I’ve responded throughout your email below:
Thanks for your response. I guess part of the problem is that there are so many issues and I am not sure which is most pressing. Long term, the biggest problems seem to be lying and disrespect. They are the most difficult for me to deal with.
== >Please click here for info on lying: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/lying.html
==> Re: disrespect. Refer to the strategy entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” [session #3 – online version].
When she lies, I do not always catch her. I suspect lying a lot, but even when I catch her red handed, she will manipulate and continue lying until the story is so long, I forget what we even started with. So many other times, I do not know if she is lying or not and if I can't verify, I don't feel justified in disciplining. She also lies to other people. If I hear a lie third hand and address it with her, she says it is not true. Therefore, I rarely end up disciplining what I imagine is a ton of lies that I do not catch for sure.
Disrespect is also hard because it takes on so many minor forms, like eye rolling, ignoring, etc., but also is bigger in the manipulation and lying and complete lack of respect for other peoples feelings and things. I am not sure which battle of these to pick.
In addition, I have hunted and hunted for therapists that would work on social skills with her to no avail. She sees a therapist weekly, but will not open up to any of them (we are on the 4th one). I tend to feel sorry for her because she is constantly losing a friend, fighting with someone, etc. She really does not have any peer support and has gotten so desperate that she will do anything to impress or get any type of attention from her peers. Most of her behavior issues, seem to stem from her trying to impress her peers.
==> Therapy is largely a waste of time and money. It is just another “traditional” parenting strategy that often makes a bad problem worse – because “counseling” or “therapy” feels like punishment to the child.
==> If you will read all the text [in both the online and printable versions of the eBook] as well as view all the instructional videos, you WILL be pleasantly surprised at how much positive change occurs in a fairly short time.
==> Stay the course – and stay in touch,
Online Parent Support
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
Click here for the full article...
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