chores. It's a great site and they can enter their points themselves and then the parents approve them. They can also "purchase" their rewards here.... this is a GREAT site.

8. Finally, make sure that you have 2 additional people to help you. I have my husband (who is away at work but can call him) and if he's unreachable, I have my brother-in-law. They help clarify rules, they help support my parenting. This is a VERY necessary step! Make sure to have at least 1 other person that you trust to help you with this program.

I started this program about 2 month ago and am totally amazed at how much more respect, love and acceptance I've gotten from my children. The first week was terrible, they broke every rule and everyone was drawing cards, but we adjusted and now, the household chores get down without fighting or screaming because they know what will happen if the do not complete the chores. They don't fight as much, we have a family meeting every Sunday. My two oldest that are the same age, they even get along better because they don't want a strike. Which my son has already received and as he will tell you, "That totally sucks and I won't be doing that again!" This program has been a life-saver, have questions? Feel free to contact me.

Sincerely

Autumn

Online Parent Support

Behavior Contracts

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University reported in their sixth annual national teen substance abuse survey that parents who are "'hands-on' – parents who have established a household culture of rules and expectations for their teens' behavior – raise children who are less at risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs." In addition, they said "Contrary to conventional wisdom, teens in 'hands-on' households are more likely to have an excellent relationship with their parents than teens with 'hands-off' parents." The survey concluded that, "parents should be parents to their teenagers, not pals."

Behavior contracts are one of the simplest but most overlooked techniques available to help parents through the difficult preteen and teenage years. When used properly, written contracts can be incredibly successful in preventing or stopping unwanted behavior.

Behavior contracts work because all children want and need structure in their lives. Written agreements will bring a calming effect to them because they know the rules and their consequences and find that very reassuring. In addition, written contracts will reduce the number of disagreements between parents and their kids because the rules were previously discussed and agreed upon in advance.