When Parents Disagree On Discipline

"My husband and I have very different parenting styles and that has really worked against us over the years …I tend to be strict while my husband is not and I feel that I need to compensate for his lack of discipline and follow through. I'm constantly clashing with my kids and tired of being the wicked witch."

Click here for my response...

How successful is house arrest?

Hi Mark,

I am planning on one lesson per week. I have not skipped forward and understand the process. My challenge is that L__ is in the hall for 30 days. On Oct. 9 we go back to court and the judge will decide if L__ goes to a foster home and out of our care. I find your lessons very informative and eye-opening. The DA wants him to spend 30 days in the hall and then 30 days under house arrest (ankle bracelet). If we can get through the next 3 months, he can start high school as his expulsion order expires. I am writing a letter to the judge explaining that we are on your program and do not want to lose L__ to the system.

Our challenge with the house arrest is that we think L__ will allow his friends in the house and he will still snoop around. I've had to take the phones with me when I go to work because he made over 400 hours of calls. He needs 100% supervision. How successful is house arrest?

Thanks,

M.

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Hi M.,

Thanks for committing to the program as it is intended.

Re: How successful is house arrest?

First of all, "house arrest" is simply where the child must stay home under parental supervision. I think you're referring to "home monitoring" (different from house arrest in that probation will be notified if your son gets out of range).

In any event, there's good and bad news here--

The good news: Home monitoring has an excellent track record because the child knows there is always somebody "watching" to see if he steps outside the house -- even when parents/grandparents are away.

The bad news: Home monitoring is usually only effective for as long as the child is on the monitor -- and it cannot control who your son invites in the house while you're gone.

More bad news: House arrest (if that is what we're talking about here) is a miserable failure on all fronts as far as I'm concerned.

Bottom line: You can't depend on home monitoring, house arrest - or even probation to "solve" the problems. That why it's good you have some new parenting tools in your toolbox now.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Grandson

He loves to save his money...

Hi Mark,

Hope you are well. I've been meaning to email you for a while. I thought this was interesting. This is about the over indulgence section of your program. We used to take our son to Taco Bell after school, or just whenever he might ask. Now, though, when he asks if we're out and about, we tell him we'll be glad to drive by there for him, as long as he has money for what he wants. I can only remember once in the last several months when he actually ended up going. He usually passes on going when he realizes we won't be paying (he still asks every now and then thinking we will forget I guess). The one time he did go and use his own money, he couldn't stand spending that dollar. He loves to save his money, and this is certainly a great lesson on how easily it is spent.

Once in these last few months, we all went to Taco Bell for dinner. Therefore, we paid for him. It was what the family was having, so that's why we paid.

Anyway, thanks for this great tip. It's working out great!

S.

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