Out Of Control Teen on Probation

Hi L.,

I've responded throughout your email below:

Hello, We are using your instruction for our out of control teen. We have a 16 yr old son, who over the last year (on & off) has been drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana

Please refer to "Read These Emails From Exasperated Parents" [session #4 - online version of eBook] for recommendations on pot and alcohol.

and hanging out with the wrong group of kids.

Please refer to "Hangin' with the wrong crowd..." below for recommendations on negative peer influence:

click==> http://www.onlineparentingcoach.com/2008/09/hangin-with-wrong-crowd.html

He was arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia in his car (misdemeanor in Idaho) and a positive urine for marijuana on 2/6. This is his first encounter with the law but not with his parents. We meet with the probation officer next week to discuss sentencing. My question to you is should we ask for him to spend time in juvenile detention (a weekend) to get a taste of what could become if he continues down this path, or is that something we should leave for the probation officer to hold over his head while on probation.

Fear-based motivation has no longevity. And most out-of-control teens are not intimidated by the prospect of detention. In fact, a tour or visit will actually increase the intrigue.

It is not the norm to send them to JD on the first offence unless the parents request it.

No. And the PO will not detain because you requested it.

He will also get counseling for anger management, family communication, drug and alcohol class, community service, probation for 6 month, monthly drug testing, & evaluation for depression. I want to approach him with tough love but a counselor told us we could also go to far in the discipline process. What are your thoughts?

If you follow the program, you will not be "going to far."

I must say that you will benefit from going back through the online version of the eBook a second time. You have asked me questions that are already addressed there, which tells me you have missed some important pieces.

Mark

Online Parent Support

HE WANTS TO CALL HIS GRANDMOTHER TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN...

I AM NEW TO YOUR PROGRAM AND I DO HAVE A SITUATION I DIDN'T SEE ON YOUR SITE. I HAVE 6 KIDS, TWO OF WHICH ARE STEPSONS. THE OLDEST OF THE TWO IS THE ONE I AM HAVING ISSUES WITH. MY HUSBAND WORKS OFFSHORE AND IS GONE A LOT, SO I AM ON MY OWN A LOT OF THE TIME.

THE PROBLEM I KEEP ENCOUNTERING IS WHEN THE STEPSON GETS INTO TROUBLE OR IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING HE WANTS TO CALL HIS GRANDMOTHER (MY MOTHER-IN-LAW) TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN TO HER.

SHE ALWAYS TRIES TO CONTROL WHAT GOES ON IN MY HOME AND HAS EVEN GONE TO HIS SCHOOL TO TALK TO HIS TEACHERS, COUNSELORS AND SO ON.

I REALLY HAVE REACHED THE END OF MY ROPE WITH THIS ISSUE AND FEEL LIKE I CAN'T EVEN DISCIPLINE HIM FOR FEAR OF WHAT SHE MIGHT DO OR SAY.

ANY ADVICE?

HOPELESS IN LOUISIANA,

K.

Click here for my response...

Daughter is angry at me most of the time...

"My 13 year old daughter is angry at me most of the time. It is hard to say anything to her without her snarkyness "don't talk to me" or "I know" ect. I never know if I should let it pass or jump on it. Then later she will ask rather nicely if she can go to a friends. Do I say "no" now because of the earlier rudeness that I endured BUT did not act on at the time? Week 2 is hard. So many issues and hard to pick where and what battles to tackle in the heap. Also, her 16year old sister is so "good". This builds a lot of resentment with my 13year old. She wonders why all these rules only seem to apply to her. She always says we favor her sister. Her sister does what she is suppose to without problem. She is pleasant and works hard at school. I don't know what to say to my 13 year old about why only she had to have all these extra chores and rules."

Click here for my response...