I found you online. I was looking for an Internet Support Group for parents with “out-of-control” teenagers. I am looking because of friends of mine. They are divorced, both good friends of mine. The mother was the hands-on parent till 6 months ago, when she basically “called it a day” on the ongoing abuse she was suffering at the hands of both her teenage daughters. Then the father got the chance to have a go at it, and he is now suffering a similar fate.
I am a former psychologist myself, also divorced. My kids are now adults. I have had some tough times, especially with my youngest daughter when she was in her late teens. I count my blessings that one way or another “we” came through. The relationship now between my kids, my ex and I, is really good, and a source of happiness.
I have had the privilege of witnessing from close by and being involved in the raising of quite a few kids over the years, and kids going through their teenage years. However, what the friends I am speaking about, are dealing with is, quite honestly, something I have never seen before. Of course there are reasons. However, these teenage girls are not deprived kids, and yet they make it seem that way. My reading, (as an observer if you will) is, that they are 100&% in control. Their abuse and lack of respect is on-going, pretty much 24 hrs a day, expressing itself in small ways, as well as bigger ways (“I will kill you”).
I am now recommending my friend to get in touch with you, and write off to your program.
Thank you!
Frank
Hi Mark,
I have a question on consequences. Scenerio:
Older daughter (S__) with drivers permit is going to drive our family home from dinner. Younger child (B___ - 13) runs and jumps into the front seat refusing to allow her sister to drive home. If we handled it correctly here's our question.
First we would say, please get into the back seat (to B___). If she then does not and keeps yelling or refusing then we say, "If you don't get into the backseat then you will be choosing a consequence of not using your computer for one day." Then still refusing we say, "Your consequence does not begin until you sit quietly in the backseat."
Still refusing.....This is our question. Here we have said that her consequence doesn't begin until she gets in the backseat, but she hasn't budged. So, do we increase the consequence (length or taking away more things, i.e. changing the consequence) or do we continue to sit in the parking lot while she is screaming and wait?
Thank You,
Dr. M. & M.C.
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First, please review the section of the eBook entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” [online version of the eBook].
Second, don’t say “please.” “I need you to _____” would be better. “Please” denotes that you may be up for compromise, which you’re not.
Third, rather than saying, “If you don’t _____” -- say, “If you choose not to ____”. This implies that your daughter is doing the choosing – not you.
Re: So, do we increase the consequence (length or taking away more things, i.e. changing the consequence) or do we continue to sit in the parking lot while she is screaming and wait?
No and no. Could you have had her sit in the back seat? Then whenever she stops screaming (as the family makes their way home), the one-day grounding with no computer privileges begins.
Mark
"I have taken the quiz and surprisingly found that I was a severely over indulgent parent. This angers me because I didn't think...
