Is Tourette's a Behavior Problem?

Dear Sir,

My son is very hot tempered and cannot control his behaviour when he is angry or frustrated. He tends to throw things away away or kick on the wall. He always shout and always put the blame on me.

I have heard about tourette syndrome and I am not sure if his behavior is related to this problem. His father and grandfather had the same problem.

Could you pls give some information about it.

I am also interested in your book but am based in Mauritius. What is the easiest way to get access to your book?

Thanking you in advance,

M.

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Tourette's is not usually associated with the problems you are describing. Oppositional Defiant Disorder is however.

On another note, your geographical location is not a factor. This is an online program that can be accessed anywhere in the world.

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

I have decided to send D___ to a boot camp...

Hi Mark-

I have not been in touch for a while. I am still working the steps of the course but I still fall short. I almost need daily reminders of what I am supposed to be doing because its so easy to get caught up in the drama- I have to step back and think Ok what have I learned! I am doing better with sticking to what I say and not getting as emotional when he is pushing me. I am taking alot of time outs. But the bad behavior and defiance still continue just as strong from him.

A few weeks ago he shoved a boy into a wall at school this resulted in a bump on this kids head- his parents called the police and are pressing assault charges. D___ was sent to alternative school. While in alternative school he got in a fight on the school bus along with some other boys and was written a ticket for disorderly conduct and assault.

I have decided to send D___ to a boot camp ...its juvenile behavior modification program. i am a nervous wreck about it - but truly don't know what else to do. I know you work with the courts in your state and was curious if you have seen or had kids go thru these programs and how you feel it works or does not work with your program.

Thanks-

S.

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Hi S.,

Boot camps work well as long as the child is involved in programming, but the "positive behavior changes" do not seem to have longevity. That is, the child returns home from boot camp, then after a two-week honeymoon period in which the parent gets the impression that the child has actually made some improvement, the child reverts back to original behavior.

Boot camps are military-style institutions for defiant and disrespectful teens who have a problem with authority. They learn discipline and structure through military exercises, and rigorous physical training.

The theory of boot camp is that a swift "kick in the ass" will turn around a child who has probably been acting out for years. But in a lot of cases, just a short-term boot camp will not be enough for a teen to turn his or her life around. Boot camps work great if they are followed by a boarding school or other longer-term program.

Privately owned boot camps seem to have a greater affect on teenagers. Surprisingly, the recidivism rate of juveniles who attend state-run boot camps has been said to be as high as 94%, while overall privately owned boot camps have a much lower rate. Boot camps can also be long term (military based boarding schools) or short boot camps (summer boot camps).

Overall, boot camps usually have a definite impact on a teen especially the defiant and disrespectful ones. However, for a lasting change to take place, a boot camp usually needs to be followed by a longer-term program such as a boarding school.

Mark

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Mark-

This is a private boot camp (not state run) and D___ is most certainly the defiant type. This camp is for a weekend only but when the child "graduates" from camp at the end of the weekend, he is placed on a 3 month probation. They are given certain expectations and if in that 3 months they are messing up I can call his assigned counselor and they will come to my house or call and see if they can turn the situation around. If D___ continues the bad behavior I can have him sent back to camp for a refresher so to speak. The cost is only 200.00 or 100.00 if court ordered and if they have to go back in the 3 month probation period its 25.00. D___ was not court ordered but when we DO go to court for his tickets I can tell the judge what I have dont to try to help D___.

My hope is this boot camp will be an eye opener for him and then along with your program working on the long term changes in the family D___ can have success in changing his life around.

I have had a great deal of frustration lately that so many kids are falling thru the cracks. There just seems to be very little resources for parents in my area that have troubled kids. I am frustrated with summer coming and nothing for them to do that is positive to keep them out of trouble that parents can afford. I am seriosly thinking of approaching the police department or city or schools or all the above in my city to see if we can get some sort of program together that provides activities for kids -volunteer work - swimming whatever to help them belong to something good.

Parents like me that have to be at work have no way to get kids to and from stuff during the day and no money so I am hoping to maybe get volunteers to provide transportation.

I am just in the beginning stages of the idea. I dont know who/where/how/whats but I am growing a passion for it. I thought maybe a website too so programs (like yours) could possibly be referenced as resources for parents. Any thoughts or suggestions? All I know is it took 10 yrs to even find you or any thing like what you offer ..there are just too many people that dont know what to do where to go and we are losing the kids.

THANKS!

S.

My Out-of-Control Teen

When You Think Your Teen Is Using Drugs

"Our son is 17 and out of control, we have noticed lately his rudeness is getting worse. I fully intend to implement your methods but I am worried at the moment that he may be experimenting with drugs. I have found something in his room and have organised to have some tested. I have spoken to a few organisations and have a meeting with one this afternoon but they are so wishy washy with their advice. If we confront him, he may lose trust in us and not communicate etc. I want to take your direct approach but the feedback I get is I need to be careful with that.

I know I need to find out what the substance is before I get too upset, but if I gather some more info and involve a family friend who has done counselling and run our approach by you, would you be able to advise if you think it is along with your methods? I am preparing a contract at the moment and trying to find out all the legalities within Queensland so I know my rights (as he is now threatening to be emancipated from us, and we will have to pay him till he is 18). Does this sound like I am following the method? If I push too hard and he runs on the streets and becomes involved in harder drugs, are there intervention programmes to rescue him? Please advise."

