C. Has A Drug Problem

Hi Mark

A lot has happened since I last wrote you last. My son C___ phoned and said he wanted to come home. I went over to his place and he was cleaning up a bong to sell and the other kid Jeff was smoking up when I got there. I had gone over to talk to C___ about his request to my husband about moving home. I walked in on this and just lost it. I yelled at them and C___ was bawling his eyes out and Jeff quickly got out of there. C___. He told me that he is depressed and needed to come home.

He came home just before C___tmas. The lady that signed the lease on the townhouse and the same lady that took him out of the rehab center requested that he sit at her table on C___tmas Eve with her family. Even though he knew that we have C___tmas Eve at my brother's place, off he went. She gave him $200 skateboard for C___tmas. He stills hangs around with her kids. The other night the older one who is grossly over weight phoned and said that he wanted to go running. It was really cold; I think they were up to something. This kid has been running me down to C___ and every time he sees this kid, it is like there has been a brainwashing episode. Everything has been going okay so far a couple of things nothing major. Tonight C___ was going out he did not ask for the truck to take, said he was taking the bus to his girlfriend's place and he took his backpack. I looked out the window to see if he took the truck or not after my husband had suggested that he could have it.

I received a call from him 15 mins. later with him trying to start a fight with me and why I was watching him and that I check his eyes etc. Last week we had him at the doctor because he scratched his cornea and the eye has been infected and I have been watching this. I thought he had pink eye. If I get pink eye it is contagious I can not go to work if I catch it, I work in a health care facility and I am exposed to 250 nurses and personal support works. Then he said what more can he do that he is really trying here and that I am watching him etc. He said what do you expect from me. I said I am not arguing here, I expect that he go to school and keep busy, maybe get some more hours at work. He said that the only people that really care about him are the ones that he was doing drugs with, that they ask him how it is going and care about him.

Mark I have really tried here. I think he wanted to pick a fight with me for a good excuse to get loaded tonight and blame it on me. When he was out on his own he would phone and push my buttons and get into a fight and wouldn't phone me for weeks. I think that is why he took the backpack and that is why he didn't take the truck.

What should I do here? I don't ask questions like I use to, I am just listening and getting his feelings out. . I have seen more and more of my kid, but it seems every time he sees here kid (that lady's oldest son) we are 5 steps ahead and 15 back. This kid is the one that when C___ said he was giving up drugs and had not done anything for 3 weeks got him doing it again and that was the night he came home on a bad trip and he asked us for us to get him help.

Any suggestions here?

