HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

I Get Very, Very Upset

GOOD EVENING,

I AM ON PAGE 25 of "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook. I UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG AND THAT HAS PUT ME IN THE PLACE I AM NOW. BOTH MY TEENS KNOW HOW TO BREAK ME AND GET WHAT THEY WANT.

I CANNOT KEEP A POKER FACE AND GET VERY, VERY UPSET. NOT SURE IF I AM ABLE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE DIRECTIONS. WILL BE VERY HARD.

ALSO BOTH MY TEENS WILL GO IN A RAGE ATTACK, WHICH I WOULD LIKE MORE INFO ON HOW TO HANDLE THEM. DO YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON RAGE? IT REALLY SCARES ME.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.

T.

_________________

Hi T.,

I respectfully disagree with you when you say you cannot keep a poker face. But you are not alone with this belief. Many people believe that wearing a poker face is impossible (i.e., showing no emotion when things are going wrong). But those same people have already done it!

For example:

Many people have received terrible service at a restaurant. But when the waiter asked, “How was your dinner,” they put on a poker face and said “fine.”

Many people have been pulled over by a police officer and received a speeding ticket even though they knew they were not speeding. But instead of cussing out the cop and telling him to “go to hell,” they put on their poker face, said “yes sir,” signed their signature on the ticket and went on about their business.

You get the idea. It’s not a question of whether or not you can wear a poker face – you’ve already done it more times than you realize.

So, you too can wear a poker face – and you MUST wear a poker face for these strategies to work for you -- especially if your teens have a propensity for slipping into rage.

Try very hard not to show any emotion when reacting to the behaviors of your teens. The worst thing to do is to react strongly and emotionally. This will just make them push you that same way again.

Also, you do not want them to figure out what really bugs you. You want to try to remain as cool as possible while they are trying to drive you over the edge. This is not easy. But once you know what you are going to ignore and what will be addressed, it will be far easier not to let your feelings get the best of you.

I’m NOT asking you to NOT be afraid. I’m NOT asking you to NOT get angry. But I am asking you to "act as if" you are not afraid -- "act as if" you are not angry. This is a “fake it until you make it” approach.

Practice doing it -- then practice some more -- then practice doing it again.

Eventually, wearing a poker face will come as easily as “getting very, very upset.”

Hope this helps ...stay in touch,

Mark

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