New Teenage Drivers: Tips for Parents

Learning to drive can be nerve-wracking for adolescents and moms and dads. It's likely to be your first experience putting your safety and auto investment in your adolescent's hands. And since you know all the risks of the road, this can be pretty scary.

Moms and dads play an important role in helping adolescents practice their driving skills and develop confidence behind the wheel. To help prepare for this critical time in your adolescent's life, it may help to refresh your driving knowledge by attending a basic defensive driving course. You'd be surprised to learn how much has changed since you learned to drive.

When it comes to driving, experience is an important teacher. The more time teen drivers spend honing a variety of skills in different road and weather conditions, the more calm and confident they will feel and the better they'll be able to react to challenging situations.

Before each practice session, plan the specific skills you want to go over. If possible, make your lessons coincide with what your adolescent is learning in driver's education at school. Consider your adolescent's temperament — and your own. If the lessons are too long, nerves might get frayed and it may be difficult to stay calm.

An empty parking lot is an ideal place for adolescents to:

• get a feel for how the car handles
• learn the location of some of the basic controls, like windshield wipers, defroster, and lights
• practice simple car control skills like turning and braking

After practicing the basics of moving in drive and reverse, try to work on these skills on quiet back roads, where there's little traffic:

• coming to a full stop at a stop sign
• keeping a constant speed when going uphill
• keeping a safe following distance
• making a left turn on a two-way road
• navigating around pedestrians, animals, bikers, and runners
• practicing an aggressive visual search (looking for potential road hazards)
• recognizing and understanding street signs
• slowing down around curves
• understanding the rules of a four-way stop

Once adolescents have mastered those basic skills, they should get some practice driving on bigger, busier roads and highways. On these roads, you can help your adolescent practice:

• approaching, slowing down, and stopping at traffic lights/intersections — green, yellow, and red
• changing lanes
• maintaining a safe speed based on road conditions
• making a left on a green yield
• merging into traffic
• understanding the different lanes — like not going below the speed limit in the left lane
• using on and off ramps at appropriate speeds

Adolescent drivers should learn to anticipate and watch for potential problems from other drivers — always expecting the other driver to do something that will put them at greatest risk. For instance, when approaching a stop sign, they should watch for other cars coming from different directions that may not stop. In traffic, encourage your adolescent to watch for cars that suddenly switch lanes without signaling or pull out in front.

New teen drivers often have trouble anticipating the actions of other vehicles, accurately sensing how much speed and space certain situations require, and effectively recognizing high risk traffic situations. These are skills that drivers develop with experience and time.

Once comfortable with these skills, have your adolescent practice driving in different conditions such as:

• Construction/roadwork: Construction zones have many signs and congestion that are good learning points for any new driver.
• Dusk and dawn: Glare from the sun makes it difficult for drivers to see.
• Nighttime: Reduced visibility means greater risk that can lead to a collision.
• Rain and snow: Practicing on slick pavement gives adolescents a chance to find the right speed for the conditions and helps demonstrate how traction is reduced.

After plenty of practice, give your adolescent a chance to drive with more passengers in the car. Begin with family members or close friends who your adolescent is comfortable driving with and you're comfortable coaching around.

Before your first driving session with your adolescent, sit down together and discuss your expectations, including the skills you'd like to practice and how long it will take.

Once the lesson begins, remember that the goal is for your adolescent to get comfortable, confident, and safe behind the wheel. Becoming a skilled driver takes time and experience, so it's important to be patient and:

• Keep it simple. Practice skills one at a time. In basketball, an individual can't learn to shoot, defend, pass, and dribble all at once, and the same goes for driving skills. Remember that it can be hard for new teen drivers to process multiple things at once while trying to drive — it can even be a distraction.

• Provide some warm-up time. First practice in safe areas, away from other cars, with low stress and risk. Then, as you get more comfortable with one another, you'll be ready to take on bigger challenges, like the open road and the highway.

• Turn mistakes into lessons. When a mistake happens, have your adolescent pull over, if possible, so you can talk calmly about what went wrong and how to avoid repeats.

As long as you are alert and attentive while your rookie driver is at the wheel, you should be prepared to help with any situation that may arise.

A simple tutorial about the basics of car maintenance, like changing a tire, is important for a new driver. So show your teenager where the spare tire, lug wrench, and other equipment is kept and how to use it.