A.

``````````````````````

Hi A.,

If your son is like most of the addicts I work with, a drug is the most important thing in his life -- more important than physical and mental health ...more important than family, work, education, etc.

Until he becomes actively involved in some form of Intensive Outpatient Treatment, he will continue to struggle with priorities (i.e., drugs will always come first).

If he has not had treatment for chemical abuse/dependency yet, this will be your first step in helping him move toward recovery. You can make it a mandatory thing that will dictate whether or not he continues to live with you.

Bottom line: This drug problem will NOT go away until he receives treatment (and even then, there is no guarantee that he will not relapse periodically - at least in the early stages of recovery).

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Adolescent Physical abuse Towards Mothers

The paucity of attention paid to adolescent physical abuse towards mothers is indicated by the sparse literature on the topic. Clearly, there is an urgent need to conduct research into this aspect of family life. A research study will, therefore, be designed to explore the perspectives of mothers who experience adolescent physical abuse and to determine the direction for developing effective policies and services to address the needs of mothers and young people.

Reviewing the literature--

Physical abuse within the family context is of concern as it exists within all cultures, family backgrounds, and socio-economic situations (Ministry of Social Development, 2002).

The family physical abuse literature to date has primarily focused on intimate partner abuse and child abuse. Although now gaining greater attention, the issue of adolescent physical abuse towards their mothers has been a neglected area (Agnew & Huguley, 1989; Bobic, 2004; Cottrell & Monk, 2004; Eckstein, 2004; Peek, Fischer, & Kidwell, 1985). In New Zealand the available information about adolescent physical abuse towards mothers comes from articles published in the popular press (Aldridge, 1995; Stickley, 1998) and anecdotal evidence from organizations such as Tough Love, the police, and community intervention and prevention services that work with people affected by physical abuse.

The lack of research literature on adolescent physical abuse towards mothers is of concern as noted in recent reports, such as Te Rito: New Zealand Family Physical abuse Prevention Strategy (Ministry of Social Development, 2002), Beyond Zero Tolerance: Key issues and future directions for family physical abuse work in New Zealand (Fanslow, 2005) and An Agenda for Family Physical abuse Research (New Zealand Family Physical abuse Clearinghouse, 2006). No direct research on the topic appears to have been undertaken in New Zealand. More extensive information and additional literature on physical abuse towards mothers, however, is available from overseas sources; some is based on data from surveys conducted in the United States, other information comes from the Canadian National Clearinghouse on Family Physical abuse (Agnew & Huguley, 1989; Brezina, 1999; Cornell & Gelles, 1982; Cottrell, 2001, 2003; Cottrell & Monk, 2004; Peek et al., 1985; Ulman & Strauss, 2003). Several articles from Australia also address the topic (Bobic, 2002, 2004; Gallagher, 2004a, 2004b).

The prevalence of adolescent physical abuse towards mothers is difficult to establish. Estimates of incidence within the available literature vary from 5-18% of families experiencing this phenomenon. A small number of studies from overseas have examined survey data based on quantitative measures; however, much of this information is ten to thirty years old (Cottrell & Monk, 2004; Eckstein, 2004). The available statistics generally focus on the use of physical abuse by children or adolescents towards their mothers (Agnew & Huguley, 1989; Bobic, 2004; Eckstein, 2004; Peek et al., 1985). The type of physical abuse is usually categorized as “hitting” (Agnew & Huguley, 1989; Peek et al., 1985), although verbal and emotional abuse may also be included (Eckstein, 2004). However, other developmentally relevant behaviors, more commonly found in the youth literature, for example, financial abuse and damage to property, are largely neglected.

Explanations regarding the cause and continuation of adolescent physical abuse towards mothers, as well as information about the most effective ways of assisting mothers, are limited (Bobic, 2004). Cottrell (2001) suggests there is no single and definitive explanation for physical abuse towards mothers. Rather, a range of multifaceted and interconnected dynamics contributes to this behavior. These dynamics may include biological, psychological and social factors, as well as those related to youth culture (Martin, 2002), and risk factors linked with youth offending (McLaren, 2000, 2002). In line with current information regarding interpersonal physical abuse, both male and female youth participate in all forms of physical abuse towards mothers (Cottrell, 2003), while women are most likely to be at risk of becoming targets of the physical abuse (Agnew & Huguley, 1989).

The link between growing up in the context of family physical abuse and the continuation of violent behavior onto the next generation is becoming increasingly highlighted in current family physical abuse discourse. There is also evidence to suggest that where there is physical abuse between mothers, and/or mothers are violent towards a young person, there is greater risk of the young person becoming violent towards his or her parent (Bobic, 2004; Ulman & Strauss, 2003). Furthermore, adolescents who abuse their mothers often abuse their siblings as well (Harbin & Madden, 1979; Heide as cited in Eckstein, 2004). However, more extensive studies are needed to explore the issue further and to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the development of violent behavior in some adolescents.

As with other types of interpersonal physical abuse and abuse, it is likely that adolescent physical abuse towards mothers is more widespread than the available literature and studies suggests. Under reporting is likely to be influenced by the nature of the relationship between the young person and their mothers. Internal factors such as parental shame and fear of blame and external factors such as community judgment of their capacity to parent (Bobic, 2004) may also contribute to mothers denying or minimizing their experiences and maintaining secrecy (Agnew & Huguley, 1989). Cottrell and Monk (2004) suggest that reluctance to disclose is likely to be exacerbated by the limited access to means of intervention. Social service agencies increasingly recognize the prevalence of this type of physical abuse. However, research that could provide practice models of how to respond to this type of physical abuse is also lacking (Cottrell, 2001).

There is also scant information about whether adolescent physical abuse towards mothers relates more to family physical abuse or to youth physical abuse in general. Theoretical approaches to family physical abuse have centered on adult-initiated physical abuse and may be limited in their application to adolescent-initiated physical abuse (Cottrell & Monk, 2004; Peek et al., 1985). Research and theoretical frameworks relating to youth physical abuse may address these limitations. As integrating frameworks may be useful in addressing adolescent physical abuse towards mothers (Bobic, 2004; Cottrell & Monk, 2004), by combining knowledge from the fields of family physical abuse and youth physical abuse we may be able to more effectively expand our understanding of the phenomenon.

Proposed research--

The New Zealand Family Physical abuse Clearinghouse has identified adolescent physical abuse against mothers as a significant gap in research on all forms of family physical abuse (NZFVCH, 2006). The level of youth physical abuse within our communities is also of concern. Where one issue ends and another begins may not be clear-cut. However, what is clear is the need for New Zealand-based research to explore the phenomenon of adolescent violent behavior within the context of the family. The literature review that is reported upon here provides the basis for the development of a research proposal that will contribute to the filling of this gap.

The proposed study will be designed to explore mothers’ experiences of physical abuse perpetrated by adolescents (aged 14 to 17 years) in their care. Young people aged 14 years and over are held accountable for offending under New Zealand legislation and are at an age at which intervention through statutory agencies may be required. Mothers from varying family configurations will be invited to take part in the research. This will include representation from Pakeha, Maori, Pacific, and Asian populations. Attention to ethnic diversity will be important as a necessary step towards meeting the needs of all families who experience adolescent physical abuse towards mothers. Ethical considerations will also be important, particularly those concerning cultural issues (Anae, Coxon, Mara, Wendt-Samu, & Finau, 2001; Ruwhiu, 2001; Tolich, 2002) and safety issues (Ellsberg, Heise, Pena, Agurto, & Winkvist, 2001).

The research will take a mixed method approach where both quantitative and qualitative data are sought. The option of using this approach in a longitudinal study will also be considered. Data collection will focus on experiences of all types of physical abuse, including physical abuse, psychological, emotional and financial abuse, and damage to property and material goods.

Adolescent physical abuse towards mothers is a complex area. There is little evidence-based information that can assist families or research that can support practitioners working with families who are experiencing this type of physical abuse. This review of the literature is an initial step towards developing a study that can attend to the need for New Zealand-based research on adolescent physical abuse towards mothers and contribute to building theory about this type of interpersonal physical abuse. It is hoped that it will also stimulate discussion about how the phenomenon might be addressed.

Yvonne Crichton-Hill and Nikki Evans are members of the team at Te Awatea Physical abuse Research Centre and academics at the School of Social Work and Human Services, University of Canterbury. Their research interests are in the fields of family physical abuse and youth physical abuse. Letitia Meadows is a BSW graduate and has a University of Canterbury Doctoral Scholarship to continue her studies as a PhD candidate with the School of Social Work and Human Services.

This report of the preliminary research study, funded by a University of Canterbury, College of Arts Research Grant, was first published in Te Awatea Review, 4(2), December 2006.

References--

Aldridge, V. (1995, 26 June). Children who beat up their mothers. The Dominion, p. 9.
Agnew, R., & Huguley, S. (1989). Adolescent physical abuse towards mothers. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51(3), 699-711.
Anae, M., Coxon, E., Mara, D., Wendt-Samu, T., & Finau, C. (2001). Pasifika education research guidelines: Report to the Ministry of Education, Auckland Uniservices. Wellington: Ministry of Education.
Bobic, N. (2002). Adolescent physical abuse towards mothers: Myths and realities. Marrickville, NSW: Rosemount Youth & Family Services.
Bobic, N. (2004). Adolescent physical abuse towards mothers [Topic paper]. Australian Domestic and Family Physical abuse Clearinghouse. Retrieved November 11, 2005, from http://www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au/topics.htm
Brezina, T. (1999). Teenage physical abuse toward mothers as an adaptation to family strain: Evidence from a national survey of male adolescents. Youth & Society, 30, 416-444.
Cornell, C., & Gelles, R. (1982). Adolescent to parent physical abuse. Urban and Social Change Review, 15, 8-14
Cottrell, B. (2001). Parent abuse: The abuse of mothers by their teenage children. Ottawa, Canada: Health Canada, Family Physical abuse Prevention Unit.
Cottrell, B. (2003). Parent abuse: The abuse of adults by their teenage children: Overview paper. Ottawa: Public Health Agency of Canada. Retrieved October 12, 2005, from http://www.canadiancrc.com/parent_abuse.htm
Cottrell, B., & Monk, P. (2004). Adolescent-to-parent abuse: A qualitative overview of common themes. Journal of Family Issues, 25, 1072-1095.
Eckstein, N. (2004). Emergent issues in families experiencing adolescent-to-parent abuse. Western Journal of Communication, 68(4), 365(24).
Ellsberg, M., Heise, L., Pena, R., Agurto, S., & Winkvist, A. (2001). Researching domestic physical abuse against women: Methodological and ethical considerations. Studies in Family Planning, 32, 1-16.
Fanslow, J. (2005). Beyond zero tolerance: Key issues and future directions for family physical abuse work in New Zealand. Wellington: Families Commission.
Gallagher, E. (2004a). Mothers victimised by their children. ANZJFT, 25, 1-12.
Gallagher, E. (2004b). Youth who victimise their mothers. ANZJFT, 25, 94-105.
Martin, L. (2002). The invisible table: Perspectives on youth and youthwork in New Zealand. Palmerston North: Dunmore Press.
McLaren, K. (2000). Tough is not enough: Getting smart about youth crime: A review of research on what works to reduce offending by young people. Wellington: Ministry of Youth Affairs.
McLaren, K. (2002). Building strength: Youth development literature review. Wellington: Ministry of Youth Affairs.
Ministry of Social Development. (2002). Te Rito: New Zealand family physical abuse prevention strategy. Wellington: The Ministry.
New Zealand Family Physical abuse Clearinghouse. (2006). An agenda for family physical abuse research (Vol. 1). Christchurch: NZFVC.
Peek, C., Fischer, J., & Kidwell, J. (1985). Teenage physical abuse towards mothers: A neglected dimension of family physical abuse. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 47, 1051-1058.
Pocock, T., & Cram, F. (1996). Children of battered women. Waikato Law Review, 4, 77-100.
Ruwhiu, L. (2001). Bicultural issues in Aotearoa New Zealand social work. In M. Connolly (Ed.), New Zealand social work contexts and practice. Auckland: Oxford University Press.
Stickley, T. (1998, 30 October). Death of a brutal bully or kind dad? New Zealand Herald, p.A11.
Tolich, M. (2002). Pakeha paralysis: Cultural safety for those researching the general population of Aotearoa. Social Policy Journal of New Zealand, 18, 164-178.
Ulman, A., & Strauss, M. (2003). Physical abuse by children against mothers in relation to physical abuse between mothers and corporal punishment by mothers. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 34, 41-60. Retrieved September 11, 2006, from http://pubpages.unh.edu/~mas2/CP71.pdf

Online Parent Support

I realized I had to change my behavior to help him change his...

Hello Mark ...thank you for the welcome e-mail, I just read thru the introduction and the first assignment and I’m already feeling empowered… I have been thru psychologists, psychiatrists, therapist, social workers and alternative medicine… and found no solutions, actually I think it has made matters worse, he uses his so called sickness as an excuse for his behavior. I ended up rewarding him for doing what he was supposed to do and not disciplining him for his bad behavior. I can’t get him to do anything without offering him a reward. I started taking him to the doctors when he was 5 years old and he is now 15. I’m afraid of what these next 3 years will bring my way. He will not do chores, homework, basically anything that I ask him to do. He constantly shows anger towards me and blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life. He is not accountable for his actions. He is currently failing in school. I have set-up a teachers conference today, asked the counselor to reach out to him and asked about the schools R.O.C. program or classes.

My decision today to look for another answer came because my son decided he was going to teach me a lesson because I refused to buy him yet another pair of expensive Jordan shoes, he made sure he got to school late yesterday and today he refused to go to school. (this is the first time that he has been this defiant) He threw me out of his room with horrible verbal abuse! I made a decision for the new year that I was going to find a solution to this ever mounting problem, but most importantly I wasn’t going to let him keep playing my buttons, no more anger, no more fear, no more reactions to his behavior. I realized I had to change my behavior to help him change his and with God’s help I found your web site.

Warm regards,

V.

My Out-of-Control Teen