Mark,

We prescribe to your teen maintenance program and we (my husband and I) feel things have improved...everyone knows the rules, no more screaming matches, no more guessing at the consequences. However, I would appreciate your opinion on one issue.

Last Saturday was my daughters 17th birthday and my husband and I agreed to let our daughter have a small party at our home under our rules. I managed the birthday crowd from 30 feet away. Roughly 15 kids arrived and were great until they left at 11pm.

Our daughter and her two girl friends who planned to spend the night were in the guest house. When I went to check on the girls the doors to the guest house were locked. After some banging by me, the doors were open and the 3 gals looked too casual. When I opened the guest closet and found a male friend of theirs standing there, I drove him home. Apparently, he came back to our guest home drunk or under the influence of something (we have a gate, so he must have jumped the gate or more likely, the girls let him in (roughly 2am) and punched multiply holes in our plantation shutters and a whole in our flat screen plasma TV.

When I told my husband this, he just gave a brief "hu" almost a chuckle. He and my daughter are close... My concern is that my husband and I are not on a united front and my daughter knows this, so she "plays" to dad. What can I do to get my husband on a united front with me so he is not enabling my daughter?

Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks, yet again, Mark.

D.

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Hi D.,

A weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a stronger plan supported by only one. Having said that, I’ll simply share a recent success story from a wife in the same dilemma (i.e., husband didn’t really get with the program, and in some cases worked against the wife):

Hi Mark,
I don’t know if you remember me or not. We spoke last week on the phone re: my husband not wanting to do the program because he thinks it’s too easy on our daughter (he believes she should be grounded the entire grading period for making mostly F’s on her last report card). Anyway, he and I were not on the same page, and this was creating some real problems …he refused to read the eBook. So I got the CDs and played them every time we were in the car together (which is a lot). I had a captive audience – LOL :).

Anyway, since he’s been force-fed some of the strategies (as well as the reasoning behind them) he’s been a bit more open to going along with me. Our daughter’s behaviour is slowly improving as a result. Although we have much work to do, she has great difficulty playing one parent against the other now.

Just wanted to give you an update,

J.W.

Is this something you think might work D__? If so, you can get the audio CDs of the program by clicking here. If not, we can talk about another plan.

Mark

I have a very out of control 17 year old boy...

Mark-

I just read your e-book and loved it. As you have probably heard before, I have been doing everything wrong. I am not beating myself up, I just need to learn these techniques.

I have a very out of control 17 year old boy (junior, C. He fits your worst profile to a tee. I am a single mom. Dad is an alcoholic and barely in the picture. I also have 2 girls, 12 and 14. Our house is a boil ready to burst.

We already have drug abuse issues with C. and I have a very good outpatient counselor seeing him. My requirement for C. staying here was he keep his grades up (he is very bright) and stay in sports. He is with a better group of kids, busy and needs the discipline. He has always loved football and wrestling. I had to push him into football this season and he was glad I did. I am hearing the same objections for wrestling, which has always been his favorite sport.

He is incredibly angry and wants his freedom. He wants to work, get a car and get out of our home!

His father had a recent relapse and C. has started smoking pot again. I am just starting your program, but am at a loss about whether I insist he go out for wrestling. I believe he will be fine once he starts. It was part of the contract for staying here. I cannot get a hold of his counselor and need to make a decision. Help!!

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Hi B.,

I think you have bigger fish to fry that “insisting he go out for wrestling” {e.g., anger, drug abuse, alcoholic/unavailable father}. I would say - at this point - to ‘choose your battles carefully’. I think once you digest most of the material in the eBook, you’ll have some good ideas of how to address the most important issues. {Be sure to listen to all the audio}.

Stay in touch,

Mark

Online Parent Support

Time for Alternative School?

"Having problems with my 15 year old son, B___. In the past twenty-four hours.... He returned to school yesterday after a TWO WEEK OUT-OF-SCHOOL SUSPENSION for calling one of his teachers an F----ing B----- and wadded up the office referral and threw it at her hitting her in the face. We had to meet with the Principal and he was told to tow the line or he would be sent to an alternative school. Three hours later...I get a call from school. He was in the ISS room, used HIS CELL PHONE to call the ISS monitor's phone to make it ring many times and disrupt everything. His phone was confiscated. This morning after he left for school, I was picking up things in his room. I found a receipt from the grocery store for the machine that swamps in coins for cash. He had helped himself to $80.00 worth of change I had in my closet and took it in to cash. Everyday it is something else... every day the only responses I get from him are F ___YOU! He is very angry since his Dad left in June. What do I do???"

 

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