Teens and “Over-the-Counter” (OTC) Drug Abuse

I have a question about my 17 year old. With all the issues we have been having with her over this past 1.5 years, I definitely have a hard time trusting her anymore. Things seemed like they were starting to come around and I was letting go a bit of the feelings of mistrust. Then, yesterday I cleaned my daughter's room as she was at work and we are trying to sell our house and had a showing. We only get 2-3 hours notice so there are many times I have to clean her room so it's ready for showing. She knows this and also knows that if she doesn't do it herself, it has to get done so I will be in there cleaning.

Everything was fine until she got home and went into her room and come out hollering at me and asking me what I did with her Sleep Eze pills. I know she has been purchasing them once in awhile as she has been having problems sleeping. I never touched them nor saw them. She started acting almost panicky and started looking through my things thinking I had hid them – she starting slamming doors and swearing when she couldn't find them. That all made me very suspicious so I looked them up online and found out they are often used to give teens a "buzz". That really upset me as I had naively thought that they were only using them once in awhile for her sleeping issues. Now I totally believe otherwise.

I never buy these for her, but she is quite able to buy them herself. There are no restrictions on them, plus she works and has her own money which I don't ask her what she is spending it on. I am so concerned now and I don't know how to approach this. She gets so angry if she thinks I am accusing her of using "drugs". She has in the past, so I am always on the lookout for that. I totally never thought she would be doing it again. I don't want to come across as not trusting her again just when things were starting to go better but on the other hand, I need to know if there's a reason to be worrying about this. Are these products actually addictive, and are they used to give kids a buzz? She either uses Sleep Eze or Nytol. I know it's best if I have proof, but I guess I do have proof that she is using them at all because I have seen her buy them. How should I approach this?

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Daughter Declares Bisexuality and Atheism

Dear Mr. Hutten,

I am beginning session 3 of your program tomorrow. I am however very bothered by my 15 year old coming home and telling me that she is bi. I have always raised her Christian and she knows that I don't approve of this kind of behavior. She announced to me also that she is now atheist. She is also involved in the goth look. I was reading your sample contract and it states that I will accept her individuality. Please tell me that this is a behavior issue and not an individuality issue. Remember she wants me to accept her "girlfriend" coming over to visit and to allow her to meet up with her. I told her that I accept her as bi, but I will certainly pray for her. This and the atheist and goth behavior makes me crawl inside. Please, is this a behavior issue where I can say no and set consequences for, or do I still have to just accept it? Remember she’s only 15.

Very Saddened Mom,

V.

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Hi V.,

First and foremost, I would suggest that you simply continue to digest the entire program before making any big decisions one way or the other.

Having said that, the atheist stance and the bisexual thing is indeed not a behavioral issue – so it is rather off-limits for any disciplinary interventions (which would do no good anyway). Many – if not most – parents would spend (i.e., waste) a lot of time and energy trying to change their child’s sexual and religious preferences. The bad news: This attempt to “fix” the child would only serve to reinforce her desires to move in these directions that are contrary to your liking.

The goth behavior is a temporary teenage thing that should go in the "pick-your-battles-carefully" file (i.e., save your energy for the more important battles). Also, I would guess that her atheism will fade away over time as well (and possibly the bisexual orientation; she wouldn’t be the first teenager to experiment with bisexuality only to one day realize that it too was just a fad not unlike tattoos and piercings).

In the meantime, I think it is perfectly acceptable that you tell her (only one time though, otherwise it will be perceived as “nagging”) that you disapprove of that life-style.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Preparing Teachers for Your ODD Child

"My son has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD. Should I give his teacher (tutor) some strategies to deal with him in the classroom during summer school (starts on Mon.)? If so, what can I tell her?"

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==> My Out-of-Control Child: Help for Parents with ODD Children