Daughter Refuses To Work

Hi Mark,

My 16 year old has an opportunity to work as a hostess at the restaurant I work at. They would hire her just because she is my daughter. Here's the problem, she doesn't want it. Her ugly self is out in full force over it. I am 99% sure that the reason she is creating such a fuss is because she is terrified. She cried for hours before her interview. Her self confidence is really, really low. Her dad and I know she can do the job and would do well at it, because when she puts her mind to something she does great. It's just getting her past her fears. My question is... do we force her to go to the second interview? We pretty much forced her into the first one. I have already told her that if she wants a cell phone she has to have a job to pay for it. We also created a contract for getting her driver’s license. I have attached the contract. We have not signed it yet, but knows most of what is on it.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

Sincerely,

A.

````````````````````````````````````````

Hi A.,

No. I would definitely not force her -- BUT stick to your stipulation that she must get a job so she can pay for her own cell phone. Let her take "all the time she needs" to decide when/where she wants to work (a paradoxical intervention). The more responsibility you take for her employment, the less responsibility she will take (that's why you're in the rut you're in now; her work is more important to you than it is to her).

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Your insight into teenagers is amazing...

I have purchased your e-book and cd’s.... just wanted to say how amazing you work is proving to be. I work in psychiatry but have struggled to discipline my son and to understand his behaviour. I have put in to practice the first week session and already it is working. Your insight into teenagers is amazing.... it was like you had written it all for my son and I. Thank you, a thousand times, thank you. I’ll keep you informed of J__’s progress, my 16 year old out of control teenager!

J.

My Out-of-Control Teen

My family is in the middle of a great deal of turmoil...

Dear Mark,

I just want to thanks you. My family is in the middle of a great deal of turmoil. My husband of almost 25 years asked me for a divorce in November of 2008. Since then, our daughter has ran away twice, cut her arm and spent a week in an inpatient psychiatric facility, has totally changed her dress and her set of friends and has been diagnosed with depression and was placed on medications.

What I found interesting is how much she seemed to be feeding into the diagnosis of "depression" and her "anger issues". I also noticed that the medications actually made her more miserable and her defiant behavior escalated. Your ebook has helped so much and I am only in the first week!

I have fired the counselors, weaned my child off medications and I am ready to begin the work of becoming a stronger, more focused parent. My soon to be ex-husband has also agreed to purchase the program and we intend on working it together to get our daughter back on track.

I thank you for your help and guidance. Please pray for my family as I will for yours.

Sincerely,

L.

My Out-of-Control Daughter