Preventing Children From Abusing Prescription Drugs

What's easier for a typical adolescent to get his hands on: a six-pack of beer or a bunch of prescription drugs?  More adolescents now say it's easier for them to acquire prescription drugs — usually powerful painkillers — than it is to buy beer.

Unfortunately, moms and dads are somewhat ignorant about their adolescents' use of drugs. Almost half (46%) of adolescents surveyed say they leave their homes on school nights to hang out with friends — and sometimes use drugs and alcohol. But only 14% of moms and dads say their adolescents leave home to hang out with friends.

Adolescents used to say it was easiest to buy cigarettes and marijuana. But for the first time, they say prescription drugs not prescribed to them are easier to get. Their main source of drugs such as OxyContin, Percocet, Vicodin and Ritalin: the medicine cabinet. Another big source of these drugs is their friends.

Adolescents tend to think that because the medications are prescribed, they're safer than alcohol or illegal drugs such as marijuana. They're not! Drugs such as Vicodin — a commonly prescribed pain pill that causes a drunk-like feeling — can be detrimental to the still-developing teenage brain and can impair judgment in people who already are prone to mistakes in judgment. The drugs increase the risk for accidents, sexual activities and more drugs.

While teen use of illegal drugs has gone down in recent years, the one category that has gone up is teen abuse of prescription drugs. Americans are in denial about how widespread this problem is. Many recommend locking up drugs. But the best way to prevent drug abuse is good old-fashioned parenting. We know from our research that parental engagement — being involved in your kids' lives, monitoring what they're up to — is a very key component in teen substance risk.

Just as you inoculate your children against illnesses like measles, you can help "immunize" them against drug use by giving them the facts before they're in a risky situation. When children don't feel comfortable talking to moms and dads, they're likely to seek answers elsewhere, even if their sources are unreliable. Children who aren't properly informed are at greater risk of engaging in unsafe behaviors and experimenting with drugs.

Preschool to Age 7—

Before you get nervous about talking to young children, take heart. You've probably already laid the groundwork for a discussion. For instance, whenever you give a fever medication or an antibiotic to your youngster, you have the opportunity to discuss the benefits and the appropriate and responsible use of those drugs. This is also a time when your youngster is likely to be very attentive to your behavior and guidance.

Start taking advantage of "teachable moments" now. If you see a character on a billboard or on TV with a cigarette, talk about smoking, nicotine addiction, and what smoking does to a person's body. This can lead into a discussion about other drugs and how they can potentially cause harm.

Keep the tone of these discussions calm and use terms that your youngster can understand. Be specific about the effects of the drugs: how they make a person feel, the risk of overdose, and the other long-term damage they can cause. To give your children these facts, you might have to do a little research.

Ages 8 to 12—

As your children grow older, you can begin conversations with them by asking them what they think about drugs. By asking the questions in a nonjudgmental, open-ended way, you're more likely to get an honest response.

Children this age usually are still willing to talk openly to their moms and dads about touchy subjects. Establishing a dialogue now helps keep the door open as children get older and are less inclined to share their thoughts and feelings.

Even if your question doesn't immediately result in a discussion, you'll get your children thinking about the issue. If you show your children that you're willing to discuss the topic and hear what they have to say, they might be more willing to come to you for help in the future.

News, such as steroid use in professional sports, can be springboards for casual conversations about current events. Use these discussions to give your children information about the risks of drugs.

Ages 13 to 17—

Children this age are likely to know other children who use alcohol or drugs, and to have friends who drive. Many are still willing to express their thoughts or concerns with moms and dads about it.

Use these conversations not only to understand your youngster's thoughts and feelings, but also to talk about the dangers of driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Talk about the legal issues (e.g., jail time, fines, etc.) and the possibility that they or someone else might be killed or seriously injured.

Consider establishing a written or verbal contract on the rules about going out or using the car. You can promise to pick your children up at any time (even 2:00 AM!) no questions asked if they call you when the person responsible for driving has been drinking or using drugs.

The contract also can detail other situations: For example, if you find out that someone drank or used drugs in your car while your son or daughter was behind the wheel, you may want to suspend driving privileges for 6 months. By discussing all of this with your children from the start, you eliminate surprises and make your expectations clear.

Laying the Groundwork—

No parent, youngster, or family is immune to the effects of drugs. Some of the best children can end up in trouble, even when they have made an effort to avoid it and even when they have been given the proper guidance from their moms and dads.

However, certain groups of children may be more likely to use drugs than others. Children who have friends who use drugs are likely to try drugs themselves. Those feeling socially isolated for whatever reason may turn to drugs.

So it's important to know your youngster's friends — and their moms and dads. Be involved in your kid's lives. If your youngster's school runs an anti-drug program, get involved. You might learn something! Pay attention to how your children are feeling and let them know that you're available and willing to listen in a nonjudgmental way. Recognize when your children are going through difficult times so that you can provide the support they need or seek additional care if it's needed.

A warm, open family environment — where children are encouraged to talk about their feelings, where their achievements are praised, and where their self-esteem is bolstered — encourages children to come forward with their questions and concerns. When censored in their own homes, children go elsewhere to find support and answers to their most important questions.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Preventing Teenagers From Running Away: 15 Tips For Parents

The teenage years can be a tumultuous time, and as many moms and dads know, it is also a time when teens begin to flex their mental muscles, testing boundaries, and turning to peers rather than parents for advice. Sometimes emotions and arguments can become so intense that things get out of hand and the teen runs away.

Reasons Teens Run Away—

It may be hard for a mother or father to understand why adolescent’s runaway, so here are a few reasons that may help you to understand:

1. The adolescent may feel like she has to escape and get away from home to avoid something bad from happening (e.g., maybe you have been fighting a lot and she feels she just can’t go through it again …or she may be afraid you will be mad at her for something she did wrong or rules she disobeyed …or she may feel like you won’t forgive her so she has to leave).

2. An adolescent may be afraid that something bad might happen if she doesn’t leave home (e.g., living with a step-parent that she fights with a lot, the step-parent may make her feel like everyone would be happier without her).

3. The adolescent may feel that you “don’t understand,” and she may runaway to be with others that will let her just “be herself” (whether it is right or wrong).

4. An adolescent may runway to meet someone you told her to stay away from.

5. Sometimes just plain being lonely and begging for attention will cause an adolescent to runaway.

Other reasons teens run away include:

• abuse (violence in the family)

• arrival of a new stepparent

• birth of a new baby in the family

• teenagerren or parents drinking alcohol or taking drugs

• death in the family

• failing or dropping out of school

• family financial worries

• parents separating or divorcing

• peer pressure

• problems at school

Periodic vs. Persistent Running Away—

It’s important to distinguish between teens who run away periodically, and those who are persistent runners. The reasons behind the actions are quite different, and it’s critical to know what they are:

• Periodic Running: When your teenager runs away after something has happened, it can be viewed as periodic running away. It’s not a consistent pattern, and your teenager is not using it as a problem-solving strategy all the time. It's also not something she uses to gain power. Rather, she might be trying to avoid some consequence, humiliation or embarrassment. Some teens leave home because they were caught cheating in school or because they became pregnant and were afraid of their parents’ disapproval.
• Persistent Running: A teenager who consistently uses running away to gain power in the family has a persistent problem. Know that persistent running away is just another form of power struggle, manipulation, or “acting out” (a very high risk “acting out”). She may threaten her parents by saying, “If you make me do that, I'll run away.” She knows parents worry, and for many, it’s one of their greatest fears. Some moms and dads may engage in bargaining and over-negotiating with their teenagers just to keep them from running away. But understand that teens who threaten to run away are using it for power. This not only gives them power over themselves, but power over their mother and/or father. When parents give in to threats of running away, their teen starts using it to train them (e.g., a mother will learn to stop sending her teen to her room if she threatens to run away each time it happens). A teen who persistently threatens to run away is not running away to solve one problem – she is running away because that is her main problem-solving skill – she’s trying to avoid any type of accountability.

Red Flags—

Even though you can never really know for sure what an adolescent may be thinking, there are signs that you can look for that can help alert you to possible problems:

• Does she avoid spending time with the rest of the family?
• Do you ever agree on anything, or does it seem you only argue and fuss all the time?
• Does your adolescent act strange, or have extremely emotional feelings that are out of control?
• Has your adolescent been hanging out with bad company (e.g., peers who drink alcohol, use drugs, or other adolescents that just go out to look for trouble)?
• Is your adolescent acting withdrawn and completely unsociable?

If you notice these signs, it would be wise to try and communicate with your adolescent, even if you have to get outside help to do so.

Prevention—

Unfortunately we can’t completely prevent adolescents from running away, but here are a few suggestions that may help:

1. Always approach something as a problem that needs to be solved, and reward your teen when he’s able to do it successfully. Be sure to say things like, “I liked the way you solved that problem. The teacher was mad at you, but you went up and apologized.” Praise your teenager when he does something positive.

2. Don’t scream and yell, or threaten your adolescent, this will only make him want to leave more.

3. Give a warning by saying, “Listen, if you run away, I can't stop you, but it's dangerous out there. I won't be able to protect you. So not only will you not solve your problems, you'll also be putting yourself at risk.”

4. Have a system where you check in with your teenager frequently. Just stop and ask, “How's it going?” …or “Is your day going O.K.?” You can say this two or three times in one day; go by their room and knock on the door. That way you're constantly giving her interest and affection. You’re saying in a roundabout way, “I'm interested in you, I care.”

5. If you don’t agree with your teenager, at least listen to her side, then calmly give your side. If things start to get out of control, take a break

6. If you feel your teenager may runaway, you can seek professional help with counseling.

7. If you think your teenager is at risk of running away or you know that her friends have done so, you want to sit down and have a talk. You could say, “If you become upset and run away, don't hesitate to come back and we'll talk about it.” If your teenager says, “Talk about what?” …say, “Talk about how to solve the problem differently.”

8. If your teen is very upset about something, you could say, “So what's so bad about this that you can't handle it?” After she tells you, you might say, “You've handled situations like this before. I’m sure you can do it again.” As a parent, you're not “giving in,” rather you're trying to persuade your teenager that she is O.K.

9. It's also good for moms and dads to say, “It's okay to make mistakes around here.” Make it clear to your teen that “the way we handle mistakes in our home is by facing up to them and dealing with them.”

10. Teach your teens “problem solving” skills. Ask them, “What can you do differently about this problem? What are some ways we can deal with this problem?”

11. Try not to interrupt your adolescent when she does come to you to talk …sometimes it helps the most to just listen. Show your adolescent respect and keep communication open by listening to what she has to say. Explain how much you love her, and that you will always be there for her.

12. When you talk to your teenager, don't ask her how she's feeling – ask her what's going on. All teens want to argue about how they're feeling—or they want to deny that they’re feeling anything at all. Often parents get stuck there. So instead of, “Why are you so upset?” try asking, “What’s going on? What happened that made you want to leave?”

13. When your teen threatens to run away, respond by saying, “Running away is not going to solve your problems. You're going to have to take responsibility for this. And if you do run away, you're still going to have to face this problem when you come home.” Then tell her what will solve her problems.

14. Don’t get tossed into panic-mode that your teenager will run away and you will never – ever – see her again. Most homeless teens return home soon after they leave. The keys seem to be (a) maintaining relationships with pro-social or mainstream peers (non-runaways), (b) staying in school, and (c) the support of parents – especially a teenager's mother. All of these factors influence teenagers to return home. More than two-thirds of newly homeless teens leave the streets, resolve their family differences, and go home.

15. Most important of all, though, is early intervention before family relationships deteriorate and negative peer influences take hold.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Defiant Teens

When Teenagers Get Arrested: 12 Tips for Parents

There are some  areas where seemingly small transgressions can easily become huge legal problems for a teenager. About 15 percent of all adolescent males get arrested, and 24 percent of all minority adolescent males get arrested.

When kids enter the teen years, they will naturally begin to rebel. Some adolescents choose to change their hair color or get a tattoo, but others become more rebellious. This struggle for independence can lead to trouble for the adolescent. This trouble can then lead to an arrest. If this happens with your youngster, follow these steps to learn to deal with the adolescent getting arrested:

1. Be sure your adolescents knows their legal rights. They do not have to talk to a police officer without a lawyer present. They do not have to submit to a search without a warrant. They do not have to answer questions.

2. Determine if your adolescent is alright. Is he in jail? Is he in a safe jail? Some communities have safe jails, other communities have unsafe jails. If it is safe, you might want to leave your adolescent in jail for the night. If he is unsafe, get him out as soon as possible.

3. If it is a minor issue, do not hire your youngster a lawyer. Let your adolescent know that you will find him a lawyer, but he will have to arrange with the lawyer how the lawyer will get paid.

4. Don't yell at - or question - your adolescent. This problem is your adolescent's problem, not yours. Let your adolescent take responsibility for his own mistake, not you. The more the parent yells, the more the parent takes responsibility for the adolescent's behavior. The less the parent yells, the more the adolescent realizes this is between him and the law.

5. If your adolescent is a cooperative, cheerful adolescent, never in trouble, and protests that he is innocent, he might be.

6. Listen intently to the adolescent when he tries to explain the arrest. Moms and dads have a tendency in times of crisis to turn off their listening skills. This is a mistake, and you will miss an opportunity to really listen to your youngster. The mother or father should make note of the body language of the adolescent. If the adolescent is truly remorseful, his body language will be withdrawn and sullen. If the body language is relaxed and nonchalant it, may signal that the adolescent is still having issues realizing that he has a problem.

7. Realize that this is not about you. Too many times moms and dads ignore the cry for help from the adolescent and make the arrest about themselves. This creates a feeling of neglect in the adolescent. They will feel that the parents care more about their reputation than what is going on with their youngster. This increases the chances the adolescent will act out again.

8. Relax. Finally someone else is yelling at your adolescent: a police officer or a judge. Not a parent. This is a good learning experience for a rebellious adolescent.

9. Show the adolescent that you still love and accept him, but that there will be consequences for his actions. This will obviously depend on the severity of the crime but responsibility and love should be your focus after the arrest.

10. Stay away from blaming any other adolescents involved in the arrest. Too many times moms and dads will search for others to blame for their kid's behavior. It is a major mistake to shift the blame to another youngster and not focus on why your youngster chose to do this. The adolescent will also try to blame others for the arrest and you need to make sure he and you take responsibility for the arrest.

11. Help your adolescent stay out of trouble in the future. Find out what went wrong, and allow him to learn from this mistake. This is a “learning opportunity” – not a “failure” on the child’s - or parents’ - part.

12. Try to understand the root cause of the arrest. The root cause is not the criminal offense that resulted in the arrest. It is the underlying emotion the adolescent felt that made him commit the offense. For instance, many adolescents will shoplift in order to fill their emotional needs through the danger and material satisfaction of the crime. Moms and dads often focus on the surface of the crime, totally missing the underlying cause.

A Message To Your Teenager—

In some U.S. states, any adolescent who has attained the age of seventeen years who commits a crime will be charged immediately in adult court – and they will face the adult penalties. Kids of lower ages may be "waived" into adult court depending upon the nature of the offense, the age of the youngster, and the youngster's record. Adolescent behavior that in years past might have been shrugged off as "boys being boys" is now considered to be criminal behavior.

1. Alcohol— In Wisconsin it is against the law for an individual who has not attained the age of twenty-one years to consume alcoholic beverages except in the immediate presence of a parent or guardian. In other words, it is legal for a parent or a guardian to allow a youngster who is not yet twenty-one years old to consume alcohol- as long as the drinking is in the immediate presence of the parent.

When you are not in the presence of your parent or guardian you may not possess or consume alcoholic beverages. As a practical matter, if a police officer finds an adolescent in public with alcohol on his or her breath, even though no alcoholic beverages present, there is going to be a problem. This is primarily because many police officers do not understand that it is legal for an adolescent to drink alcohol in the presence of their moms and dads. The more experienced police officers, though, will first question the adolescent about where he was when he consumed the alcohol. If the answer is anything other than "at home with my moms and dads" a ticket is going to be issued. The penalty for under-aged consumption or possession of alcohol is a forfeiture of money and/or a suspension of driver's license. Repeat offenders will certainly lose their driver's licenses.

2. Cars— Moms and dads may not be able to keep their children away from every party, but they should make every effort to avoid putting their child into a situation where he/she could easily face a serious felony charge. Allowing an adolescent to have his/her own car, to be used at any time, is a recipe for disaster. Lawyers joke that they will never let their adolescents drive with friends. They know that there could be a car-load of young people, all of whom went to the same party, all whom drank the same amount of beer, and all whom chanted for the driver to "go a hundred miles an hour." But when that car hits the tree killing or injuring the occupants, it will be the driver who is charged with a felony and sent to prison while the passengers are all wrapped in the cloak of victim-hood.

