"My 17-year-old daughter has started smoking..."

"Mark, My 17-year-old daughter has started smoking. Any suggestions on what I can do to get her to stop? Thanks, T."

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Hi T.,

Young people start smoking for many reasons -- to act older, to be independent, to fit in, to relieve stress, to rebel against adults and sometimes to be like their parents. You should talk with your teen about the dangers of smoking:

• Smoking is the leading preventable cause of death in the United States.

• Nicotine is an addictive drug found in cigarettes.

• Approximately 80 percent of adult smokers started smoking before the age of 18.

• Most teens can buy cigarettes even though it is illegal to sell them to minors in all 50 states.

• Spit tobacco (chew) is not a safe alternative to smoking. Regular use of spit tobacco can cause cancer of the cheek, gums, tongue, and throat.

 

Tips for Parents-

1. Show concern. Don't wait for your teen to smoke before you talk about tobacco use. Many kids begin trying cigarettes at 11 or 12 years of age.
2. Establish rules. Talk about family expectations and rules about smoking. Clearly state and enforce the consequences for breaking the rules.
3. Know the facts. Talk with your teen about the dangers of smoking. Teens often don't relate to the future health problems caused by smoking, such as lung cancer and heart disease. Try talking about the dangers of smoking in a way that hits home with your teen. Use a relative or close friend who is sick with or died of a smoking-related illness as an example.
4. Let your teen know that smoking stains teeth and causes bad breath, yellow fingers, smelly hair and clothing, and premature wrinkles. Smokers also have less athletic endurance.
5. Challenge the ads. Talk about the ways that tobacco companies try to get young people to buy their products. Tobacco ads that create images of glamour, fitness, fun, and success mislead some teens to think that they can improve their self-image by smoking.
6. Get to know your teen's friends. Know where they hang out and what they are doing.
7. Be honest. Do you smoke or are you an ex-smoker? You can still express concern over your teen starting the habit. Talk about how hard it is to quit. Share your experiences.
8. If you smoke, try to quit. If you smoke, your teen is more likely to become a smoker. Also, research shows that secondhand smoke (smoke that comes from the end of a cigarette or that is exhaled) is dangerous to nonsmokers because it increases their risk of lung cancer. Ask your doctor or other health care provider to help you quit smoking or call the national agencies listed below for information.
9. Support community efforts to work against tobacco ads that target young people and to enforce laws that prevent the sale of tobacco to minors. For information on anti-tobacco efforts in your community, contact the agencies listed below.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

==> JOIN Online Parent Support

Adult Aspergers

Mark-

Have you heard of adults having Aspergers. My son has been diagnosed, and it seems that I have some of the same problems.

Concerned father,

J.

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Hi J.,

As more and more doctors and society in general understands more about Aspergers syndrome, the condition is being diagnosed in adults as well as children.

Sometimes the diagnosis doesn’t come out in adults until their own child is diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Typical symptoms associated with Aspergers syndrome in adults include having an average or above average intelligence, having difficulty thinking abstractly, showing difficulty empathizing with others, having poor conversational ability, and having difficulty controlling their feelings.

They also tend to adhere strongly to routines and schedules, show some inappropriate social behaviors and tend to specialize in specific fields or hobbies.

Adults with Aspergers syndrome often cannot clearly understand the emotions of others.

They may miss the subtleties of facial expression, eye contact and body language.

Like children with Aspergers syndrome, these adults are often seen as odd.

In addition, more males than females are affected with adult Aspergers syndrome.

In years past, such people muddled along in society, sometimes on the fringes and others were diagnosed with different types of mental illnesses.

Now that Aspergers syndrome has been brought into the public light by cases of people who either have succeeded despite Aspergers syndrome or committed crimes as a result of having previously undiagnosed Aspergers syndrome, more adults are being picked up and treated for the condition.

Often these aren’t adults specifically asking for help for suspected Aspergers syndrome but rather have depression, issues around self esteem or other mood issues that bring them to doctors or therapists that are now making the correct underlying diagnosis.

By finding the correct underlying diagnosis, more help can become available even to those who’ve likely had the diagnosis their entire lives but were unnoticed or labeled something else.

Mark

Online Parent Support

His behavior at Junior High seems to be getting worse...

Dear Mark............many thanks for the My Out-of-Control Child download and information on Teen Incentive Contracts. My wife, teen son, and I are making progress and are beginning to see improved changes in all of us. This information has answered many of the "yes, but how" questions that we have had.

Our son's behavior is improving at home but his behavior at Junior High seems to be getting worse -- e.g. more tardies, talking back to teachers, not studying during advisory period, etc. The consequence for these incidents is generally an after-school detention. Please advise if there should be a natural consequence at home as well considering that my wife or I must then pick up our son because he can't take the bus home?

Many thanks...............J.

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Hi J.,

You've mentioned 2 issues:

==> behavior problems at school

==> his behavior then is an inconvenience for you

Re: after-school detention. This is his consequence. I wouldn't add another on top of it

Re: providing transportation. Since his lack of responsibility costs you money (i.e., gas) and time, I would tell him that he will be charged a taxi service fee of, say $3.00, in the event he misses the bus and you have to go get him. This $3.00 can be deducted from his allowance, or he can perform some work at home to earn the $3.00, which must be paid back to you.

Sound silly? It works! This sends a very clear message to your son that his negative behavior affects him directly.

Mark

Online Parent Support