It is slowly working...

Thank you Mark.

Just knowing that I can ask you questions and get a response is really helping me through this difficult time.

My son only doesn't want to do chores because he hasn't needed to as I did everything for him in the past. However when he complains I explain that I made a mistake, - I thought he was still young and forgot he is growing up and that at 14 it is time to learn to do things for himself. It is slowly working as he unpacked his weekend table tennis bag instead of emptying it upside down.

Many many thanks.

Kind regards.

M.

Online Parent Support

Teens & Body Piercings

Mark,

Could you please give me some advice on how to deal with my 14 year old daughter who continues to pierce herself. She has already pierced her own belly button, and then about 3 weeks ago pierced the top of her hand, Now today she self pierced her lip. I told her to take it out or she would be grounded from her cell phone. She did eventually take it out, but I need to know to better deal with this.

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Body piercings (not tattoos though) fall into the “pick-your-battles-carefully” category. I’m sure you have bigger fish to fry than worrying about a piercing. Save your energy for the more important issues. A body piercing is not really a behavioral issue per say (such as skipping school, violating curfew, drinking alcohol, etc.). As long as it is not done excessively (we can talk about what would be excessive some other time), a piercing should be allowed for a 14-year-old -- but it should be earned!

I know you can have the child take the ring or stud out of their skin – but this does not stop them from getting a piercing in the first place (they just don’t wear it when they are around the parent).

Don’t get into a power struggle that you cannot win.

Why permit a piercing but not a tattoo?

A child can simply remove the ring or stud if she does not want to wear it anymore (the scar heals up). But a tattoo is permanent. If a child wants a tattoo, she can get one when she turns 18.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

My kids have been resistant and overindulged for so long...

Thanks Mark for the advice. I am constantly reading all the information in relation to session 1. I have first made a commitment to myself to self care and protect myself. My kids have been resistant and overindulged for so long that I don’t want to start something and then not follow through. I am on holidays at the moment so I am in the process of taking care of myself but also developing positive contact with my kids. we recently bought a table tennis table and boy that has been a great investment ...getting along positively with each other and surprisingly enough reduces conflict and I get to teach them qualities such as good sportsmanship, they are improving and so is our relationship. I love all the stuff in your Ebook and sessions and looking forward to making changes. Just using my poker face as resulted in less conflict in the house ...but they are resistant little buggers and your PowerPoint on resistant children was very useful. I am so thankful for your website...

MyOutOfControlTeen.com