Violence Between Siblings

Moms and dads must be able to distinguish between healthy sibling conflict and damaging abuse. Sibling rivalry is a normal, and mostly harmless, part of growing up. Siblings often compete without anyone getting hurt. These sometimes fierce, but balanced comparisons regarding achievement, attractiveness, and social relations with peers may actually strengthen sibling ties. For example, fair and balanced competition teaches kids how to share, compromise, win without humiliation and lose without self-debasement.

Sibling violence or abuse can be described as a repeated pattern of physical aggression with the intent to inflict harm and motivated by a need for power and control. Often, it is an escalating pattern of aggression that moms and dads have difficulty stopping. Some of the most important questions to ask are: “Is one child consistently a victim of the other?” “How often and how long has the behavior been occurring?” and “Is the behavior age appropriate?”

A 6-year-old youngster hitting his 4-year-old brother over a toy is one thing. A 12-year-old repeatedly hauling off and slamming his 8-year-old brother for hogging the video remote is something else again. When one youngster is always the loser, the aggression keeps escalating, and if moms and dads do not intervene effectively, the safety of the victimized youngster becomes the primary concern.

There is often an emotional component to sibling violence, as well. Frequently, the aggression begins as “teasing,” which might include ridiculing, insulting, threatening, terrorizing, and belittling a younger or less powerful sibling. Sometimes, a youngster will destroy a younger sibling’s property as a means to incite the violence. Sibling violence appears to occur more frequently than violence between parents and kids or spousal abuse.

What causes or leads to abuse?

What begins as normal sibling rivalry can escalate into something more when moms and dads fail to adequately supervise their kids or teach them appropriate means of resolving conflict. In one fairly common set of circumstances, parents may leave an older sibling in charge of younger ones. The youngster in charge may not know how to mete out appropriate discipline. When one youngster misbehaves, the older sibling may go to extremes to get the youngster to comply.

There is solid evidence now that being hurt by an older or stronger sibling has both long and short-term consequences. The younger child may begin to exhibit signs of depression, anxiety, fear of the dark, school behavior problems and even, in some cases, thoughts of self harm. The youngster who is the aggressor may also suffer. He or she may also be bullying kids at school. There is some evidence that the youngster in the aggressor role may experience long-term effects, like being aggressive with dating partners or spouses in adulthood.

Don’t overlook cruel behavior—

Moms and dads often overlook, ignore, or deny cruel behavior between their kids. Parents must intervene anytime there is a suspicion or danger of one youngster being hurt. They should also intervene after providing siblings with the opportunity to resolve their own conflicts and seeing that they may need some extra help. Timing and sensitivity is critical. At first, sibling conflict is often about fighting over resources (like toys, space, money, etc.). When moms and dads intervene there is the danger of it becoming about the parent’s love. Fighting over a parent’s love will generally lead to much more aggressive sibling behavior.

How to intervene in early stages—

If your family tends toward competitive disagreements, be mindful of minimizing rivalries between kids by pointing out similarities in their behavior and avoid accentuating differences. Reward sensitive, positive behavior among brothers and sisters. When you praise positive interactions, the potential for sibling abuse is reduced. Set ground rules early regarding hitting, name-calling, belittling, taunting, and terrorizing. You may dislike such emotional abuse but excuse it as sibling rivalry and mistakenly accept it as normal childhood behavior.

Set aside time regularly to talk with your kids individually, especially after they have been alone together. Be sure to monitor your kid’s media choices (TV, video games, and Internet surfing), and either participate and then discuss the inappropriate media messages, or ban their poor choices.

Once a sibling struggle begins, learn how to intervene in ways which prevent an escalation of the conflict. Take the time necessary to get each youngster’s perception of the conflict. Allow each youngster to say what the other’s perception is until they fully understand it. Get an expression of feeling from each youngster, whenever possible. What does each youngster want to do about the problem? Help them forge a compromise. If they cannot agree, take 10 minutes to work out options for a compromise.

Give your kids reminders when they begin picking on each other. Help them to remember how to state their feelings to each other. Don’t solve the problem for them, but help them remember how to problem solve. Remember, it doesn’t matter who started it, because it takes two to make a quarrel. Hold kids equally responsible when clearly established ground rules are broken. Teach your kids how to compromise, respect one another, and divide things fairly. Give them the tools and then express your confidence that they can work it out by telling them, “I’m sure you two can figure out a solution.” Don’t get drawn in.

