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Family meetings help busy families stay connected, improve communication, self-esteem, emotional support and problem solving. Another advantage of family meetings is that they eliminate the need for nagging. If a solution is not followed during the week, the person who notices this can simply write the item on the agenda again. At the next meeting, the family can discuss the consequences of not following the agreed-upon rules until a consensus is reached on that. Family meetings are good times to set house rules. You are relaxed and the kids are more receptive. Spur-of-the-moment rules ("You're grounded!") made when you are angry are likely to be unfair and un-followed. Getting together to sort out discipline problems is a valuable way for moms and dads and kids to express their concerns. Discipline problems that involve one youngster should be handled privately, but there are times when all the kids get a bit lax in the self-control department and the whole f...

Kids behave according to the pleasure principle: behavior that is rewarding continues; behavior that is unrewarding ceases. While you don't have to go to the extreme of playing behavioral scientist, you can invent creative ways to motivate desirable behavior with rewards. To work, a reward must be something your youngster likes and truly desires. Ask some leading questions to get ideas: "If you had ten dollars, what would you buy?" "If you could go somewhere with a friend, where would you like to go? "If you could do some special things with your parents, what would they be?" Granting a reward is a discipline tool to (a) set limits and (b) get jobs done. The best reward is one that is a natural consequence of good behavior: "You're taking really good care of your bicycle …let's go to the bike shop and get you a battery-operated headlight." The natural consequences of good behavior are not always motivating enough in the...

Losing privileges is one of the few behavior shapers you never run out of. Children will always want something from you. For this behavior modification technique to have a good chance of preventing recurrence of misbehavior, the youngster must naturally connect the withdrawal of privileges to the behavior. Here are some good examples: “If you choose to ride your bike over to your friend’s house without asking permission, you also choose to lose your bike for 2 days.” “Since you dawdled and missed the morning carpool, you can walk to school.” “You get caught driving drunk and you lose your license.” Here are some bad examples: “Since you decided to come home late for supper, you cannot watch any TV tonight.” (What does withholding television have to do with being home in time for supper? ...the child wonders.) “If you keep picking on your sister, you will not go over to your friend’s house to play basketball later.” (Not much of a connection here either.) "If y...