Click here for my response...

What to do about grandparents...

Hi,

I am in the middle of session 1 and have done the parent quiz to find out that I am moderately indulgent.

My question is: What to do about grandparents or other family members who wish to indulge your child?

My son treated my Mother badly 3 days ago which really upset her, but she is now talking about paying for him to join scouts, which is something he wishes to do & my mother & I feel would be good for him. But I also feel that he should have to wait till he deserves a second extracurricular activity.

They have not spoken to each other since the incident; therefore there have been no apologies. I was brought up to think that this would be incorrect.

C.

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Hi C.,

As you will discover when you get a bit further in the eBook, you child should earn ALL privileges. Thus, it will be important for you to set some boundaries with other family members who may be working in the opposite direction. If possible, inform the others what your program goals are so that everyone can be on the same page.

Mark

Online Parent Support

Help For Resentment Toward Your "Hateful" Teen

"Assignment #1 in your program requires me to tell my daughter that I love her. I used to do this every day, but can't do it now because it's no longer true. I can't stand her. She is so rude and hateful to me. If I can't do this, is it worth me going on with the rest of the exercises – you said 'no half measures'?"

Click here for my response...

When Your Teen's Best Friend is a Negative Influence

"I am reading and reading your eBook, and I like it so far - makes a lot of sense - but the biggest problem for me with my teens especially the 16 year old girl is who her friends are. She has one best friend, and doesn't seem to hang around or call too many others - only one or two on the phone. But this girl is NOT one that is a positive influence in my daughter's life. While she is basically a sweet girl, she has had problems with drugs (in rehab type program) smokes (and now so does my daughter) has run away from home over night she is depressed and says she takes meds for her mood swings as well, and her parents that aren't as stable as would be preferred - and most sad is often accused by other kids of her "cheating" with my daughter's boyfriend, which kills my daughter but she always ends up believing her or at least saying so....."

 

MORE... 

For the most part she does what she’s asked to...

I've been using this program for about 4 weeks now. My 9yo DD is doing her chores with out much complaint. However she is escalating her behavior in other ways. She has broken about 5-6 things in the past month. At the rate she is going she should get her allowance back when she’s 16. Tonight she gave our poor dog a hair cut. He looks awful. She has been grounded most of the last 3 weeks. I give her lots of positive attention. We eat dinner together almost every night. I spend probably 10-15 minutes talking to her after school. She is a straight A student. For the most part she does what she’s asked to she just also does a lot of stuff she knows she’s not allowed to. She really doesn't seem to mind the consequences. How long does it take before it starts to work? Any ideas on consequences she might really hate?

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I find that when a parent is still experiencing difficulty after 4 weeks, she/he has missed a couple important pieces.

Let's trouble shoot...

Below is a summary of all the assignments I gave you in the eBook. If parents do not implement most of these assignments, it is often the "kiss of failure." For example, the transmission in your car has hundreds of parts, but if just one little tiny part is not working -- the whole transmission does not work. The same is true with this "parent program." Omit just one strategy, and the whole plan runs the risk of failing.

Referring to the Online Version of the eBook:

1. Are you asking your daughter at least one question each day that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or a "no" to demonstrate that you are interested in what is going on in her life?

2. Are you saying to her "I love you" everyday and expecting nothing in return?

3. Are you eating dinner together at least one evening each week -- either at home or out?

4. Do you use "The Art of Saying Yes" whenever your answer is yes?

5. Do you use "The Art of Saying No" whenever your answer is no?

6. Do you catch her in the act of doing something right at least once each day?

7. Do you use the "When You Want Something From Your Kid" approach as needed?

8. Do you give her at least one chore each day?

9. Do you find something fun to do with her each week?

10. Do you use the "I noticed ...I felt ...Listen" approach when something unexpected pops-up?

11. When you are undecided about what to say or do in any particular situation, are you asking yourself the following question: "Will this promote the development of self-reliance in my daughter, or will this inhibit the development of self-reliance?" If it is supportive of self-reliance, say it or do it. If it is not supportive, don't!

12. Is she EARNING ALL of her stuff and freedom? (see "Self-Reliance Cycle")?

13. Have you watched ALL the videos in the Online Version of the eBook?

14. Are you putting on your best poker face when “things are going wrong?”

15. Are you using the Fair Fighting Strategy?

16. And perhaps most importantly, are you doing things to take care of your mental and physical health?

If you answered "no" to any of the above, you are missing some important pieces to the puzzle. Most parents DO miss a few pieces initially -- you can't be expected to remember everything! But don't get frustrated and give up. We must be willing to hang in there for the long haul.

I'm talking about refinement here. Refinement is a necessary tool to use in order to truly be successful with these parenting strategies.

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS: Parents who refine are, on average, 95% - 100% successful at getting the parent-child difficulties reduced in intensity and severity (i.e., the problems are easily managed).

The same can be true in your case. Continue to refine by emailing me as needed over the next few months. Refinement is a process, not a one-time event.

Mark

Online Parent Support