Prevention—

Listen and believe your kids. Never dismiss a youngster who says that he or she is being victimized. Also, avoid giving one youngster too much responsibility or power over another. Provide good adult supervision in your absence. Be sure to investigate sudden changes in mood or temperament in your youngster. And seek professional help if you cannot control combative or abusive behavior among your kids.

Professional Intervention—

Therapists with training in both family therapy and family violence can help your family meet the challenge of dealing with sibling aggression. A therapeutic climate where families are encouraged and reminded of what they do well and moms and dads learn to help kids resolve conflicts on their own can reduce or eliminate sibling aggression. Parents can learn how to intervene in serious sibling conflicts immediately and effectively through a series of prescribed rules and conduct meant to encourage a win-win solution.

Moms and dads sometimes also need to learn how to manage their own levels of anger so that they can teach their kids how to manage theirs. The development, implementation and modeling of good conflict resolution skills during calm times can be helpful in moderating and reducing arguments and disagreements. Dangerous fights need to be stopped immediately. Kids must be separated and taught how to calm themselves. Once they have calmed down, parents can facilitate discussion about what happened and make it clear that no violence is ever allowed. Kids caught in fierce power struggles with a brother or sister usually appreciate a safe and structured therapeutic environment where they can address current conflicts without fear of retaliation or judgment.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Rebellious Teenagers

How To Get Teens Home By Curfew

Most experts agree that moms and dads should discuss rules, especially curfews, with their youngster, so the youngster understands why the rule is the way it is, and can have a chance to give input. If your youngster helps to create the rules, he'll be less likely to break them and defy your authority.

Curfews are important because they set up reasonable boundaries to protect your family culture. Teenagers hate fixed, out-of-date, and inhuman rules with a passion. They want to be involved in the process of establishing them. So, sit down with your teenagers and work together on a list of specific rules for your household. Give them the opportunity to come up with ideas, add to the list, and comment on anything related to each of the rules.

Here are some simple rules for putting curfews in place:

1. Communicate clearly what the agreed upon times are, through written and verbal reinforcements. This means, post it on the refrigerator and reinforce with a verbal reminder, such as: "Look forward to seeing you around eleven tonight." And be careful how hard and fast you make that curfew. Allow for a small buffer, perhaps fifteen minutes, so that your youngster does not drive faster in order to be home by curfew and avoid punishment.

2. Execute the consequences of broken rules. When your daughter is late, give her the freedom and opportunity to comment and explain. Maybe there were unplanned events, like a flat tire, or a surprise party. Try to find a solution to the problem together. If an adolescent still breaks the curfew rule, let the agreed-upon consequences fall into place.

Since you and your adolescent have already discussed these consequences and set them up together (e.g. take away car keys, remove home privileges, like TV use, etc.) you are not forced into the position of playing the "bad guy" or creating a punishment on the spot.

3. If your adolescent has missed curfew because drinking or drugs were involved, then the consequences are more serious. Simply enact these more serious consequences that you and your adolescent set up together.

4. Involve your teenagers in setting their nighttime boundaries. Reach an agreement together as to a curfew time that is age-appropriate for each adolescent. Compromise if necessary. You don't always have to be the "winner."

On another note, it never hurts to check on your adolescent from time to time. If your adolescent says she is going to be at the coffee shop at 5 p.m. with their friends, drop by and see for yourself. You do not have to even let your adolescent know. If your daughter sees you, just wave and keep on walking.

Teenagers need to know that there will be some unscheduled checking by you. If they are spending the night at a friend’s house, call and ask to speak to your youngster at an unusual time. Parenting is active, and that means you have to make that effort to check on your adolescent. This takes courage, but it is the price of making sure your youngster is safe.

Does that mean you should follow your adolescent around or attach a tracking device to his clothing? Of course not! But as a parent, you should listen to your intuition. If something sounds sketchy, then it’s at least worth taking a closer look.

But if you are open and honest with your adolescent about the rules of the house, there will probably be a lot less “sneaking around” – and that means a more harmonious household, even if your adolescent would rather jump in an icy lake than be seen with you at Starbucks.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Discipline for Strong-Willed, Out-of-Control Teenagers

Preventing Truancy

Truancy has long been identified as an educational, social and juvenile justice issue worthy of public and private attention. It has been linked to many problem behaviors in adolescence, school failure, school dropout and juvenile delinquency, among others.

Involving parents and other family members in truancy prevention and intervention is critical. There is a large body of research demonstrating the positive outcomes associated with increased parental involvement in school activities including improved academic achievement and reduced likelihood of dropout.

Involving moms and dads in truancy programming is more than simply inviting their attendance at a school or court meeting. True participation means that parents are sought after for their advice, experience and expertise in the community, as clients of our public systems of care and as experts in the lives of their kids. This means engaging parents as a natural course of events, not just when things are not going well.

An effective truancy plan will be prepared to respond to the first unexcused absence of an elementary student and not give up on the 100th absence of the habitually truant adolescent youth. Meaningful sanctions for truant behavior and meaningful incentives for school attendance are key components of truancy programs. Sanctions, traditionally used to respond to truancy, frequently mirror the punitive steps taken against other undesirable behaviors: detention, suspension, petition to juvenile court, denial of privileges, etc. Incentives tend to be recognition-based, but may include special experiences or even monetary rewards. The critical task in this area is to design sanctions and incentives that are meaningful to youth and their families.

Truant students place themselves at risk for financial failure, delinquent behaviors and substance abuse. Truancy prevention efforts must involve the family, the school and the community. Preventing truancy is about more than just forcing the youngster to attend class. You must identify and address the root cause.

Here are some ideas on how to prevent truancy:

1. Ask the school about their policy and procedures on excusing absences from school.

2. Ask the school to notify you when your youngster is absent. The school must notify you whether the absence is excused or unexcused to ensure the youngster is not forging his own excuses.

3. Discuss family expectations for earning a high school diploma.

4. Escort your youngster to school, whether by walking or driving the youngster. You can shield your youngster from violence or truant peers by taking her directly to her first class.

5. Explore alternative schools in your district. Other truant students can negatively influence your youngster and you may need to switch schools for severe problems. Talk to your school's guidance counselor about this possibility.

6. If you feel your district’s truancy or discipline procedures were not addressed properly, inquire about your district’s appeal process.

7. If you feel your school district policies are inadequate, speak with the Superintendent and school board members.

8. Immediately address issues of concern about your student with the school. Start with the teacher or counselor.

9. Insist on accurate record keeping. If your youngster has truancy issues, the school's attendance policies may not be consistent or effective enough to track your youngster.

10. Investigate the safety of the youngster's school. An environment with gang or bullying issues encourages truancy.

11. Look for attitudes from your youth that indicate unhappiness with school or fear of attending school. Listen to what they say and ask questions.

12. Make school a priority. Students must not miss school to help with the family business or to attend vacations that fall during the school year. Allowing students to miss school for reasons other than illness or family emergencies sends the message that school is not important.

13. Praise positive behaviors and achievements in school.

14. Respond quickly when the school notifies you of an unexcused absence. Learn how you can check your student’s attendance.

15. Talk about family expectations regarding school attendance.

16. Work with your youngster on subjects with which he struggles. Kids skip school to avoid facing embarrassment in the classroom when their academic performance is poor.

The Becca Bill—

The “Becca Bill” is Washington’s truancy law. It is intended to stop truancy before it becomes a problem. Schools and families work together as a team to ensure school attendance and student safety. However, if a student has unexcused absences, this law requires that schools and school districts take the following actions:

• One unexcused absence: The school must inform the parent when there is one unexcused absence. This is often done by a phone call home.

• Two unexcused absences: After the second unexcused absence, the school is required to schedule a meeting with the parent and student to discuss the causes of the unexcused absences and find solutions to prevent further absences. This is a team effort.

• Five unexcused absences within 30 days: The school must enter into a written truancy agreement with the family, where the parent, student and school agree on the necessary steps to resolve the student’s attendance problem.

• Seven unexcused absences during a month or at the tenth unexcused absence within a school year: The school district will file a petition in juvenile court to order the student to attend school. If this court order is violated, the court will call for a Contempt Hearing and the student could be ordered to do community service or spend time in juvenile detention.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Eating Disorders in Teens

Teen eating disorders can take a devastating toll on adolescents, especially adolescent females. To help protect your adolescent, understand the possible causes of teen eating disorders and know how to talk to your adolescent about healthy eating habits.

Why adolescents develop eating disorders—

Adolescents develop eating disorders — such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder — for many reasons. For example:

• Family stress. Problems at home, including perceived high parental expectations for achievement and appearance, can play a role in the development of teen eating disorders.
• Favorite activities. Participation in sports and activities that value leanness — such as wrestling, running and ballet — sometimes contribute to teen eating disorders.
• Low self-esteem. Adolescents who have low self-esteem may use their eating habits or weight loss to achieve a sense of stability or control.
• Personal factors. Some adolescents may be more likely to develop eating disorders due to personality traits or genetics. Eating disorders can run in families.
• Societal pressure. Modern Western culture tends to place a premium on being physically attractive and having a perfect body. Even with a normal body weight, adolescents can easily develop the perception that they're fat. This can trigger an obsession with losing weight, dieting and being thin, especially for adolescent females.

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Consequences of teen eating disorders—

Teen eating disorders can cause serious and even life-threatening health problems, including:

• Delayed growth and hair and bone loss
• Depression, which may spiral to suicidal thoughts or behavior
• Digestive problems, kidney damage and tooth decay
• Heart disease, high blood pressure, gallbladder disease, anemia and type 2 diabetes
• Seizures, heart palpitations and, for females, absence of menstruation (amenorrhea)

Talking about teen eating disorders—

Talking to your adolescent about eating disorders may not be easy. Still, it's an important topic. When you discuss teen eating disorders, you might:

• Discuss media messages. Television programs, movies, Web sites and magazines may send your adolescent the message that only a certain body type is acceptable. Encourage your adolescent to talk about and question what he or she has seen or heard — especially from Web sites or other sources that promote anorexia as a lifestyle choice, rather than an eating disorder (commonly called "pro-ana" sites).

• Discuss the dangers of dieting, obsessing about food and emotional eating. Explain that dieting can compromise your adolescent's nutrition, growth and health. Remind your adolescent that eating or controlling his or her diet isn't a healthy way to cope with emotions. Instead, encourage your adolescent to talk to family, friends or a counselor about problems he or she may be facing.

• Encourage a healthy body image. Talk to your adolescent about his or her self-image and offer reassurance that healthy body shapes vary. Your acceptance and respect can help your adolescent build self-esteem and resilience. Encourage family and friends to refrain from using hurtful nicknames and joking about people who are overweight or have a large body frame.

• Encourage healthy eating habits. Talk to your adolescent about how diet can affect his or her health, appearance and energy level. Encourage your adolescent to eat plenty of fruits, vegetables and whole grains and to avoid skipping meals. Make healthy eating easy for your adolescent by eating together as a family.

Other preventive strategies—

In addition to talking to your adolescent, consider other strategies to prevent teen eating disorders:

• Set a good example. If you're constantly dieting, using food to cope with your emotions or talking about losing weight, you may have a hard time encouraging your adolescent to eat a healthy diet or feel satisfied with his or her appearance. Set a good example by eating healthy foods and taking pride in your body.

• Team up with your adolescent's doctor. Your adolescent's doctor can help identify early indicators of an eating disorder and prevent the development of full-blown illness. For instance, the doctor can ask your adolescent questions about eating habits and satisfaction with his or her appearance during routine medical appointments. These visits should include checks of body mass index and weight percentiles, which can alert you and your adolescent's doctor to any significant changes.

Recognizing the warning signs of adolescent eating disorders—

Adolescents who have eating disorders can become so preoccupied with food and weight that they focus on little else. Keep an eye out for these red flags:

• Anxiety at mealtimes, a desire to eat alone or unreasonable food restrictions
• Binge eating, fasting or following fad diets
• Excessive exercising or moodiness
• Fatigue, depression, complaints of an irregular heartbeat or abdominal pain, or, for females, interruptions in menstruation
• Preoccupation with preparing food for others and counting calories
• Self-induced vomiting or frequent, long bathroom visits during or just after meals
• Unexplained disappearances of large quantities of food from the house
• Unnatural concern about body weight, frequent weighing or dramatic weight fluctuations
• Using laxatives, diet pills or diuretics to lose weight
• Wearing baggy clothes to hide thinness

Seeking help for adolescent eating disorders—

If you suspect that your adolescent has an eating disorder, talk to him or her. Encourage your adolescent to open up about his or her problems and concerns. In addition, schedule a medical checkup for your adolescent. Your adolescent's doctor can talk to your adolescent about his or her eating habits, exercise routine and body image, and may do tests to detect any possible complications. Depending on the severity of the eating disorder, treatment may involve individual or family counseling, nutrition education, medication and — if necessary — hospitalization. Remember, early diagnosis and treatment can help speed recovery.

