Teens & Body Piercings

Mark,

Could you please give me some advice on how to deal with my 14 year old daughter who continues to pierce herself. She has already pierced her own belly button, and then about 3 weeks ago pierced the top of her hand, Now today she self pierced her lip. I told her to take it out or she would be grounded from her cell phone. She did eventually take it out, but I need to know to better deal with this.

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Body piercings (not tattoos though) fall into the “pick-your-battles-carefully” category. I’m sure you have bigger fish to fry than worrying about a piercing. Save your energy for the more important issues. A body piercing is not really a behavioral issue per say (such as skipping school, violating curfew, drinking alcohol, etc.). As long as it is not done excessively (we can talk about what would be excessive some other time), a piercing should be allowed for a 14-year-old -- but it should be earned!

I know you can have the child take the ring or stud out of their skin – but this does not stop them from getting a piercing in the first place (they just don’t wear it when they are around the parent).

Don’t get into a power struggle that you cannot win.

Why permit a piercing but not a tattoo?

A child can simply remove the ring or stud if she does not want to wear it anymore (the scar heals up). But a tattoo is permanent. If a child wants a tattoo, she can get one when she turns 18.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

My kids have been resistant and overindulged for so long...

Thanks Mark for the advice. I am constantly reading all the information in relation to session 1. I have first made a commitment to myself to self care and protect myself. My kids have been resistant and overindulged for so long that I don’t want to start something and then not follow through. I am on holidays at the moment so I am in the process of taking care of myself but also developing positive contact with my kids. we recently bought a table tennis table and boy that has been a great investment ...getting along positively with each other and surprisingly enough reduces conflict and I get to teach them qualities such as good sportsmanship, they are improving and so is our relationship. I love all the stuff in your Ebook and sessions and looking forward to making changes. Just using my poker face as resulted in less conflict in the house ...but they are resistant little buggers and your PowerPoint on resistant children was very useful. I am so thankful for your website...

MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Child Emancipation in Canada...

Hi Mark,

My husband and I have not yet been able to implement the information from your sessions, as I had mentioned, our son is not living at home. We are trying to get him back, but he is living in a house with a bunch of kids who are influencing him in a bad way. My son is now talking about emancipation; he will be 16 years old in 2months. My husband and I will not agree to this. Anyways, if you have any insight or advice it would be appreciated.

Regards,

A.

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Emancipation varies between provinces:

Alberta, Ontario, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Quebec and PEI is 18.

BC, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Yukon, Nunavut, Newfoundland and Labrador and NW territories is 19.

I don't think he can get it done even with your permission since he's only 16.

In any event, running away is not considered as a crime in Canada.

Out of the 60,360 reported missing children in Canada in 1999, 47,585 were runaways (78 %). British Columbia had the highest number of runaways, with 14,999 cases, followed by Ontario with 12,290.

Youth runaway for many reasons, including to rebel, assert their independence or to flee an environment of abuse. The Webster dictionary defines runaway as to leave quickly to avoid or escape something. Most of the time, youth believe running away is the best solution to a seemingly unbearable situation. According to many experts, running away is not part of an adolescent's normal development.

A definition of runaway is given by the Missing Children's Registry :

A runaway is a person under the age of 18 who flees home for an indefinite time. Generally speaking, the child leaves voluntarily without the permission of the parent or guardian.

The profile of a runaway is : 14-15 years, mostly female, from all ethnic groups and all social classes, often come from dysfunctional families, depressive and tend to have problems in school.

I'd say the hands of Canadian parents are pretty well tied when it comes to teen run-aways.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen