Let him suffer the consequences...?

I read the comments about children not doing well in school. The understanding I get from that is not to push and nag them to do homework. Let them suffer the consequences. So does that mean that if he has a test to study for, or an assignment due that I should let him do whatever he wants and other than the schoolwork? He would rather sit in front of the game cube and play all night long if I let him. Do I take the gamecube away from him for 3 days? Could you please reply back to me by e-mail. Thanks. G. 

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Hi G., If poor academic performance is an ongoing source of parent-child conflict - AND if your son has a history of poor academic performance, then you will do well to follow the advice in the eBook. Should you let him do whatever he wants? No. Set aside a 1-hour block of time (e.g., 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM five days a week) for him to do homework. He can choose to do homework, or he can choose to NOT be able to play his Game Cube. Let him decide. If he chooses NOT to do homework for that hour, he does NOT have access to Game Cube or any other toy – but, after one hour, he can play again. School/homework is your son’s job. The more you take responsibility for it, the less responsibility he will take. 

Mark 

Elite Family Specialists CIC

Dear Mark,

Many thanks for all the information you have sent to me this has been extremely helpful to both my colleague and myself as we have recently set up our own company dealing with early intervention.

This is a relatively new concept in the U.K. and we have found your perspective on this matter to be more advanced and if you have any more information you feel would be of relevance to ourselves we would appreciate your input.

We look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Best Regards,

for Elite Family Specialists CIC

Dee Bracken
Director
Tel. 0191 516 0167 Mob. 07721619818
E-Mail d.bracken@sky.com

My ODD Child

Hi N.,

Please look for these arrows below: ====>

On Jan 9, 2008 2:28 PM, N. wrote:

Good afternoon,

I purchased your e-book last night, and as I am reading it, it seems to be more appropriate for teens. (I just started looking thru).

===> There are some age-specific parenting strategies, but as long as your child is living in your home, 98% of the techniques will apply regardless of age.

2 yrs ago our dream of becoming parents became true through adoption when we were match up with 3 adorable siblings. Our daughter is 5yrs and her twin brothers are 4. We are blessed, they are adorable children, but we are having behavioral problems with our daughter. She seems to be able to control herself when we are at home or when ever I'm around (I 'm very firm with them and one way or another she seem to listen to me) but the minute I leave her side she becomes in a little devil. At school she is driving everyone crazy. And the worst is that the twins are starting to pick up some of her bad behavior.

She lies, and lies and even when we confront her with the true, she will not give in admitting the truth, answers back, don't follow orders, disrupt the class and is very "bossy". I don't know what to do any more because she doesn't mind or care for time outs, or taking privileges out from her; playing time, movie time, tv time or toys away.

===> She may not care when things are taken away, but she enjoys having her things returned. Follow the method in the eBook for this.

We are taking her to therapy once a week and here she was diagnosed with ODD but that doesn't seem to be helping at all.

===> Therapy will be a waste of your time and money. It is just another "traditional" parenting strategy that has little or no effect with ODD kids. Stick with the strategies in the eBook.

We have been following 1-2-3- Magic, but it doesn't work with her behavior. I find my self getting very angry, disappointed and hopeless.

====> Be sure to read (and listen to the audio files) in the Anger Management Chapter (online version).

I want to enjoy time with her and not feel that she is manipulating us. Unfortunately we don't have any past medical or family history of our children. Please help me out !!!!! And guide me to what direction I should follow?

====> Normal, healthy mothers - even the very young ones - rarely give up their children for adoption. Over 90% of adopted children come from very young mothers who, too often, also have a drug/alcohol addiction of some kind. In addition, many of these mothers who gave their child up for adoption have significant mental health issues ( e.g., ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, etc.). So it's a fairly safe assumption that your adopted daughter will also have some mental health issues - as well as have a genetic predisposition to drug addiction.

It will be terribly important for your daughter's teacher to educate herself about how to relate (and influence) a child with ODD. If she doesn't take the time to adopt some different teacher-student interactions with your daughter, the problems will continue.

Mark

Online Parent Support