How successful is house arrest?

Hi Mark,

I am planning on one lesson per week. I have not skipped forward and understand the process. My challenge is that L__ is in the hall for 30 days. On Oct. 9 we go back to court and the judge will decide if L__ goes to a foster home and out of our care. I find your lessons very informative and eye-opening. The DA wants him to spend 30 days in the hall and then 30 days under house arrest (ankle bracelet). If we can get through the next 3 months, he can start high school as his expulsion order expires. I am writing a letter to the judge explaining that we are on your program and do not want to lose L__ to the system.

Our challenge with the house arrest is that we think L__ will allow his friends in the house and he will still snoop around. I've had to take the phones with me when I go to work because he made over 400 hours of calls. He needs 100% supervision. How successful is house arrest?

Thanks,

M.

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Hi M.,

Thanks for committing to the program as it is intended.

Re: How successful is house arrest?

First of all, "house arrest" is simply where the child must stay home under parental supervision. I think you're referring to "home monitoring" (different from house arrest in that probation will be notified if your son gets out of range).

In any event, there's good and bad news here--

The good news: Home monitoring has an excellent track record because the child knows there is always somebody "watching" to see if he steps outside the house -- even when parents/grandparents are away.

The bad news: Home monitoring is usually only effective for as long as the child is on the monitor -- and it cannot control who your son invites in the house while you're gone.

More bad news: House arrest (if that is what we're talking about here) is a miserable failure on all fronts as far as I'm concerned.

Bottom line: You can't depend on home monitoring, house arrest - or even probation to "solve" the problems. That why it's good you have some new parenting tools in your toolbox now.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Grandson

He loves to save his money...

Hi Mark,

Hope you are well. I've been meaning to email you for a while. I thought this was interesting. This is about the over indulgence section of your program. We used to take our son to Taco Bell after school, or just whenever he might ask. Now, though, when he asks if we're out and about, we tell him we'll be glad to drive by there for him, as long as he has money for what he wants. I can only remember once in the last several months when he actually ended up going. He usually passes on going when he realizes we won't be paying (he still asks every now and then thinking we will forget I guess). The one time he did go and use his own money, he couldn't stand spending that dollar. He loves to save his money, and this is certainly a great lesson on how easily it is spent.

Once in these last few months, we all went to Taco Bell for dinner. Therefore, we paid for him. It was what the family was having, so that's why we paid.

Anyway, thanks for this great tip. It's working out great!

S.

Online Parent Support

I fear it is too late...

Dear Mark,

I Googled my 'problem teenager' and came up with your website. I bought the manual, and it is precisely what I needed.

I fear it is too late though, as my teen daughter is leaving home on the day she is 16 to live with a guy 25 years old, whom she said she met on holiday in Lanzarote, when she was 10. He is unemployed and has Diabetes. She is on the phone to him every day. She's flunked school, her exams, and thrown away an amazing singing/acting talent. Your book describes her behaviour precisely, 'Overindulged'.

I will put into practice that which is in the book and hope that we can turn her round before August.

Having been through family services, the police, social services and the courts and still not got a solution, what a relieve it is to know that there is somebody out there who seems to know what they are talking about. Many many thanks. You have at the very least given me cause for hope, thank you.

Hugh,

Great Britain.

My Out-of-Control Teen

She took $40.00 instead of $20.00 out of my account...

Mark,

My daughter is on three day restriction for disobeying me. On Saturday I gave her my debit card to get gas and 20.00 for spending -- both of which she earned. However I just saw on my bank statement ...she took 40.00 instead of 20.00 out of my account. Should I make her earn the other 20 or should I take 20 my brother gives her for taking their son to school?

Please help.

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Good question.

She was being sneaky, which should get a consequence. Earning the $20.00 that was basically stolen seems to be the best option. Also, give her a clear warning that if this happens again, she will not be able to use your debit card (just pay cash).

Sound O.K.?

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Violence On The Rise Among Children?

Mark,

I'm a member of your program. As a middle school teacher (NY), it appears to me that children are becoming more and more violent over time. This greatly concerns me as well as the other teachers in my district. In your work, do you find that childhood violence is on the rise? If so, what can teachers do in the schools to intervene? Is there any research on any of this?

Thanks in advance,

T.J.

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Hi T.,

There is a great concern about the incidence of violent behavior among kids and teens. This complex and troubling issue needs to be carefully understood by moms & dads, teachers, and other adults.

Kids as young as preschoolers can show violent behavior. Moms & dads and other adults who witness the behavior may be concerned, however, they often hope that the young youngster will "grow out of it." Violent behavior in a youngster at any age always needs to be taken seriously. It should not be quickly dismissed as "just a phase they're going through!"

Violent behavior in kids and teens can include a wide range of behaviors:

· cruelty toward animal

· explosive temper tantrum

· fighting

· fire setting

· intentional destruction of property and vandalism

· physical aggression

· threats or attempts to hurt others (including homicidal thoughts)

· use of weapon

Numerous research studies have concluded that a complex interaction or combination of factors leads to an increased risk of violent behavior in kids and teens. These factors include:

·Being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse

·Brain damage from head injury

·Combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation, marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)

·Exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)

·Exposure to violence in the home and/or community

·Genetic (family heredity) factors

·Presence of firearms in home

·Previous aggressive or violent behavior

·Use of drugs and/or alcohol

Kids who have several risk factors and show the following behaviors should be carefully evaluated:

·Becoming easily frustrated

·Extreme impulsiveness

·Extreme irritability

·Frequent loss of temper or blow-ups

·Intense anger

Moms & dads and teachers should be careful not to minimize these behaviors in kids. Whenever a parent or other adult is concerned, they should immediately arrange for a comprehensive evaluation by a qualified mental health professional. Early treatment by a professional can often help.

The goals of treatment typically focus on helping the youngster to:

· learn how to control his/her anger

· express anger and frustrations in appropriate ways

· be responsible for his/her actions

· accept consequences

In addition, family conflicts, school problems, and community issues must be addressed.

Research studies have shown that much violent behavior can be decreased or even prevented if the above risk factors are significantly reduced or eliminated. Most importantly, efforts should be directed at dramatically decreasing the exposure of kids and teens to violence in the home, community, and through the media. Clearly, violence leads to violence.

In addition, the following strategies can lessen or prevent violent behavior:

·Early intervention programs for violent youngsters

·Monitoring youngster's viewing of violence on TV/videos/movies

·Prevention of youngster abuse (use of programs such as parent training, family support programs, etc.)

·Sex education and parenting programs for teens

Mark

Online Parent Support