Other emergency and maintenance necessities to go over include:

• checking the oil
• jump-starting a car
• maintaining proper air pressure in the tires
• pumping and paying for gas

Approaching driver training with an open mind, a positive attitude, and patience will give your adolescent the best foundation for becoming a skilled and safe driver.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Defiant Teens

Highly Effective Parenting Methods for Preteens

Staying connected as children approach the adolescent years and become more independent may become a challenge for moms and dads, but it's as important as ever — if not more so now. While activities at school, new interests, and a growing social life become more important to growing children, moms and dads are still the anchors, providing love, guidance, and support. And that connection provides a sense of security and helps build the resilience children needs to roll with life's ups and downs.

Your 12-year-old may act as if your guidance isn't welcome or needed, and even seem embarrassed by you at times. This is when children start to confide more in peers and request their space and privacy — expect the bedroom door to be shut more often. As difficult as it may be to swallow these changes, try not to take them personally. They're all signs of growing independence. You're going to have to loosen the ties and allow some growing room. But you don't have to let go entirely. You're still a powerful influence — it's just that your preteen may be more responsive to the example you set rather than the instructions you give. So practice what you'd like to preach, just preach it a little less for now.

Modeling the qualities that you want your 12-year-old to learn and practice — respectful communication, kindness, healthy eating, and fulfilling everyday responsibilities without complaining — makes it more likely that your child will comply. Small, simple things can reinforce connection. Make room in your schedule for special times, take advantage of the routines you already share, and show that you care.

Here are some tips for parenting preteens:

1. Your youngster may not need to be tucked in anymore, but maintaining a consistent bedtime routine helps preteens get the sleep needed to grow healthy and strong. So work in some winding-down time together before the lights go out. Read together. Go over the highlights of the day and talk about tomorrow. And even if your 12-year-old has outgrown the tuck-in routine, there's still a place for a goodnight kiss or hug. If it's shrugged off, try a gentle hand on the shoulder or back as you wish your youngster a good night's sleep.

2. Make a tradition out of celebrating family milestones beyond birthdays and holidays. Marking smaller occasions like a good report card or a winning soccer game helps reinforce family bonds.

3. It may seem like drudgery to prepare a meal, particularly after a long day. But a shared family meal provides valuable together time. So schedule it and organize it just as you would any other activity. Even if you have to pick up something pre-made, sit down together to eat it. Turn off the TV and try to tune out the ringing phone. If it's impossible to do every night, schedule a regular weekly family dinner night that accommodates children' schedules. Make it something fun, and get everyone involved in the preparation and the cleanup. Sharing an activity helps build closeness and connection, and everyone pitching in reinforces a sense of responsibility and teamwork.

4. Find little things that let you just hang out together. Invite your “soon-to-be-a-teenager” to come with you to walk the dog. Invite yourself along on his or her run. Washing the car, baking cookies, renting movies, watching a favorite TV show — all are opportunities to enjoy each other's company. And they're chances for children to talk about what's on their mind. Even riding in the car is an opportunity to connect. When you're driving, your preteen may be more inclined to mention a troubling issue. Since you're focused on the road, he or she doesn't have to make eye contact, which can ease any discomfort about opening up.

5. Don't underestimate the value of saying and showing how much you love your 12-year-old. Doing so ensures that children feel secure and loved. And you're demonstrating healthy ways to show affection. Still, preteens may start to feel self-conscious about big displays of affection from moms and dads, especially in public. They may pull away from your hug and kiss, but it's not about you. Just reserve this type of affection for times when friends aren't around. And in public, find other ways to show that you care. A smile or a wave can convey a warm send-off while respecting boundaries. Recognize out loud your youngster's wonderful qualities and developing skills when you see them. You might say, "That's a beautiful drawing — you're really very artistic" or "You were great at baseball practice today — I loved watching you out there."

6. Stay interested and curious about your child’s ideas, feelings, and experiences. If you listen to what he or she is saying, you'll get a better sense of the guidance, perspective, and support needed. And responding in a nonjudgmental way means your youngster will be more likely to come to you anytime tough issues arise.

7. Stay involved in your child’s expanding pursuits. Getting involved gives you more time together and shared experiences. You don't have to be the Scout leader, homeroom mom, or soccer coach to be involved. And your youngster may want to do more activities where you're not in charge. That's OK. Go to games and practices when you can; when you can't, ask how things went and listen attentively. Help children talk through the disappointments, and try to be sympathetic about the missed fly ball that won the game for the other team. Your attitude about setbacks will teach your 12-year-old to accept and feel OK about them, and to summon the courage to try again.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents