HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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C. Has A Drug Problem

Hi Mark

A lot has happened since I last wrote you last. My son C___ phoned and said he wanted to come home. I went over to his place and he was cleaning up a bong to sell and the other kid Jeff was smoking up when I got there. I had gone over to talk to C___ about his request to my husband about moving home. I walked in on this and just lost it. I yelled at them and C___ was bawling his eyes out and Jeff quickly got out of there. C___. He told me that he is depressed and needed to come home.

He came home just before C___tmas. The lady that signed the lease on the townhouse and the same lady that took him out of the rehab center requested that he sit at her table on C___tmas Eve with her family. Even though he knew that we have C___tmas Eve at my brother's place, off he went. She gave him $200 skateboard for C___tmas. He stills hangs around with her kids. The other night the older one who is grossly over weight phoned and said that he wanted to go running. It was really cold; I think they were up to something. This kid has been running me down to C___ and every time he sees this kid, it is like there has been a brainwashing episode. Everything has been going okay so far a couple of things nothing major. Tonight C___ was going out he did not ask for the truck to take, said he was taking the bus to his girlfriend's place and he took his backpack. I looked out the window to see if he took the truck or not after my husband had suggested that he could have it.

I received a call from him 15 mins. later with him trying to start a fight with me and why I was watching him and that I check his eyes etc. Last week we had him at the doctor because he scratched his cornea and the eye has been infected and I have been watching this. I thought he had pink eye. If I get pink eye it is contagious I can not go to work if I catch it, I work in a health care facility and I am exposed to 250 nurses and personal support works. Then he said what more can he do that he is really trying here and that I am watching him etc. He said what do you expect from me. I said I am not arguing here, I expect that he go to school and keep busy, maybe get some more hours at work. He said that the only people that really care about him are the ones that he was doing drugs with, that they ask him how it is going and care about him.

Mark I have really tried here. I think he wanted to pick a fight with me for a good excuse to get loaded tonight and blame it on me. When he was out on his own he would phone and push my buttons and get into a fight and wouldn't phone me for weeks. I think that is why he took the backpack and that is why he didn't take the truck.

What should I do here? I don't ask questions like I use to, I am just listening and getting his feelings out. . I have seen more and more of my kid, but it seems every time he sees here kid (that lady's oldest son) we are 5 steps ahead and 15 back. This kid is the one that when C___ said he was giving up drugs and had not done anything for 3 weeks got him doing it again and that was the night he came home on a bad trip and he asked us for us to get him help.

Any suggestions here?

A.

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Hi A.,

If your son is like most of the addicts I work with, a drug is the most important thing in his life -- more important than physical and mental health ...more important than family, work, education, etc.

Until he becomes actively involved in some form of Intensive Outpatient Treatment, he will continue to struggle with priorities (i.e., drugs will always come first).

If he has not had treatment for chemical abuse/dependency yet, this will be your first step in helping him move toward recovery. You can make it a mandatory thing that will dictate whether or not he continues to live with you.

Bottom line: This drug problem will NOT go away until he receives treatment (and even then, there is no guarantee that he will not relapse periodically - at least in the early stages of recovery).

Mark

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