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Parenting as a Single Mother or Father

The number of kids living in a single parent family has doubled in recent years. In fact, statistics indicate that single parent families represent 30% of U.S. households, while 25% represent two parent households.

Based on current trends, there are predictions that upwards of 70% of kids born since 1980 will spend (or have spent) some time living in a single parent home before their 18th birthday. These kids are not doomed to failure.

The following strategies are offered to the single parent who is determined to raise a good child despite the myths of doom and gloom:

1. ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT— Adults and kids do better when single parenthood is perceived as a viable option and not as a pathological situation. Start with a positive attitude and focus on the benefits of single parenting, such as less conflict and tension in the home. Many single moms and dads treasure their newfound autonomy and independence and feel hopeful about the future.

2. CREATE A STABLE, NURTURING HOME— Nurturing is a high priority, but kids also crave stability and security. While this is important for all kids, it is especially crucial for kids who have suffered 8 loss of stability due to divorce or death of a parent. Kids need to feel secure and protected, and it is our job as moms and dads to create a nurturing environment where they can thrive. Your kids need to hear how much you love them and how proud you are. Some kids may require more affection and attention than others, so know your youngster, and take your cue from him/her.

3. DEAL WITH OVERLOAD— The single parent frequently feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, tasks, and emotional overload associated with raising kids alone. It is extremely important to manage time wisely and to ask for help when necessary. Assign kids appropriate chores and tasks. Arrange car pools when possible, and ask other moms and dads for help when needed. My kids would not have been able to continue in club soccer were it not for the kindness of other parents providing rides to practices and games.

4. DEVELOP A RELIABLE SUPPORT SYSTEM— Develop a wide network of people who can provide you with emotional support, companionship, help in emergencies, child- care, reality checks, etc. Be selective and choose caring, reliable, trustworthy people who will be there for you in times of need. Single moms and dads with healthy support systems usually feel better mentally and physically and demonstrate to their kids that it is OK to ask for help. Support groups for single moms and dads offer an excellent opportunity to socialize and share with others in similar circumstances.

5. DO NOT TREAT YOUR CHILD AS A PEER— Do not confide in your youngster as though he/she is your peer, regardless of how mature the youngster appears to be. This is a common mistake made unintentionally by many single moms and dads who turn to their youngster for emotional support and don't realize they are hurting the youngster until after the tact. Allow kids to be kids, and find other adults for companionship and support.

6. ESTABLISH SCHEDULES AND PREDICTABLE ROUTINES— Part of creating stability and security in the home involves establishing predictable schedules and routines for your kids. Of course, we must not be rigid and inflexible, because kids need to learn that life is not always predictable. Find a healthy balance.

7. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS— Focus on success and not on failure. Set realistic goals as a family and work together to accomplish these goals. Decide what is important and prioritize accordingly. Have family meetings on a regular basis and allow kids to have input. Learn to effectively communicate and solve family problems together while still demonstrating that you are the boss. Give your kids credit and give yourself credit.

8. RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE ONE PERSON AND YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN— No matter how loving and competent you are, you are still only one person and you are doing a job most agree is meant for two people. Do not allow your kids to manipulate you by making you feel guilty about the situation. Remind kids that you are a team and have to work together. Give yourself credit for a job well done. You may have to wait until your kids are grown before you get any credit from them. This is where a sense of humor comes in handy!

9. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF— It is critical for your kid's well-being for you to take care of yourself. There are times when you feel like you need a break. Ask other single moms and dads to trade babysitting or hire a mother's helper. Pay special attention to diet, exercise, stress management, and getting a good night's sleep. Learn relaxation, yoga, meditation, visualization, or whatever healthy coping skill allows you to relieve stress and tension. Take a walk, read a book, call a friend, take a nap (my personal favorite). A stressed out parent results in stressed out kids.

10. YOU ARE THE BOSS— Establish firm, clear boundaries that leave no doubt that you are the boss in the home. Single moms and dads (and two parent households) often make the mistake of allowing kids to become equal partners or peers, and too many kids are running the show. This loads to serious individual and family problems. Kids need limits. Use consistent discipline that provides clear expectations and guidelines for behavior and rely on natural and logical consequences. Learn to say, "I love you enough to say NO to you.”

If you are feeling overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, or stressed, get professional help. A competent therapist can help you find the light at the end of the tunnel.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Discipline Strategies for Single Parents

Helping Your Pregnant Teenager

Teen pregnancy can be one of the most difficult experiences an adolescent ever faces, but there are steps you can take to help your daughter deal with teen pregnancy. Understand how to support your adolescent as she faces the consequences of teen pregnancy.

Provide support—

Teen pregnancy is often a crisis for a young girl and her family, as well as the baby's father and his family. Common reactions include anger, guilt and denial. Your adolescent may also experience anxiety, fear, shock and depression. Your adolescent needs your love, guidance and support now more than ever. Talk to your adolescent about what she's feeling and the choices ahead.

Discuss the options—

A pregnant adolescent — along with her parents, the father of the baby and his parents — has a few options to consider:

• End the pregnancy. Some pregnant adolescents choose to end their pregnancies. If your daughter is considering abortion, make sure she understands the risks and the emotional consequences. Keep in mind that some states require parental notification for a legal abortion.
• Give the baby up for adoption. Some pregnant adolescents continue their pregnancies and give their babies up for adoption. If your daughter is considering adoption, help her explore the different types of adoption available. Also discuss the emotional consequences of giving a baby up for adoption.
• Keep the baby. Many pregnant adolescents keep their babies. Some marry the baby's father and raise the baby together. Others rely on family support to raise the baby. Finishing school and getting a good job can be difficult for an adolescent parent. If your daughter is thinking about keeping the baby, make sure she truly understands the challenges and responsibilities involved.

Encourage your pregnant adolescent to talk to her health care provider or an expert in pregnancy counseling about all of the options.

Understand the health risks—

Pregnant adolescents and their babies are at higher risk of health problems. Possible complications for pregnant adolescents, especially those younger than age 15, include:

• Anemia
• High blood pressure
• Premature labor

Possible complications for a baby born to an adolescent mother include:

• Low birth weight
• Premature birth

Promote proper prenatal care—

A pregnant adolescent can improve her chances of having a healthy baby by taking good care of herself. If your daughter decides to continue the pregnancy, encourage her to:

• Avoid risky substances. Alcohol, tobacco and illicit drugs are off-limits during pregnancy. Even moderate alcohol use can harm a developing baby. Smoking increases the risk of preterm birth, problems with the placenta and low birth weight — and drugs your adolescent takes can pass from her to her baby, sometimes with devastating effects. Even prescription and over-the-counter medications deserve caution. Have your adolescent clear any medications or supplements with her health care provider ahead of time.

• Eat a healthy diet. During pregnancy, your adolescent will need more folic acid, calcium, iron, protein and other essential nutrients. A daily prenatal vitamin can help fill any gaps.

• Gain weight wisely. Gaining the right amount of weight can support the baby's health — and make it easier for your adolescent to lose the extra pounds after delivery. A weight gain of 25 to 35 pounds (about 11 to 16 kilograms) is often recommended for women who have a healthy weight before pregnancy. Pregnant adolescents may need to gain more weight. Have your adolescent work with her health care provider to determine what's right for her.

• Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Pregnant adolescents are more likely to have STDs than are older pregnant women. Many STDs — including chlamydia, syphilis and HIV — can harm the health of an infected mother and her baby.

• Seek prenatal care. During pregnancy, regular prenatal visits can help your adolescent's health care provider monitor your adolescent's health and the baby's health.

• Stay physically active. Regular physical activity can help ease or even prevent discomfort, boost your adolescent's energy level and improve her overall health. It also can help her prepare for labor and childbirth by increasing her stamina and muscle strength. Have your adolescent get her health care provider's OK before starting or continuing an exercise program, especially if she has a medical condition or hasn't exercised in a while.

• Take childbirth classes. These classes can help prepare your adolescent for pregnancy, childbirth, breast-feeding and being a parent.

