HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

My Toughest Challenge

 Question:

My toughest challenge currently is discipline and understanding the behavior of my children’s actions, as well as getting them to listen and understand what we have to say to them.

The problems I'm experiencing currently is getting my children to be obedient and to understand the consequences of their actions when they do something wrong -- or good -- but most of all the bad actions, which just don't only affect them, but ourselves as a parent and others.

Speaking to them with honesty and explaining some actions that they have taken has had no results. We feel lost and we have had enough of their consequences, which have resulted from wrong actions taken by them.

Please could you advise?

Helen


Answer:

Hi Helen,

The strategies in “My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook” are paradoxical in nature (i.e., actions that a parent would NOT typically take).

In working with intense, strong-willed pre-teens & teens, I find the following:

1. Most of what you think WILL work effectively DOES NOT WORK AT ALL.

2. Most of what you think WILL NOT work – and is an outrageous idea of sorts – DOES WORK.

Think of this eBook as a set of paradoxical strategies.

For example, one typical parenting strategy is to attempt to “reason” with the child in the form of a well-stated lecture chock full of wisdom. As you may have found, these well-intended monologues do not "go in one ear and out the other" – they don’t even go in one ear. It's about as close to a total waste of time as you can get. Thus, I won’t be recommending “lectures” or “reasoning” as a viable strategy.

Children learn best when parents allow them to make mistakes -- and when parents allow children to receive emotionally painful consequences associated with their poor choices. But this must be done in a way that does not accidentally reward negative behavior. In my eBook, the strategies needed to accomplish this task are described in a very concrete and exhaustive manner.

Here's to a better home environment,

Mark

Your Formula For Success

Points to Remember:

1. Ask your child ______________to demonstrate ________________.

2. Each evening before bedtime, say to your child, _______________. Expect nothing in return.

3. ____________at least one evening each week.

4. Use _______________whenever your answer is “yes.”

5. Use _________________________whenever your answer is “no.”

6. Catch your child ___________________________________at least once each day.

7. Use ______________________when you want something from your kid.

8. Give your child at least ________________each day.

9. Find something ________to do with your teen each week.

10. Use the ____________________________ approach when something unexpected pops-up.

11. Visualize ____________________, and play that visualization often.

12. When you are undecided about what to say or do in any particular situation, always ask yourself the following question: "_________________________?"

13. If things get worse before they get better, you are ______________.

14. Learn to say, and stick with, ________.

15. Give your child five or more different __________that he/she does every week.

16. __________ rather than nag.

17. Differentiate between your child’s ________and his/her ________.

18. Keep an eye out for your child’s _________________.

19. Remember that parenting is not a popularity contest – you are not a ___________.

20. Respond to your child’s strong emotions with ______________.

21. Give only one _____________, then follow through with _____________.

22. Expect children to ____________ parental changes.

23. When taking away privileges, be sure to __________.

Get the answers to these statements at MyOutOfControlTeen.com

If You Keep Doing What You've Always Done, You'll Keep Getting What You've Always Got

Dear Parents,

If you have a strong-willed, out-of-control teenager, I have to ask:

How much longer are you going to allow yourself to be tricked, bullied, lied to and stolen from?

How many more temper tantrums and arguments are you willing to endure?

Haven't you already wasted enough time and energy trying to make your children change?

If you're discouraged, exhausted and simply out of answers on what to do or how to help, then please check out my ebook at: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com

Imagine today you put into motion a few small actions that in just a few weeks resulted in receiving the respect and obedience you always wanted, but thought was impossible.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

Articles

Parenting Rebellious Teens

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

Click here for full article...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

Click here for the full article...

The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

Click here for the full article...

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