My son was told he could not stay at home if he continued his behaviour so he went out on Saturday but came back tonight, Tuesday, because he had to go to work. My husband said he can’t stay here. What do I do when he comes home at 11pm tonight?
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Re: Kicking Out a Minor—
You didn’t say how old your son is.
The legal age of majority in all but four states is 18. When a person reaches the state's age of legal majority, parents are no longer financially or legally responsible for them. In which case parents wanting their adult child to move from the family residence is well within their legal rights to take such action. If the person refuses to leave voluntarily the parents may if they so choose enlist the aid of their local police.
States with higher ages of majority than 18-years are: Alabama and Nebraska 19, Mississippi and Pennsylvania 21. In these states parents can petition the court to be released from parental responsibilities if said child is at least 18-years of age.
Online Parent Support
Son Skipping School
Grrrr.... my 14 year old has started his freshman year and is constantly skipping school. I have received a phone call almost everyday regarding either his behavior or his skipping classes or skipping the whole day. I take him to the door of the school every morning!!! He's rude, hateful, defiant...refuses to listen to me. Talks back and over me everytime I try to have a calm discussion with him. Smart kid being really stupid! The school is of no help!
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First you need to make sure your son has an understanding of the relationship between school, grades and going to class and real life and what he will do in the future. By now he should be thinking about college or career choices. He cannot hope to achieve those goals without a decent school record...and that record is more than just grades.
I think you need to start doing some serious thinking about these things, too. It is not always fun to be a parent and give firm guidance, but you need to think about him long-term best interest and the life skills he will need to pursue him goals. Although it may be hard for you to follow through, your son needs to learn to be responsible for him behavior and to accept the consequences of that behavior. That is what grown ups do, and he's nearly a young adult now. He needs to see that school is, in a sense, like a job; in a real job he cannot just skip work because its' a nice day and you don't want to go.
Online Parent Support
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First you need to make sure your son has an understanding of the relationship between school, grades and going to class and real life and what he will do in the future. By now he should be thinking about college or career choices. He cannot hope to achieve those goals without a decent school record...and that record is more than just grades.
I think you need to start doing some serious thinking about these things, too. It is not always fun to be a parent and give firm guidance, but you need to think about him long-term best interest and the life skills he will need to pursue him goals. Although it may be hard for you to follow through, your son needs to learn to be responsible for him behavior and to accept the consequences of that behavior. That is what grown ups do, and he's nearly a young adult now. He needs to see that school is, in a sense, like a job; in a real job he cannot just skip work because its' a nice day and you don't want to go.
Online Parent Support
Re: Regaining Custody of Son
My question is that I've only started following the 2nd step of your program when my son decided he was moving in with his father. He fought with his father and refused to see him for the past year and now he is refusing to see me. When I demanded that he be here, he accused me of "stealing a bottle of wine" from his father's house. His father and I discussed this as I have no means of entering his home nor would I steal a bottle of wine that I bought him over 8 years ago. My son said that is the way I work. I'm an "Indian Giver". I give things and then take them back, meaning that I recently took his cell phone away. He is extremely not making any sense and I'm devastated. His guidance councilor told me that the wine thing was told to him by his father. His father wants nothing more than to have custody of my kids so he won't have to pay support. I am giving him his child support for A__ since A__ is living there, for the past 2 weeks. A__ lived with me the entire last year. I don't want this to continue. We are seeing a councilor tomorrow night and I want this to end. I am asking you for some understanding as to what is going on because I'm confused and I have no family except for them. Please give me your opinions.
Sincerely, P.
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If I understand you correctly, your issue here is that you want your son back. I must, of course, issue a disclaimer that what I write here cannot be construed as legal advice. It is, in fact, just general information.
You didn’t say who has legal custody currently.
When you agreed to let him stay with his dad, was there some sort of written agreement giving him temporary custody?
Is there a divorce decree giving you custody, and was there ever a court date to re-modify custody changing from you to him?
If there is a divorce decree giving you custody and it was never changed -- and the agreement giving him temporary custody was verbal -- only then notify the police and give them details.
You may have to go back to court to regain custody -- and he has to prove you are an unfit parent.
You can also petition the court to let your son decide who he wants to live with - but don’t coach him -- it has to be totally his idea, and if the judge senses he’s been coached, he won’t honor anything.
This is kind of hard to give an exact answer without knowing the above answers to my questions. Too many variables, but hope this helps. Good luck.
Mark
Online Parent Support
Sincerely, P.
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If I understand you correctly, your issue here is that you want your son back. I must, of course, issue a disclaimer that what I write here cannot be construed as legal advice. It is, in fact, just general information.
You didn’t say who has legal custody currently.
When you agreed to let him stay with his dad, was there some sort of written agreement giving him temporary custody?
Is there a divorce decree giving you custody, and was there ever a court date to re-modify custody changing from you to him?
If there is a divorce decree giving you custody and it was never changed -- and the agreement giving him temporary custody was verbal -- only then notify the police and give them details.
You may have to go back to court to regain custody -- and he has to prove you are an unfit parent.
You can also petition the court to let your son decide who he wants to live with - but don’t coach him -- it has to be totally his idea, and if the judge senses he’s been coached, he won’t honor anything.
This is kind of hard to give an exact answer without knowing the above answers to my questions. Too many variables, but hope this helps. Good luck.
Mark
Online Parent Support
Kids & Poor Academic Performance
Hi Mark,
I am writing for advice on how to get my 7th grade son to do his best in school. He is very intelligent, yet does not seem to care about his schoolwork. He easily makes it on the honor role, but with effort he could be on the top honors. Recently, I discovered that he got a 40% on a Spanish quiz. I asked if he could retake it and he made up some story. After emailing the teacher I discovered that he did retake it during his detention time (which I knew nothing about) and he received the same grade. So now he is lying about his work and about having detention. He is a constant disruption in class. Though the teacher has moved his seat several times he still turns around and talks w/others. What can I do about this??? In general, he is liking 7th grade more because he moves from class to class every 40 minutes. I know that he is easily distracted and we try to give talk w/him about things he can do to focus. The problem is that he doesn't seem to care! He is very active in sports. He is on the soccer team and is doing well with that. He is also playing on a town baseball team. I wanted to take him off of the baseball team, but my husband thinks that will only make matters worse. The busier he is, the better his behavior is, but how do I get him to focus more on his schoolwork??
Thank you again for all of your time and support.
J.
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Hi J.,
Poor academic performance is addressed in the section of the eBook entitled Read these Emails from Exasperated Parents.
Please look toward the bottom of that page where it reads:
"My 16-year-old son brought home straight F's on his last report card. I grounded him for the entire grading period, but he continues to fail in nearly all subjects. I know he is a bright kid and can do the work when he wants to. What can I do to motivate him?"
Let me know if you need clarification,
Mark
Online Parent Support
I am writing for advice on how to get my 7th grade son to do his best in school. He is very intelligent, yet does not seem to care about his schoolwork. He easily makes it on the honor role, but with effort he could be on the top honors. Recently, I discovered that he got a 40% on a Spanish quiz. I asked if he could retake it and he made up some story. After emailing the teacher I discovered that he did retake it during his detention time (which I knew nothing about) and he received the same grade. So now he is lying about his work and about having detention. He is a constant disruption in class. Though the teacher has moved his seat several times he still turns around and talks w/others. What can I do about this??? In general, he is liking 7th grade more because he moves from class to class every 40 minutes. I know that he is easily distracted and we try to give talk w/him about things he can do to focus. The problem is that he doesn't seem to care! He is very active in sports. He is on the soccer team and is doing well with that. He is also playing on a town baseball team. I wanted to take him off of the baseball team, but my husband thinks that will only make matters worse. The busier he is, the better his behavior is, but how do I get him to focus more on his schoolwork??
Thank you again for all of your time and support.
J.
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Hi J.,
Poor academic performance is addressed in the section of the eBook entitled Read these Emails from Exasperated Parents.
Please look toward the bottom of that page where it reads:
"My 16-year-old son brought home straight F's on his last report card. I grounded him for the entire grading period, but he continues to fail in nearly all subjects. I know he is a bright kid and can do the work when he wants to. What can I do to motivate him?"
Let me know if you need clarification,
Mark
Online Parent Support
It is a difficult time at the moment...
Hi Mark - thanks for 'being there' in cyberspace.
I look forward to improving the home environment and relationships here. It is a difficult time at the moment. I have sought help elsewhere locally, but have been placed in a queue - which doesn't help when thing are 'happening'.
Regards,
S.
Online Parent Support
I look forward to improving the home environment and relationships here. It is a difficult time at the moment. I have sought help elsewhere locally, but have been placed in a queue - which doesn't help when thing are 'happening'.
Regards,
S.
Online Parent Support
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