If your adolescent lacks the finances or transportation necessary to obtain prenatal care, a social worker may be able to help.

Prepare for the future—

Teen pregnancy often has a negative impact on an adolescent's future. Adolescent mothers are less likely to graduate from high school, are more likely to live in poverty and are at risk of domestic violence. Adolescent fathers tend to finish fewer years of school than do older fathers. They're also less likely to earn a livable wage and hold a steady job. In addition, children of adolescent parents are more likely to have health and cognitive disorders and are more likely to be neglected or abused. Girls born to teenage parents are more likely to experience teen pregnancy themselves, and boys born to teenage parents are more likely to serve time in prison.

If your daughter decides to continue the pregnancy, address these challenges head-on. Discuss your adolescent's goals for the future and how she might go about achieving them as a parent. Look for special programs available to help pregnant adolescents remain in school or complete course work from home. Encourage your adolescent to take parenting classes and help her prepare to financially support and raise a child.

Whatever choice your adolescent makes, teen pregnancy can have a profound impact on her life. Be there for your adolescent as much as possible. Your love and support will help your daughter deal with pregnancy and the challenges ahead.

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Parenting Defiant Adolescents: Tips for Frustrated Moms and Dads

It's only natural for all adolescents to challenge authority at times. There is a type of adolescent that can take this to the extreme. They are referred to as "defiant adolescents" and can be very trying for parents to communicate with.

Defiant adolescents are not your typical adolescents. They will not challenge your authority once in awhile. Defiant adolescents will try to challenge almost every statement that you make as a parent.

Don't feel special though, they won't do this to just you as their parents. They will do this with teachers, relatives, and authority figures alike. Finding a way to communicate with adolescents who fall into this behavioral category can be tough, but it can be accomplished if you as a parent can exhibit a thick skin and persistence in your effort to get through to your adolescent.

The typical defiant adolescent feels that the world is against them and nobody knows how they feel. They will feel that all rules are made to make life harder on them and to be unfair. This is why as a parent you need to be careful when setting boundaries and rules for your defiant adolescent. The adolescent will question your rules, be prepared for this.

To be prepared, make sure the rules you set have logic behind them and you are ready to point out the logic. You don't have to argue back and forth with your defiant adolescent though, just reiterate the logic of the rules. Do not let the argument get personal. Remember, a defiant adolescent opposes the rules and not necessarily the person who made them. If your child challenges every rule you make, then you can be slightly flexible and only make the rules that you feel are truly necessary for their safety.

Defiant adolescents are confrontational but not stupid, many are very smart. They will benchmark how you treat them when compared to how their friends are treated by their parents. If they feel the situation they are in is better than their friends they may relent a little in their opposition, but do not expect them to give it up completely.

Remember that a defiant adolescent feels that nobody understands them. To help counteract this belief, schedule family outings doing activities that your adolescent enjoys. Take an interest in one of their hobbies.

Help them to attend events or activities that build on their hobbies and attend the events with them. When you are sharing this time with your adolescent it's a good time to keep your ears open. If they let their guard down they are likely to express some of the things that make them feel frustrated and the need to oppose you as a parent. If you listen closely you can start to figure out ways to use the information they provide to you.

You don't necessarily need to change your parenting methods, but refer back to things they tell you and they will start to realize that you are not just a parent enforcing rules, and that you listen to their thoughts. Even though it is important to listen and bond, you also must keep a barrier between yourself and your child as well.

Remember you are their parent and not their friend. If a defiant adolescent feels that you have shown weakness and they can control you, they will walk all over you as a parent. Explain to them that you are just trying to raise them to succeed in the future, and that the family is not a democracy. Explain it does not have to be a battle over every issue and that you and them as parent and adolescent can enjoy times together, yet in the end you have final say in the household.

Defiant adolescents are hard to get control of at first. Once you have gotten control, as a parent you need to make sure you maintain a general level of control and authority. These adolescents will never stop challenging your rules, but they might reduce the number and intensity of the challenges.

This most often happens once they realize you are not the enemy, you are their parent. It also happens when they realize that your rules are not just made up to be punishments but do have logic to help your adolescent succeed in the future. Mom and dads must realize though these changes will not happen instant. Parenting a defiant adolescent is harder than parenting your average adolescent, but when done correctly can create an even stronger bond between you and your child.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents