I feel I am heading in a new direction...

Hello Mark,

Thank you for your email. I believe things happen for a reason.

I have been looking for the guidance on how to handle my oldest son for a few years now. I was actually on line looking for a website for information on boot camps etc...when I came across your website just last night. This of course was in the midst of him refusing to come home and telling me he will come home when he wanted to....maybe 1,2,3:00 in the morning whatever he dediced and on top of that not knowing where my other son even was! Ugggh!

I have tried so many things and he has just got worse. Now...my youngest son 14 is riding on his brothers coat tails and beginning the same behavior. I so want to harness their behavior so it doesn't continue and wasn't only looking at them, but also at me and what could I change. Just this week I was looking at my parenting (single parent) and what I was doing to fuel the fire and not sure how/what to change. I did recognize a few things and made a start with those but when I read your website I realized I had found the right tools to guide me in my parenting. Your website described me & my teens to the "T"!! It was incredible to read what I have so far! I couldn't wait to get up this morning and start reading some more!

One of the things I learned so far from your website is...I have been doing some things right but still have a lot of work to do to change the way I parent my two boys. Also, what I have learned so far about why teens act/re-act they way they do has given me a better understanding of them and that they/we are not alone.

Thank you for creating your website and proving the guidance and information to help me through! In less than 24 hours I feel I am heading in a new direction. I am ready to face what comes our way.

Warmest Regards,

B.

Online Parent Support

Tackle Only One Problem At A Time

Mark, Exactly right about the punishments, as I have read, re-read your program over and over! My problem though is M______ is refusing most things.

1) Right now he is supposed to be doing his on laundry (as a consequence) and actually has done some of it, but won't fold it or put it away. I even offered to help fold while we watched a baseball game last night, but he refused.

2) He recently got back his "designer" clothes (dad gave back, did not "earn" back). I asked him to put them away (they are in a big hockey bag), again they are still in the bag in the middle of the bedroom floor.

3) He made a grilled cheese sandwich, burned the pan, left it on the stove, directed to clean it, he made a half-hearted attempt said he would "clean it when I get home from work", then never did (I needed it for dinner last night, so I ended up cleaning it).

4) was refusing to go see his counselor Friday, eventually did go, but ended up sitting in the waiting room.

5) is refusing to mow the lawn (which had been a paid job to help work off some of his debt)

6) said he was going "tanning" yesterday afternoon (at the end of our block), but part of his bond is to stay at home, was told no, he started walking, I went with him, he did return home, I did drive him and waited in the car.

7) he has missed his bus every morning for school, inconveniencing me and his little brother.

8) trying to talk on the phone EVERY chance he can possibly find. We have told him if he went to school on the bus every day, stayed off the phone, kept up with his laundry, kept his room tidy, did his other chores, did not swear at us, he could earn back the privilege of driving to/from school (to start). He has done none of these things.

SO WHAT CAN WE OFFER? I am finding things positive, having open conversations and saying "I love you" daily. This is what I'm struggling with. Thanks, J___
 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents 

 

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 Re: SO WHAT CAN WE OFFER? I am finding things positive, having open conversations and saying "I love you" daily. This is what I'm struggling with. 

O.K. Great question! Earning things back simply entails not repeating the offense in question. For example, your son violates curfew after he was given a warning that he will be grounded for 3 days without computer privileges. Two days go by and he returns home late again. So you restart the 3 days. If he makes it through the 3 days without missing his curfew, then he gets off ground and can get on the computer.

Notice in this example he didn't have to "earn" his way off discipline by doing laundry or mowing the grass. Also, in this example, you only tackled one problem rather than multiple problems. 

Judy, check out this blog entry ==> click here. I think this may be helpful in ironing out some minor details for you. Do not get discouraged, because you are greatly on track.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

 
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

She goes into orbit...

I have a grand daughter 7 who is ripping the heart out of my daughter. H___ is 7 and for the past 2 weeks she has had these psychotic attacks. She turned on my daughter, scratched , kicked, bit , pulled her hair …hurt her ...all because she didn't get her way. The Dr thinks she may have ODD and ADHD ...my daughter asked me to come help her so I am leaving tomorrow for HI. You can't tell her no ...when she does not get her way she goes into orbit. The day she went after my daughter was because she wanted to jump off a cliff ...please let me know what you think. Thank you.

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I'm going to be brief.

If you don't have the strategies outlined in my eBook, then you are in for one long, frustrating venture with your grand daughter.

Mark