I have the feeling that the reason he wants to stay out is so that he can get stoned on pot ...

Hi Mark

My husband and I started watching the videos and read the ebook. My son left me a note saying that he would be home at 12:30 a.m. tonight Curfew is 12:00 I did the 4 step in the fighting fairly with him when I called his cell phone. He asked if he could stay the night and I went through the steps. Then he said well tomorrow I am going to stay at someone's house, I don't know who's yet. I said we would talk later about this. I have the feeling that the reason he wants to stay out is so that he can get stoned on pot and not have to come home and for me to rag him out about this. Last week he was at friends all week when we were on holidays, after he told our friends that he didn't want to stay at their home. My friend J__ said that her son M__ told C___ the first day the hey if you had a couple of beers not a problem with my mom just do not come home falling down drunk but do not come in the house stoned and she feels that is why he took off from her place and went and stayed and someone else's house. Some of these parents have no clue that the kids in this group of friends are smoking up in the backyard or at the neighbourhood playground at night and then they come in and go to the basement and crash.

What do I do now with this sleep over issue, when he says this week he is staying at someone's home. Alot of the friends are working full time and some of them have told me that they are distancing themselves from him because of what he is into and that he is becoming aggressive but there are others that would let him stay.

What is the plan?

Thanks for your help.

A.

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Hi A.,

You will want to use the strategy entitled "When You Want Something From Your Kid" [Session #3 - Week #3]. But I would discourage you from leaping ahead and working out of sequence.

Also, be sure to look at the section entitled "Read these Emails from Exasperated Parents" [Session #4]. Alcohol & drug abuse is addressed in that section.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Do you think a camp would help?

I just ordered your OPS e-book and have been going over it. Our 17 YO son is very rebellious and demanding. He is very materialistic but is not motivated to work for his "stuff". We have tried many techniques but haven't found any that work. We are indulgent parents and he fits your model. We will implement your techniques but feel more may be needed and we were thinking about a camp. We think the separation from us may be helpful and will open his eyes. Today is his birthday and we have yet to come up with a plan because of his behavior yesterday when he told my wife to shut up when she made him get off the computer and refused to give him more free time because he did not do his small chores. Do you think a camp would help?

He was diagnosed as ADHD by an Army doctor, but a later analysis by a psychologist revealed he only had a motivation problem. He gets in a lot of trouble at school to include smoking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. We have had to limit his music listening because it sounds very violent. I am rambling so will sign off but interested in your view. We will order the CDs to listen to while driving.

Sincerely,

C.,

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Hi C.,

Re: Do you think a camp would help?

I don’t think it would hurt. But sending a child to camp is just another traditional parenting strategy that will have very little bang for your buck.

Re: He was diagnosed as ADHD by an Army doctor, but a later analysis by a psychologist revealed he only had a motivation problem.

This is just 2 different names for the same problem (i.e., your son is only motivated to do that which he has an interest in).

I would encourage you to simply work the program for now – one week at a time – and nothing more. Then see how things are going in about 3 – 4 weeks.

I know you want a break FROM your son, but now you have the tools you need to set up a better parent-child relationship such that you won’t need a time-out away from him.

Mark

P.S. ==> BE SURE to watch ALL the Instructional Videos!!!

My Out-of-Control Teen

I don't feel I can take away her car or gas money as then she could not go to school or look for work....

I am a single parent of a 16 yr old girl. I had to quit my job or move last year. I quit my job and began working out of town often last year.

My daughter dropped out of high school (she was in AP) and just took the high school proficiency because she wants to go directly to college. Part of the agreement was that she would go out and get a job to pay for her gas and incidentals. She says she is looking for a job, but she hasn't put in any applications. We live out of town, and she has a college summer school class 4 nights a week. I don't feel I can take away her car or gas money as then she could not go to school or look for work. Any suggestions?

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She should “earn” gas money and money for incidentals by performing chores around the house if she can’t – or won’t – find employment at a place of business. “Earning” her gas money and freedom is the larger issue here.

Now she can have a choice, work at home – or work out of the home, but it should be one or the other. Otherwise, you are back to over-indulgence again.

Mark

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