HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

Search This Site

"I can earn more money selling drugs!"

Dear Mark,

I have been trying to get him to earn some money but not successfully as you know. When he was grounded the other weekend I did however manage to get him to do an hours work cleaning down our elderly neighbours walls in preparation for them to be decorated. He has the opportunity to do this again as there are more walls to be cleaned. I even said our walls need to be cleaned too (all other jobs offered to him were turned down).

This weekend he moaned that he doesn't have enough money so I said he could do some work cleaning the walls to earn the money (£5 per hour). His answer to that was "that's long" I can earn more money selling drugs!

Yesterday I found £35 (about 50 US) which I know he has not earned or saved and am really worried. I asked him where he got the money from but at the moment he refuses to say - in fact he is just angry that I look in his pockets (I already knew how much money he had/didn't have and was surprised when he rang me from his mobile phone knowing he did not take out any money with him and he had no credit on his phone). I know it is wrong to look into his life like that but I just do not trust him (I have never done this to his brother because he is completely different).

I just don't know what to do. i would have thought the 6 hours or so he spent in a cell would have shocked him but maybe not (the case has been dropped). Do I just have to stand by and let him do these things and remind him that the consequence of making this choice is prison? Should I be giving him a bit more pocket money (I give him £5 a week and then have to give him money for when he is at table tennis at the weekends) - he is so materialistic and wants things without waiting and saving for them. This is not something he has learnt from us as we do not get into debt - have never bought things for him straight away - although he has never liked waiting for things he always wants them now.

Help!

M.

```````````````````````````

Re: "Giving" him money.

Bad idea. He should earn his money.

Re: Selling drugs.

As per the eBook [in session #4]:

First, educate yourselves completely about drugs and
drug abuse.

If your son's drug use has been purely recreational, you may
only need to clearly state your position regarding abstinence and
then closely monitor his behavior. If your son is more deeply
into substance abuse, seek the advice of a behavioral health or
substance abuse professional.

Don't show any emotions of anger or fear, and don't lose your
good poker face -- but do send a strong message that drug and
alcohol use is not acceptable. Don't lecture, be clear, and keep
your message short and to the point.

Develop a list of names, addresses, and phone numbers of
your son's friends. Get to know those kids if possible. Form
a network with the parents of your son's peers. Keep in touch
with one another. Don't be surprised if other parents don't
share your concern about substance abuse.

Check your son's whereabouts regularly. Don't be shocked if
you find that another parent is using drugs with him, allows
substance-abusing parties at their home, or is supplying the
kids with drugs and alcohol. If you learn that one of your son's
friends is involved in drugs, don't keep it a secret from his/her
parents.

Restrict or eliminate use of the car, take away cell phones, and
limit unsupervised free time until your son is committed to being
"clean and sober." An out-of-control kid wants his freedom
more than anything -- let him know that freedom is earned.

If your son wants to spend the night at a friend’s house, check
with the other parent to make sure he has permission. Also
make sure the other parent will be home, and determine if the
other parent has the same curfew and expectations you do.

Kids often select homes of absent parents for sleep-overs
and all-night drug/alcohol parties. Make sure your son is not
sneaking out after you go to bed. Nothing good happens after
midnight.

Get Caller ID and Anonymous Call Rejection on the phone line
that your son uses so that you know who is calling him. Require
that he call home from a "land line" phone so that the location he
is calling from appears on your Caller ID.

Find out where your son is getting the money to purchase drugs
(e.g., your ATM card, wallet, money you give for an allowance,
lunches, gas, etc.). Don't be surprised if you find he is stealing
from you or others to finance his drug use.

Purchase urine-screen kits to use at home and test your son
randomly.

Tell him the following: "If you choose to use drugs, you'll
choose the consequence -- the police will be called and
juvenile probation will be notified."

If your son continues to use drugs, follow through with this
consequence.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

No comments:

Articles

Parenting Rebellious Teens

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

Click here for full article...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

Click here for the full article...

The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

Click here for the full article...

Online Parenting Coach - Syndicated Content