Can children outgrow ADHD?

Mark,

My daughter was put on Adderall in the 5th grade. She is now in the 10th grade and is not taking it. I took her off about 1 month ago because I did not think it was helping her. Her grades are good and I have seen no change in her. How do you explain this?? Can they outgrow ADHD?

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We used to think children would "grow out" of ADHD. We now know that is not true for most children. Symptoms of ADHD often get better as children grow older and learn to adjust. Hyperactivity usually stops in the late teenage years. But about half of children who have ADHD continue to be easily distracted, have mood swings, hot tempers and are unable to complete tasks. Children who have loving, supportive parents who work together with school staff, mental health workers and their doctor have the best chance of becoming well-adjusted adults.

Until the early 1990s, the medical community considered ADHD a “childhood disorder.” Believing that children “outgrew” the condition, physicians routinely took them off medication before high school. In many cases, however, the teens struggled socially and academically, making it clear that ADHD symptoms had not gone away. And, as greater efforts were made to educate parents about ADHD, more and more of them, like Aidan’s mother, began to recognize their own ADHD symptoms.

Clinically, we have seen that some individuals do show enough improvement after puberty that they no longer need medication. But the American Academy of Family Physicians reports that two-thirds of children with ADHD continue to grapple with the condition throughout adulthood.

I advise taking children and adolescents off medication once a year. If the symptoms of hyperactivity, inattention, and/or impulsivity are no longer noticeable, they stay off. Should these behaviors return, medication should be re-started. This process teaches adolescents about the challenges ADHD presents in their lives, and how to determine for themselves whether medication is needed in school, at home, with friends, and so on. Medication should be used whenever symptoms interfere with the demands and expectations of a specific task or activity. It is not necessarily needed all day, every day.

For example, a college student may learn that she benefits from an eight-hour capsule to cover morning and afternoon classes, but can be off medication while she relaxes, exercises, or socializes later in the day. On evenings when she needs to study, she can take a four-hour tablet at about 6 p.m. An adult may find that he needs medication at work but not at home, or for some social functions, but not others.

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Disagreement about body piercing...

Hi L.,

I’ve responded throughout your email below:

Hi, overall my 15 year old daughter is following the rules. The assertive parenting techniques definitely help. However, we have had a long running disagreement about body piercing. She wants to pierce her lips and I said "no piercing". We had come to a compromise - I would pay for her hair care (that can get expensive!) and she wouldn't do any piercings.

== > Body piercings (not tattoos though) fall into the “pick-your-battles-carefully” category. I’m sure you have bigger fish to fry than worrying about a piercing. Save your energy for the more important issues.

Well, last night I came home and lo and behold she had pierced her bottom lip! I told her to take them out and she refused.

So, I grounded her - indefinitely until she takes the piercings out. Her response was that I couldn't force to stay home - she would come and go as she pleases.

== > Are you sure you went through all the material? We never ground indefinitely. Grounding procedures are covered in Sessions #2 and #3 [online version of the eBook].

This is true, I can't force her. However, my reply was that while I couldn't force her to stay home I could start taking things away from her - anything I had paid for I could take away. No comment from her. I guess she thought about it for awhile and emailed her reply.

Her reply was that she had been cutting herself because she had been depressed and discovered that piercing was a more acceptable way of feeling the pain than cutting.

== > This was a good line of bullshit from your daughter.

Now, she had been seeing a therapist for depression and the therapist thought she had gotten past that. My response was to call her bluff - make an appt. with the therapist and hang tough with the 'no piercings' rule. Am I on the right track?

== > Calling her bluff is good. However, I think you are in a power struggle that you will not win. A body piercing is not really a behavioral issue per say (such as skipping school, violating curfew, drinking alcohol, etc.). As long as it is not done excessively (we can talk about what would be excessive some other time), a piercing should be allowed for a 15-year-old -- but it should be earned!

Why a piercing but not a tattoo? Because a child can simply remove the ring or stud if she does not want to wear it anymore. But a tattoo is permanent. If a child wants a tattoo, she can get one when she turns 18.

Mark

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Father-Figure & Son Conflict

Dear Mark, My son wants my partner out of the house & is telling me to choose. He is mega angry. I've told him it is not his decision. But I am feeling very crushed & overwhelmed. My partner is too, but he is angry with my son in a sulky sort of way & the atmosphere here is a tinderbox. I feel very stuck, torn and scared.

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