There are no adolescent car accidents anymore. There are homicides and recklessly causing injury charges. There are prison sentences and lawsuits. Additionally, it is a fact that the police would be unable to make approximately one-third of the arrests they currently make if it were not for cars. The police may pull over an automobile on a public roadway for almost any reason. If it is a slow night, any cop will tell you that all they need to do is to find a car-load of adolescents and pull them over. It will usually yield some under-aged drinking tickets and a bag of pot or two.

If you are not old enough to drink, you may not drive a motor vehicle with any amount of alcohol in your system. This even includes any alcohol consumed in the presence of your mom or dad. The moral of story is for adolescents to walk to where they are going (and I fully realize that this is advice that will be accepted by exactly no one).

3. Drugs— Of the children who wind up in legal trouble because of drugs, it is usually alcohol and cannabis. It is so obvious that possessing or selling heroin, crack, cocaine, LSD, or ecstasy is such a serious legal matter that it is truly beyond the scope of this article. If you are caught with these drugs, you will most-likely find yourself obtaining your GED in prison.

4. Cannabis (marijuana)— It is a misdemeanor, punishable by up to six months in jail, for an individual to possess cannabis. One may be found to have "possessed" cannabis even if the police officer does not find it in one's pocket. I’ve heard many teenagers complain that they should not be charged with possession of cannabis because the cop found the weed under the passenger seat and "I was sitting behind the driver in the back." Under the law, an individual "possesses" all items that are known to them to be present in an area that is under the person's "dominion and control" (i.e., in an area where the person could go get the item if one so desired). So the fact that is was "dude's weed" and he threw it under the seat is not much of a defense.

It is a felony to deliver cannabis to another person. The law does not require there to be a "sale" in order to charge a felony. All that is required is that the defendant transferred possession of the cannabis from themselves to another person. Therefore, one commits a felony by simply passing the bowl to a friend. Such behavior is not usually charged as a felony; however, the point is that it could be charged as a felony by a zealous prosecutor.

You may have heard of people getting a "ticket" for possessing cannabis. Most municipalities have ordinances prohibiting the possession of cannabis. One cannot be put in jail for a municipal ordinance violation. If a small amount of cannabis is found and if the defendant has no prior record, the police officer may decide to issue a ticket rather than to refer the matter to the district attorney for criminal charges. You do not have a right, though, to be given a ticket. This is in the police officer's discretion. Therefore, if you find yourself in this situation, it will normally be to your advantage to be as courteous and as cooperative with the police officer as you can.

There are two significant consequences of being convicted of a "state charge" of cannabis possession as opposed to a municipal ordinance violation. First, a municipal ordinance violation for possession will not disqualify you for federal financial aid for college, whereas a state charge will disqualify you. Second, a second state conviction for possession of cannabis is a felony. However, a municipal ordinance violation for possession of cannabis does not count as a first offense.

5. Sex— It is remarkable how few moms and dads understand the truly life-shattering consequences of adolescent sexual behavior. It is a fairly common occurrence for a sixteen year-old sophomore boy to be dating a freshman girl who may be as young as fourteen. This is an absolute legal mine-field for the boy and his mom or dad. Whether it seems fair or not, the truth of the matter is that in the case of adolescents having sexual intercourse or sexual contact, it is the boy who will be charged and the girl who will be considered the "victim". The penalties for a boy having sexual contact with a fourteen year-old girl can ruin a young man's life permanently.

The statutory definitions of "sexual intercourse" and "sexual contact" include activity beyond the normal meanings of the phrases. It includes almost any intentional touching of another's sex organ for the purpose of sexual gratification. What moms and dads called "petting" in their day can very easily be a serious felony in this day.

Any person who has sexual intercourse or sexual contact with an individual who has not attained the age of sixteen years is guilty of a Class C felony. The maximum penalty for such a crime is a fine not to exceed $100,000 or imprisonment not to exceed 40 years. This is an offense that will put the boy on the sex offender registry for life. Even when the girl turns sixteen there are still problems. It is a Class A misdemeanor to have sexual intercourse with an individual who has attained the age of sixteen years, but who has not attained the age of eighteen years. The penalty for a Class A misdemeanor is up to nine months in jail and/or a $10,000 fine. It is absolutely critical that moms and dads talk to their adolescents about the legal problems that sex between adolescents will cause. This, of this, of course, is not to mention the family problems of pregnancy, paternity actions, and child support.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Delinquent Teenagers